


Pain, Hunger and Betrayal

by tyrannitor



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Tragedy/Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 103,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6601336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrannitor/pseuds/tyrannitor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Shinigami was satisfied by the bloodbath called the Fourth Shinobi World War. He reaped the souls of over 80,000 ninjas and countless civilians... Then why does he send one of them back in time? (Time-travel done RIGHT; read the first chapter to be convinced. Full summary inside. Features Fūinjutsu!Naruto. Will be EPIC in length. No Harem.) "Err... why do you smell like fish?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nightmarish Sacrifice

Original Publish Date: 20th-September-2015

Update Date: 26th-October-2015

* * *

  **Extended Summary: This is a dark story. The only tag at the top reads 'Tragedy'; it is for a damn good reason. I know how this story ends, it's not going to be pretty. If you're looking for a Harem fic, you're going to be disappointed. There are two possible love interests tagged in the description, this is because the relationship between the protagonists is going to be 'complicated' (what a wonderful word).**

**On the plus side, what you can expect from the story is excellent grammar, a kickass but deeply flawed post-war Naruto travelling back for reasons unknown. He will be wielding Fūinjutsu, and you can expect in-depth discussions of chakra and its vagaries. The characters will be multi-faceted and deeply thought-out. The decisions they make will be the same. Some of them will die. Others...will die eventually (as will we all). There will be rough language, there will be adult situations. I'm as yet undecided on the topic of lemons. As far as possible I will try to avoid using the usual fan-fiction cliche's. Expect humor, but not the slapstick variety. I've had this story in mind for YEARS, so don't expect me to abandon it. That's my promise to you, on my dream as an aspiring author.**

**On with the show.**

* * *

  _ **READ THE DAMN DISCLAIMER; ESPECIALLY THE PART IN BOLD** _

_ Disclaimer: _ _'Naruto' is the property of Masashi Kishimoto. 'Lungs', 'Ceremonials' and 'How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful' is the property of Florence + the Machine. 'Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords' is the property of Obsidian Entertainment and LucasArts. " **The Tragedy of Repetition" has been written by SoulShdw.**  This story is inspired by all of the above, and is a reflection of parts of my life as well. Please read, review and enjoy._

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Nightmarish Sacrifice**

_"Have a look around, my pretty, we are surrounded by Death in all forms – just the two of us are still alive –"_  
**_― Simona Panova, Nightmarish Sacrifice_**

* * *

 Gentle starlight peeked out from underneath the blanket of the velvet night sky; only the sharp gash of the moon hinted towards the horrors that were lit up by the soft glow. I'm not usually one for poetry or fine writing, but tonight, at the end, it seemed appropriate. Not that there is much else I can do, lying on my back as I look to the sky while awaiting the inevitable.

My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I am about to die.

Nearby, Orochimaru is screaming in Sasuke's voice with unholy terror. Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that the Shinigami was in the process of tearing out and sealing his soul? In any case, I could hardly care less, and I returned to my contemplation of the night sky. Why couldn't the moon have been red tonight? That would at least have made for an appropriately ominous setting. Even a full blue moon would have sufficed, the symbolism of hope for the future would be befitting… but no, all we had was a sickle shaped gash that epitomized the horrors that humans wreak on each other.

When I was still a child, I had once asked the old man Hokage if he knew where my parents were. With a somber countenance, he informed me that they were dead. Being a naïve child, this did not have the impression on me that it should have, and it only made me more curious as to where they had gone. So, with a sad smile, the old man held my hand and took me to the top of the Hokage monument, where we had a clear view of the stars. He then pointed at the sky and told me that upon death, every one becomes a star.

What star I will become, I wonder?

I was rambling, I realized. Usually by this point Kurama would have bitch-slapped me a couple of times and brought me back to focus. But as of half an hour ago, the Nine Tailed Demon Fox had been ripped from my gut and dissipated. Log only knew how long he would take to reform; I certainly would not be alive to witness that.

Speaking of being dead, I realized that the screaming had finally abated. That could only mean that Orochimaru's soul, and by extension Sasuke's, had finally been sealed by the Shinigami. The blight upon the Elemental Nations had finally been burned away.

Good riddance, motherfuckers. And it had only taken the death of every registered shinobi in the elemental nations. I included my twenty three year old self in that, because very soon, I, too, would be dead.

It was at this point that I realized that the very weight of an otherworldly being's gaze was upon me in its entirety. How I had managed to ignore it to the point of distraction was well beyond my comprehension. It had an overwhelming presence that overtook all my senses. I had known the price I would pay when I activated the technique that summoned him, but now that the moment was actually here, I was terrified. Wildly hoping it would distract the Shinigami, I blurted out "Orochimaru, my mortal enemy, I call you forth for combat!"

The Shinigami gave no reaction, which meant that all of Orochimaru's fractured consciousness from his cursed seal freaks had been summoned and sealed. On the other hand, this meant that it was time to pay the price of the technique.

With my soul.

With no ceremony at all, the Shinigami's arm, burning with cursed seals, shot forward and sank into my stomach. I've been stabbed before, and while it was no picnic, it paled in comparison to the sheer  _agony_  that spread throughout my being. It was cold, far colder than anything I instinctively knew that existed on our planet; it reeked of being from a cold dark dank place in the universe where no sun had ever existed or would exist; infinite cold where the only thing that reigned was the silence of the grave. The burning cold froze my body and my soul, and left no room for anything else.

Through the cold I frantically struggled to draw a breath, and then I  _died_.

The Shinigami suddenly appeared far more threatening and powerful and…simply  _more_  than before. His horns were red, red the colour of blood, red the colour of life, red the colour that all living things had before they sacrificed themselves to him; his eyes were grey, grey the colour of the sick, grey the colour of the dying as they waited for him to reap their souls, his skin was purple, purple the colour of mottling flesh of the prey as they awaited their inevitable death after being rent apart…

Every aspect of his appearance signified death, because death was what awaited all living things.

I recoiled away from the Shinigami, the God Who Embodied Death. Of course, he still grasped me by my metaphysical stomach, so I couldn't exactly fly (float?) away. I tried to focus on anything else around me, but all around me was the vast emptiness of the universe. But as I spread my awareness, I realized…

That the  _universe was around me_. It was alive.

Somehow, I was fundamentally connected to the universe, and it was breathtakingly beautiful. From the smallest quarks to the largest galaxies, I could feel and see and comprehend the universe on such a minuscule level that the only feeble comparison I had, Sage Mode, looked like a child's finger painting against a masterpiece. I could understand the nature of the quarks that made up the protons and electrons… _I was less than an hour old and was crying, unknowingly lamenting my dead parents_ …I could understand why the sky appeared blue… _I was six years old and nobody would play with me at the park_ …I could see new colours that did not exist and understood that they were the frequencies beyond the visible spectrum… _I was eight years old and the old man Hokage was treating me to ramen and everybody was saluting the old man and giving him respect and I wanted everybody's respect_ …I could comprehend the reasons living beings could not regenerate lost organs or limbs… _I was thirteen and Sasuke had just speared me with his lightning coated hand while I foolishly just scratched his headband_ …I could understand all the mathematics and physics I could never grasp while in the Academy… _I was sixteen and I had lost control and hurt Sakura-chan while trying to kill Orochimaru on the Tenchi bridge_ …In fact, I could comprehend far more of the physics that existed on my world, right now I could easily build weapons that could blow chunks out of the planet itself… _I had just turned seventeen and the Fourth Shinobi War was in full swing and the weird tree had just sprung up_ …I just realized, there were other beings outside our planet, and they were already there… _I had just turned seventeen and the Fourth Shinobi War was in full swing and the weird tree had just sprung up_ …they were right there, and we were blind to them, and they were trying to tell us… _I had just turned seventeen and the Fourth Shinobi War was in full swing and the weird tree had just sprung up_ …The were telling us, I could hear…

* * *

  **4465617468**

With a deep shocking breath, I came back to life.

I was absolutely sure I had been dead a moment ago. I had felt myself die, and that was a feeling I was absolutely sure that I could not have been wrong about. I was also sure something monumental had just occurred, but I had missed it, on account of, you know, being dead.

Also, I could see a lot of freaky colours that I was pretty sure didn't exist.

And I could see inside things. I could suddenly comprehend their nature. I could also see outside the sky and watch things that I was absolutely sure I had no idea existed only moments before. I could watch distant suns and space dust and interstellar events and they were breathtakingly beautiful. I could instinctively understand how far apart they were and how they interacted with one another and how they had come to be. I realized that somehow, I was fundamentally connected to the energies of the universe. And now that I paid attention, there was something else…I could hear….

That was when I realized that the Shinigami still had his hand in my stomach.

With my heightened senses, the Shinigami suddenly appeared far more threatening and powerful and…simply  _more_  than before. His horns were red, red the colour of blood, red the colour of life, red the colour that all living things bled as they sacrificed themselves to him; his eyes were grey, grey the colour of the sick, grey the colour of the dying as they waited for him to reap their souls, his skin was purple, purple the colour of mottling flesh of the prey as they awaited their inevitable death after being rent apart…

Every aspect of his appearance signified death, because death was what awaited all living things.

I tried to recoil away from the Shinigami, the God Who Embodied Death. But it was pointless, when an otherworldly being decides to get a grip on you; your only choice is to be gripped. Right at the point I decided to do something stupid like yell at the God Who Embodied Death, I suddenly realized that the world around me had gone unnaturally still. In fact, it was not just the world; the entire galaxy was not moving. The spinning of the sun had stopped; the constant increasing of the distance between the galaxies had stopped, and my head was not large enough to compute exactly what was happening, but I knew it was massively significant. For some weird reason, I got the feeling that it had something to do with turning back time.

But that was paradoxical, because time travel is impossible.

On a very basic level, picture this; while walking, if you retrace one step by walking backwards, does everything around you go back as well? Of course not. Even if you managed to get everyone in any given area to do something backwards for a single second, does that mean that everyone went back in time? No, because the rest of the planet continued to move forwards in time. For time travel to be even remotely plausible, you would have to know where everything from the largest planet to the smallest speck of space dust had been, and force it all to synchronously move backwards along its path. The energy cost alone would be beyond staggering, let alone the computational power to understand how everything had acted during its entire time. From a human beings perspective, it was impossible, and I was freaking connected to universe, so I knew what I was talking about.

Of course, the Shinigami was not human.

With a horrible wrenching, groaning sound, the planet around me gave a lurch and started rotating the wrong way. The sickle shaped moon started rising as it traversed the sky in a way that affronted my ninja senses, the sun's light and heat was sucked back into it and our galaxy started moving infinitesimally closer to the center of the universe instead of always expanding away from it.

If not for the increasingly painful screeching, it would actually have been pretty cool.

With each passing (regressing?) second, the sound became louder and louder till it reverberated throughout my core, and I distantly realized I was not on our planet anymore but in the blank blackness of outer space, and the only reason I was still alive was because the Shinigami, the freaking being who could  _turn back time on a whim_  still had me in a death grip on me and the screaming became louder and more primal like the sounds of everything dying and the universe itself screamed because it was not supposed to turn backwards this way and I was at the center of it all because the Shinigami was and I had no idea why he was doing this…

Even though I was overwhelmed with the sense of wrongness the universe was vociferously exuding, something on the distant horizon still managed to capture my attention for all the wrong reasons. Initially it was just a dot, but as it grew closer and larger I could occasionally make out features on its spinning surface.

It was the Earth.

As it grew closer and the screaming got louder I got increasingly terrified. My body was already in complete agony just from being a witness to the atrocity the universe was undergoing, but I instinctively knew that this would be far, far more painful than anything I had ever dreamed of. I tried to brace myself, but my body was already  _reverberating_  and I was hoping against hope that it would not hurt as badly as my senses were telling me it would but it was getting closer and it was far bigger than I could possibly comprehend and the screaming was intensifying and I started yelling in anticipation of the pain and it got closer closercloser _closercloser_ …

And then it hit.

The pain was singularly the most intensely unbearable sensation I had ever experienced. It was like being buried alive in a molten lava of pain; I could not breathe because  _pain_ , I could not move because  _pain_ ; and I was certain I was screaming but I could not hear because  _pain_ ; all I could see was  _pain_.

Pain…and death.

The death of every single organism that had existed during the time that was being reversed was literally on my conscience. From the tiniest bacteria to the largest sperm whale; from the most peaceful death in the sleep to unborn babies being forcibly torn from their mother's womb; from the slowest growing coral to the fastest growing insects; I felt every death, because I was responsible for bringing them back to life.

And I did not even know  _why_.

Suddenly, it was gone. The intensely overwhelming pain was gone, but the screeching of the universe had grown to such an extent that I was surprised that it wasn't tearing the fabric of space-time. I was sure that the human body was not meant to handle this amount of stress; in fact, I was absolutely convinced that I should have died within a second or two of experiencing that pain. If not for the Shinigami, I would have become a drooling vegetable due to my mind breaking from the strain.

Of course, if it wasn't for the Shinigami, I would not have experienced that pain in the first place.

The unholy screeching was almost a relief once the miasma of pain had ebbed away. As long as it was not me being tortured, the universe could burn for all I cared. My mind could not survive another assault like that. I watched the planet of life and death recede until it was lost behind the sun. But even looking at the light and heat and radiation reconstituting the plasma that made up the sun, I knew exactly where the earth was behind it.

And then it rounded the sun and started coming closer again.

I started hyperventilating and panicking and I even turned to the God Who Embodied Death and started incoherently rambling and begging him to stop the pain. I even offered him my life, my soul and he just showed me his sharp teeth, teeth that were meant to rip, to kill, to devour, to consume….It took me a moment to realize that the Shinigami was smiling. My immortal soul, the only chip I had to bargain with, my very  _essence_ was worth less than nothing to the being whose dominion was Death; and me offering it to him was  _amusing_. It was almost worse than the pain I had just undergone.

The pain hit again. It was worse than the first time, and I was wrong. The pain was worse than knowing that my soul meant nothing.

By the fourth time I had begged, pleaded, reasoned, raged, thrown every emotion I could think of at the Shinigami, but all he did was smile mockingly; smile with those sharp teeth that could devour my very essence at me.

By the seventh time I broke. I gave up caring. I could no longer process the pain, my puny brain, the so called best machine in the universe, was not anywhere near enough to process this amount of pain and suffering and death. I no longer cared why the supreme deity of death was doing what he did; it was probably my karma coming back to bite me on the ass.

By the ninth time I developed a sick anticipation. I had never ever felt anything so intense in my entire life, and this was a rush unlike any other. The pain was just a side effect, this was far better than any drug I could imagine.

Thirteen times. Thirteen times the planet of life and pain and death passed through me and thirteen times I felt the very worst that my planet had to offer. I had given up offering my soul because compared to the suffering of every creature that had died what was my one tiny soul worth? I had offered everything I owned; I prostrated myself to a higher power and I was deemed inconsequential.

Suddenly, halfway during the thirteenth time, my body was separated from the Shinigami's, and for one second; one blissful second that lasted an eternity, I, too was moving backward through time. My vocal chords, which had long torn from screaming in pain, were healed. The blood I had lost during my jaunt through time was refilled. My injuries were far more severe than that, but at the very least I would not die immediately. The shock of the sudden healing, the sudden stopping of the screaming of the universe, plus my body hitting a wooden surface and me looking up at a familiar ceiling were more than I could handle, and I let myself be knocked into unconsciousness.

* * *

 


	2. Hospital Beds

Original Publish Date: 22nd-September-2015

Updated: 24th-September-2015

* * *

  **Chapter 2 – Hospital Beds**

_I've got one friend, Laying across from me_

_I did not choose him, He did not choose me_

_We have no chance, Of recovering, Laying in hospitals_

**_\- Hospital Beds, Florence + the Machine_ **

* * *

The intermittent beeping was the first thing I heard.

I had a few vague flashes of people standing over and/or bent over me, all of whom wore the beige uniform of the Konoha medic corps; their hands covered in the green film of medical chakra and in varying states of panic. I think one or two might have asked me a couple of questions, but I must have lost consciousness before I could answer. I could finally identify the beeping as a heart monitor.

It took me a while to fully return to consciousness and process where I was. My head ached and my body was stiff, but I was alive. I had survived a trip through time and space, and somehow not been rent apart at the seams. And what was my reward? A hospital bed.

It would have been funny, had it not been so hopelessly inadequate. I mean, did they even have a standard procedure for those affected by supernatural events? Not to mention meeting the freaking Shinigami?  _'Of course they do,'_  I imagined Sakura-chan speaking, complete with the scoff and rolling of the eyes,  _'it's called an autopsy'_. I cracked a smile at that, even though Sakura-chan wasn't physically there to make the joke.

"Ah, I see you're awake. You gave us quite a scare, you know."

I started violently at the unexpected sound; and given the painful protest given by my body, promptly realized that the stiffness my body was experiencing was not just from disuse, but from limbs that were wrapped in casts. After a moment though, the pain reduced to a dull throb, and I found myself strangely disappointed at the lack of extended pain. Did this mean I was one of those masochists now?

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to startle you."

And despite everything I had been through, despite all the soul crushing pain and death I had experienced; hearing that wise old familiar voice was a balm to my wounded soul.

I opened my mouth to say "Hokage-jii-chan" like I used to as a kid, but a cough from cotton mouth quickly put a stop to that. The Sandaime Hokage poured a glass of water, and held it out for me to take. I reached across myself with my sole functioning limb, my right hand and slowly swallowed the lifesaving liquid. Not for the first time, I marveled at how refreshing and revitalizing a simple glass of water could be.

"I always had a flair for the dramatic." My voice came out raspy, making me realize how exhausted I was, even though I had done nothing but lie in a bed for the last…huh. How long had I been out anyway?

Although I couldn't see it, I could sense the old man's amusement at my light hearted reply. It was something I could pick up on even as a child, knowing when he was genuinely upset with me and when he was amused by my antics but going through the motions of giving me a dressing down anyway.

"Well, you certainly livened up our day with your antics. Although I daresay that my ANBU were not pleased with how you appeared in my office on their watch, especially given your condition."

I felt my face fall into a grin, but that action caused a sudden stab of pain which cut off my boast about giving ANBU the runaround when still in my pre-teens. The beeping from the monitor got louder and more animated for a few moments, prompting a doctor to burst in to the room and start checking up on me. While running a diagnostic, he simultaneously started attempting to admonish the Hokage on not being informed as soon as his patient woke up. The old man simply ignored him with a well-practiced gesture, prompting me to crack another smile. It was then that I realized that the doctor had asked me a question while I had been caught up in my amusement.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

"How did you even get such injuries? In my entire career I've never seen a single case with injuries as extreme as yours, let alone survive; and I served as a field medic in the last war."

What a bright ray of sunshine. Really, his bedside manner probably won him awards at doctors' conventions or something. Although, in fairness, I did have 3 limbs in a cast, lungs shredded with broken ribs, internal bleeding in multiple places, liver damage due to poisoning, and a whole host of other injuries that I probably wasn't even aware of. It had been worse, but Kurama had worked overtime to reduce the damage; until he had been ripped from me atleast. But now, back in the present, I was in the awkward position of answering a question without bringing up sensitive information. A partial answer would have to suffice.

"I used a Shinjutsu (Suicide Technique)."

He gave me a  _look_  that left me in no doubt as to what he thought of my actions; no doubt he had perfected it on a number of patients before I came along. Once again he started muttering to himself as he poked and prodded at various parts of my anatomy; I tuned him out with a practiced ease, my technique having being perfected on Tsunade-baa-chan herself and this guy had nothing on her. I looked around and found the Hokage looking at me with a frank assessing gaze, undoubtedly weighing my words and trying to decipher their meaning.

Having completed his checkup, the doctor pursed his lips, "As far as I can tell, you're healing up nicely; although it's far too quickly for my liking. Do you have a Kekkei Genkai or something?"

"Or something", I quipped agreeably.

He nodded, "That explains it then; someone with your level of injuries should have been where you are after eight or nine months, not two-o…" he stuttered and trailed off sheepishly. The reason was the Hokage, who without moving a muscle, either in his face or his body, was somehow managing to radiate disapproval. It was quite impressive.

It had confused me for a moment, until I realized that I was an unknown quantity to these people. This might have seemed like a concerned Hokage checking up on his injured ninja on the surface, but this was an interrogation. A subtle interrogation, to be sure, but there is a reason that torture is the last resort for gathering information. Information gained from a relaxed target is generally far more reliable than one gained from someone who would say anything to make the pain stop. And during an interrogation, the information is supposed to flow from the prisoner to the jailor, not the other way around. Even letting someone know mundane details such as the date could have significance; which is why the higher level prisoners are kept underground and in the dark, to mess up their perception of time.

Now that I was a little more alert, I made a few observations. The Hokage had not come within arm's reach of me; even when he handed me the water he had made me reach across myself. Not that I could conceivably attack him with three limbs out of commission, but he hadn't become the Hokage by taking needless risks. The bed I was on was also one that was used on prisoners; it allowed for the internal circulation of chakra, but it did not allow it to be manipulated outside the body. There were ANBU in two corners, and one just outside the open door. There were other subtler clues too, but I it was enough for me to pick up on the gist of the message: You are our prisoner.

The doctor, trying to mask his unintentional slip and subsequent reddened face, asked "So does it hurt anywhere in particular?"

I scoffed. I couldn't help it. I should be dead to start with, and then I had been forced through time and space and pain and death; of course I bloody hurt. "Everywhere. I have a particularly nasty headache though." Having two simultaneous conversations were enough to ring my bell at the moment. Slayer of Orochimaru/Sasuke, defeater of just about every single S-rank ninja in Edo Tensei mode no less, and speaking a few words was enough to knock me over.

The doctor looked inordinately pleased (why are all doctors so creepily happy when you tell them you hurt?) as he extended a hand glowing with the Mystical Palm technique towards my forehead. I reflexively closed my eyes as he ran the diagnostic and applied a minor treatment. "Your brain is still slightly swollen, so I'm not surprised. It should go away in a day or two, so don't overtax yourself unnecessarily." He made a note on the clipboard and finally started to leave. He paused at the door, "No more than fifteen minutes please, Hokage-sama", he said, slightly abashed, not quite meeting the Hokage's eyes. Steely grey eyes that were fixed on me, and had no doubt seen me catalog the various clues and subsequently make the realization that I was a prisoner. His unblinking gaze unnerved me the same way it had when I was a child, and I had to physically stop myself from fidgeting. Too bad my mouth didn't get the memo.

"So…sitting in a tower stamping things all day. How's that working out for you?"

I cringed as the words rang around the room. I actually couldn't remember the last time I had made one of my trademark dumbass comments. It even got the Hokage to blink, and I swear he was fighting back a smile at that.

A moment later though, "Which village sent you?" So much for the subtle approach. I thought that he would ease into the blunt questioning, but he was probably trying to catch me off guard again. Too bad I knew how such interrogations usually went.

I smirked, "Come now, jii-chan, I'm sure you went through my possessions and found my headband. Why are you wasting your time with questions you already know the answer to?"

He frowned, "Headbands can be stolen off corpses" he said dismissively, leaning forward. "Who sent you? How did you appear in my office?" His eyes, already steely were now narrowed. His voice had gone utterly cold. This was the Sandaime Hokage at his most focused, the man who had won two wars and led his village to previously unheard levels of prosperity, the flipside of the kindly old grandfather, 'The Professor.'

"Do we have to do this now? Can't we go get ramen instead?" my mouth whined. What was wrong with me!? Was I trying to piss him off? Why was I acting so giddy? ...in fact, why  _was_  I so giddy? After a few seconds consideration the answer came to me. I was back in time. I had paid a terrible price; a price I would rather have not paid, and I was not sure if my soul had survived intact, but I was back in time.

I had a second chance.

I could keep my precious people from dying. I could stop the madness before it began. A pure feeling of hope suddenly filled me in a burst of adrenaline and I could only laugh in joy and relief. But only a chuckle or two managed to escape me before pain filled coughs interrupted what would surely have been an epic cackle-fest. On the other hand, laughing insanely in front of your interrogator might not be best idea.

"You know what I just realized, ji-chan?" I asked as I strained my left arm against its cast, slightly basking in the pain that it brought. "I'm in the Konoha hospital. Not the ANBU interrogation facility." The bandages wrapping my left arm started turning red. "I guess my resemblance to my old man were enough to raise questions. Questions you no doubt want answers to." I reached over with my sole functional limb, my right arm, and touched my index finger to the blood-soaked bandage. "Personally, I think that my whisker marks throw it off, not to mention that I have my mother's facial features; but the idiotic villagers only saw my prisoner when they looked at me. I would love to see their faces the day they realized the truth." My grin widened at his look of shock, and I started to draw a seal on the framework of the bed using my blood. "As to the question of who I am," the seal I had just drawn used the life force in the blood to power itself and override the seal drawn on the bed, "I am exactly who I appear to be." A spinning orb made of the purest blue chakra appeared in my hand, and the Sandaime Hokage's jaw fell hilariously open.

A perfect expression to highlight a perfectly executed prank.

* * *

It took me a few weeks, but by now the Hokage was convinced that I was who I claimed to be. Mostly convinced, anyway; I think he was still struggling to wrap his head around the whole time travel business. That and the only thing I had told him was that I had died and woke up back in this time. Technically it was true, but what was I going to do, tell him that the freaking Shinigami violated the universe for shits and giggles?

I had ample opportunity to convince the old man about the veracity of my identity; being stuck in a hospital bed with busted limbs ensured that. I had not told him much beyond vague hints, but he had realized that there was no way to have a secure debriefing in a public hospital room. It had been about six weeks since I had regained consciousness, the last four of which I had spent undergoing the peculiar hell known as physical therapy. In my entire life I had barely spent any time convalescing, and now I was being made to pay for it in spades. They made me walk on those stupid parallel bars, made me undergo strength and conditioning exercises and other frustrating crap, all without the use of chakra. They had a point, to be fair, they tried to make sure your muscles and ligaments were in full working condition before they were supplemented with chakra. Every day was twice as frustrating for me compared to other ninjas, knowing that I had usually had a demonic partner who would usually speed up my healing. He had been my partner since within an hour of my birth, and I felt his loss very acutely. Kind of like missing a big, furry, grumpy pet, but you missed him all the same because he was yours to miss.

Kurama would have tried to eviscerate me for thinking that, and that made me miss him even more.

Today, however, was undoubtedly a good day. Today was the day that I was released from prison…err, the hospital. Today was a day of freedom. Today was the day I officially became a Konoha shinobi again. Today was the day I walked through the familiar streets of Konoha and the Hokage Tower again. And today was also the day an old man decided to prank me.

I gaped at the scroll in my hand, then at the Hokage (who wasn't even trying to hide a smirk) back at the scroll and back at the old man as I finally found my voice. "Have you finally gone senile ji-chan!?" I detected a note of hysteria in my voice, but all things considered, it was probably justified.

The Hokage merely let out a chuckle. "If it helps, you can consider it an order."

My eyes widened even more. "So let me get this straight," I said slowly, deliberately, "I get thrown back through the ravages of time, I spend 3 months recovering, the last month of which was the cruel and unusual torture known as physical rehab, and when I get finally the sign off, you want me," I took a deep breath "to run a month of D-ranks!?" the last part was said in a significantly higher pitch, one appropriate to dealing with crazy people.

This time he actually laughed. Laughed! I sighed, rubbing my forehead in anticipation of the upcoming migraine. "Ah, the faces never cease to amaze me." He took a puff on his pipe and leaned back on his chair, eyes twinkling with mirth. "It's part of standard procedure. All shinobi who suffer debilitating injuries are given D-ranks as a way of easing them back into active duty. Not only does this allow the shinobi to get back into fighting shape, it also lets the shinobi get back in touch with the everyday problems of the village. It serves to remind them what they are fighting for."

That actually made a lot of sense. So much so that I actually stopped arguing about doing glorified menial labor. Instead, I just looked out the window over the village and the Hokage Monument, it was such a comfort; it had been burned away using the black flames of Amaterasu by Sasuke.

A few minutes later, I looked back at the Hokage to find him idly twirling a kunai between his fingers. A very distinctive and familiar kunai.

"I was wondering where that went" I said as I eyed it. He smiled as he saw that I had his full attention, and with a quick flick he got ready to throw it, but right before he could…

FLASH!

To his view, I probably never left my seat. The only difference was that now I was the one idly twirling the Hiraishin kunai by its ring. I also had a grin from ear to ear; I could feel it stretching my face to its limits. By the Log it felt good to smile again.

Sarutobi, too, looked impressed. "Splendid!" he said, right before a mischievous smile spread out on his face. "With that, you could complete all your D-ranks in a  _flash_ " he finished with a smirk.

My grin disappeared faster than the Hiraishin itself. In a huff, I put the damn kunai back in my pouch before crossing my arms and staring out the window again; his chuckling was not helping matters any.

A few moments of silence later I looked back to once again find him studying me. Once more I resisted the urge to fidget and gave a small sigh. I knew what was coming, and while I would rather not have this discussion at all, it had to be done.

He puffed out a small cloud of smoke, "I'm sure you would agree with me that if you met with someone who claimed to be from the future you would be curious about your own fate. From your hints, I find myself hesitant of asking the question; although at my age, my death is probably not the shock you imagine it to be for me. However, I find myself more curious over another topic," he leaned forward and put his elbows on the table while clasping his hands together, "What happened to your prisoner? My medical staff initially found traces of his chakra in your system, but not his presence."

I frowned at that. Kurama and I were partners, and his loss was one I felt very keenly. At the same time though, he was not going to like the answer. "He was ripped away from my body a short time before… well, before my death, I suppose." I paused here, not certain how to bring up the topic of his once prized student before he turned into a genocidal lunatic.  _Screw it_ , I thought. I took a deep breath, and charged ahead. "By Orochimaru."

I could not have hit him harder if I was trying to hurt him. He put aside his pipe, lowered his head and allowed a weary expression to cross his face. His eyes flickered with a multitude of emotions too quickly for me to identify, but the look of regret on his face was clear enough. After a few minutes of introspection, he finally looked up and locked his gaze on mine. "How did the experience not kill you? I'm given to understand that separating the Biju from its host usually kills the jinchūriki."

I nodded my head at the unspoken agreement to drop the Orochimaru angle until a more suitable time. "Well, there are two factors; firstly, I am an Uzumaki by birth. Even my mum didn't die immediately when the Kyūbi was extracted from her, and she had just given birth! Secondly, I was in Sage Mode, so that acted as a buffer against the damage received by my chakra coils. Make no mistake though, I lost a significant amount of my life force, but given the fabled Uzumaki longevity I doubt I would have to worry."

He made a sound of agreement. "Ah yes, Kushina-chan was always spirited. It stands to reason that the two of you inherited that from her."

My world came to an abrupt, screeching halt. And considering that I actually saw the world come to a complete stop,  _that_  was saying something. I made a few strangled sounds before my voice came back to full coherence. "Both of us!? I have a sibling!? WHO!?"

The wizened old coot just gave me an infuriatingly calm smile as he lengthily puffed on his pipe. When he was quite sure he had built up enough suspense, he said nonchalantly, "Why, I mean you and Naruto of course."

I blinked. I blinked again. I blinked a third time and then narrowed my eyes at the Hokage. "Explain."

"I simply meant that both you and young Naruto are quite boisterous. Not surprising, considering you both are technically the same person, but you have been forged in the fires of life's trials."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. "What do you mean me and young Naruto? How can there be two of us?" Upon seeing his questioningly raised eyebrow I elaborated further, "How do I put this…You know the Edo Tensei technique?" His face took on a dark look, but he nodded. "Well, then you understand that for it to work, a soul is needed. Every individual has a unique soul. The fact that you're telling me that a younger version of me exists…" I trailed off, lost in thought. This was undoubtedly the Shinigami's doing, but the ramifications of this escaped me at the moment. My unique form of existential crises bore further investigation at the very least.

The Sandaime Hokage, too, had a grave expression as he contemplated this unexpected development. But then he shrugged, "No doubt it has something to do with why you came back in time." He leaned back as I nodded my agreement, and his eyes took on a sudden twinkle. "If you prefer, instead of doing the D-ranks, you could return to the academy. I'm sure Iruka would be…  _pleased,_  to have two of you in his class."

I was torn between shuddering and chuckling in amusement. It  _would_  be awesome to have a partner in crime to pull off pranks, and just imagining Iruka-sensei's reactions to double trouble was hilarious; but I'm pretty sure sitting in with a bunch of 10 year olds would not do much for my development as a shinobi. "No thanks, old man. I'll take grocery shopping and dog-walking any day."

He smiled. "It's probably for the best. We wouldn't want you picking fights with other kids your age."

"Hey!"

He was still smiling, but it was slowly becoming more forced. He was clearly disturbed by the revelations about Orochimaru, and I wasn't being very forthcoming with other answers either. After some consideration, he finally spoke, "Is there anything in the immediate future that I should know about?"

I shook my head in relief, inordinately happy that we wouldn't be having a potentially awkward conversation just yet. "Nothing major involving Konoha until two years from now, the next time we host the Chūnin exams. We can start laying the groundwork for a few other moves until then."

He nodded with a troubled look on his face. "Very well. Continue your recuperation, and report to me in a few days. But before you leave," he handed me a page with a stamped ninja registration ID and a filled in name. I took one look at the name and chuckled, "Nanashi (no-name)? Seriously? Sensei of the mighty author to the bestselling Icha-Icha series and you couldn't come up with a better name?" he snorted, whether in amusement or annoyance I couldn't tell. I read a bit further, "Working in the capital for the last decade? Don't the Twelve Shinobi Guardians do that?"

"Your job was to hide and monitor their activities; guarding the guards, so to speak. I've mentioned that it was you who first uncovered the planned revolt by Kazuma a few years ago." He took on a satisfied puff. "It should pass a cursory examination. Fill in the rest of the details and hand me the completed report. I will make sure that they get filed appropriately, giving you an adequate cover story. As for your resemblance to your late father, use this." He then tossed me a piece of cloth.

I caught it and frowned, not recognizing it initially. It had a weird shape, almost like… I grinned. This would be perfect. The resemblance to my first Jōnin sensei would just be the icing on the cake needed. "Don't be surprised if I turn up late and said I got lost on the road of life." I smiled as I tied on the facemask.

He chuckled, "Off with you. Get back in fighting shape as soon as possible. We'll have our discussion then."

I nodded, and bowed in farewell. "Hokage-sama."

"Nanashi." He returned the farewell. The name felt weird, like a piece of clothing that didn't quite fit right. I would get used to it, I supposed as I left the office.

* * *

 


	3. Coming Back to Life

Original Publish Date: 24th-September-2015

* * *

  **Chapter 3 – Coming Back to Life**

_I took a heavenly ride throughout silence_

_I knew the moment had arrived_

_Killing the past and coming back to life_

**_- Coming Back to Life, Pink Floyd_ **

* * *

Masks itch.

I made this discovery a few scant hours after having worn one. I had no idea how Kakashi-sensei managed to wear one all day and all night. The worst part was the chafing of my day old beard against the stupid cloth. I absently started rubbing my chin, chafing my day-old growth further and yet weirdly liking the sensation despite finding it irritating. Ugh. Stupid time-travel; messing up my relationship with pain. The mask was very much needed though; already a few people in the street had done a double-take when they saw me, so strong was my resemblance to my father, even though my hair was far longer and in a ponytail.

Having completed my D-rank for the day, I looked at the address of the apartment building I had been assigned by the Hokage and frowned. The address seemed familiar for some reason. A suspicion came over me as I started walking towards it; soon, I realized my feet were guiding me there without me needing any directions whatsoever. A few moments later, I stopped in front the building, rubbed that stupid mask again and sighed.

Goddamn manipulative old coot.

It was my old apartment building – the one I had lived in as a kid. Not only that, I was even on the same floor. I had no doubt it was a disingenuous move designed to make me befriend my younger self. I sighed again and made my way up the stairwell, feeling strangely apprehensive about running into him. Thankfully though, my luck held, and I reached my apartment without running into anyone, and I entered quickly.

Maybe I would meet him tomorrow.

* * *

**30 Days Later**

Well, I was officially a coward. I still hadn't met Naruto.

I kind of went out of my way to avoid him, coming in during hours when I knew he wouldn't be in and around the building, and sneaking in through the window whenever he was. I could hear him during the evenings, trying to study (unnecessarily loudly in my opinion) his Academy lessons. Some of what he said was so horribly wrong made me cringe, but it's not like I was any better at that age (har har). And unless I went over and helped him out, it was likely to stay that way.

Well, that was going to happen anytime soon.

On the other hand, I had completed my mandatory D-rank mission rotation yesterday, so today was the day I handed in my fake history and officially made my recommendations about the course of action we should take. I was kind of apprehensive, but excited at the same time. I had come up with a few ideas about what to do so as to be ready for Akatsuki and Orochimaru, and I couldn't wait to get started to stick it to those bastards.

Over the last month, I had spent 3 or 4 nights every week in his office debriefing him about the events that were to follow. Surprisingly, once these minor sessions were over, I stuck around and just talked to him; and it was fun! He had a surprisingly sharp sense of humor, and I got the feeling that he enjoyed our evenings together just as much, if not more than I did. Upon reflection, however, I realized that he was simply lonely. I wasn't the only one to have lost my family the night I was born; he had lost his wife as well, along with the man who he had entrusted his mantle and legacy to. He had then been forced shoulder the burden of the entire village, with nobody there to help lighten his load.

No wonder he had killed himself in defense of his village against Orochimaru; he probably just wanted to be remembered as a hero the same way the Yondaime was.

There was some buzz as I entered the Hokage tower, and a few people looked curiously at me. It was rare for the old man to block off an entire day just for a simple debriefing, not to mention it was with the guy who literally popped into existence. I made my way up to the office, taking note of their glances but not outwardly reacting. I made my way up, and smiled at the secretary as she let me in, and my smile froze as I once again felt the attention of the hidden ANBU snap on to me. They had not taken kindly to me, what with me appearing right in front of the Hokage. If it had been an assassination attempt it would have been successful, and that was a black mark against them, considering that it was their primary duty. Not to mention, even though the Hokage had added me into the registry I was still unknown to them. I'm sure they must have done their digging and found nobody who knew me; which was because nobody knew me. They kept their guards up around me and that in turn made me tense, but that feeling disappeared as soon as I performed my privacy fūinjutsu-ninjutsu hybrid technique.

"I am glad to see that you do your Uzumaki heritage justice. Both your parents would have been very proud of your proficiency in the art; even at your young age you have certainly surpassed me" Sarutobi praised.

Being complimented by the man renowned as the Professor was high praise, indeed. I blushed as my hand automatically came up to rub the back of my head. It was one tic that I had never managed to rid myself of; thankfully I had managed to get rid of my verbal tic a couple of years ago. "You still have no idea what I'm capable of, ji-chan" I boasted.

Sarutobi smiled, "If I'm right about the tattoos on your arms, you appear to have surpassed your father in terms of techniques."

"You could say that" I murmured agreeably. I still had trouble accepting praise, but even I knew (now) that there was a time and a place for that. Also, when had I become such a teacher's pet?

"I look forward to seeing you in action." He put his elbows on the desk and clasped his hands together as he leaned forward. "Speaking of action, make your recommendations about the course you wish to take."

"Well, to start off, I want to be drafted into the ANBU. My presence is the greatest weapon we have against the enemy. While I am getting sick of the staring from the villagers, as an ANBU I would officially have anonymity and report only to you. It would also give me freedom of movement, and some of these plans require me to move out of the country…"

* * *

**A Few Hours Later**

"…I still think that had Sasuke and Orochimaru shown up that day and fought on our side against the Jūbi and Madara that we would have won. Instead, he summoned all four Hokages and I was pitted in a death match against my own father. And I got to know why you were so feared in the Shinobi world. And basically everything went to shit from there."

"But what happened to the Jūbi? "

I snorted. "Obito threw a hissy fit. He used his Sharingan to send it to a different dimension. The effort killed him, but apparently he was not feeling very charitable after being betrayed by his boss." I scoffed, "why are all the Uchiha so easily manipulated anyway? Is it something in their blood? Or maybe their own eyes cast some weird genjutsu on them; every Uchiha I know of is prone to some form of mental instability."

The Hokage frowned, "But by that point, shouldn't the war have been over? I mean, there was Edo Tensei Madara, but I would like to think that four Edo Tensei Hokage's would be a match for him. I'm sure Orochimaru would not have appreciated the competition."

I shook my head, "That wasn't it. Sasuke and Orochimaru took out the cantankerous geezer. The problem was that their team assassinated the Daimyo's."

His expression soured further. "I see."

"Yeah. Once the royal families were killed the rest of the nobility tried to make a power grab. Killing, betrayal, hoarding of money and resources… at that point everyone just started looking out for themselves. The Hidden Villages can't survive without the gold and resources coming in from the capital countries, you know this. Once that stopped, everyone either abandoned their village or tried to rule their own country. Orochimaru, meanwhile, either killed every ninja he came across or kidnapped them to experiment on. Say what you will about the man, he said he wanted to know every technique in existence, and by the time he was done, he pretty much did. The only reason I managed to win against him was that I created a new technique with the Shinigami contract."

I stretched and cracked my back. I had been sitting in the office so long my ass had fallen asleep. It was a very weird sensation.

"By then, though, shinobi were persona non grata. They were killed wherever they were identified. The samurai from Tetsu no Kuni were the de facto peacekeepers; they were really good at countering ninja techniques by then. The only one they hadn't managed to kill was Orochimaru; he kept 107 bodies infected with the cursed seal. I know, I counted." I let a grim smile cross my face. "Over the years I had come up with quite a few imaginative ways to kill the fucker. It was nice being able to use all of those; and a few from my friends as well."

"How did you survive the purges then?"

"Liberal use of Hiraishin, mostly. Slowly, though, everyone in our group was either killed or they left and pretended to be civilians. We just wanted the fighting to be over. But it was never over, not for us. The last two years before I died I wasn't even in the Elemental Nations. I spent a year north and another year south and I learnt a lot from those lands. It was their teachings that finally led me to making the technique that took out Orochimaru. I called it Shinigami no Mai (Dance of the Death God)."

"Why did it take you so long to make?"

"Well, my group & I had managed to kill him on a couple of occasions, but all he did was pop up in another body from yet another hidden base. So I needed to make a technique that would force him to fight me over and over. The only way to do that is to get the help of someone to whom mortal hiding places mean nothing; hence the Shinigami. Even then, it's quite tricky to pull off. For it to work, it needs both parties to declare the other as their mortal enemy. Words have power, and naming someone your mortal enemy has a power of its own. Once the verbal contract is agreed, the Shinigami can be summoned at any time by either party and he can force the enemy to fight. Running is pointless, he can reach across time and space if needed, and force the confrontation. It took me a good month to find and prepare a suitable place to fight. Even then it took a lot of luck to pull off."

His eyes gleamed. "I see. So it was the Shinigami who was responsible for your time travel."

My mouth went dry, my hands clenched and I started to sweat. Raw terror seeped through my being as I recalled the terrifying journey through space and time. It took me a few moments to try to calm myself. And when I failed, I realized something horrifying. "You're not supposed to know that."

He took note of my trembling limbs and said slowly, "Do not worry; I'm not going to tell anyone…"

"You don't understand," I interrupted him, feeling the fear and the horror and I knew that somewhere the Shinigami was smiling his horrible smile full of sharp teeth, teeth that were meant to rip, to kill, to devour, to consume… I violently shuddered as I shook off the image of the God Who Embodied Death. "You're not supposed to  _know!_  That is not knowledge that mortals are supposed to have! And now he knows you know!" my voice had steadily risen in pitch and volume and I was hyperventilating, or pretty damn close to it. "You don't  _know_  what he can do! He can…"

The universe stopped. For a single second, Everything stopped. It had happened right before the time travel and realizing that sent me into a full blown panic. My body tensed in anticipation of the pain, the horrifying world ending  _pain_  to come and I was ready to plead away my soul to the Shinigami even though he would ignore me. And then to my infinite relief, everything started up again.

As far as warnings went, this one was pretty final.

I took great deep shuddering breaths as I felt my entire body fill with perspiration. After a few minutes of wiping myself off and gathering myself I turned to the wide-eyed Hokage. "Do not speak his name ever again. Do not as much as  _think_  of him, and maybe he will forget." Pff. Not bloody likely, but I wasn't going to tell the old man that. "And most importantly, never,  _ever_ , attempt the Shiki Fūin, or any other technique related to Him."

The Sandaime Hokage, the man once known as 'Kami no Shinobi', nodded in sincere agreement, his countenance filled with fear.

After a few minutes of silence, during which I looked out the window over the village and the Hokage meticulously filled and lit his pipe, he cleared his throat.

"Now that you are medically cleared for full training, how long will it take for you to get back to your best fighting shape?"

I smiled sadly. Without Kurama I would never be back to my best. "Another couple of months I think. Why?"

He nodded. "Good, good. That sounds like you will be ready in time." He handed me a large sized scroll. I opened it to reveal a bunch of names arranged in the form of…brackets?

"It this a tournament?" I asked, receiving an affirmative nod in return. I studied it further, finding my name in the mix in group two. There were a few names I recognized, but… "What's the catch?"

"This tournament is not for Chūnin. A few Tokubetsu Jōnin will be allowed if their specializations lie in combat, but it is a Jōnin tournament only."

I looked at the brackets ponderingly. "But why have the tournament in the first place? Does first prize get a signed copy of Icha Icha or something?"

He snorted in amusement. "No, they get a week-long vacation out to the Hot Springs Village. Although…"

"You're thinking about entering now, aren't you." I deadpanned. Pervy old man.

He coughed delicately. "Of course not. Don't be absurd", he said looking righteously affronted. I just kept staring at him. "This tournament is designed to keep some of our more…colourful shinobi from going stir-crazy."

I rolled my eyes at the very obvious change in subject, but went along with it. "So basically every shinobi then" I said pointedly. Just as pointedly, the old man appeared to ignore my insinuation about him being as weird as the rest.

"All Jōnin in the village at the time take part in the tournament, yes. This includes ANBU."

I perked up, interested. ANBU members were badass as a rule. If they were taking part in the tournament it was sure be a high level competition. But at the same time… "I don't remember any such tournaments from when I was younger. Are they open to the public?"

"Of course not. Why would we broadcast the strengths and weaknesses? No, this is a secret tournament; the only ones who know about it are the ones who will take part in it. Appropriate for a village that deals in secrets, don't you agree?"

I nodded. "What if someone who isn't invited finds out about it?"

His smile turned feral. "Why, they get to take part. Against Jōnin. Who don't hold back."

I winced. No doubt some poor hapless Genin had found out about it the hard way. I took a final look at the sheet and handed it back. "Fine, I'll be ready in time for them."

"Good." He took a final puff on his pipe as it went out, and as he cleaned it he asked me casually, "Would you like to join me for a drink?"

I blinked in surprise. This was a first. We had spent quite a few evenings together, but this was the first time he had offered to share a drink together. "Sure!"

The moment we entered the bar, every single eye turned to us.

The silence was not quite pin-drop, but then in a room full of ninjas it didn't have to be. The old man, looking as unruffled as he did during his rounds in the Tower, calmly walked past the moderately crowded stools to a corner table that just happened to be empty. After a moment I started to follow him sedately, having had to physically stop myself from scampering after him like I did as a child. I had had a momentary flashback - whenever he took me out as a child the reaction would be exactly the same; silence, followed by uncomfortable scrutiny. I was unpleasantly reminded about the darker side of my home village, and I can't say that I liked it.

As I settled down in the chair across from the Hokage I resisted the urge to squirm under the collective gaze of the bar patrons. That was when I realized something else. Our coming here tonight was no coincidence. "You're not going to induct me in ANBU."

He shook his head. "I have already been down that road. A few years ago a shinobi who had lost the last few people he cared about in a single night approached me and asked to be placed in ANBU. I granted his wish, and for the first few years he had an impeccable record. No missions failed, no comrades lost; he was the perfect shinobi. Then he started slipping, taking unnecessary risks, making poor calls. It is only by luck that he never managed to fail. By then, he had realized that by not dealing with his issues he was prevented from reaching his full potential. It took him longer to realize than I hoped, but he got there in the end. He tended his resignation from the ANBU, and I took it with no small amount of relief." He leaned forward again, clasping his hands in his signature style. "How good a teacher would you say Kakashi was?"

I frowned. Having known Kakashi for a long time I could not refute any of the Hokage's statements. Kakashi was a good guy who had lost his way for a while. Maybe if he had been on his game he could have smacked some sense into Sasuke before he betrayed us, but yes, Kakashi had not been done any favors by his stint in ANBU. And Sarutobi was a good enough leader to keep track of his mistakes and not repeat them. I had been counting on the anonymity that ANBU would have given me to carry out my plans; this would make it harder.

That didn't mean it wasn't the right decision though.

As our drinks were delivered and poured, I raised my saucer in a toast, "To meddlesome old coots."

"To disrespectful young brats a hundred years too early to challenge their elders" he shot back.

I smiled at that as we drank. As we placed our saucers down, another thought struck me. "You had already planned this. That was why you placed me in that tournament."

He nodded his assent, "Yes. You have lost everyone you cared about, and been through traumatic experiences. You would benefit from spending time in the village and getting to know other people your own age. They may not be your old comrades, but if you give them a chance I am certain you would not find a finer group of people."

I paused as I considered that. On the surface, it sounded callous; replacing your precious people with other, cheaper models. But such is life, I supposed as I took another sip from my saucer. You lose people along the way, whether they are grandparents, parents, friends or lovers; but you don't stop living your life. And part of that is finding other people to care about. As I looked back up I found the old man studying his own drink intently.

If there was one man alive who knew what it was like to lose people, it was the Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure.

"Good evening, Hokage-sama." A voice suddenly interrupted our separate musings from over my shoulder. I didn't exactly tense up, but I was extremely wary. I tried to use my peripheral vision with limited success; all I could see was the standard Konoha Jōnin uniform, same as I wore. I could have created a Kage Bunshin, but this wasn't exactly a hostile environment; which meant that this was a test of my reactions by the unknown ninja behind me. Shinobi greetings. Go figure.

"Ah, Genma-kun. How are you this evening?" the Hokage replied with his usual genial grandfatherly smile, allowing me to put a face and a name to the shinobi behind me. "Allow me to introduce the latest addition to our shinobi forces. This young man is Nanashi."

As he came around the table I noticed that he was missing his trademark senbon between his teeth, but his bandana was on the same as always. "Shiranui Genma" he introduced himself with a short bow. I inclined my head in greeting, but stayed silent. I could play games too. He chuckled. "The man with no name, no face and no voice. How very mysterious" he said with an easy smile; he had always been an easygoing character.

"Perhaps I just let my skill speak for itself."

"Oh? Was that a challenge?" his eyes glinted as his smile grew wider. "A man of action; someone after my own heart."

"And do you often give your heart away to men moments after meeting them?" I shot at him with a smile of my own.

He laughed at that, "As tempting as some of the fine specimens of Konoha's male population are, my heart I fear…" his voice dropped an octave as he gave an appreciative glance to a passing waitress "belongs to the ladies." The waitress, feeling eyes on her, turned, only to be met by Genma's gaze which had snapped up just in time and a roguish half-smile. She turned back away, giving nothing away; but there was definitely a slight extra sway to her hips that wasn't there before. I let out a snort of amusement as she walked away. He turned back to look at me, "Perhaps I will take up your challenge. Would you like to spar sometime?"

"Sure. I just got cleared for heavy-duty training, so it might be a little while."

"No problem; let me know whenever you feel up to it." He turned to the Hokage and gave a full bow. "Hokage-sama." He received a nod in return and departed.

"Well, what a nice coincidence. You wanted me to meet some people in the village, and someone just happens to go out of his way to be nice the same day. How very convenient!" I might have been laying the sarcasm on thick, but the manipulative old coot deserved it.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about" he said as he delicately sipped from his saucer. He set it down as I let out a derisive snort. "I got the feeling that you knew him."

"I did. Once he found out my parentage, he was the one who started teaching me the Hi…ah, the  _flashiest_  technique I know."

"I see." He poured another saucer of the saké, poured it down his throat in a shot, and set his saucer down with a sense of finality. "I should get going."

"What, no more people for me to meet? No more friends dropping by? How about a blind date? Why not even an arranged marriage while you're at it?"

He smiled at my antics. "As a leader, it is important for me to stay away from places where my subordinates come to unwind. Tonight I made an exception, but it must remain a rule. But you should stay. Unwind for a while; I daresay you've earned it."

There was no doubting that. I nodded and I rose along with him, and as he put on his hat I bowed in farewell. Some of the curiosity went out of the room as the Hokage left, but people were still giving me looks, sizing me up. Thinking about what the old man said though, he was right. I had earned it. I quickly poured myself a shot. Tonight I let myself unwind.

Tomorrow I started heavy training.

* * *

  **24 Hours Later**

Sage Mode wasn't working.

Naturally, this was troubling news. At the end of a gruesome training session today I sat down to meditate and feel the natural energy around me. As it turned out, I could feel the energy, sense it, but it flowed through me like water. It refused to enter my chakra coils. I was frowning as I walked back into the village proper, letting my feet carry me. Well, maybe it was because I had not signed the Toad Summoning Contract yet. After all, most ninjas are pretty much motionless when they fall asleep, and they didn't wake up to find themselves turned into stone. Or wake up at all, whatever. Yup, once I signed the Summoning Contract I would be a Sage again.

Although why that thought failed to fill me with comfort I did not know.

Still, it wasn't all bad though, I mused as I still garnered curious looks from the populace. Idly I wondered what their reactions would be like if I started to walking around wearing my dad's old trench coat. They would lose their shit; that alone made it a prank worth pulling. Nostalgia overcame me as I recalled some of the best pranks I had pulled as a kid, and one glorious week in particular when I went all out on a rampage. There was that ugly merchant who was inordinately proud of his mustache, which I had shaved off after finding him drunk one night, that one rude Academy instructor who mysteriously couldn't find any underwear one morning and was forced to go commando and sat down in something wet…–

"….and there was this one really mean fat cat that belonged to this equally mean old lady, so I found some itching powder and put it on him while he was asleep in the sun…."

\- and then there had been another villager who had hissed at me rather rudely, so I had found an ordinary garden snake and put it in his room at night –

"and there was this other merchant who told me to get my ugly orange clothes out of his sight! Can you believe it!? He called orange ugly! So I dropped a bucket of orange paint on him when he entered his shop! Hehe, he was so mad, you should have seen the look on his face!..."

I had actually put my hand on the flap to enter the Ichiraku ramen stand (when had I decided to come here?) before I realized that the sounds were not just inside my head. I froze for a second, before slowly pushing the flap and letting my eyes widen at what I knew I would see.

Naruto and Iruka.

A very young Naruto (Sweet Log had I really been that scrawny?) and a very carefree, albeit increasingly horrified looking Iruka, but there was no mistaking the duo. My brain stopped, my heart stopped, even my breathing stopped for an eternal second before my mouth decided that this would be a great time to say something really stupid –

"Sensei!"

* * *

  **5 minutes earlier: Ichiraku Ramen Stand**

Umino Iruka was exasperated. No, scratch that, he wished he was simply exasperated. He was so far beyond the end of his rope that he couldn't climb out of this stupid well that he had dug himself into.

And it was all the fault of one Uzumaki Naruto.

Of course, the little blond pranking terror was simply doing what he had always done best – irritate people into acknowledging him. The Hokage had come by on a couple of occasions before during the academy recess, and he had come earlier that day as well, to speak to the instructors regarding Naruto. All he asked them to do was give Naruto some attention and be there so that he could talk to them. And as usual, all the instructors had listened respectfully to their venerable leader while he spoke, before ignoring his words and letting their bigotry cloud their opinion of the young child.

Not that Iruka hadn't been guilty of the exact same thing in the not-too-distant past.

While it was true he had initially hated the blond, thinking him to be the Demon Fox, he had a funny feeling that each time the Hokage had come to their lounge that he was speaking to Iruka specifically regarding the blond. Just out of curiosity, he had tried to see the blond kid from a neutral standpoint, and he had been rather surprised and shocked at what he found.

Uzumaki Naruto was a normal child.

Albeit one who was starved of affection, or any kind of attention for that matter. But a normal child he was, and doing childish things to try and gain attention. Playing the fool got him more attention from his classmates than playing the studious child did, so he played the fool gladly. And slowly, but surely, Iruka saw more and more of himself in the young blond and before he knew it, he had taken Naruto out for a ramen dinner just so he could understand the blond better. The first dinner was understandably awkward, Naruto kept shooting him mistrustful glances, but he seemed to open up to him by the end of the second dinner. And now, it seemed that the kid just couldn't stop talking!

How he managed to keep jabbering while practically inhaling ramen was a mystery.

And it seemed he had been in a rather grouchy mood recently. He had all but declared war on whichever poor soul would try to pick on him, and Iruka had taken him out to try and understand what his issue was. It was then that he made the fatal mistake of asking what all pranks he had pulled, instead of why.

His jaw dropped lower and lower and his eyes spread wider and wider with every syllable that came out of Naruto's mouth. Some of the pranks he had pulled made him feel vaguely horrified, and he had been on the verge of stopping the kid for the sake of his own sanity when a voice suddenly said "Sensei!"

The voice itself sounded as if it belonged to someone who was his own age, but he found his head automatically turning to the newcomer, just as it did for a student who wanted to ask him a question. And he was surprised at what he saw.

The first thing that struck him about the stranger was his bright blue eyes; eyes he could have sworn he had seen before. The mask and the ponytail gave him (in Iruka's opinion) a frankly ridiculous look. He wore a standard Konoha Jōnin uniform; the only personalized item that he was wearing seemed to be a pair of orange fingerless gloves. But what was really weird was that the stranger had called him sensei, when clearly he was too old to have been taught by Iruka.

But that didn't stop him from looking at Iruka with a multitude of emotions, the most prominent one being shock. It was as if he had expected Iruka to not be alive at all (Iruka had no idea how close that was to the truth). But that emotion was nothing compared to what crossed his eyes when they were laid on his young student.

Automatically his hand dropped subtly to his kunai holster in case the man was thinking of attacking his young charge; that gesture alone spoke of how far his relationship with the jinchūriki had come along, but it seemed there was no need for it. A weird feeling of nostalgia and regret seemed to roll off him for a long moment, before Iruka finally replied to his curious statement "May I help you?"

He snapped his eyes away from the child, "My apologies, I thought I knew you." He then seated himself at the opposite end of the stand. The melancholic feeling was still in the air, but it was clear that hurting Naruto was not on the stranger's mind.

Iruka watched the man order two bowls of Ichiraku's finest, wondering what was so familiar about him but had no idea that he had been completely tuning out Naruto until the prankster pulled on his sleeve to get his attention. "Umm…. Iruka sensei do you know that guy?" Naruto asked in his normal (read: bratty loud) voice.

"What? No, of course not!" Iruka tried to rebuff his student, hoping he would get the message.

"Then why were you staring at him?" the young knucklehead asked with no tact whatsoever.

"No I wasn't!" Iruka exclaimed vehemently, but it was in vain as the blond stranger started chuckling.

"He's not as dumb as he looks, is he Umino-san?" the man said, looking over at them with a slight crinkle in his eyes along with a small movement of his ears that suggested he was smiling. "Hey kid, you like pulling pranks right? Well, did you know that your sensei over there was quite a notorious prankster when he was your age as well?"

"WHAAAAAAAAAT!? Iruka-sensei you pulled pranks!? What all did you do!? Please teach me sensei!"

Iruka's entire thought process at the moment consisted of 'Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit'. The poor man spent the next five minutes trying to calm the hyperactive Naruto down – a task in itself during normal circumstances, made all the more difficult now that Naruto knew about Iruka's similar past – telling him "No, it's not true" and "You shouldn't do it either". When he finally looked up from a silent but fuming (on a child it was just pouting) Naruto, he realized that the melancholy stranger had already finished his ramen and left.

'Who was that?'

* * *

 


	4. Another One Bites the Dust

Original Publish Date: 2nd-October-2015

* * *

  **Chapter 4 – Another One Bites the Dust**

_There are many ways you can hurt a man and bring him to the ground,_

_You can beat him, you can cheat him, you can treat him bad,_

_And leave him when he's down, yeah_

_But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you_

**_- Another One Bites the Dust, Queen_ **

* * *

  **Nine Weeks Later: 4465617468**

There are times, in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, when the atmosphere becomes lighter; when the whispered excitement brightens the mood, when the knowing glances raise the sense of occasion. These times usually occur once every two-and-a-half years, when the finals of the Chūnin exams roll around. Everyone, from Elite Jōnin and even the Hokage, to the greenest of greenhorn Genin and civilians understand the shifting atmosphere and look forward to it. It is, after all, a time of festivities and betting, and there is a carnival atmosphere that even the visiting dignitaries enjoy.

What the majority of the village population never realized is, such occasions take place far more often in their own village.

During the reign of the Shodaime Hokage, before any of the Shinobi World Wars had broken out; there was an unprecedented era of peace. Most of the villages were still being formed, and quite a few of the rivaling clans had joined the same village, so there were very few hostilities in between villages. But, they had all been born shinobi, and shinobi needed to fight to keep their skills sharp. Daily practice only did so much, and to prevent the majority from going stir-crazy, the Shodaime instituted what would later become the Jōnin Tournament.

Of course, the early edition was far removed from the underground affair it was today. When it was first conceived, it was mostly a Shinobi free-for-all battle that was open to the public; in fact, clients were invited to view these battles as a way to show off the strength of the village's shinobi. For people of that time, such open display of their techniques went against everything they had been taught while being raised in their respective clans; secrecy was paramount, because a single hidden technique might prove to be the difference between life and death. But the formation of a village was unprecedented, and so they all readily embraced this change.

Needless to say, the same tradition was carried on in what became the finals of the Chūnin exams.

And so did the other part of the free-for-all. The Chūnin exam fights were of course open to the public. But the Jōnin tournament was not.

The reason for this was very simple; after all, why would the village broadcast their strongest techniques and their strongest shinobi? That was just asking for trouble these days; any rival village could easily infiltrate them and devise counters for those techniques. Hence they decided to have the fights underground; a few at a time, so that daily missions were not compromised. The reason for having the tournament itself had remained the same from when it was first conceived; they needed to have a measurable target setter for their shinobi so that they all knew where they were lacking.

After all, nothing drives your weaknesses home like having your face smashed in with them.

And so, every year, the Jōnin tournaments are held in a seemingly abandoned part of the shinobi town. There are three decrepit and derelict looking buildings and nothing else around for almost a square kilometer, and there is a fairly strong genjutsu around the place that makes the hair rise on top of the head of whatever unfortunate soul goes nearby. If one ignores the initial feeling, it gets stronger and stronger the closer one goes to the building. The beauty of this genjutsu is that it attacks through the audio canal, so that even if you dispel it once, it immediately takes hold again. If one makes it to the front of the building on sheer guts alone, they start hyperventilating and a terrifying feeling takes hold in the pit of their stomach, and they are known to start hallucinating and screaming before running off entirely.

How else does one protect their ANBU headquarters after all?

The Jōnin tournament itself is held in the main building of the ANBU; it is open to all shinobi of Tokubetsu Jōnin rank and above – this includes unmasked ANBU and full-fledged Jōnins too, of course. The fights are refereed by ANBU captains and the higher ranked Jōnins, and as they liked to say, their word was law.

It was from the first building that I exited, blinking at the sudden glare of the sunlight. After the minimum lighting in the ANBU facility (where the only route that was lit up was the way in / out to the fighting arena – probably to keep the secrets of the black-ops barracks, you know, secret) even the softer luminosity of evening enough to hurt my eyelids. Nearby a hidden ANBU agent ran a disruption technique over me to prevent the genjutsu from taking hold; but he or she needn't have bothered. Genjutsu were not a problem for me; as my last opponent, one Morino Ibiki had found out to his detriment.

I had been assigned the Tokubetsu Jōnin rank by the Sandaime, to start with; he said he would revisit that decision at the end of the tournament. But it did mean that I would start out at the very bottom of the chain, and would have to go through two preliminary rounds. Full Jōnin went directly into the draw, and a handful privileged few who had been granted the Elite Jōnin rank were given the option of being 'wildcard' entries. While on the surface this may appear to be favoritism toward the upper ranked shinobi, it was actually a way of coaxing them into the tournament. The whole point of the tournament was to raise the quality of the individual shinobi, and the best way to do that was by teaching them new techniques and tactics; and the best way for that was to ensure that the best shinobi took part in the tournament. Unfortunately, certain highly ranked shinobi found the whole idea of a tournament to be rather troublesome, and would rather pursue other activities – such as reading porn, watching clouds, eating anything and everything in sight, for example. Hence the special privileges; only they didn't really work.

I had to say I was disappointed by the competition as a whole so far. I suppose it was because it was peacetime; while people were in fighting shape, they weren't at their very best; they lacked that edge, that gleam in their eye that came with the knowledge and the confidence of knowing they were fighting for their lives and they were going to win.

Or maybe I had been fighting a war for too long.

My first opponent had been a recent recruit to the ANBU, and she had relied mostly on her tantõ with some taijutsu thrown in. While she had been no slouch, I dispatched her speedily; daily training with Lee for over a year and a half allowing me to pick apart her style with ease. After I won my second fight I hung around and watched some of the other fights, some of which were disappointingly straightforward. I was beginning to realize why it was only the later fights that drew most of the attention. Still, gathering intel on possible future opponents was hardly going to be a complete waste of time.

But a hard day of work deserved a reward, which is why I was heading to Ichiraku's for a bowl of Ambrosia. I smiled as I recalled the first time I had gone to the ramen stand since my trip back in time; it had been right after the old man had given me that stupid mask and the dumb name (which still took me a second to react to). Teuchi had been as welcoming as ever, giving me a free bowl as this was the first time (to his knowledge) that I had eaten there. The simple harmony between him and Ayame as they worked was a joy to watch, and it brought a true smile to my face. To protect the small and simple happiness in life; this was why I would fight.

As I ate my ramen, I pondered on my training. It had taken me nearly a month before I could say I was in any kind of fighting shape; my chakra reserves were now a quarter of what they had been and they were not re-filling anywhere near as fast as they used to. I would have to change my entire fighting style, and that was going to be a bitch. It made me miss the grumpy old fox again, and it wasn't just for the added benefits. I couldn't believe what I was about to say, but it was true.

Not being a jinchūriki sucked.

Of course, if I had been given a choice as a child of being a hated figure among the village populace for something beyond my control; I would obviously have chosen not to be one. But having gone through the systematic isolation from the villagers (and being ignored for the most part by my tenant) when I finally made the breakthrough it had been a thing of beauty. I had won over the villagers and even the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, the Lord of the Demons. I was on the cusp of attaining peace with the Elemental Nations, about to fulfil the prophecy that both the Toads and the Fox believed in.

And then Sasuke ruined it all.

There was no way I was going to let that little fucker just walk around. If it was up to me I would have gouged out his eyes and replaced them with his balls. (On an unrelated note, in my own time, that was the method used to kill the body of one Uchiha Sasuke.) But the old man had asked for a little time before deciding what to do with the deranged psychopath, and I was not going to be patient for very long. I would revisit the conversation once this tournament was over.

Speaking of the tournament, I had a day off tomorrow. I estimated that I was at about two-thirds of my new fighting capacity. I was still getting used to my new recovery rates; still, I would need to step it up a notch during training tomorrow, because I had realized that this tournament was more or less a formal ranking test of my abilities. Why did I know this for sure?

My next opponent was Hatake Kakashi.

* * *

  **2 Days Later**

I was nervous as I waited in the arena. This would be the first time I saw Kakashi-sensei since he had been killed that fateful day of the war. I had no idea how to react to him; he had been killed defending me from my father's Hiraishin. I wish it was one of the cases where I never had the chance to thank him for everything he had done for me; unfortunately Orochimaru had other ideas. Within a week I was fighting an undead Kakashi, emotionally trying to say goodbye to him while he tried his hardest to kill me through his tears. It was a sick strategy, but an effective one; what better way to demoralize troops than forcing them to fight their own comrades?

My musings were cut short by the sudden arrival of Kakashi, who was surprisingly on time. I could not stop the feeling of regret that rose in my chest as I looked at him. In return though, I only found cold calculating eyes that were busy cataloguing everything about my appearance and trying to understand my fighting style from that. I forced myself out of my funk. This was not the time or place for distractions. I had avoided people from my past so far, but living in the village as I was that was not going to be a long term option; and what better place to start than the present?

As soon as I steeled myself I saw that Kakashi push up his headband, proving that he was not taking me lightly. As soon as I caught sight of the red that made up the Sharingan my body unconsciously fell into the stances that were designed to throw off that damned eye. The Sharingan was a powerful tool, but it had its weaknesses. The best two ways to negate its advantages were either attack with enough speed that the user could not keep up, or mix up your taijutsu style; tense one arm but attack with the other, make to jump but make an entirely different movement. As was the case with most of my discoveries, I had found this entirely by accident. Lee and I had spent the next year and a half training to come up with the perfect taijutsu counter to the Sharingan.

Lee was the next person who I was forced to fight in Edo Tensei mode.

During my musing, the proctor started the match and Kakashi made to take advantage of my distraction. As he made to attack me with a sweeping fist I tensed my arm as if to block and my back leg as if to absorb the blow; then I struck out with the aforementioned leg and nailed him in the solar plexus. A clean hit, the perfect counterattack.

I knew Kakashi well enough to catch the widening of his eyes in shock. and if the muttering in the gallery around the fighting area was any indication, they were shocked as well. I smiled. There was something else I had added to my repertoire over the years. It was time to use it.

"Surprised? I think you'll find you need something a lot stronger than a little pink-eye to impress me."

Trash-talking. It was surprisingly effective, not to mention it came naturally to me. It was probably something to do with my nature as a prankster, knowing what buttons to push on people to get them riled up. Insulting Obito's final gift to Kakashi was probably a good way to get under his skin. And if the way his eyes narrowed at that was any indication, I had succeeding with both my first strikes, physical and aural.

He chose not to respond, however, and made to move when he suddenly stopped. That might have had something to do with the kunai that had suddenly appeared at his jugular, however. My perfectly created (seal-less and smokeless) Kage Bunshin continued the dialogue, "What, no snappy comeback? The man who copied a thousand jutsu couldn't copy a few clichéd villainous lines? Urk!" the clone gurgled as it was viciously dispelled courtesy of a kunai to the throat.

"Good job with the timing creating the clone. It was in the same moment when you struck me in the chest right?" I nodded, impressed at his deduction and he continued, "You can't seem to control them very well though."

"Oh? Are you sure he didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do?"

His eyes narrowed, then widened as the sound of a sizzling exploding tag on his vest reached his ears. With impressive speed he managed to shimmy out of his vest and hurled it at me while jumping in the opposite direction. I had been expecting this and used a simple Kawarimi (Substitution) to get out the way, whereas Kakashi was attacked by a few clones using taijutsu. He was expecting them this time however, and made short work of them.

"So you can deal with exploding tags and Kage Bunshin. Impressive. I'm sure you will be a big hit at the next Chūnin exams."

Yeah, he was definitely pissed now. Mission accomplished. Although…what was the point of that again? He quickly formed handseals and called out, "Raiton: Raikyu (Lightning Release: Lightning Ball)". The amount of chakra pushed into the technique as well as the speed it was shooting towards me was an indication of how pissed he was.

Now, we couldn't have that could we?

In response, I reared my fist back, gathering wind chakra around it as I did so. A moment later I let my fist fly forward, calling out, "Kazeken (Wind Fist)!" A fist formed of wind chakra followed the trajectory my hand would have taken had it not been attached to my body, and it met the Raiton technique in midair.

Both techniques fizzled out.

Kakashi's eyes narrowed as he saw both techniques disappear. He knew that I had intended that to be the result; Fūton beats Raiton after all. So far I had kept him on the back foot by goading him into attacking first, and counterattacking where he least expected it. I would let him try one more technique before taking the initiative. Having trained under him, and recalling the bell test perfectly, I knew that having already used Taijutsu and Ninjutsu, next he would use Genjutsu.

I was right. I felt the buildup of chakra before he forced it around his Sharingan eye, causing it to spin ominously. I felt the genjutsu settle down on my senses, before the seal that I grafted on my Seimon (the Gate of Life) above my spinal cord disrupted it. Kakashi wasn't to know that however, and he immediately made a Kage Bunshin of his own and they moved in tandem to attack me with kunai. As soon as they got within striking range I released the wind chakra I had gathered in each arm in the form of Fūton: Jūha Shō (Wind Release: Beast Wave Palm). The clone was destroyed, but to Kakashi's credit he spun to avoid taking damage and landed a kick on my upper arm. I backpedaled to avoid taking more damage but having been on the front foot for the first time in the match Kakashi pressed his advantage. Hastily dodging his kunai swipes I managed to draw in my breath, "Fūton: Toppa (Wind Release: Breakthrough)."

He leapt away to avoid being hit by the bullet of wind, but it had served its purpose. I couldn't engage him in a long taijutsu battle, my tricks to negate the Sharingan's advantage only worked as long as the user relied on the dōjutsu to fight. Knowing Kakashi he would not make the same mistake twice, and in a taijutsu battle I would most likely lose out, which is why I needed to put some distance between us. Since Taijutsu was out, and not being a proficient user of genjutsu that just left ninjutsu and weapons and my secret weapon for me to continue. I started with the first two as I began the process of corralling Kakashi into a specific point on the arena floor. "Fūton: Shinkūgyoku (Wind Release: Vacuum Spheres)!" I called out as I shot several wind bullets in a pattern that looked random but would force Kakashi to move in the direction I wanted him to go, but he proved that he was an A-rank ninja as he called out, "Katon: Hōsenka no Jutsu (Fire Release: Phoenix Sage Fire Technique)," Like my attack earlier, his fire perfectly burned each one of my wind bullets, with no leftovers; most likely making a point. So he was not above petty showmanship either, good to know. I could use this to my advantage.

Suddenly switching tactics, I shot towards him with a kunai in hand and a vague half formed plan in my mind. Relishing the change of pace he too shot towards me, flicking a kunai and dispelling the clone I had created in his blind spot without as much as moving his eyes. We locked in a fierce battle of the limbs, neither of us holding back our punches. Block and counter block, our limbs moved quickly through the minimal distance between us as we both sought an advantage in the physical battle. I took a few more hits than he did, but by now I was dodging in a way that made sure he was being maneuvered. Like before, once more I drew in my breath and shot out a Fūton: Toppa (Wind Release: Breakthrough). Like before, Kakashi leapt away and landed exactly where I hoped he would; he had chosen a different direction to dodge than before, but I knew him well enough from my youth to accurately guess what he would do and my decision was vindicated.

Unlike before, this time I locked eyes with his Sharingan as I molded my chakra, which once more started spinning ominously. For the first time in the match, I started forming handseals a tad slower than I normally would, hoping against hope.  _'Come on, take the bait. Yes!'_  I thought as he immediately started copying my handseals, appearing to move a fraction faster than I did. He tried locking me in a genjutsu again, but it was pointless; the seal on my Seimon saw to that.

I couldn't help the vicious grin on my face as I slammed both palms on the ground and watched Kakashi copy my actions, "Fūinjutsu: Chikaku Banpaia-in (Sealing Technique: Earthen Vampire Seal)!" I called out. Raw shock showed on Kakashi's face as he frantically looked around for the three characteristic seals surrounding him. Had he jumped away immediately he might have stood a chance, but now it was too late; by his expression I could tell he knew his chakra was being drained faster than you could say 'kunai'. Confusion warred across his eyes and I decided to tell him how I had beaten him. "Burrowing clones" I called out and he locked eyes with me. I couldn't read the expression in them, but I couldn't help myself from taunting him like I had throughout the match; I raised a hand and mockingly waved at him, "Night-night, Copycat!"

Kakashi passed out, his body having been drained of chakra, and the proctor called out "Shousha, Nanashi!" Thunderous applause burst out from the viewing gallery as I looked up and realized that the number of attendees was far higher than I had originally estimated. My hand went up to rub the back of my head sheepishly as I fought the urge to wildly celebrate. I caught the eye of the Hokage and he nodded, silently congratulating me on my victory. I gave a grin and a slight bow as I made my way from the arena, content at having kicked my former sensei's ass. As far as I was concerned, he had deserved it.

As I left the building I mentally started ticking off, 'I had tonkotsu ramen yesterday, so today I'll have miso ramen…'

* * *

  **2 Days Later, Jōnin Tournament Finals: Viewing Gallery**

Hatake Kakashi was a man who was well known for being tardy. He was also well known for a lot of other things such as being a damn good ninja, flauntingly reading the Icha Icha series in public, but it was the laziness which was his hallmark. Nobody ever expected him to be on time, because he was a good three hours late every single time. It was quite a common joke among the shinobi populace that Kakashi would literally be late for his own funeral.

It was therefore quite a surprise when Kakashi entered the ANBU headquarters a good 15 minutes before the final fight started.

Kakashi lazily swept his eye over the gathering, trying to ignore the amused stares and muttering; there were even a few pointing fingers at him. He moved to a corner near the balcony overlooking the fighting area, hoping that the idle chatter surrounding the perennial latecomer would die down. After another minute or so, however, he actually heard someone mutter "Do you think he's turned over a new leaf?"

 _'Now that just won't do'_ Kakashi thought to himself. To discourage that very hope before it took root, he did the other thing that he was infamous for. He pulled out a volume of the finest literature written by the finest shinobi Konoha had to offer, the brightly orange covered book Icha Icha.

And just like that, within a few seconds, everyone went back to whatever they were doing before he entered.

 _'Me? On time? That will be the day'_  Kakashi's lips twitched under his mask as he started reading, studiously ignoring the fact he actually was on time. A perverted giggle escaped him soon after.  _'Oho, Aiko-chan, you naughty girl.'_

He felt someone walk up to him, and just as the other man was about to speak, Kakashi beat him to the punch without turning his head. "Ah, Ibiki-san. You're here to watch as well?"

Ibiki only let a minor flash of irritation show across his face. He had known Kakashi too well for too long to be disgruntled by how the man always seemed to know who was behind him, even with though he had just one uncovered eye. "Of course. Given who he's fighting, I wasn't about to miss the show."

"Is that the only reason? No sadistic pleasure stemming from the fact that he beat you?" Kakashi replied without missing a beat, his voice completely toneless, belying the fact that he was trying to get a rise out of the interrogator.

Ibiki, however merely raised an eyebrow. "Didn't he beat you as well? In the last round?"

Kakashi simply turned the page of his novel. "He caught me by surprise", he admitted evenly.

Ibiki's other eyebrow rose. Catching a man like Kakashi off guard was not something that happened frequently. In fact, he could count the number of times it had happened in the last 5 years on a single hand. The man was an A-rank, borderline S-rank shinobi for a damn good reason.

Kakashi himself had shrugged off the loss. He didn't enjoy losing, no shinobi did; but at least he had completed the mission he had been assigned….

**/*Flashback: Hokage's office, Ten Days ago*/**

Kakashi had not been expecting this when the Hokage had asked him to his office. In fact, when Sarutobi had performed the privacy seals with a grave businesslike expression he had been pretty sure he was being assigned an S-rank mission. This was not something he would ever have expected to be asked. After pondering it for a few moments, he spoke.

"I refuse. Those fights are pointless for me", he said in his usual lazy drawl. He contemplated taking out his book. This was not something he had a problem taking a stand on.

Sarutobi, having expected this exact reaction, merely pushed a piece of paper towards him. Inspite of his apparent disinterest, Kakashi picked it up. It was a long diagram of the contestants in the tournament and their matchups, right up to the finals. Kakashi noted, with some mild annoyance, that the Hokage had already placed his name in one of the blocks.

"Direct your attention towards contestant number sixty-six" Sarutobi said, taking out his pipe and his tobacco pouch.

Kakashi pondered the name and followed the probable path of the contestant, taking note of the likely opponents he would face. After a couple of minutes, he raised his eyes to the Hokage, who was by now puffing away on his pipe, but looking straight at Kakashi. "So who is he? An ANBU you want tested?" Kakashi asked, his casual voice belying his piqued interest.

"A long term sleeper agent I decided to reactivate. He's only just returned to the village. I want to see what he's capable of."

 _'And you most certainly will if he gets through even half of these people'_  Kakashi thought to himself. "It does unbalance the rest of the tournament, of course" he said blandly.

Sarutobi puffed on his pipe. "I would consider it a favour if you entered the tournament", the old man ignored his statement entirely, his eyes still trained on the Elite Jōnin, where they had been ever since he had walked in the door.

Kakashi's interest was now well and truly stoked. He realized that the old man could just as easily have ordered him to enter the tournament. In fact, it was an order, albeit coated in the veneer of a favour; it gave that much more gravity to the request.

Kakashi let his eyes drop down to the sheet in his hands once more. "Do you really believe that he would make it as far as the semi-finals?" Kakashi asked, sidestepping the Hokage's request for the moment. The semi-finals would be where they would meet, if they both won their respective blocks. It was quite a valid question, as Kakashi knew nearly all the people that the unknown entrant would be facing, and none of them were pushovers.

For the first time since the meeting had started, the Hokage smiled. "Of course, I would not be making this request of you otherwise. He claims to be at Jōnin level, but I need more proof than his mere word."

Kakashi raised his eyes, having made up his mind. "Very well."

The smile the Hokage gave him should have been a warning about what was to follow.

**/*Flashback End*/**

Kakashi had a sneaking suspicion that the Hokage knew that he would be beaten. Of course, there was no way to prove it, but he couldn't help but feel as if he had been played somehow. But in any case, it didn't matter now. Atleast he had obtained a favour from the Hokage out of the whole deal. That counted for something.

He hadn't even realized he was not paying any attention to his book whatsoever. His lone eye was wandering, noting the quite large number of attendees for the event. Of course, having not attended for the last few years he had no idea what the sample size for such an event was these days. But it seemed a fair bet to say that nearly all the off duty shinobi were here for the fight, even the ANBU.

They were all broken into groups, and from the few scattered conversations he was able to pick up it seemed that almost none of them knew who the masked stranger was, or what all his capabilities were. Therefore it was quite natural that almost all the people who had fought him over the course of the tournament were at the center of most of these groups. Kakashi idly wondered why he wasn't, before realizing that between his orange book and Ibiki's intimidating presence, very few shinobi would have the nerve to actually walk up to them.

And if he wasn't mistaken, one of those few was walking up to them that very moment. The rather distinctive smell of lingering cigarette smoke made it very easy to identify him. "Asuma", Kakashi said in his usual drawl, his eye having dropped back to his literature. Ibiki nodded to the newcomer as well, who merely 'Hm'd' in greeting.

They all stood in amiable silence for a few moments, before it was surprisingly broken by Kakashi. "So, have you heard of him?" It was quite obvious, even to the newly arrived Asuma, who Kakashi was talking about.

Ibiki shook his head. "No, and that is….troubling" he spoke in his dry gravelly 'work' voice that unconsciously put everyone's guard up.  _'The perfect voice for his chosen profession'_ , Kakashi idly thought. An unknown powerful shinobi with no known background set off all the red flags in Ibiki's book. His work dovetailed with Intelligence after all, and this guy was a prime candidate for causing trouble.

"I heard Hokage-sama is keeping an eye on him personally." Asuma's distinctive throaty voice made itself known. "Didn't the two of you fight him?"

Ibiki nodded, before looking at Kakashi, who shrugged. Kakashi had gotten over the fact that he had lost, but still felt a small stab of embarrassment, which he ruthlessly crushed. He knew that they were not trying to get a rise out of him, but trying to get more information. "His Taijutsu is quite good, but not nearly as good as his Ninjutsu; he seems to have mastered Fūton manipulation. Surprisingly though he seems to specialize in Fūinjutsu. He didn't use any Genjutsu at all."

Ibiki nodded. "He seems immune to genjutsu as well. I hit him with some of my more powerful contact illusions and he shrugged them off like flies." Kakashi actually let his book down and stared with a wide eye at Ibiki at THAT little nugget. The Morino clan was not a numerous one, but that wasn't to say that they were weak. They were famous for their niche genjutsu, ones that required actual physical contact. Once someone was caught in it they could not escape by the normal genjutsu dispelling techniques, but until the instigator of the technique performed the required handseals, they were stuck. The kicker was, the illusions were more suited to interrogation situations, but worked just as well on the field. Most shinobi would not think twice before engaging the enemy in taijutsu, and a single touch was enough to leave them screaming in imagined torture. Of course, in the field that left them wide open and very dead.

Kakashi processed this for a moment, reaching a conclusion, then spoke in his slow drawl, "My Sharingan genjutsu had no effect on him either." Ibiki returned the flabbergasted look Kakashi had given him moments earlier. He shrugged again and continued, "Given his specialization I'm inclined to suspect that Fūinjutsu is involved somehow."

Asuma once more 'Hm'd' before speaking. "Well, looks like your techniques are useless then Ibiki." Ibiki's eyes narrowed and the shadows moved to make his face look more terrifying than it was. He didn't like being told that his techniques were pointless; in his line of work, that got people killed. Asuma continued, looking towards Kakashi (a small reason for that being Ibiki still had his scary interrogator face on). "But I was surprised to hear you lost rather quickly. You're one of the top Jōnin around."

Kakashi's book was nowhere in sight at this point. The unknown shinobi was now someone who he officially was interested in. "He was ready for me and my techniques. He's not someone to be underestimated, that's for sure. What I am interested in is how he deals with this challenge."

Ibiki let out a terrifying smile. "She hasn't been let out for any missions for a while; she's been itching to cut loose."

Kakashi looked at Ibiki with an amused smile; ' _A nice guy like Morino Ibiki feeling bitter over a single loss? Log be damned!'_

* * *

  **Down in the arena: 4465617468**

When the semi-final rounds were announced, most people in Konoha (those in the know) would have expected the final round to be Hatake Kakashi vs. Maito Gai.

Instead, they would be treated to the spectacle of a literally nameless shinobi against Mitarashi Anko.

I had forgone visiting the other semifinal, assuming that I would be facing Gai in the final and had prepared accordingly. I had been astonished to hear that Gai had lost; the grapevine said that he later claimed it was due to  _'unyouthful tactics.'_  Having had a vivid personal encounter with the 'Scary Snake Lady' during my Chūnin exams was enough to let me guess what those tactics entailed. I mentally tallied up what I knew about the woman; Tokubetsu Jōnin in rank, former apprentice of Orochimaru, hence a snake summoner and probably a ninjutsu specialist, had a boisterous personality, liked to use mind games to mess with people's heads, skilled in torture, interrogation and intelligence gathering. So overall, a less violent but probably more insane version of Orochimaru; considering that I had beaten Orochimaru silly I should have this in the bag. She may have been the apprentice of the Snake Sannin, but in my own way I could be considered the apprentice of all three of the Sannin.

As I noticed that the Hokage had taken his place, there was a sudden explosion of smoke in the middle of the floor. A few fireworks shot out through the smoke and formed the letters 'Winner: Mitarashi Anko!' As they continued to crackle I could vaguely recall Kakashi-sensei berating me for doing the exact same thing on a mission, saying that the only thing that made me good for was target practice. I seriously considered attacking just to piss her off, but one look at the exasperated proctor was enough to put me off. He would probably disqualify me just for pissing him off even further before the match started.

As the smoke cleared I got my first look at the self-proclaimed 'Sexy and Single' Mitarashi Anko. Her violet-hair was done up in a short, spiky, fanned-ponytail; she had her trademark beige trenchcoat on along with a full body mesh suit. A short, orange skirt and a pair of shin-guards completed her appearance. Her hand was rubbing her head in a manner not too dissimilar to my own as she let out a sheepish chuckle. "Ahaha…I let off the wrong fireworks" she said. The her eye gained a gleam as she looked at me and let out a chilling smile that sent shudders down my spine. "They were supposed to go off at the end of the match."

I blinked. Then an involuntary smile spread across my face as my mouth went off, having found its cue, "Darling, I'm glad you thought that our first meeting should be accompanied by fireworks, but I hate to tell you…you're just not my type."

Her chilling smile gained a mischievous quality as she let her hands rest on her hips, before slowly tracing them across the mesh and raising them until she was cupping her breasts. In a husky voice she breathed out, "Are you sure about that?"

My eyes, like the eyes of every other male in that arena (I'm sure that included the Hokage) were locked on her…hands. I literally had to wrench my face to raise my eyes; and for the first time in a while I actually had to force my brain to think up a comeback. After a second, I raised my palm and tilted it in a 'so-so' gesture. "I've seen better."

"Oh?" she sensually licked her lips. "Sounds like my kind of woman."

Well, shit. My brain went numb; lost in the imagery that sentence evoked. Touché. She grinned at her verbal victory and let her hands drop to her sides. "Now that we're done with foreplay, shall we move on to…heavy petting?"

"But you haven't even bought me dinner," I faux-protested, but I had already lost the round; and the mocking smile she threw me showed that she knew it as well. The proctor visibly shook himself, then raised a hand. "Final round, Tokubetsu Jōnin Nanashi vs Tokubetsu Jōnin Mitarashi Anko, hajime!"

I braced myself for a taijutsu barrage, but I was instead shocked by a sudden rainfall of steel headed my way. I dodged and looked back only to find most of them vanishing as soon as they hit the ground/wall; Shuriken Kage Bunshin then. Well, I had something better. Before I managed to land I created three clones in midair. "Go nuts guys."

They speedily moved towards the snake summoner with kunai in their fists, as I dropped off to observe for a moment. Despite the fact that she was outnumbered she did not appear at any moment to be overwhelmed. While her snake-style taijutsu was similar to Orochimaru's, he favored strength over speed; she preferred short vicious strikes that were almost too fast to dodge. After a few exchanged blows she twisted around one of the clones' strikes and dispelled it with a kunai through the eye, before flexibly using an overextended fist from another as a stepping stone and leapt into the air. "Sen'eijashu (Hidden Shadow Snake Hands)" she called out as snakes extended from her hands and dispelled the clone she had as a springboard; as she landed she bent over backwards, appearing not to have a spine, to avoid being decapitated and in the same movement raised a foot and slammed it into the throat of the last clone.

Damn.

She spun the kunai around her finger as she called out, "Is that all you've got, shitstain?"

Well. Well well. The grin on her face as she called out her challenge was a very familiar one; it spoke of a challenge to overcome, of limits to be pushed and broken, of a battle to be relished. It took me a moment to realize just where I had seen that grin before; once I did, I felt goosebumps run down my arm as I cracked my neck and took up my stance.

"Let's go wild lady!" I exclaimed as I felt my old grin light up my face as if it had never left.

* * *

  **Viewing Gallery: Hatake Kakashi, Sarutobi Asuma and Morino Ibiki**

"Holy shit!" Asuma exclaimed as he witnessed the terrifying brutality with which she took down the clones. Kakashi felt sure that if he had been smoking the cigarette would have dropped from his mouth; not that he had any room to poke fun, his own vice had been in his back pouch ever since they had taken their place in the arena. Ibiki's smile gained a sinister edge and Kakashi felt a thrill run down his spine. The violence had barely lasted ten-adrenaline filled seconds, and yet it had got everyone's blood pumping. It seemed like this fight would be one for the record books.

 _'Come on you two, show me what you're capable of'_  Kakashi thought.

* * *

  **Viewing Gallery: Sarutobi Hiruzen**

 _'He certainly was not overestimating his skills'_. The thought was transitory, the mind of the Third Hokage quickly readjusting to the battle below, a wry grin on his face as he watched Nanashi match Anko blow for blow. Although he had thought the blond would be at least a little intimidated by Anko's initial dispatching of his shadow clones, the young woman as skilled and as fluid as her sensei's namesake; but it seemed to only fire up the time traveler. He watched in great interest as the two sized each other up before dashing towards the other, each retrieving a kunai into their right hands and lashing out accordingly as they drew closer. The metal knives clashed against each other, both of them trembling against the other as the force each shinobi was putting into their attack was enough to strain the durability of the steel.

Sarutobi wasn't the only one excited either. The fight audience, which to that point had been more or less silent from each shinobi's opening attacks had now begun to act like overly excited academy students, cheering and taunting the two competitors as if it was some sort of game. It was an irony of sorts considering it was a stadium full of shinobi; supposedly the silent dealers of death. Rather strange, in every respect.

 _'Looks like they're about to step it up a notch'_  Sarutobi thought; eagerly awaiting the spectacle to follow.

* * *

  **Arena: 4465617468**

Our respective attack speeds had escalated as we traded blows in close quarters; as did our inherent risk taking. As soon as I saw an opening I dropped my kunai and grabbed her arm, yanking it hard to try and dislocate it before attempting to break it across my knee. For my troubles I received a gash in the cheek by her kunai, splitting the mask apart. As soon as I tried to break her arm though she twisted out of my grasp and tried the back-flip kick to the throat that had taken out my clone a few minutes ago; I had learned what to expect though and bent backwards to avoid the blow.

She did another backflip after a single handstand and put some distance between us. As she looked at me she brought up the kunai to her face and lewdly licked off my blood coating it. Her voice went back to the same husky tone from earlier as she said, "Mmm, you taste good, nameless wonder. I'll have to get more of that." A piercing whistle came out of the piercing gallery at that.

The shudder that ran down my spine at  _that_  statement was not entirely unpleasant. My mouth decided it was time for round two. "Does that mean you're free tonight, hot stuff?" There was more whistling and cheering at that; the crowd evidently enjoying the tête-à-tête as much as the fighting.

Her grin widened, "Of course. The things I'm going to do to your balls after I cut them off…" she let off a  _very_  suggestive moan at the thought.

Unlike earlier, this time there were no mixed feelings about my shudder. The howls that came from the stadium crowd informed me that I had lost round two of the verbal spar. Somehow that annoyed me more than if I was losing the battle proper. Desperate to take the initiative (and maybe a little because I wanted to swipe that smirk off her face) I called out "What say we move on from heavy petting to…the hardcore stuff?"

She gave a final lick to the kunai and idly asked, "What did you have in mind?"

 _'Time to show off'_  I thought to myself with a smirk of my own. In quick succession, with my left hand I threw two objects straight up, the second one impacting the first as soon as it reached the apex of its trajectory. I saw her tense her leg muscles, ready to dodge; but then stop in confusion as she made out the objects hanging in midair. One was an ordinary plastic half-liter bottle of water, and the other was the kunai piercing it, causing it to leak its contents. Locking my eyes on to her face, because I wanted to memorize her expression, and my left arm still raised, I called out with  _great_  satisfaction, "Suiton: Suiryūdan no Jutsu! (Water Release: Water Dragon Bullet Technique)"

I could  _feel_  the jaws dropping around the arena I performed a 44 hand-seal technique with no visible hand-seals whatsoever. Not to mention that the tiny half liter of water had turned into a full sized dragon made of water; it could not have been any larger had it been made on top of a river. The dragon head let out a roar as it shot towards Anko; who, to her credit, had only gaped at the sudden technique for a moment before jumping heavily to avoid said technique. Her eyes bulged and expression turned to one of disbelief as the technique maneuvered to follow her. She twisted to avoid it, but was only partially successful as the technique clipped her, causing her to spin around.

Right into my fist. As her head snapped back, disorienting her I pushed my advantage, immediately striking at her shoulder and sternum before attempting to knee her in the stomach. She had recovered by then and with a cough raised her arms to block my knee and pushed me back. As I regained my balance she spat blood in my eye and charged forward as I flinched, landing an elbow in my face and a vicious uppercut to my chin that caused my neck to snap backwards with a horrible cracking sound that rang throughout the arena, even with the cheering from the stands, casing me to dispel.

With almost perfect timing, as I received the memories from the clone, I leapt from beneath the earth intent on landing an uppercut of my own. However, the split second made the difference as she had already leapt into the air, throwing two kunai towards me and yelling out "Kunai Kage Bunshin!" With a wrench of raw Fūton chakra I ungainly changed directions in midair and landed in a heavy crouch with a huge grin on my face.  _'I haven't had a fun spar like this in forever! Man, I wish I had gotten to fight with her before.'_  I thought to myself.

All of a sudden, I had to lean back to avoid another Anko, likely the original, leaping from beneath the earth to land another uppercut. I back-flipped out of her reach in a move reminiscent of her own; but this was exactly what she had been waiting for. "Sen'eijashu (Hidden Shadow Snake Hands)!" she called out victoriously as a bunch of snakes streamed from her sleeves and shot towards me, quickly wrapping around my body and hissing ominously. I mentally berated myself for letting my guard down during the fight and letting myself get caught up in the heat of the moment. We weren't pulling any punches either; a single moment of distraction had proven disastrous. Outwardly, however, I remained calm and let my mouth take over.

"Somehow I knew you would be into bondage." Her smirk disappeared and the crowd roared its approval; whether at my capture or at my barb I didn't know. I decided to own it either way. "What, no whips and chains for your glorious moment? Why not a leather cat-suit; the ensemble you have on is practically a dominatrix outfit already." There was more cheering at that; this round definitely went to me. Considering her frown, she knew it too.

She squeezed the snakes binding me tighter and said ominously, "Give up now, shitstain; my snakes are already hungry. I'd hate it if one of them decided to take a bite out of you." The snakes hissed ominously, completing a rather scary effect. Too bad I had been exposed to worse.

"Interesting choice. How about I offer you another one instead? Fūton or Raiton?"

She narrowed her eyes, noting that my arms were bound by my sides and therefore unable to make hand-seals. I smirked and called out, "Raiton: Jibashi (Lightning Release: Electromagnetic Murder)". She gave me a flat, unimpressed look; on that immediately changed to horror as lightning poured down my right arm and shocked her snakes, shocking her by conduction as well. She dispelled them at once, but didn't realize that she was standing in a puddle from my earlier Suiryūdan technique; a fact she was  _shockingly_  reminded of when she was electrocuted.

She leapt away, her hair frazzled and a murderous expression on her face. She had taken too many heavy hits; by comparison I had only been briefly captured. Understandably she had lost her cool at this point. "I'm going to fucking cut your balls off shitstain!" She bit into one of her singed hands and started forming a very familiar set of handseals.

I frantically searched my pockets, still not used to which pocket had which item on this outfit; until I finally located the scroll I had meticulously prepared. Hoping I was not too late I unfurled it quickly and slammed it into the ground, pouring way too much chakra into it in my haste. Simultaneous cries rang out around the arena, "Kuchiyose no jutsu (Summoning Technique)!" and "Fūinjutsu: Jigenseisokuka Kangekihi-in (Sealing Technique: Dimensional Void Seal)!" and all vision was obscured by the cloud from our techniques.

 _'Please tell me it worked in time'_  I mentally prayed as I waited for the smoke to clear. Since I didn't have my own summons, dealing with one from an opponent would have been a bitch. It would have made the battle significantly harder, and I wasn't sure I could keep the Hiraishin a secret if I would have to fight two high-level opponents at the same time. I could always lose, but hey, fuck that.

As the smoke finally cleared I finally got a look at Anko and breathed a sigh of relief. She was surrounded by what appeared to be worms, but were actually tiny snakes wriggling around in the dirt. At the sight of her twitching eye my mouth went off again "You must be a big hit at children's parties!" Her hands started clenching uncontrollably and I had no doubts that she was imagining throttling me. "I'm sure that if a bunch of academy students got together and tried really hard they would manage to do the exact same thing." The howls of laughter from the stands were music to my ears. Nanashi's mouth 2, Anko 2. Even though I had basically been kicking her ass for the second half of the fight, it was only now that I felt in control.

"What did you do?" she bit out through clenched teeth, and I wasn't sure whether her twitching was a remnant of my Raiton technique or her losing her cool. Either way, it was hilarious to see.

"Hmm, I don't know if I should tell you. You've not been very nice to the new guy." She took a half-step forward, expression absolutely  _murderous_  and I called out in an annoying sing song voice "Fine, fine, don't wrinkle your dominatrix outfit." The snickers from the peanut gallery nearly caused her to attack anyway, but she visibly held herself back. After letting the chuckles die away I said "I temporarily neutralized our link to the summon plane."

I could hear some confusion from the stands, but it was clear Anko knew what I was talking about. Being the apprentice to the most infamous traitor Konoha had ever seen, especially one who was obsessed with every technique, she knew enough of the inner workings of the summoning technique. Most shinobi just provide the blood and perform the hand-seals without knowing what they meant, but I had studied the Fūinjutsu behind every hand-seal and understood how it worked; therefore I knew how to disrupt it.

I could see her raise her opinion of me, albeit grudgingly, but she looked like she was actually considering if further fighting would be to her benefit. I gave it another moment to see if she followed through with that thought and gave up.

It was at that moment that one of the tiny snakes tried to crawl up her leg. And failed. Probably because it was too weak. She looked at it for a long moment, and then looked up at me and I knew there would be no victory by forfeit today; in fact, I would very shortly be fighting for my life. She completely lost her shit as she flew towards me, screaming out "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Replication Technique)!" She recklessly attacked me with no semblance of form and barely a moment's thought to defense; unfortunately for me it was working. I had not fought an opponent with such criminal disregard for their own safety in years; she was very close to overwhelming me. Not to mention the crazed bloodlust in her eyes was actually freaking me out. Usually I goaded people into losing their cool because they made mistakes; she was one of the few exceptions to the rule because she was a berserker.

Right before she got in what would surely be a critical hit, I threw a kunai with an explosive tag right at her feet. She had enough sense to jump backwards; unfortunately for me I didn't. I was very close to panicking; she needed to be taken out  _now_  before she got the upper hand, and I could only do that by doing something drastic. Say like jumping  _towards_  an explosion rather than away from it.

BOOM! As the shockwave and shrapnel hit me, even through the layer of Fūton chakra I had hastily erected as a shield, I closed my eyes until I was through the eye of the storm, so to speak. The second I felt the resistance disappear I opened my eyes and quickly located Anko, who even in her enraged state was shocked to see me do something so stupid. I took advantage of the momentary reaction and sank my right fist into her stomach as hard as I could; with my left hand I pointed my palm at another nearby puddle. "Suiton: Suirō no Jutsu (Water Release: Water Prison Technique)." Before she could do more than take a single shuddering breath after being winded she was surrounded by the sphere that made up the technique. "Give up" I said coldly locking eyes with her.

I will give her credit, she didn't as much as blink. The rage in her eyes was tempered, but she remained defiant. After a moment, she finally opened her mouth.

That was when I realized that she had her hands locked in the Tora (Tiger) seal.

Instead of running away like a smart person, I let my jaw drop open at her sheer audacity. Trying to perform a Katon (Fire Release) technique while surrounded by water? A second later,  _a fucking dragon made of fire shot while she was still surrounded by water_. It instantly vaporized the water, and I finally thought about dodging, far too late. The napalm-like blaze hit me and I screamed in agony. Thankfully she didn't have enough breath or chakra to keep the technique going so it stopped after a moment. Blisters were forming on her own skin from the boiling water as she glared at me exactly the same way as she had from inside her watery confinement. After a second of rolling around on the ground to put out the flames I got to my feet. "You're fucking crazy, you know that!?"

"You're one to talk." Unlike the rest of the fight, her voice had no inflection whatsoever. It honestly creeped me out even more than the berserker state she had been in. Her eyes trailed over my arms and I realized that my tattoos were visible, courtesy of her fire dragon. They were nearly identical, the most obvious difference being that the ones on my left arm were blue, and the ones on my right were yellow.

While she tried to decipher what they meant, a Kage Bunshin sneaked up on her and put his arm on her shoulder. She reacted violently, immediately thrusting out her hands to try and nail it in the throat. The Kage Bunshin dodged but she kept up her attack; she had assumed that I was the one behind her and the one on the floor was a Kage Bunshin – since I had used that trick earlier. Unfortunately she was proven wrong about three seconds later when she finally dispelled the clone. Her eyes widened as my hand landed on her shoulder and I called out once more, "Raiton: Jibashi (Lightning Release: Electromagnetic Murder)." I didn't go easy on the chakra output either, making sure she was well done, but not suffer any serious damage. Probably.

After a few seconds of twitching and twisting under the technique I finally let go; she would have fallen to the ground had I not caught her bridal style. Her eyes still had a potent glare as she fought a losing battle with unconsciousness, and I was sure that had she been able to talk she would have threatened to cut off my balls for daring to make her look weak. Even as she passed out she made me shudder.

After a few seconds of staring at her bedraggled appearance, making sure that the fight was well and truly over, I finally realized that the arena, which had been fairly thrumming with noise the entire time, was silent. I looked up to see everyone staring at me, and I started to squirm under the collective gaze.  _'Hehe…maybe I went a little overboard?'_

As I placed Anko gently on the ground I was finally rescued by the Sandaime Hokage, who stood up from his seat. "Mitarashi Anko is unable to continue. Thus, the winner of this year's tournament is Nanashi!" Thunderous applause burst out from the crowd, who had been thoroughly entertained. I let out a grin and a casual wave this time as the medical ninjas came out with a stretcher and started loading the unconscious Anko on it. As they beckoned for me to follow I kept my distance from the stretcher.  _'I think I'm going to avoid her for a while. I like my balls too much.'_

* * *

 


	5. Frantic

Original Publish Date: 12th-October-2015

* * *

  **Chapter 5 – Frantic**

_If I could have my wasted days back, would I use them to get back on track?_

_Stop to warm at karma's burning, or look ahead, but keep on turning?_

_Do I have the strength to know how I'll go?_

_Can I find it inside to deal with what I shouldn't know?_

**_-Frantic, Metallica_ **

* * *

  **7 Days Later, Yugakure: 4465617468**

I sighed in satisfaction as I finished the saucer of sake. This was the good stuff; perhaps entering the tournament had been a good idea after all. Well, winning it anyway provided the rest and relaxation that I don't think I've had in years. Not since Hinata died anyway. Or would die in the future. That I would prevent. But she still wouldn't be my Hinata...Whatever. Time travel was confusing. Not to mention frustrating.

Actually, all things considered it was a good thing that I was away from the village for the time being. Sarutobi and I hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms...

**/*Flashback**

"What do you mean I'm not going to be promoted to Jōnin!? Are you seriously going senile!? I beat Kakashi! Who was a total plant by the way! Don't think I don't know that! What more am I supposed to do!?"

The old man touched the tip of his hat in an exasperated gesture, but the amusement in his eyes was clear as daylight; I had termed this his troll face. "Jōnin are supposed to be the best shinobi in the village. They-"

"And I beat the so called best in the village! How does that not qualify me!?" I interrupted.

"Perhaps if you let me finish." There was a flash of irritation in his movement this time and I crossed my arms in a huff. I'm not proud of it, but I was genuinely annoyed. "Jōnin are the best shinobi in the village. That means that they have shown that they are adept in all the basic ninja arts of Ninjutsu, Genjutsu and Taijutsu. You have shown that you are adequate at Taijutsu and Ninjutsu-" he ignored my outraged sputter at the term 'adequate' "-but you have shown next to no skill in Genjutsu. Furthermore-" he raised his voice as I made to interrupt again "-you have only shown some skill in the Fūton element. Jōnin are supposed to be skilled in at least two."

I was beyond outraged sputters at this point; my mouth was literally hanging open in complete disbelief. It took me a few moments to find my voice; when it came out it was so high and petulant that it would have made me cringe if it hadn't been completely appropriate for the injustice I was suffering, "Are you shitting me old geezer!?" It took me another few minutes before I could calm myself and think logically. "I have undergone a literal baptism of fire in Fūinjutsu; I made my body go through a completely untested ritual in order to master elements without the use of hand seals. Not to mention that a similar ritual was needed to make me immune to Genjutsu! Immune! That includes the freaking Mangekyō Sharingan techniques! I've pushed the boundaries of Fūinjutsu further than anyone else before me! How the fuck does that not count for anything!?"

He stared at me for a minute, and then said in a perfect deadpan, "If only there was a rank for people who could go toe to toe with other Jōnin without having all of their skills."

I banged my head against his desk. Twice, thrice, but I overdid it the fourth time. "Ow."

He smiled indulgently at me. "Jōnin are also nominated by their to-be-peers. This means that you need to also have a good rapport with your superiors, and subordinates as well. To be nominated as a Jōnin means that the shinobi forces feel safe putting their lives under your command; that trust must be earned. Also, being a Jōnin means that you are obligated to test an academy team. If one of them has an affinity towards Genjutsu, do you think that you will be able to start them on their way to greatness?"

Once again, the old man showed me why he was the Hokage. There was a lot more to it than being the strongest in the village. That included dealing with people who genuinely thought that they had good reasons to demand something, but failed to look underneath the underneath; kind of like I was doing at the moment.

Smiling as he realized that I had finally grasped the gist of the matter, he continued, "As for Ninjutsu, you need to physically train two elements. Not only does this strengthen the potency of your chakra, you will also be able to help potential students on their way, should you choose to take a team. Your skills in Fūinjutsu are indeed impressive; unfortunately it is not enough for me to justify a promotion at this time."

This time I tried to look underneath the underneath from his point of view. I was certain he wasn't just talking about the promotion. He was saying that I had lost my two trump cards in the Kyūbi and Sage Mode and needed to get stronger by more conventional means to stand a chance for the battles that were to come.

That didn't mean I was going down within a fight though. "What about Gai?" I asked triumphantly.

He shrugged, "Gai has mastered everything he could despite his handicap. He could not be a better shinobi if he tried. Despite his eccentricities he is a supremely capable ninja, and his peers felt that letting him take command would be beneficial; and I agreed. Gai has proved to us that were right."

He had systematically deconstructed all of my arguments, leaving me with no choice. "Stingy!" I declared petulantly, pointing my finger at him.

He let out a genuine, surprised laugh at that. Wiping the tears of laughter at that, he said "I see that you haven't improved your repertoire from when you were a child."

"If the shoe fits..."

"It is indeed good to see that underneath everything you are still Naruto."

It took me a moment to process that statement. Instead of smiling like I should have, it just left me confused. After another moment, I spoke, "Say that again."

With a slight tilt of his head to signify his confusion, he repeated, "It is indeed good to see that underneath everything you are still Naruto."

Once more, I felt confused by that statement. After another moment, I realized just what had confused me and my stomach dropped. I hung my head and whispered desperately, "Call me by that name again."

"Naruto."

I drew in a deep, shuddering breath. The effect was the same as when he called me 'Nanashi'. "That's not my name anymore." I raised my head and locked eyes with him. His eyes widened as he understood the gravity what I was saying. This was unprecedented.

Just who was I? And more importantly, what was I?

After a few depressing minutes where I stared out at the village, I looked back at him. It was time to decide what to do about the piece that would decide the whole game. I had put it off long enough. "What are we going to do about Sasuke?"

He looked at me with his fingers forming a steeple in front of his face. After a deliberate silence he spoke slowly, "What you have told me is indeed disturbing. To betray everything he held dear, to tear down everything he once loved, to kill those he once called friends... It is a shame he was manipulated until he snapped."

My face twisted in disgust. "Despite everything he is capable of you would do nothing?"

His voice held a warning tone as he replied, "I cannot condone killing a 10 year old child just because he may turn out to be a traitor. While there is still a chance, I would rather have such a powerful figure on our side. Helping him get over his trauma will benefit us in the long run. My decision is final."

I tried to calm myself. I truly tried, but it was an exercise in futility. The ringing in my ears grew louder and my hands clenched as I took pointless deep breaths.

"You coward."

The silence that followed my statement was deafening. I could barely believe I had said it, but the shocked look on the face of the Hokage was proof that I hadn't just hallucinated saying those words.

I tried taking another deep breath but it didn't help at all; my trembling fists and the sweat under my armpits was proof of that.

"You would risk everything in the naïve hope that an Uchiha would redeem himself and save us all? HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MIND!?" I roared.

Sarutobi's shocked look had disappeared, to be replaced by a closed expression. "For someone who claims to hate Danzō and his methods you are remarkably quick to suggest execution as a preferred means of solving a problem" he remarked cuttingly.

I smiled unpleasantly under my mask. "Oh yes, speaking of the Uchiha, how is dear Danzō doing? Still diddling himself with all the Sharingan he stole off the Uchiha corpses? After he more or less orchestrated their betrayal to achieve exactly that? You didn't drop the ball there at all did you?" My smile grew feral as I let out the fatal blow, "Just like you handled the Hyūga incident with Kumo perfectly."

Sarutobi's eyes were like molten steel at this point as he stared at me in absolute rage. But I wasn't done.

"If you expect me to adhere to this… _order_ ," he actually let out raw killing intent at that, but I was unimpressed, "I am going to install a failsafe. I'm placing a permanent Hiraishin marker on him. So that when he inevitably betrays us I can kill him before he hurts anyone else."

The Sandaime Hokage of Konohagakure, adorned with his Kage hat, glared at me with a thunderous expression on his face, "Get out."

I let out a mocking bow, "Hokage- _sama_."

**End Flashback */**

Not, perhaps, my finest hour. I had no idea why I had flown off the handle; scratch that, I knew why, it was because Sasuke was a traitorous murdering piece of crow shit that deserved to have his balls shoved into his eye sockets. No, what I was worried about was the fact that I had been having such uncharitable thoughts about the Sandaime. I had always looked up to him with the greatest respect; throwing his biggest failures in his face was far beyond the line. Considering the mood I had been in I'm surprised I hadn't thrown Orochimaru in his face.

The fluffy white bathrobe I had on made for a very soft handkerchief as I mopped up a little dribble of sake that had spilled down the side of my mouth. Maybe it wasn't even Sasuke that had made me lose my composure; the revelation that I wasn't even a version of Naruto had seriously unsettled me. The pieces of my time-travel journey were adding up to a very ugly picture; and I barely had a fraction of the pieces. I mean, unless I was supposed to understand Murderous Smiles I couldn't recall the Shinigami communicating with me. I repressed a shudder as I recalled that smile and automatically made myself think of other thoughts; anything to avoid thinking about the God Who Embodied Death.

I had a lot of practice after all.

As I finished my sake I thought about what I still needed to do; I still had to mark Sasuke with the permanent Hiraishin seal once I got back to the village. There was no way I would have done it in the state of mind I had been in at the time I had left the Hokage's office; I would have slit his throat and damned the consequences. But this was a delicate time, who knew how Orochimaru would react if his prized body would have been destroyed? Not to mention how Itachi would react? That was something I had overlooked while thinking about killing the little fucker, but no doubt the Sandaime had. He was smart like that; probably why he had been chosen as Hokage to begin with.

It didn't mean that I was wrong about what I had said though. He had been slipping, making decisions that seemed to involve the least amount of bloodshed but no doubt made Konoha look weak. But looking at it from his point of view, he had done his duty and named his successor before retiring to a life of peace. After all, Namikaze Minato was supposedly the 'Chosen One' according to the Toads who would bring the Shinobi Nations to peace. Perhaps the Sandaime was trying to live up to a legacy that was not his to begin with.

In any case, the village, which was still the strongest in terms of numbers, was suffering due to the big decisions. The everyday workings Sarutobi had got right, but the big decisions were not going the right way. And how fucked up was it that even I thought that Danzō had a good point when he claimed that the leadership of the Sandaime was driving us to ruin. Sarutobi had been good friends with Danzō in their youth; to see him go from the 'Kami no Shinobi' to this meek 'turn the other cheek' character must have been particularly galling to him. No wonder Danzō thought that he would do better in his stead, he hadn't lost his ruthlessness.

This thought process was pointless though; I knew where it would end up leading the village. Merely understanding the 'why' was not enough; action was needed. With that thought in mind, I firmly stood up and started walking purposefully.

I had an appointment with a massage therapist to keep.

* * *

  **2 Hours Later**

Warm. Gooey. I felt like I would melt. I felt like a chocolate left on the countertop on that perfect day when it's not too hot but it melts the second you touch it and it wraps around your finger. I could hardly believe how amazing a simple massage was. No wonder people paid a fortune to come to these places. I felt like I was floating in the clouds just from a few simple touches from another human being, and no chakra was involved. I couldn't even remember the last time I had been touched, outside of a spar. Probably the last time had been with Sakura-chan; and that was a  _long_  time after Hinata had been brutally murdered. Even that small happiness hadn't lasted too long though, Orochimaru had seen to that. But as she died I had made sure that I thoroughly burned her corpse and scattered the ashes, just like I had with Hinata. They were perhaps the only shinobi who I hadn't fought after they died.

And what was with me getting all morose all the time? I had a chance to make sure it didn't happen again for Log's sake! And my body was thankfully not listening to the bullshit my head was spouting, so I started to enjoy the nice relaxing feeling again. It was bliss. I had earned it, and I was going to enjoy it dammit!

I set out to explore the village, which had once been a full-fledged Hidden Village before they decided to go the peaceful route. It seemed like a typical quiet, small town with next to no security. The residents probably didn't even lock their doors when they weren't home. I wandered around, crossing a few residents before entering the local cemetery.

I suppose it had been because I had been thinking about the Hinata and Sakura-chan that I wandered over to the cemetery. I mean, it's not like anyone I knew was buried there. Perhaps it was a way to remember those who had been precious to me, and I had been unable to save. My body was still tingling from the massage, but it was muted now. As I walked through the silence of the graveyard I saw a hooded figure standing in front of a roughly hewn stone. It seemed that the burial was recent; in fact, the entire body had been buried, as opposed to just the ashes. What drew me to the figure was the way it stood, the way it grieved.

The way I had once stood.

I walked closer until I was a respectful distance away; the figure gave no visible acknowledgement that I was near. After a few minutes I broke the silence. "It hurts."

Understatement of the century, but the figure didn't as much as twitch. "The pain of losing the one you love the most hurts far worse than anything else." Still no reaction from the figure; but I couldn't not say the next words.

"That doesn't mean you should kill yourself."

I could have sworn that the figure shivered for a moment, but I couldn't be sure. "I've stood exactly where you're standing. Twice; twice I let myself love another. Twice she was taken from me." I let my gaze drop. "Twice I was forced to cremate them alone. Twice I contemplated joining them in the afterlife." Given what I had suffered through, perhaps I should have, but that was not what this person needed to hear. "Twice I almost followed through. Do you know what stopped me?"

The figure gave me no indication that I had even started speaking, yet I knew it was listening intently.

"As soon as I imagined meeting them in the afterlife, the first thing they would do was slap me."

I let the statement hang in the air for a few moments, letting its gravity wash through. "For some reason they always thought that someone else would need me more than I needed them. I never bought it, but then again I've always been kind of stupid, you know? Maybe they were right. Maybe the reason I'm here is to stop you from doing what I almost did."

I stretched, letting my limbs start tensing up again. The massage had been divine; but I couldn't let my guard down. I wasn't in my home country after all. "Or maybe I'm just sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. Either way, I came to the cemetery because I was missing them. I'm sorry if I disturbed you. But do think about what I said, ok?"

I turned around and started walking back towards the village proper. I turned back once at the entrance, to see the figure with a hand raised in front of its chest in a distinctly feminine gesture.  _'Huh, I figured it was a guy.'_  Shrugging, I continued on my way.

I had a last day of vacation to enjoy after all.

* * *

  **Back in the Cemetery**

Komatsu Sayuri's eyes were wide with terror.  _'How did that man see through my genjutsu!?'_

The moment she was sure she was alone the former kunoichi from Getsugakure (Village Hidden under the Moon) ran. She drew the strange chakra that was everywhere around her as a genjutsu cloak, even though it was useless against the shinobi from the cemetery. She pumped her own chakra into the genjutsu as well; so much so that it was overcharged. A capable sensor would be able to detect her, but in her panic she didn't think about it.  _'It's impossible!'_  she thought to herself frantically, still freaking out about the near miss. Since when were Konoha shinobi able to break through her genjutsu's like that? Even members of the Uchiha clan, back when they were around, had been unable to see through the genjutsu's she was able to weave. She was so good at them she had managed to stay out of every bingo book!

Never had she met anyone who had simply managed to walk up to her when she was cloaked. It had been the single most terrifying moment of her life when that man started talking to her  _as if he didn't even realize that she was under a genjutsu_. It was  _not_  a common technique; she was the only person capable of using it. Once she had tried to teach a student how to use it but he had ended up being turned to stone. Freaking stone of all things! She had blamed it on an attack by an Iwa shinobi; thankfully her word wasn't questioned further.

She had fallen in love with a travelling merchant; a civilian who hadn't minded her looks. She was ugly, with her beady eyes and round belly and skinny arms; unkind children used to call her a spider as a child. But the love of her life never once minded her looks, and she had loved him for it. When he asked her to come with him she barely hesitated, leaving behind a replica of her body which showed signs of poisoning. Let them make of it what they would. They had never understood exactly how powerful she was and had underestimated her; she owed them nothing. She left with no regrets, and had lived a happy life.

Until yesterday.

She had stayed behind in the previous village to run a few errands, urging her husband to go on, convincing him that there were no reported bandits in the area, he would be fine. He had agreed readily, and they promised to meet in a day. A day that would never come.

The feeling of utter devastation she had felt when she saw the destroyed remains of the caravan's retinue could only be described as quiet. She felt no rage; did not swear eternal vengeance on the perpetrators. Her world quietly collapsed, as she silently picked up the body of her dead husband and started walking towards the nearest town. She silently stalked into the nearest funeral home and stole the first coffin she saw and carried it to the cemetery. With a generous application of chakra she quickly dug the grave and then laid her special brand of genjutsu over it, in case the land was reserved. As she had nothing tying her down anywhere she had indeed been contemplating ending her own life when she had been interrupted. It had been the single most terrifying event in her life, and the person talking to her hadn't even realized it. She had to get away from that place before the shinobi realized that something was wrong.

She realized that she had been caught up in her musings when the world suddenly tilted on its axis. As the ground rushed up to meet her she realized, far too late, that for the first time in over a decade her panic and carelessness had allowed her to be caught.

* * *

  **An indeterminate amount of time later**

As she came to, her old instincts immediately flared to life. She made sure her breathing pattern or her heartbeat didn't change, while she tried to sense how many people were nearby.

"Ne, Itachi-san, she thinks she can fool us into thinking she's still asleep."

Horror spread throughout her being as she snapped open her eyes and crouched in a defensive position. Her eyes snapped up and widened in shock as she met the red eyes of her opponent.

The Sharingan.

This meant that the speaker was right, this was Uchiha Itachi. A boy who, at the age of 14, had single-handedly slaughtered one of the foremost clans in the world, a clan that had not only survived, but flourished even in the Warring States period. As she finally got over her shock she looked at the person who had spoken, and her heart sank even further at the sight of blue skin, eyes beadier than her own, and a trademark shark-like grin.

The Samehada-wielding Hoshigaki Kisame.

There was no point in fighting, she wouldn't last a second against these two. She instantly wove her special brand of genjutsu around herself, with none of her own chakra mixed in this time, and was pleased to see that both of them clearly lost sight of her.

"Kukukuku… how very interesting."

With a feeling of dread, she slowly turned around, only to be greeted by seven spectral figures. All the nine people wore the same black cloak with red clouds, and the one who had tittered was clearly Orochimaru. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she gazed upon what was basically the Who's Who of S-rank Nukenin. She had no chance in hell against these monsters; even escaping looked to be beyond her. Not a single shinobi in her entire lifetime had managed to break through her genjutsu; and now it had happened twice in one day.

Actually, that wasn't quite true. She could tell the way she took a hesitant step that nobody had reacted; even the two in the flesh behind her hadn't realized she was moving. Just as she thought she could make a break for it, a…something grew out of the ground; something wearing the same cloak as the other nine figures. It opened, akin to a Venus-flytrap and the two… Siamese twins inside looked straight at her.

Scratch that, it  _had_  happened twice in one day.

"We are Akatsuki." One of the holographic specters said. She looked at the figure; it undoubtedly had a Dōjutsu of some sort, the ripple pattern in the eyes all but screamed it. "We invite you to join us."

What?

After taking a deep, shaky breath, in a trembling voice Sayuri asked, "Why?"

The figure's eyes narrowed. "Because your skills can be of value to us. I will not ask again."

She dropped her gaze from the figure who was undoubtedly the leader. "Death threats will not work on me. I have nothing to live for anymore. The only person who cared for me is dead. A few hours ago I was on the verge of taking my own life. So go ahead, do your worst."

The cold rippled eyes looked at her; looked through her, judging her. She raised her chin; she was not going to die in fear. After a moment that lasted an eternity, the figure finally spoke. "When was this person killed?"

She blinked. One of the other members swung her head to stare at the leader, but didn't speak. Sayuri finally spoke, "Almost a day."

After another pregnant pause, where the leader stared at Sayuri with those unblinking eyes, he finally asked, "Where is the body?"

"Pein!" the female member of Akatsuki with grey eyes exclaimed. "You cannot be considering…"

The leader, evidently named Pein, simply  _looked_  at the kunoichi. While that was apparently enough to silence her, he still said, "It would be best if she learned firsthand the true power of a God." He turned back to Sayuri. "Return to the grave."

It was an order, and she disliked orders. However, she had no choice, what with the three…four people who were physically with her. Unnerved by the stares from the entire Akatsuki body she nodded her assent and took down the genjutsu.

"Kukukuku…you simply  _must_  tell me how you use that fascinating technique when we meet."

She visibly shuddered at the creepy tone of the Snake Sannin. First chance she got she would ditch these lunatics. They actually followed a guy who had a freaking God complex!

The specters wavered and disappeared, and remaining figures all looked at her with the same predatory look. Sayuri was seriously considering making a break for it, when Kisame hefted his ginormous sword and chuckled, "Itachi-san, should I shave off a leg to make sure that she doesn't run?"

Itachi's Sharingan, which had not left her visage since she had woken up, spun ominously. "I don't believe our guest would be so rude."

She shuddered. Running was out. Might as well see what this circus was about.

As they trudged their way back (the weird plant- tree-man-thing had disappeared) she wondered what exactly they wanted from her. Sure, they wanted her skills, but this was clearly an organization of S-rank shinobi; she was nowhere near the caliber of any of them fighting wise. What exactly would they use her skills for? And in the case of Orochimaru, how exactly would she manage to keep away from that creep?

Before she knew it they had arrived back at the cemetery. The weird plant-tree-man-thing had even identified the grave, probably by using its unique chakra and dug it up. Thankfully, though, he/they hadn't opened the casket; she could appreciate the small amount of respect it/they had shown.

"Can we open it please?  **No**." the plant-tree-man-thing spoke to itself…it's either half. It took a second to realize that they were in fact separate people. "We'll just take a small bite.  **You know you won't stop at a single bite. Wait for Leader-sama.** "

She shuddered. Holy shit the plant-tree-man-thing was a fucking cannibal! And it wanted to eat her husband! She started squirming, but one look showed that Itachi still hadn't moved his eyes away. Neither had Kisame, but his humongous sword was moving and…whispering? What  _was_  with these freaks!?

"The last shinobi in the village left. We're on our own now." Kisame informed the rest of the group.  _'Great. Even the weird guy who had started this whole thing won't be coming to help me. I might as well tell them to kill me now and be done with it.'_

Just as she was about to open her mouth; the attention of her kidnappers simultaneously turned to the sky. Rather than take advantage of the momentary distraction, she did the same. And let her jaw drop open.

The leader was flying. He was freaking flying! And not even using a Fūton technique to do so! No wonder he had a freaking God complex!

He landed gracefully near them, on the other side of the coffin. With a gesture from him the coffin's cover was lifted off. Sayuri stepped forward, completely confused at this point. What the hell was going on? The blank expression on her dead husbands face simply drove her to more sorrow.

"Witness the power of a God," the leader with the God-complex, Pein, said. He raised his hand and said majestically, "Gedō — Rinne Tensei no Jutsu (Outer Path — Saṃsāra of Heavenly Life Technique)".

Whatever Sayuri had been expecting, this was  _not_  it.

A gigantic otherworldly head popped into existence mere feet from them, and it was enough to scare a few years off her. That thing dealt with  _death_ , and the last place she wanted to be was next to it. But before she could move, it opened its mouth. Something green shot out and entered the body of her dead husband. His wounds disappeared. His colour returned.

And then he took a breath and opened his eyes.

"Shiba-kun!?" she exclaimed, her voice high pitched. Was this actually possible?

"Huh? Sayu-chan? You're here! But the bandits…" he sat up to examine his non-existent wounds, but was interrupted by a bawling Sayuri, who noisily cried as she held on to her resurrected and extremely confused husband.

After a few minutes of crying and Shiba patting his wife on the back, he finally asked, "Why am I in a coffin?"

At this, Sayuri let go of her husband and wiped her face. Then she walked over to where Pein was standing and fell to her knees, and fresh tears started pouring down her face. She bowed until her forehead touched the ground at his feet, and said "Kami-sama. My life is yours. My loyalty is yours. Whatever you need, whenever you need, please tell me and I will do it or die trying."

Pein  _smiled_.

* * *

 


	6. Weathered

Original Publish Date: 19th-October-2015

* * *

  **Chapter 6 – Weathered**

_The day reminds me of you; the night hides your truth_

_The earth is a voice; speaking to you_

_Take all this pride; and leave it behind_

_'Cause one day it ends; one day we die_

_Believe what you will; that is your right_

_But I choose to win; I choose to fight_

_To fight_

**_- Weathered, Creed_ **

* * *

**2 Days Later, Konohagakure, Konoha Hospital**

His head hurt.

As he tried to open his eyes and touch the back of his head he realized he was not in his training ground. The white walls and the smell of phenyl in the air was identified the location as the hospital. He hadn't been in the hospital since  _that_  night.

As he looked out the window the parallel to that fateful night only grew; it was a full moon, and he had trained himself practically into the ground. He shuddered as the sense of foreboding grew cancerously in his chest. He started hyperventilating and the machine next to his bed started beeping loudly, prompting a nurse to rush in and start running a diagnostic jutsu on him. The fact that there was another live human being next to him helped, as did the lack of copious amounts of blood, and he started taking deep breaths to calm himself down.

After a few moments the beeping returned to a lower volume as well as a lower frequency, and the nurse asked, "Are you all right? I can't find anything physically wrong with you."

As soon as he was sure his voice wouldn't tremble, he spoke, "Nothing's wrong. For a minute I thought…" he clamped his mouth shut.  _'Idiot'_ , he mentally berated himself, and looked away from the nurse and the pitying expression that she was undoubtedly sporting. After a few moments of silence the nurse spoke in that kind and soft tone that he absolutely  _despised_ , "You apparently slipped and hit your head during training. Luckily a passing shinobi found you and brought you to us. Thankfully the wound was minor, and you don't appear to have a concussion, so you should be fine. We're keeping you overnight for observation; you'll be free to go in the morning."

He grit his teeth and started to shake his head, but a stab of pain cut the movement short. After a moment, recalling the fuss made over him during his last visit, he bit out through clenched teeth, "Fine."

The nurse smiled, he could hear it in her voice, "Excellent. Ring the buzzer if you need anything, and someone will be over in a jiffy."

Stubbornly he didn't react to the statement at all, and only raised his head once he heard the door close behind the nurse. He kept his back ramrod straight even after she had left; members of his clan didn't slouch. He did let out a sigh as his gaze went back to the full moon outside his window. Clearly sleep was going to be a long time coming, if it came at all. His jaw twitched as he recalled the simpering pity from the nurse; it was honestly a bigger problem than just her. Everywhere he went, whether it was the grocer or his academy sensei, they all treated him like he would a delicate piece of china that was about to break. It was no use; everything led back to the fateful night.

He recalled the full moon in the sky and the unnerving silence as he stepped into the clan compound. He remembered the blood in the streets as horror overtook him. He remembered the terror at finding his parents bodies, and the utter disbelief at the fact that his brother was the one to kill them. He remembered the pain, the  _pain_  his brother inflicted on him as he remorselessly showed their murders over and over. He remembered the prophetic words his brother spoke to him before discarding him like weak trash. He remembered chasing after him and flinging kunai at him with near-lethal accuracy, knocking his hitai-ate off…

Wait, what?

He shook his head, trying to clear the false memories away, trying to ignore the pain from his headache. That had not happened. Why was he thinking that?

After all, there was no way Uchiha Itachi was crying after killing his clan, right?

* * *

  **Later that night, Hokage's Office**

The progressively louder sound of the rhythmic tapping of a cane made the Sandaime Hokage aware of his impending visitor. To be honest, he was surprised that his erstwhile colleague had taken as long as he had to visit him; he was certain that the topic of this visit would be the time traveler (not that his guest knew about that).

It was already the middle of the night; but today was the day Nanashi had returned, and he was sure that the Fūinjutsu specialist would have marked the Uchiha heir. Watching through his crystal ball, he observed a hidden Nanashi knocking out the boy in the middle of a training session by carefully applying a precise blast of Fūton chakra under his foot while midair and making the boy lose his balance. He proceeded to shave off a patch of Sasuke's hair, before using a kunai and adding his own blood to a seal on the back of his head; all the while the ANBU who were guarding him were just waiting for the blond to make a wrong move. Had Nanashi done so, and killed the boy as he had requested, the ANBU were under orders to kill the nameless shinobi. Whether they would have been able to carry out those orders was another matter though; thankfully Nanashi not caused any such problems. Given the depths to which the boy would sink, installing a failsafe was a prudent precaution; what he regretted was the way the conversation with the blond had devolved into a shouting match. But this was not the time to delve into that can of worms; he would need all his wits for this meeting.

The door creaked open, even though it was perfectly oiled; he internally frowned at the sense of melodrama that Danzō loved to express. To be fair though, it was the only piece of personality that the old warmonger allowed himself to demonstrate publicly. As he made his way into the room the Hokage refused to turn away from the window, still looking out over the village that he had spent his lifetime serving. The moonlight gave it a soft and peaceful glow, but there was danger everywhere; especially in his own office at the moment. He was very aware of Danzō's gaze at his back, but he wasn't going to make the first move. Even a simple thing like a conversation between old colleagues could prove treacherous; he would have to watch his words very carefully.

Danzō took his time as he carefully seated himself, before, as he expected, making the first move, "I heard that you put a tracking seal on the Uchiha boy."

' _I see, so that's his game'_  Sarutobi thought to himself. His first thought was to ask Danzō about his sources, since the only people present were the ANBU; but he would come off looking defensive. He would have to put the ball back into Danzō's court. "I did."

Shimura Danzō was no fool. During Sarutobi's first reign they had been very close professionally, he had been a regular advisor to the Hokage during the Second and Third Shinobi Wars; he had actually been in charge of the ANBU for large periods. That was where his Ne (Root) division had been born, and the successes of the early version were enough to ensure its continuance. Danzō would not have lasted as long as he had if he hadn't been extremely effective at his job. A large part of that was recognizing that he needed to have a symbiotic relationship with his friend and superior; it was something that required implicit trust between them. And throughout his first reign as the Sandaime, Sarutobi had let Danzō take care of the 'dirty' side of the business; only reining him when it became necessary. Individually, they both knew that they weren't worthy of the Nidaime Hokage, Senju Tobirama; but together they surpassed him. It had been the most effective partnership in Konoha's history, and a consequence of that was that both men knew the other like the back of their hands.

That was the reason why Danzō was intrigued. Ever since Sarutobi had returned to the seat, he had not been the force of nature as he was during his first reign. He had made sloppy decisions, decisions that cost Konoha a lot of face politically; the Hyūga affair being the most prominent. He had turned into a pacifist during his retirement, and while Konoha could coast on its laurels for a while, a stronger figure was needed. This decision, the one to mark the sole remaining Uchiha in case of a betrayal, spoke of a degree of cynicism that Sarutobi had not shown since returning. The fact that the unknown nameless shinobi with the clearly fake mission history had been the one to mark him spoke volumes about who was driving the decision. Danzō was here to find out just  _why_  Sarutobi was letting someone else call the shots.

And of course this was the one time Sarutobi had found his spine. He had not been this difficult in years, Danzō was certain that he had not shown such resolve during any time in the past few years. "That shows a remarkable amount of foresight for someone at your age."

The barb at his age was a feint; they both knew what Danzō was referring to was the fact that he was not as strong as before. "My bones may be old, but my mind remains as sharp as ever." Finally, the Hokage turned around as he made his way to the desk and sat down pointedly behind the desk, before fixing Danzō with a steely stare. "You would do well to remember that."

"So after making a few significant mistakes, you finally decide to change your tune?"

"All men make mistakes. Have you made any yourself recently? Such as disobeying orders, perhaps?" the Sandaime immediately returned the barb. Insulting the Hokage was crossing the line, even for the old warmonger.

Danzō allowed a grim smile to cross his face. "So you finally noticed. The old Sarutobi would never have taken anyone at their word, not even me; let alone get away with it for so long. What has caused you to finally wake up from your slumber, I wonder?"

"We're both too old to play that game, Danzō. Put your cards on the table."

"Who is he?"

This time it was Sarutobi who let a grim smile cross his face. "I thought that he was joking when he said nobody would find a trace of him. I imagine that you must be quite consternated to find out that this was true."

Danzō continued, ignoring Sarutobi "His appearance suggests a familial relationship to the deceased Yondaime. His chakra signature is similar to our jinchūriki, further proving that this must be the case. However I myself vetted the Hokage well before his coronation; I found no such trace of a family. Who is he? And more importantly, why do you trust him?"

Danzō was comfortable with this sort of talk. He was a blunt man; he was not half the politician that Sarutobi was. While he was adept at deciphering the hidden meanings behind somebody's words, he was not as comfortable talking that language day in and day out. He was much more at ease digging in the background, sussing out the nature of people and their secrets. Subtle interrogations were not his forte, he believed in torture as a preferred means of gathering information when the usual investigations yielded no significant results. Directly asking his subjects questions was a luxury that he rarely enjoyed.

"His identity and my reasons to trust his information is an S-ranked secret; one that is more valuable than the truth behind the Uchiha massacre."

While on the surface, the statement didn't reveal much, one thing was readily apparent. The Hokage had implied that he trusted the information provided by this 'Nanashi', not the ninja himself. Secondly, the intelligence was far more valuable than something that could lose Konoha a lot of goodwill (and by extension clients). That Sarutobi was even telling him this much was indicative of how valuable it was, and Danzō's curiosity was piqued.

As he processed this Danzō leaned back; the fact that Sarutobi trusted him even after knowing that he had disobeyed his order to disband Ne would be called heartwarming by those that believed in emotions. To him, it was a weakness to be exploited; and he proceeded to do so immediately. "What is it about?" If he couldn't know what it was, then perhaps he could find out what it was about; he could carry out his own investigations from there.

Instead of answering, Sarutobi raised his fingers in front of his head in their characteristic steeple and said, "I gave you an order two years ago. It is time you carried it out. Dismantle Ne; I will not ask again." Sarutobi was still gazing at him with that characteristic steely gaze. Danzō was more than intrigued, while Sarutobi's persona and mastery over his body language was typically flawless, he knew the old monkey well enough to realize that Sarutobi was excited about whatever he had learned; it was a genuine game-changer. Whoever this shinobi was, he had brought out the fire in Sarutobi, the fire that had been missing for years. He wondered how he could get Sarutobi to hint at what he had learned; but he knew Sarutobi well enough to understand this this one would be played close to the chest. He wondered once again how he could use the emotional goodwill that Sarutobi had towards him, and if it would get him results.

Because his only other option was Kotoamatsukami (Distinguished Heavenly Gods).

* * *

  **The Next Day: 4465617468**

It was the day of the Konoha Annual Grand Sports Festival(!).

The participation came from the Genin teams, but festivals meant that people would come out during the evening to enjoy the atmosphere, the food and the entertainment. I was one of the revelers, even though I didn't deserve it. Why? I hadn't gone to the mission hall today, mostly because I was being a coward about facing the Hokage. I could brush it off by saying I had a late night when I came back, putting a seal on Sasuke, but that was if I could make myself go to the mission hall tomorrow. As it was, today was a training day, and I had to work hard to get back my edge; a week off had slightly dulled it.

I had made plans to meet up with Genma, with whom I had trained off and on before the tournament. Our spars made a reliable yardstick of my recovery after I had been discharged from the hospital, and I had to say that I liked the guy. I had known him for a little while back in my own time; he had taught me the basics of the Hiraishin, having learned it from my esteemed father himself. After he had been killed I had to figure out the rest myself; but I remembered that him to be a self-confident and easy going character. Getting to know him as a peer this time was almost no different, only the jokes we cracked were more age-appropriate. The Sandaime was right in saying that I needed more friends my age; even though he was a meddlesome old coot, he was right in his choice of companion for me.

I found him with his back against a lamppost and a half-smile, making eyes at a passing damsel. I shook my head as I drew near. "Still getting shot down, man-whore?" I shot good-naturedly.

His smile turned into one of amusement, "They won't be able to resist my charms for too long." He pushed off the post and fell into step beside me. "Quite a large turnout tonight."

"Yeah. It's nice to see all the civilians excited too." Particularly after what I had been through; there had been precious little to celebrate.

"I do love the way they go through the effort of dressing up. They look far more attractive this way."

"The men too?"

"Haven't we already established that my eyes are only drawn to the female form?"

"What about other parts of your anatomy?"

He smirked, "Why, are you jealous? Would you like me to proposition you too?"

Ugh, I had left myself open to that one. "…fine. You win. Now let's go eat food that isn't phallic in appearance, I'm starving."

"Well said. I'm sure to need my energy later on in the night."

I smiled in exasperated amusement. "Do you ever stop?"

"That's what my dates ask me during fun time, and in a few minutes they usually forget about the question."

"Because they leave in disgust?"

"Let's just say their minds take a trip, while they leave their bodies behind."

"…did you just confess to drugging and taking advantage of helpless women?"

He snorted, "Please. You're just jealous of my prowess. It isn't like there's a line of women after you."

I opened my mouth, no doubt to say something snappy, but instead, "Shit." I immediately turned around. "Let's go to another row."

He looked around in confusion, before he spotted an obviously on-duty Mitarashi Anko. He turned around, and I didn't need to look at him to know that he was smirking. "Oh? A lover's quarrel?"

I snorted this time. "As if. I like my balls where they are, thank you very much."

His eyes gleamed as he pressed on, "Oh? I didn't take you for the type who runs away from his battles."

"It's called a tactical retreat; I'm not going to face her while she's still mad about losing. I'm sure I will at some point, say… 10 years from now. That is one freakishly scary lady."

He chuckled. "The only part of that statement Anko would disagree with is being called a lady."

"Well, I have enough self-preservation instinct not to try and find out."

He chuckled, but let it go. We spent some time browsing through the various stalls, before I picked up a squid salad, while Genma went for a tasty looking fish-on-a-stick. I turned around a few times in paranoia, but Anko was nowhere to be seen, thank the Log. I had to say, being back in Konoha was far more enjoyable than I remembered it being, even as a ninja. Maybe it was because there was no fighting going on, but the atmosphere was calming and enjoyable. Of course, the minute I thought that, it was jinxed.

"But I can't eat anymore!" an infinitely familiar whiny voice filtered through to my ears through the sounds of the crowd. I couldn't help it; I looked around for the source of the voice and found it in one of the stalls. Naruto was sitting at the table with a massive amount of soba noodles placed in front of him; but he wasn't eating, instead he was holding his stomach with both his hands.

"But you must! If you don't experience the goodness of soba noodles, how else can I convince you that they are better than ramen! Also, you are my 100th visitor today; that means you get the two free extra special big bowls!" the owner of the stand exclaimed. He was staring at Naruto with an odd gleam in his eyes that I didn't like the look of.

"I don't think I like it. My stomach hurts. I can't eat anymore." Naruto whined piteously as he held his stomach.

"But I've worked hard to make it for you! Surely you don't want me to throw the results of my hard work down the garbage bin! Please make this humble chef happy by atleast finishing what he puts out in front of you!"

I had moved a little closer by this point. I didn't remember this sort of thing happening; but then again I didn't recall much of my childhood other than my pranks. Genma wasn't paying attention, but he had followed me; this allowed me to take a closer look at the 'dish' this chef had prepared. By the look of it, it seemed to be a noodle dish with tofu in it. Alarm bells started ringing in my head for some reason, and I stopped right in front of the stall.

"Ughhhh." Naruto groaned piteously; but he reached for his chopsticks. As soon as he picked up a piece of tofu the pieces snapped into place.

The dish was called kitsune soba.

I let loose the full force of my considerable killing intent smack in the middle of Konoha. The nearby civilians completely froze while the shinobi immediately honed on me, including Genma next to me. I jumped forward and smacked the chopsticks out of Naruto's hands and grabbed him, putting my body in between him and the motherfucker who had tried to poison him.

Genma was at my side in a flash. "Take him to the hospital, he's been poisoned." I ordered, not letting up on my killing intent. He took one look at the groaning Naruto and, upon recognizing him, immediately put together what had happened. Without saying a word he put his arm across the child's shoulders and disappeared in a shunshin.

I was stalking towards the little shit with a kunai in my hand (when had it appeared there) who had tried to fucking murder a child in the middle of Konoha when an incoming shunshin put forced me to stop lest I run into it. I didn't as much as use my peripherals to try and recognize the person who had stopped me; I was hyper-focused on the chef. A female voice spoke up, "What is going on here?"

I vaguely realized that the voice belonged to Anko, but I was too incensed to care. "This little shit just tried to poison a child. I'm going to make sure he never does anything of the sort again."

"Where is this child?" she immediately shot back.

"Shiranui Genma has taken him to the hospital. The dish is on the table. You're not going to stop me from killing this motherfucker anymore." I took a step forward, but Anko pulled out a kunai of her own and placed it in a place where men don't like to be threatened. Despite that I considered going ahead anyway; I was seeing red, and I wasn't in the mood to be reasonable.

Anko directed her comments to the chef, "Is this true? Did you try to poison a child?"

A murderously hateful expression twisted his face, "That's not a child! That's a demon in disguise! He should be killed bef-URK!" The reason for him stopping talking was the sudden appearance of a kunai in the middle of his throat; blood flew out in an arc and then continued gushing in a never ending stream as he foolishly pulled out the kunai and tried to stop the bleeding.

Anko returned to a standing position after having thrown the kunai that was previously near my nether regions. "You broke the Sandaime Hokage's Law. The punishment is death." He was still making choking noises as he futilely tried to draw breath. I stepped around Anko and crouched down near his face. I had not let up on the killing intent since I had figured out what was going on. As he finally locked eyes with me I made sure my words were slow and deliberate. "The only demon here is you; because only demons try to murder a child."

A few seconds later, he turned completely purple and stopped trying to draw breath, having drowned in his own blood. As soon as I was sure he was dead I let up my killing intent. There was an audible sigh of relief from the spectators, quite a few of whom collapsed to the ground, the adrenaline leaving their systems. I seriously considered taking off my mask just to spit at his corpse, but I had a large audience already, and I didn't want to make things worse for myself.

When I finally turned around only Anko was looking at me; the civilians were being evacuated from the vicinity by both on and off-duty shinobi. One more shinobi came along and put the poisoned dish in a plastic bag before sealing it in a scroll. I wasn't sure if it was for investigative purposes or for identifying the poison so that it could be cured; before I could ask him Anko spoke, "How did you realize that he was trying to kill the boy?"

I sneered, "He was almost force-feeding Naruto despite the fact that he was complaining about his stomach hurting. I noticed that the dish is one called kitsune soba; along with his general demeanor that was enough to realize what was going on."

Her pupil-less eyes stayed trained on me; no doubt she was verifying the veracity of my statement. Having worked in T&I she was no doubt more skilled than most at identifying the truth; in any case I was telling the truth. She seemed to reach the same conclusion and put her hands on her hips. "I will be reporting this to the top brass. Despite the fact that it was I who killed him, you were the one to disturb the peace and make a scene."

"Excuse me for trying to save a child's life." I sneered. This was ridiculous.

She shook her head, not taking her eyes off mine. She said softly, "Your reasons were valid; however, it is a law in this village that a shinobi cannot unleash their killing intent without good reason. Every such incident is investigated thoroughly. Nothing will come of it, there were witnesses, but it is a procedure that is to be followed."

I scoffed, but didn't refute her statement. The law was a sensible one, but this was clearly a special circumstance. In any case, I no longer had an excuse to avoid the Hokage tower tomorrow. "Fine. I'll show up for a slap on the wrist tomorrow. Happy?"

She looked at me for a second longer, before suddenly removing her hands from her hips and crossing them under her breasts, pushing them up. A mischievous smile came across her face as her demeanor made a complete 180 degrees. "You owe me a rematch you know" she said playfully, her eyes glittering.

I wasn't in the mood, and I wasn't shy about letting her know it either. "You lost. Accept it and move on." I started walking away. She pouted and called after me "Fine, be that way! But if I were you I would watch my back."

I just ignored her, still too pissed from the near murder attempt on my life. I vaguely recalled being in the hospital from food poisoning; I was too young to realize that it was actual poisoning. I made my way to the Hokage monument to sit on my father's head; that was an action that always calmed me down.

As I stared out over the village still lit up by the carnival lights my anger finally burned away. Somehow it felt worse when I saw it happening to someone else, even if that someone  _was_  a younger me. While I had been the subject of the stares and the occasional sneaky attempt that got past the ANBU I never actually held it against the person. Perhaps it was because I was a naïve idiot at the time; but I like to think it was because the attempts made me a stronger person.

Or maybe I just thought that all adults were dumb as hell for thinking me to be a demon.

The moon was waning; last night had been the full moon. It was only when I thought about what I had been doing last night that I realized my hypocrisy; 24 hours earlier I had been seriously considering killing another 10 year old boy for crimes which he had not committed. Sheesh. Even my own subconscious was acknowledging that the Sandaime had a point. Perhaps it was a good thing that I was going to face the old man tomorrow; it would provide me an opportunity to apologize to him.

I sighed. Time-travel was a complicated business; especially when I didn't even know  _why_  I had traveled. Well, at-least tomorrow I would get to meet the old man Hokage. Then I could put in the request to assist Kiri with the rebellion; it was around the time when they should be looking for allies, if what I remembered was right. We would need all the allies we could muster against the enemy, and the sooner I managed to unite all the villages against Akatsuki the better.

I walked back to my apartment building, with vague thoughts in my head about saving Itachi from his fate. Maybe it wasn't up to me to make sure Sasuke stayed on the straight and narrow; if I could find a way to mitigate the fallout from the truth about the Uchiha massacre it would no longer be my headache. As I got ready for bed I resolved to talk to the Hokage about it when I saw him tomorrow. After a profuse apology of course.

* * *

**The Next Day: 4465617468**

Early in the morning I was making my way to the Hokage tower when I was waylaid by an ANBU. "Your presence is requested in the Hokage's office" he said monotonously. I raised an eyebrow. "I'm headed there now."

"Acknowledged."

He used a genjutsu to make it appear like he had used the shunshin, but of course it didn't work on me. He stood in the same spot watching me, probably to make sure that I was doing as I said; I shook my head and made my way to the tower. That was weird. What was the need for the babysitting? Sure, I had missed work yesterday, but it wasn't like I was a flight risk or something. I shrug off the paranoia and continued walking. I could have taken to the roofs and made my way faster, but I enjoyed walking through the colourful streets and seeing happy faces around me. The ANBU babysitting me made me enjoy it a bit less, but I was determined not to let him spoil the happiness around me.

As I finally entered the tower my tail disappeared. It was quite strange, especially since the Hokage had not done anything of the sort during the last two months when I was training for the tournament. My paranoia was consistently tingling, and I finally decided to be on my guard. That sense had saved my life on many occasions, and I was damned if I let it ping unanswered. I was met on the stairwell by a creepily smiling Anko and a clearly sleep-deprived Genma. Maybe he had gotten lucky last night after all? He answered my questioning eyebrow with a smirk. Yeah, he had struck gold; lucky bastard.

My paranoia was ringing full time as we finally reached the secretary who asked us to wait. After a few minutes the door opened to emit Homura and Koharu, the other wizened crones who advised the Hokage. I bowed my head deferentially, not wanting to antagonize them this early; Genma followed my lead, but Anko deliberately ignored their presence. Ah, well. She was one to follow her own path.

Once the advisers had left the corridor the secretary finally beckoned us, "You can go in now."

I reached the door first, and I held it open for Anko, mockingly bowing my head as she came from behind me; she gave me a dirty look but entered anyway. Once Genma had also walked through I took a deep breath.  _'Time to face the music.'_

I steeled myself, squared my shoulders and entered the room. And immediately stopped in complete horror. My paranoia had been justified after all. My mouth went dry and my heart started hammering in my chest, and the reason was very obvious.

For sitting in the seat of the Sandaime Hokage was none other than Shimura Danzō.

* * *

 


	7. Chapter 7

Original Publish Date: 26th-October-2015

* * *

  **Chapter 7 – Bounce**

_This ain't no game; I play it hard_

_Kicked around, cut, stitched and scarred_

_I'll take the hit but not the fall_

_I know no fear, still standing tall_

_You can call it karma, call it luck_

_Me, I just don't give a …_

**_- Bounce, Bon Jovi_ **

* * *

**4465617468**

"Who are you?"

There was silence in the office as soon as those words were spoken.

After a very pregnant pause, the mummified walking corpse in the chair finally replied, "My name is Shimura Danzō. I'm substituting for Sarutobi while he has his annual meeting with the Daimyō."

I was infinitely grateful for my mouths reliable ability to always say something stupid in tense situations. My mind was still running in circles, but atleast I had bought myself some time, and provided a (hopefully) reliable cover for my shock at seeing the warmonger in the chair. I moved to stand alongside Genma and Anko in front of the desk, tense but ready.

He gave all three of us the gimlet eye for a while, noting Anko's brazen exterior, Genma's usual easy-going slouch, and my alertness. He gave no sign of his thoughts; his features were a perfect mask. I was hyperaware of the seal on the back of my neck; I was  _eagerly_  waiting for him to try to use Kotoamatsukami on me. I would then have a legitimate reason to attack him, if not kill him outright. And then a terrifying thought struck me.

Did he already have the Hokage under his thrall?

Before I could ponder this thought any further, he spoke again, "Tokubetsu Jōnin Mitarashi, you were in charge of security for the festival last night. Have you completed your report regarding the attack on the jinchūriki?" His cold tone, and the way he ignominiously referred to Naruto pissed me off. I clenched my jaw, happy that the mask managed to cover that action.

Anko nodded and slid across a scroll. "Hai. We tested the dish he was feeding to the boy; it had enough poison to kill an elephant. Thankfully he is recovering, there is no major damage done to him. He will be out of the hospital in another two days."

"No doubt his fortitude comes from the demon inside him. Did he confirm that he wanted to kill the boy because of the Kyūbi?" I was very close to grinding my teeth in anger, but I forced myself not to react visibly. I was seething inside.

"Hai, and in the process he broke the Sandaime's law. I executed him as a traitor on the spot."

His eye shifted away from Anko and focused on me. "How did you identify the attempted murder of the jinchūriki?"

At times like this I am infinitely grateful to my mouth for speaking without letting the other person know what was actually on my mind, "Oh, you know… When someone is trying to force feed a child despite the fact that he is complaining of an aching stomach you tend to think there is something not right with the picture. Not to mention the way he was looking at the poor boy. I was beginning to fear for his virtue!" My voice was light and airy, and my tone that of an overenthusiastic housewife; both Genma and Anko turned to stare at me.

Danzō's face, what was visible of it, was as inscrutable as ever. "Tokubetsu Jōnin Nanashi; you exposed civilians to killing intent. Are you aware that this is a crime?"

My tone turned completely frosty; it even made Genma draw back, "When a child's life is in danger you don't stop to think about what laws you might break; you act. That is all I did." Anko just raised an eyebrow at the change in tone but otherwise didn't react.

Danzō then turned his attention to Genma, "Jōnin Shiranui. Did you witness the exchange that Tokubetsu Jōnin Nanashi alluded to?"

Genma shrugged, "I heard the kid complaining about his stomach, but I figured that he had overeaten at the festival, like most kids do. I didn't notice anything wrong until Nanashi let loose his killing intent. Once I saw him knock the chopsticks out of the kid's hand I realized what was going on. I thought about convincing Nanashi to take him to the hospital, but he was the one who had noticed something wrong, which is why I took the kid instead; I was sure he would be questioned. My role was mostly as a bystander."

His eye turned back to Anko, "Was the traitor a civilian of Konoha?" At Anko's affirmative nod he continued, "Where did a civilian get his hands on a toxin?"

"The lab has identified the toxin as being made from local plants. Our current working theory is that he gathered the plants and created the poison himself. We're looking at all of his known associates to see if he had help, but so far nothing has jumped out at us." That's right, she was in intelligence. This was her full time job.

After a few moments Danzō spoke again. "I see." His eye turned to me. "Tokubetsu Jōnin Nanashi. For your breaking of the law regarding killing intent you are hereby fined the sum of one C-rank mission. This will be deducted from your next mission pay-slip." A slap on the wrist; not an ideal outcome, but I could live with it. But Danzō wasn't finished, "For preventing the assassination of an important military asset a commendation will be placed in your file." Once more my irritation flared up but I managed to keep a straight face while nodding. "Your file says that you have been working in the capital."

I could feel Anko and Genma looking at me with undisguised interest, but I didn't take my eyes off the mummy. "It does."

He used the most basic of interrogation techniques on me and stared at me unblinkingly. Instead of folding and elaborating on my role, I matched his stare with one of my own. Recognizing that the tactic would get him nowhere he spoke, "Your assignment was to watch over the Twelve Ninja Guardians?"

"If you have the clearance to read my file then you know that the answer is yes." I put a note of warning in my voice. Fake cover or not, Anko and Genma were not authorized for this knowledge. My words were a subtle reminder as to that fact; as a matter of fact, I was behaving exactly as someone in my position should.

He didn't look cowed, but then it was impossible to know what he thought. He was harder to read than Hinata's dad, and that was saying something. Instead he kept pushing, "After you won the tournament, I did some digging. And I found nothing. No academy records, no mission history."

I smiled, showing my teeth, not that he could see them; still, he recognized what I was doing. "I would be extremely surprised if you did. In fact, it's an open challenge to everyone; try to figure out what I was doing before 5 months ago. I guarantee you, you will find  _absolutely nothing_. I'm  _that_  good. If you do, I'll give up my ninja career."

That shut up the fossil. I wanted to ram one of my Rasengan variants down his throat, but I convinced myself that boasting was enough for the minute. Perhaps I would kill him at a later date; or maybe I would leave that to Itachi. Log knew he deserved it. Collaborating with Orochimaru to implant the Sharingan in his arms was unforgivable in my book; and I wasn't even an Uchiha.

Out of nowhere though, Danzō suddenly switched the topic to a mission.

"The three of you are hereby assigned a mission. Your fourth team member will be Gekkō Hayate. This is a B-rank retrieval mission. A scroll was recently stolen from Kumo detailing some of their high level techniques. You are to retrieve this scroll at all costs. The thieves were last spotted heading towards the west; presumably to Iwagakure. The probability of meeting enemy combatants is high."

All three of us were suddenly standing to attention, committing the mission details to memory. It was as if the previous conversation had not even taken place. We were shinobi. We had a mission. There was only one rule. Do, or die trying.

He put a scroll on the desk. Anko picked it up, confirming herself to be the team leader. Not that it meant much, since the entire aforementioned mission participants were Jōnin level, but the fact that she allowed herself to be held accountable for the mission results provided an interesting insight into her psyche.

As I watched Anko read through the scroll a thought suddenly struck me. There had been an ANBU member who had tailed me all the way to the Hokage tower. I would bet my left testicle that he would be shadowing us to throughout the mission; undoubtedly to provide Danzō with a report as to my capabilities. If he did so, that meant that Danzō had not placed the Sandaime under Kotamatsukami; otherwise he would simply ask the details from Sarutobi. Well. Atleast I now had a reliable indicator as to whether I should worry about the knowledge of the future becoming commonplace.

Dammit, I should have snatched the scroll from Danzō's hands; I could have place a temporary Hiraishin seal on him then.

Anyhow, the moment was gone. And now we had a mission, I took a quick glance at the mission details as Anko passed the scroll to me. It had a few extra details than what Danzō had told us, but it was mostly extraneous. Last seen, headed in direction etc. We had a mission. Scratch that, I had a mission. I hadn't had a mission in forever. Despite the fact that it was Danzō who had assigned it to me I felt an undercurrent of excitement. I hadn't had a proper mission in forever; I was  _dying_  to cut loose.

Once Genma read finished through the mission details, all three of us bowed our heads slightly (not nearly as deep as we would to the actual Hokage) and moved out. We met up with Hayate on the ground floor, and after introductions (in my case) and a short pause as he perused the mission scroll we all moved out. We dropped the scroll at the mission desk and made plans to meet at the gate in 30 minutes. I went straight to the gate (years of practice had made sure I was always mission-ready) and waited for my teammates. As soon as we were all there (Hayate was the last one there, probably saying good-bye to Yūgao-taichō) we moved out, with Hayate in the lead.

Back in my time, I had sparred quite a bit with Yūgao-taichō when I had wanted to get a feel for fighting a sword user. As is usual for shinobi relationships, the more one sparred with their opposite number the closer they got; and as a consequence she had finally told me about her deceased lover Hayate. As I followed directly behind Hayate I promised myself that he would be one of those I would save no matter what. Yūgao was not as close to me as, say Sakura-chan or Hinata, but she was one definitely of my precious people. Although by then anyone who helped me get stronger against Sasuke qualified as such.

* * *

Since we knew that the scroll had been stolen approximately 16 hours ago we moved to one of the most likely exfiltration points between the Kaminari no Kuni (Lightning Country) and Tsuchi no Kuni (Earth Country.) It was a tricky situation since there were three minor countries between the two major countries, one of which I had visited recently. Our best bet was intercepting them before they reached the border to Taki no Kuni, who were our allies. There would be hell to pay if we got them involved; they would insist on a piece of the pie, and we wanted to avoid that at all costs. If there was a Konoha mission involving 4 Jōnin level shinobi we sure as hell were not going to ask for an assist; allies or not. According to our intel we still had a day's travel to make it to Taki's border. It would be close, but hopefully we would make it in time.

As we made our way to the most likely exfiltration point, we took a night's rest. No more than 5 hours for the entire team; we all were coming off a rotation from the village, therefore according to mission parameters we all should be good to go for 48 hours non-stop. That we each managed over 3 hours of rest was to our credit; if I still had Kurama I could have pushed myself to 72 hours without a rest; unfortunately, I was no longer a jinchūriki. I took the first shift, allowing myself more than 3 hours of uninterrupted rest once my shift was over. When Genma shook me awake my eyes snapped open and I was ready for a fight; the fact that I was on a mission for Konoha still got me pumped up.

Once we reached the exfiltration point to everyone's amusement once I created a large bunch of Kage Bunshin. The amusement soon turned to raised eyebrows, and in Genma's case, an impressed nod. The reason was that the Kage Bunshin scampered around planting seal-traps on all of the likely routes the enemy would take. After a few moments of observing my unconventional means of setting traps they finally started moving to set their own. Anko summoned a few small snakes and scattered them, undoubtedly to warn her when the enemies were close. As they scattered she shot me a wary look, I just crinkled my eyes in a smile reminiscent of Kakashi. She was probably remembering the last time she had attempted to summon snakes in my presence. She scoffed inaudibly, jerking her head away, causing my annoying smile to turn into a smirk.

Genma and Hayate went for the more traditional wire-triggered traps, with kunai and exploding tags launching at the unsuspecting soul who triggered them. To my surprise however, they didn't do a very good job of hiding them. They were both Jōnin, and they should be much better at the art... Oh. That was clever. They had made the traps in locations that would drive the enemies to change their paths; only to run straight into my traps. I felt a rush of gratitude and camaraderie towards my teammates. They were banking on the fact that my 'surprises' would be more nasty than anything that they could cook up, even though they didn't know me and my fighting style very well, or know it at all in Hayate's case. Still, this was one reason I absolutely admired the Konoha Will of Fire, the teamwork that we espoused was the best in the Elemental Nations, bar none. At the heart of teamwork lay trust; you could not be an effective team if you did not trust your teammates to carry out their jobs. Still, the level of trust I had been shown was unprecedented, and it left me with a warm feeling.

It was at times like this that I really missed using Sage Mode. I could have easily detected the people who were headed our way and how close they were, along with the direction of approach; instead I was waiting in the trenches with no idea when the enemy would attack. Ugh. I hated being a normal ninja.

The four of us were spread out, but within visual contact of one another, with Anko and Hayate on the ends. I was closest to Anko, which is why I was the first to notice a snake slither up to Anko and hiss. She listened for a few moments, then looked up and caught my eye; then she made a few hand-signals. It was at this point that I realized that I didn't know what the hand signals stood for; I had neglected this part of mission readiness. The signs changed every once in a while, and I while I knew the ones from my time, I had no idea what these stood for. I put my palm on my face; I had no idea how to communicate my ineptitude with the hand signs, because that needed me to know the freaking hand signs in the first place!

Anko seemed to realize what my quandary was, and a massive grin came over her face. With exaggerated gestures she held up one hand with one finger; signifying one person, while with the other she mimed having bunny ears. She made the bunny figure hop a few spaces, all the while enjoying my scowl. Then she slowly held up three fingers, enjoying my twitching hands. The three gained some sort of...crown? cowl?... by the fingers of her second hand, and the movement of the three was more sharp and faster in comparison. Then she shot up her hand with her pointer finger extended, before grandly pointing to the direction our foes would approach from. Then she started raising fingers one by one until she reached five, and then exaggeratedly raised the other hand and slowly raising all the fingers again. Once all ten fingers were raised she pushed out her hands in my direction, a shit-eating grin on her face. Great. One runner, likely the thief, pursued by three enemies, and they would be here in ten minutes. Despite Anko's provocation and my subsequent twitching (I was pretty sure I had tic marks above my eye) it had got the message across.

But Mitarashi Anko was not done. Her smile grew wider as she nonchalantly pointed behind me. My embarrassment grew as I realized I was to pass the message on to the rest of the team. Fuck.

I turned around, mentally planning on how to avoid further embarrassing myself; I was most definitely NOT going to do what Anko had just done. As soon as I did I saw Genma grinning at me. He had caught our little exchange. On one hand, I was relieved that I would not have to make a fool of myself trying to get the message across. On the other...He raised his hand and shot me a two fingered salute. Dick. He then turned and repeated the signals Anko had used the first time around to Hayate, who was out of my line of sight.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the lingering embarrassment. In less than ten minutes we would be facing an enemy group, all my focus was needed. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Genma signaling me; he mimed the bunny and pointed to himself. I nodded; he would be following and capturing the runner. I tilted my head in Anko's direction and made the first couple of hand signals they had used, nonverbally asking him how to pass the message on using the hand-signs. He made a few and I caught Anko's eye and repeated them. Her response was to clamp her hand over her mouth; her shaking shoulders let me know that she was laughing. Genma had pranked me into saying something embarrassing; I glared at him and shot him the one hand-sign that was universally understood.

Suddenly, deeper in the forest, a flock of birds suddenly took flight. Everyone's attention immediately snapped to the direction Anko had specified; the time for joking was over. Through my peripheral vision I caught the expressions of Anko and Genma, both were focused on the foliage. I took a few deep breaths, and didn't let myself tense; it was one of the ways to avoid the opponent subconsciously realizing you were there.

The thief shot into the clearing; I immediately snapped my fingers into a set of handseals, priming my traps for detonation. As soon as the thief broke through our line Genma was on him in a flash, throwing senbon at him and taking advantage of his distraction. Startled by his sudden appearance he lost his footing; but as soon as Genma reached him he kicked Genma away, using the movement to regain his balance and continue running. That was all I caught sight of, because our own battle was going to take place in a few minutes; we could not be distracted by Genma's. We just had to trust that he would come through.

After another couple of minutes, a yell broke the silence. I smirked, judging by the location the enemy shinobi had tripped my quicksand seal. They were less than 30 seconds away; Anko looked to me and signaled attaching while they were distracted, but I shook my head emphatically. They had a few more surprises headed their way.

Indeed, after a minute which they presumably used to free themselves, there was another scream. This time there was telltale purple glow of electricity visible through the trees; immediately following which was the whoosh of fire, and hilariously one of Genma or Hayate's poorly hidden traps going off. There was audible cursing as the enemies were just out of sight; the downside to putting traps in their path was that they surely knew of our presence; but if they had taken the damage I thought they had it was a worthy trade off.

After a few moments two of the shinobi made their way into the clearing; and immediately had to dodge as my last trap in their way set off a sharp blade of wind. One of them was too slow to dodge and received a nasty cut along his arm which bled freely; before he could as much as look at it he was attacked by Hayate's sword. While he narrowly avoided being decapitated, I also saw Anko take on the other shinobi, who was the victim of the quicksand trap. I clenched my jaw but held my position in the trees; both Anko and Hayate were front line fighters, but I could double as a long range fighter, which is why it fell to me to take that role.

It was a good thing that I did, because after a minute of fighting between the two, Anko and Hayate were lined up. The final enemy took the chance, "Raiton: Rairyūdan no jutsu (Lightning Release: Lightning Dragon Technique)!"

"Fūton: Fūryūdan no jutsu (Wind Release: Wind Dragon Technique)!" I countered, intentionally overpowering my own technique even though I had the type advantage. My technique tore through the enemy kunoichi's and continued on its way to her; she abandoned the tree she had taken cover behind. To her shock the dragon pursued her, shredding another tree to splinters far more easily than a wood chipper; she launched a wordless Raiton current technique at it, causing it to finally die out. She immediately had to duck to avoid my fist making a very firm first impression on her face; but she was unprepared for the kick that sank into her ribs. That had made solid contact; she would definitely be feeling that for the rest of the battle, if not the rest of her life.

She wheezed, throwing a couple of kunai at me; I barely paid attention to them as they were blown away by raw Fūton chakra. In reply I shot off another seal-less ninjutsu, "Fūton: Jūha Shō (Wind Release: Beast Wave Palm)." The slash of wind that shot out from my arm was lethal; anything that came into contact with it would be shredded. Knowing this the Kumo kunoichi jumped away, still gasping for breath. As she was in midair, I rook a quick peek back, to see if anyone could see me; but the others were obscured by the tree line. Immediately I threw my special kunai at the kunoichi, who twisted out of the way.

She stiffened when the next second I disappeared from her view my arms were around her in the parody of an embrace. "The Yellow Flash has been reborn" I whispered softly in her ear, continuing the caricature of a lover; and her throat was ripped apart in an explosion of muscle and sinew. Having complete control of the wind around my body was hard, but completely worth it for moments like this.

I dropped the kunoichi's corpse and quickly made my way back to help my teammates. As I reached the clearing I saw that both Hayate and Anko were double teaming the shinobi who had initially been Anko's opponent. A quick glance around the clearing revealed Hayate's former opponent had recently left the land of the living; even as I debated joining in, Anko finally scored a decisive hit, causing the man's guard to drop. "Sen'eijashu (Hidden Shadow Snake Hands)!" she called out, and her multitude of snakes viciously bit into the man, causing him to start seizing immediately. Once he stopped twitching Hayate confirmed the kill, ignoring the man's bulbously swollen eyes; a sure sign of poisoning.

"Is that all of them?" I asked Anko warily. I knew that Kumo shinobi tended to travels in groups of three, but it couldn't hurt to be sure.

Anko nodded, "Yeah. The snakes I sent out earlier didn't spot anyone else in their vicinity. I've dismissed them now."

Hayate spoke up, "Let's go back up Genma."

We moved to the edge of the clearing where we had been hiding in the trees and moved in the direction we had last seen Genma and the thief leave in. Barely a few minutes had passed when we found them; Genma had won his battle as well. He had evidently just found the scroll, and as soon as he had secured it we went about with disposing the body of the thief. He was an Iwa spy, so there was no love lost there. Once we had buried the body and made the ground look undisturbed (courtesy of Doton jutsus by Anko and Genma) we made our way back to the clearing where the rest of the fighting had taken place to repeat the trick.

Since Iwa had stolen the scroll in the first place, the blame would be placed squarely on their shoulders; which is why we had to make it look like Konoha had nothing to do with the stealing of the scroll. There was not much to clean up in the clearing itself; once we had divested the bodies of their valuables and buried them. It took longer to clean up the aftermath of my seal-traps. There was not much we could do about the shredded trees, other than bury the remains and move some moss on the stumps; the hardest thing to clear up had been the quicksand. The number of dirty looks I had received from both the Doton users had not been funny, since they ended up getting filthy; but they didn't complain since it had weakened the enemy shinobi.

* * *

 Overall the cleanup took us nearly an hour, but we were finally removed all the signs that there had been a battle. Mission accomplished. The results could not have been more perfect if it had been scripted. We started walking back; we could take a little time after having pushed ourselves all the way to get there. The high at the end of a successful mission kicked in and we were soon talking among ourselves in a light-hearted mood.

"So how hard was it to catch the bunny?" asked Anko.

"Oh you know, he kept hopping around, so it was hard; but I've had a lot of practice at D-ranks." Genma replied with a smile.

"I'll take the rest of your mission pay then; I promise to leave you enough for a D-rank" I grumbled.

Hayate looked slightly confused, but Anko took great relish in revealing to him the intricacies of that particular conversation. Hayate was chuckling when Anko finally wheezed out, "And Genma told him to signal 'I drink bull's milk straight from the source'! And he had no idea!"

I was sure my ears were red, and I shot another glare at my so-called friend, who did not look the least bit contrite; in fact, he was smirking. What an asshole. Hayate was laughing openly now. There was no coming back from that.

"Fuck you toothpick." I grumpily folded my arms; but even I had to admit that it was pretty funny. Soon enough the chuckles faded away and Hayate asked, "How long do you think before they send backup?"

"I would be surprised if they hadn't already."

I walked two more steps before I registered that the voice which had spoken hadn't belonged to any of us four. I spun around to see a Kumo kunoichi who had a hand on the shoulders of both Genma and Hayate. Before I could react she flooded both of them with Raiton chakra, causing them to spasm and their hair to frizz. I immediately snapped three Kage Bunshin into wordless existence; two of them immediately used Kawarimi (Replacement Technique) with Genma and Hayate while the third launched himself at her, Fūton chakra coating his fist. The kunoichi had done the damage however, and merely leant backward allowing the fist to pass over her. She fired a tendril of Raiton chakra to it's now exposed midsection, causing it to dispel; but she immediately had to avoid Anko's sleeve snakes. One of the snakes managed to tear into the fabric of her leggings; whether it had managed to bite her was not clear.

While Anko pressed the attack I created two more Kage Bunshin and sent them to support Anko's attack. I quickly took a look at the two downed Jōnin, releasing a breath when I saw that both were alive. They would not be waking up any time soon though. I created two more Kage Bunshin and winced; now that I wasn't a jinchūriki I couldn't spam them like I had used to in my youth. Each one took a little more out of me than before. Years of fighting had made sure that I didn't use them in large numbers anymore, but they still took more out of me than they used to. They took the downed Jōnin on their backs and started heading away from the scene of the battle; looking for a place to hide the prone bodies of the Jōnin.

Fuck. We had been ambushed. Four Jōnin level shinobi and not one of us managed to detect her sneaking up on us and taking out two of our number. I quickly analyzed what I could about her. She was an excellent tracker, most likely a sensor, so traps were out of the question. She had mastered the use of Raiton chakra, using it without handseals or words; this would make her an extremely formidable opponent. Given that she had spoken to make us aware of her presence meant that she was extremely confident of beating us. Fuck. She was likely a borderline-S-rank ninja, most likely around Kakashi's level. You know what the worst part was?

I wasn't sure I could take her.

But Anko was still kicking, and I snapped out of my analysis and rushed to help her. As she popped the second of my Kage Bunshin and moved to strike Anko I cocked my fist back, pumping it with Fūton chakra. "Kazeken (Wind Fist)!" I yelled, snapping my fist forward. The chakra fist shot forward with impressive speed; the kunoichi couldn't dodge it so she took a glancing blow. This allowed her to block Anko's attempts to take ruthless advantage before kicking Anko and jumping away in the same move; fuck, she was going to be a tough opponent.

As soon as she landed two more of my Kage Bunshin shimmered into existence on either side of her. They both spun 180 degrees, simultaneously yelling out, "Fūton: Shinkūha (Wind Release: Vacuum Wave)!" Speaking the name of the technique ensured that more power was released, as the name was a Yang component of the technique. Two large blades of wind were coming towards her from either side; they were large enough that she couldn't dodge. She was caught with nowhere to go, but she proved that my assessment of her as a borderline S-rank kunoichi was right as she, too, spun in place. "Raiton: Kesshō Tama (Lightning Release: Plasma Ball)!" A dome of dense lightning (similar to the Hyūga's Kaiten) sprung into existence around her, and to my surprise it was actually fighting back my wind technique. But I had not yet taken Anko into account. "Katon: Karyūdan no Jutsu!" she yelled, shooting the same dragon flame technique she had used on me back in the tournament. Her fire dragon met my wind technique in an explosion of flames and immediately overwhelmed the defensive Raiton technique, laying waste to everything that was inside the dome; which, as it turned out, was diddly squat.

Both Anko and I jumped into the air in the same moment, realizing that she was underground. She had evidently decided that I was the larger threat, because not a second later she jumped out through the ground, lightning wrapped around her hands. I shot off two wordless Kazeken, one from each fist, and she flared the lightning on her hands to intercept the dual techniques; but this time my wind won the battle. I grinned as she got cuts across both her fists; now I knew how dense my Fūton chakra was supposed to be. She scowled and ignoring the blood and pain she used handseals for the first time in the fight. "Raiton: Gian (Lightning Release: False Darkness)!"

Shit. Gian was a horrifically fast technique, even amongst the generally fast Raiton techniques. I put my arms in front of my body in an X, coating them with dense Fūton chakra; but I needn't have bothered. Anko had not been idle; she had wrapped ninja wire through the rings of two kunai and thrown them; the other ends of the wires were around two other kunai which were buried in the ground, grounding them thoroughly. The Raiton technique was neatly diverted, barely a flicker of lightning stayed its original course where it was ripped apart by my elementally superior Fūton. With a feral smile I growled out, "Fūton: Fūryūdan no jutsu (Wind Release: Wind Dragon Technique)!" Since I already had the chakra built up for a defensive technique it immediately shot in the offensive technique instead.

There was no time for the kunoichi to launch a technique, so she did exactly what I had done a few seconds ago and channeled as much Raiton chakra as she could into her arms and hope it was enough. I had locked my hands in the Tori (Bird) hand-seal, allowing me to control the dragon. She screamed in pain as it tore through the weaker Raiton chakra and allowed it to throw her to the ground. She disappeared once more through the ground and my technique dissipated, but I was still wary. I jumped on a nearby tree to make sure I couldn't be caught by surprise. Anko too jumped on a different tree not too far away. "Are they okay?" she called out, asking about our knocked out colleagues. I nodded, "I have clones watching over them. They'll live." Her sigh of relief was audible.

She still hadn't taken her eye off the surroundings, expecting an attack any second. "I never expected Kumo to send someone like  _her_. We're in deep shit."

"Who is she?" My own vigilance was constant as my eyes roved over the landscape. Anko snorted.

"Too prissy to pick up a fucking Bingo Book shitstain? She's known as Kumo's Thunder Empress, Enrai Setsuka. She's marked as an A rank kunoichi. She has an extremely strong affinity towards lightning; it's said that she can direct thunderstorms. Don't know if that part is bullshit or not, but I wouldn't put it past her."

I nodded. Redirecting lightning storms was fucking hard, but it could be done; I could attest to that. She had to have a minor Kekkei Genkai which allowed extreme control of lightning. However… Hm. Interesting. I could use this. "Summon a medium sized snake. I need you to give me an opening when I'm close to her."

She raised an eyebrow. "Going to use one of your Fūinjutsu tricks?" I gave a nasty smile underneath my mask; I had no idea how she saw it, but she did. She gave a matching smile. "Heh. Fine. But you're buying me dango later." I snorted, but didn't argue. Anko went through the necessary handseals and summoned the snake like I had requested. I ruthlessly crushed my well-drilled instinct to cut in half; this wasn't one of Orochimaru's.

As soon as the tell-tale glow of our enemy made its way above ground all three of us scattered in different directions. There was no point in providing a singular target for our enemy; but she had anticipated this. She had come out with a Raiton: Kage Bunshin (Lightning Release: Shadow Clone) alongside her; I hung back waiting for one of the two to attack me. I was almost certain that the real one had marked me as the more dangerous of the two and would therefore try to take me out herself. The only way to test that theory was when she attacked me; which one of the two proceeded to do. The snake Anko had summoned hissed as it moved closer to assist me; I molded my chakra as I prepared myself for round two.

I was immediately convinced it was the real one who had attacked me; the technique she shot at me proved it. "Raiton: Jibashi (Lightning Release: Electromagnetic Murder)!" Holy shit, the amount of chakra she put into it was enough to power a city block! I grit my teeth, I was done reacting to her; it was time to take the fight to her, "Fūton: Shinkūkyōha (Wind Release: Vacuum Blast)!" Several crescent shaped blades made purely of jagged wind shot out and obliterated her technique before continuing on their way to her. She widened her eyes at the A-rank technique and started to spin, but I wasn't done. "FŪTON: TATSUMAKI (WIND RELEASE: TORNADO)!" I screamed, putting as much chakra as I dared into the technique.

As the name of the technique implied, it formed a large tornado that started sucking up everything in the nearby vicinity and obliterating it in a twister. It reached my wind blades and absorbed them, swelling with the chakra provided and making it scream as it tore the nearby foliage on its way to the Thunder Empress. I needed to use chakra to stick myself to the tree I was on; whereas my opponent screamed as she poured everything she had into the Kesshō Tama (Plasma Ball) technique from earlier. It was a battle of two S-rank techniques; one defensive, one offensive. It was because of the type advantage that my tornado finally tore apart the plasma like density of the lightning; as soon as I rushed towards the downed Enrai Setsuka to apply the finishing blow she screamed as she was liquefied into molten lightning that scorched the earth nearby. Shit. She was the Kage Bunshin.

I hopped on the snake that had proven to be superfluous so far, "Take us to Anko" I ordered it. It hissed and shot forward with impressive speed, curving around trees gracefully, with a speed I definitely could not have managed. Meanwhile, I was busy compressing wind chakra in a ball in my mouth, the moment I saw the enemy I let it fly, "Fūton: Atsugai (Wind Release: Pressure Damage)."

She was pushed away from Anko; apparently she had just landed a clean hit on my comrade. I kept up the technique until I was sure she had taken quite a bit of damage. She wouldn't be able to use her trick of using dense Raiton chakra against me. In fact, it was time I informed her about this fact. Since she had caught us by surprise I had never managed to mess with her head; it was about time that I fixed that little deficiency. "You know why my favourite element is wind?" I called to Enrai as I landed next to Anko. She looked pissed, but locked eyes with me. I smirked, "It's so very versatile. It can push. It can cut. It can shred and it can compress. And if you know what you're doing," I leaned forward, baring my teeth, "you can even suffocate with it." A giant sucking sound was heard, and Enrai's eyes widened once more.

But even she had had enough of holding back. For the first time that evening I noticed that she had green eyes to go with her dark hair as they lit up with a massive amount of chakra. "Raiton: Raimei (Lightning Release: Thunderstorm)."

Fuck. That was an S-rank technique. I started to channel Fūton chakra, but was suddenly shocked at how low my reserves were. I was not a jinchūriki anymore; I couldn't throw around S-rank techniques like confetti without consequences. This required a spontaneous re-think; but the hissing of the snake that had brought me here negated the need to pull something out of my ass. As I put an arm around Anko's waist and jumped with her on to the snake I realized that a handle of a kunai was sticking out of her abdomen. Fucking hell, she had been stabbed by the Kumo bitch.

The roar of lightning crashing down put a stop to any more thinking, suddenly I was more concerned with avoiding the lightning bolts falling from the sky around us. I sneaked a look back at the so called 'Thunder Empress' and was rewarded by seeing one of the lightning bolts falling from the sky hit the point where she was standing with her hands locked in the Tatsu (Dragon) handseal. Before I could even properly form the thought that she had hurt herself I saw the bolt fly off in a different direction and cauterize a nearby tree. Shit. She had created an entirely new clearing in the forest; it was far wider in diameter than the one I had created with my own Tatsumaki.

Somehow we made it out without being hit by any of the lightning bolts. I made Anko sit with her back upright against a tree and told the snake to guard her. She was pale and sweaty; I didn't know if the kunai had been poisoned or not. I wasn't about to pull it out and risk her bleeding out just to make sure.

Fuck. Low on chakra, no backup, no Sage Mode or Kyūbi chakra. It was hard to know how to win in this sort of situation, but I had no choice. Otherwise she would kill Anko and that would be followed by the deaths of Genma and Hayate. I took a moment to try and reach out for the ambient Senchakra hoping against hope, desperately praying… it was no use. It refused to enter my body. Fuck.

Well, on the other hand, none of my teammates were nearby. I could use the Hiraishin; I had used it stupidly earlier in the day. This time it was in a life-or-death situation, I think it was unavoidable. I did have enough chakra to fire off a Rasengan variant, but I would be left with nothing afterward. I had wasted too much chakra; the Sandaime had been right when he had told me to train more. I swore that if I made it back I would train every single day until I couldn't move.

But that was only if I survived. I finally came in sight of Enrai; she smirked. "All alone now, little leaf. How long will you take to wilt I wonder?"

"You'll crinkle long before I begin to wrinkle." I shot back. I blinked. Had I just rapped?

Even Enrai seemed bemused. "Great. Even when I'm not in the village I have to hear bad rapping."

I snorted. "Someone of your age just doesn't know how to appreciate today's art." Here's a little nugget of wisdom, if you ever want to piss off a woman under the age of 40, go after her age. It's guaranteed to work.

She bared her teeth, releasing more killing intent than she had throughout the fight so far. "I'm going to cook you until you rot, you filthy Log hugger."

"Great. I just  _had_  to fight the old heathen. Now I have to kill you, the Log's scriptures demand it. Seriously though, you know those wrinkles around your eyes are supposed to look like crow's feet, not crows being electrocuted. What do you do, use lightning chakra while playing with yourself?"

Her glare intensified, as did her killing intent, but she didn't reply. It took me a moment, but when I realized… I snickered. "Hehehe. You naughty naughty cougar. I can't wait till I get back home and tell everyone; this will make for a great addition to your Bingo Book entry."

She had had enough by this point; she jumped forward with a roar, "I'm 29, and that was ONE TIME!" She threw a Raikyū (Lightning Ball) at me, vastly overpowering it in her rage. I dodged it, then dodged another. Good. Maybe my earlier strategy was still valid. I had noticed that while she used plenty of techniques, they didn't have too much  _oomph_  behind them. Even when she used it to coat her limbs, she didn't use it for too long; nor did she use it for enhancing her speed. In short, she was not as good as the Raikage, Ē. I just had to get her to waste enough chakra and get in a cheap shot.

Unfortunately after a minute of dodging she wised up to my strategy. She stopped and visibly calmed herself down, taking deep breaths. "Getting tired in your old age? Maybe you need to take your medicine? Do you even remember their names? Do you remember your own name for that matter?"

She bristled, but she stayed put, watching me. "You're out of chakra, aren't you" she finally stated.

I scoffed, "I have enough to deal with an old hag like you."

Her smile turned unpleasant "Aww, did someone blow his load too quick? Maybe you should have played with someone your own age before trying for an experienced woman like me."

I smirked, "You know something about younger men?" My right hand started chirping with a Raiton technique that was  _very_  well known throughout Konoha, "We're never far from a second wind." I started to run forward with the Chidori chirping around my arm and I flicked my special kunai right at her. The second she dodged I flashed to kunai using the Hiraishin and slammed my hand right through her left shoulder. "Chido-AAARRRGGHHHHH!" I screamed in pain, because she had disintegrated into lightning. I had been tricked by a fucking Kage Bunshin of all things; and I wasn't in the mood to appreciate the irony.

As I lay twitching on the ground, fighting exhaustion and unconsciousness, I saw the 'Thunder Empress' make her way to my defenseless body. I had next to no chakra, my teammates were all incapacitated, and there was no hope left. I saw her come closer and lean down next to my ear, "So it ends, little leaf. It's time for you to blow away in the wind."

Fuck. That. I tried to speak, but the words got stuck in my throat. I heard her ask amusedly, "Oh? You have some last words? Go ahead, speak them" she said magnanimously. I raised the index finger on my right hand and pointed it at her. "Raiton (Lightning Release) "- her eyes widened as she tried to dodge, but it was far too late – "Byakurai (White Lightning)." She jumped back but the last thing I saw was the technique striking her in the middle of the sternum.

Then chakra exhaustion caught up with me and I knew no more.

* * *

  **In the clearing: Enrai Setsuka**

She had collapsed once the technique struck her; she felt a burst of lightning run up her spinal cord, but after that there was nothing. She took a breath and mentally catalogued her status: she was low on chakra, but other than a few cuts by that blond shinobi's Fūton techniques she was unharmed. Then she tried to move her left leg to maneuver herself into a standing position.

Instead she slapped herself in the face with her right hand.

For a second she was shocked. Had that just happened? But when she tried to move her right hand her right foot flopped around like a dead fish instead. What the hell was going on?

What she would never know was that her opponent had spent years studying under Tsunade of the Sannin. He had never had the control for medical ninjutsu, but he was smart enough to have reverse-engineered her Ranshinshō (Body Pathway Derangement) and re-created it as an external attack. As she did lay gasping upon the ground, a shadow fell over her, and she realized she had lost track of the kunoichi she had stabbed; the kunoichi who was now standing over her.

Anko glared at the twitching kunoichi below her. With her eyes locked on her opponent, Anko painfully pulled out the kunai in her gut; spurting out what seemed to be a liter of blood. "Here's your kunai back," she stabbed the kunai in Enrai Setsuka's heart, "Bitch!"

The light faded from the eyes of the 'Thunder Empress' and Anko stood gasping. She finally let herself collapse and started to use the basic medical ninjutsu to suture wounds that Orochimaru had taught her. She was out of chakra, she was approaching unconsciousness, her team was knocked out, and they weren't in friendly territory. She barely stopped herself from thinking that things could get worse, when she heard someone land in the clearing. She sighed. This was just not their day.

* * *

 


	8. Cast No Shadow

Original Publish Date: 11th-November-2015

Edited Date: 10th-February-2016

* * *

  **Chapter 8 – Cast No Shadow**

_Here's a thought for every man who tries to understand what is in his hands_

_He walks along the open road of Love & Life surviving if he can_

_._

_Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say_

_Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay_

_Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say_

_And as he faced the sun he cast no shadow_

**_- Cast No Shadow, Oasis_ **

* * *

  **? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?**

_The vast emptiness extended as far as the senses could stretch._

_The infinite blackness was only interrupted by minor pinpricks of light; light that burned cold against the blackness. The burning lights were minor in number, but they burned with a vengeful intensity that threatened to consume anything that came near. The dust and debris floating near was sucked into the intense burning and consumed as fuel to further their intensity._

_There was only blackness and burning, there was no life and no death. There was only the infinite cosmos that awaited beyond._

… _No. There was no life. But didn't the absence of life mean the presence of death? Were they not faces of the same coin? One had to be present; it was the nature of the two opposing forces. Wasn't it?_

_Awareness spread through the infinite blackness, searching for one or the other. It spread, looking for signs that life had once been present so that it could justify the presence of death. Because if there was no life and no death, what was there?_

_The awareness found nothing. Every tiny burning pinprick brought nothing but a desire to consume and be consumed. The infinite blackness didn't care one way or another. It was merely the tapestry that held the picture in place. But without life and death, what was the picture about?_

_THERE! There was something! The awareness moved toward what it had detected, blinded by its excitement at the discovery. As it drew closer, crossing thousands of burning pinpricks and infinite dust and debris, the awareness started to realize that the_ being _it had detected was already cognizant of it. Once it was close enough the awareness stopped and stretched out towards the being._

 _It recoiled at the_ ** pain ** _._

 _While it was struggling to understand this new concept of pain, the being turned to survey the awareness. The awareness knew it was being analyzed by the being, but it didn't know what to do next. The vast infinite blackness was empty, and this was the only thing it had detected. But then the awareness realized that the_ being _was looking straight at it._

_And smiling._

* * *

 Covers were thrown back as consciousness was regained. Huge shuddering gasps escaped the mouth and water was sought to quench an exceedingly dry mouth. Terror-fueled adrenaline engulfed the veins as the dreamer tried to calm themselves down.  _'Was that really a dream?'_

There was no more sleep to be had that night, only a silent vigil for the warmth of the sun; broken by the occasional tremor.

* * *

  **4465617468**

The intermittent beeping was the first thing I heard.

A sense of déjà vu overtook me as I regained consciousness. I'd been waking up from nightmares frequently enough since I came back in time, but this was the first time I had heard the sounds of the hospital. It took me a few minutes to remember what had happened.  _'That's right; we were fighting against that Kumo kunoichi. Looks like someone finished her off.'_  Just as I was about to open my eyes I remembered what had happened last time. I extended my senses and detected  _three_  people in the room, to my surprise. But the one I had expected was there.

I opened my eyes and looked straight at the Sandaime Hokage, who looked disappointed. "Hoping to scare me again?"

He sniffed, "What kind of brat spoils an old man's fun?"

I grinned, but then remembered that the last time we had spoken and looked away in shame. That was when my gaze fell upon the other two visitors in my room; Naruto and Anko. Specifically, to my growing amusement, Naruto and Anko who were both asleep and drooling on each other. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. "How did that happen?"

"As I understand it, somehow Naruto got word that his savior was in the hospital and came to visit. Anko-chan was here looking up all of you, and they ran into each other here. They bonded over a… _spirited_  discussion as to whether ramen or dango was the better dish."

My grin grew wider. I could completely imagine how that conversation had gone. "I'm sorry I missed it."

Sarutobi smiled as well, "The hospital staff was not happy. The two of them were asked to leave, but I believe that they sneaked back in. Anko-chan can be very persistent."

I snorted, "I really can't see Anko being anyone's –chan." The Sandaime rolled his eyes as I continued, "So what happened? On the mission I mean?"

Sarutobi nodded, "I only have a preliminary word-of-mouth report from Anko, but as she puts it, you did something that really  _'fucked her shit up'_  " he was obviously quoting Anko. "Apparently she couldn't move, and Anko used the opportunity to kill your opponent. Once that was done, you had more visitors."

I raised my eyebrows, "More? How many people did Kumo send for that damn scroll? For that matter how did Anko survive? She was in pretty bad shape when I left her."

Sarutobi smirked, "I never said that the visitors were enemies."

I waited, but Sarutobi had his trollface back on. Clearly he would make me ask; stupid old geezer and his penchant for mischief. I sighed, "Who was it, Hokage-sama?" I said in a voice that made it clear that I was humoring him.

He smirked and leaned forward, clearly anticipating my reaction. "Tsunade of the Senju clan."

I blinked in surprise. "Baa-chan!?" Even I heard the note of incredulity in my voice.

He nodded, satisfied and amused by my reaction, "Apparently she was passing through the area on her way to a nearby casino. The presence of a chakra thunderstorm was enough to draw her attention. She stabilized Anko and performed first aid on all four of you." He studied me thoughtfully before asking continuing, "Apparently she wasn't very happy with the seals on your arms."

I shrugged, "It was a dangerous untested ritual when we did it the first time. Sakura-chan nagged me for months, urging me to reconsider. But between her medical knowledge and my Fūinjutsu know-how we managed to cobble it together. It could have gone badly wrong, but it didn't. I'm not surprised Baa-chan was pissed."

Sarutobi gazed at me, and once more I wanted to fidget. This was as good a time as any to apologize, "Err…about the last time we spoke…"

"We'll talk" he interrupted coolly. I flinched. He was pissed, but I had been pretty harsh with him. Maybe he had needed to hear it, but I might not have been the best person to tell him.

Thankfully the moment of awkwardness passed when Naruto lost his balance and his head slipped on to Anko's lap. The movement caused both of them to regain consciousness, both of them blearily blinking sleep away from their eyes. Naruto used his fists to clear his eyes while Anko yawned, stretching. The moment when they both grew aware of the other's presence was obvious; they both stiffened before glancing at each other and springing apart with a yell.

"Eww! You drooled on me! Yuck!" Naruto yelled, wiping the drool from his hair.

"What are you complaining about gaki (brat)? I have to get my trench coat dry-cleaned! Otherwise it will be stained forever with your stupid ramen broth drool!"

"Grr. I'll have to use an entire bottle of shampoo to get your stupid red bean paste drool out of my hair!"

"Why you little…" Anko was advancing towards a suddenly frightened looking Naruto with her hands curled into claws when a sudden polite cough from the Hokage broke the tension. Both of them started to sheepishly (and simultaneously) rub the back of their heads.

"Ehehehe…sorry." They both said simultaneously. Then they realized they were doing the exact same thing and started glaring at each other, sparks flying between their eyes.

"Finally picking on someone your own size, Anko-san?" I asked, smirking. The look she shot me could have curdled milk.

"Maybe you should keep the noise level low if you don't want the nurses to throw you out again," a smiling Sarutobi gently reprimanded the two.

"Sorry, oji-chan" Naruto whispered loudly. He then looked at me and spoke bashfully, scratching the back of his head in a very familiar manner, "Err… I heard that you were in the hospital, so I wanted to come by and thank you for saving me, Nanashi-san!"

' _This is so surreal. And trippy. Does this count as narcissism?'_  "No problem kid." I spoke outwardly. I gave a mental sigh, lamenting the fact that my time cowardly hiding from him was officially over. "We ramen lovers have to stick together."

"EEHHH! You like ramen too!" he spoke with his normal loud voice, causing me to smile and nod. "When you get released, I'll treat you to get-out-of-hospital-ramen!"

I blinked. I couldn't even remember the last time I had get-out-of-hospital-ramen. Mostly because there hadn't been any friendly hospitals left. Maybe the ones that Hinata had cooked for me counted… But this was huge. I couldn't remember actually treating anyone else to ramen when I was a kid. Maybe it was to do with the fact that nobody I knew loved ramen as much as me, but mostly because I had nobody to share it with. For Naruto to offer someone a ramen treat…

"You're on kid!" I couldn't stop the warmth spreading to my voice as I smiled.

Anko scoffed, "I don't even know what you see in that filthy slop. I'm surprised you can taste anything through all the salt."

"Don't deride the ramen." All warmth had left my voice as I glared at Anko. Naruto was doing the exact same thing, crossing his arms and nodding imperiously. Then he got a slightly confused look, and whispered to the Hokage, "Ne, oji-chan, what does 'deride' mean?"

Anko rolled her eyes as the Hokage explained the meaning of the word to an increasingly agitated Naruto. "It's your stupid ramen that I blame for this stain on my beautiful trenchcoat."

Naruto pointed to a smug looking Anko, mouth working soundlessly as he was unable to find the words to express his outrage when I decided to come to his rescue. "Hey kid, atleast you can say that you slept with a woman before any of your classmates." The reaction from both parties was immediate; Naruto immediately broke out into a blush and Anko snarled as she immediately threw a kunai right at my face. I managed to tilt my head enough so that it didn't scratch me, but it managed to gouge out a clump of my hair. She was about to jump on me when-

The Sandaime Hokage raised an eyebrow.

It was impressive how quickly the room quieted down at that. It was even more impressive when I realized that none of us had been looking at him when he raised his eyebrow, yet somehow all of us had taken notice when he did. That was an amazing use of his presence; he had imposed himself on the madness threatening to engulf the room with nothing more than a raised eyebrow. I had to ask him how he did that; I would needle him like my 10 year old self if I had to.

Just then, though, the door opened and a nurse came through. Upon spying Anko and Naruto she started to scowl, before her attention was caught by me. "You're awake! Why didn't anyone tell me!? Everyone out, OUT!" she shooed everyone out with a well-practiced bustling manner, including an amused Sandaime Hokage. Once she had successfully repelled all interlopers, she closed the door and then turned around with a creepy smile. "Now then," her manner was eerily similar to a satisfied cat that had cornered a mouse, "does it hurt anywhere?"

* * *

  **2 Days Later: 4465617468**

"Log-damned hospitals." I muttered to myself as I left the hospital, once I was sure that I was out of hearing range. "Why do all doctors and nurses have to be so creepy? I swear that T&I has people with a better bedside manner." Of course, that led to the thought of prisoners crying as they were told that they had to go to the hospital instead of the holding cells, begging for mercy and utterly breaking. I shook my head at the ridiculous thought. There was no way that would happen… right?

Atleast the doctors I had faced so far were of the happy variety. Log only knew what would happen if I ever faced one of the disgruntled ones; in all likelihood, there would be a reckoning.

In any case, I enjoyed breathing the fresh air again. Hospital air always had that stale smell of phenyl and various cleaning agents mixed in, so it was a relief to breathe the untainted air right from the forest. Not to mention I had been bored out of my mind for the last two days. I didn't even qualify for the good drugs since all that was really wrong with me was a case of chakra exhaustion. The damage that Enrai had caused me was taken care of by a combination of Tsunade (what  _had_  she been doing there?) and the medic nin back in the village.

I needed to get stronger; that much was obvious. I had been beaten when I was pretty much going all out, technique wise. Maybe I could have used a Rasengan variant, but the problem hadn't been the techniques I was using. I had run out of chakra far too easily, overestimating myself by an order of several magnitudes. I had thought that having an Uzumaki heritage would mean that I still had vast reserves; apparently this was no longer the case. This was a serious worry, while I knew that I was no longer a chakra powerhouse, I never thought that 3 or so S-rank techniques would cause me to reach my limit. That was quite pathetic. I had to figure out a way to increase my chakra capacity.

I reached my apartment through the familiar dingy hallway, my feet almost drawing me to my old…Naruto's apartment by default. I sighed again. Dealing with Naruto was going to be  _troublesome_ , to quote a certain Nara. But maybe it would be worth it. I smiled as I thought about his offer of ramen. If there was ever an indication that you were in his…my… ugh,  _our_  good books, it was if we offered to share ramen. Ramen was sacred.

I created a Kage Bunshin as soon as I entered my place and it immediately set about dusting and cleaning the place. I on the other hand went straight to the shower and turned on the hot water. I stood underneath the scalding liquid and moaned in satisfaction. Washing away the stench of the hospital was satisfying in the extreme. I let myself soak for the longest time; once I was red all over from the heat I finally, reluctantly, turned the shower off. I had to go to the Hokage tower for a debriefing on our mission; otherwise I might have considered showering longer. I toweled and dried my hair off first and tied it up in its usual ponytail (it was my tribute to Ero-Sennin).

Once I was dressed I tied on my hitai-ate and made my way outside via the window. It was far more convenient to use than a door, but subsequently it was a weak point as well. I had put up a few basic security seals, but nothing major. At this point, I was sure I didn't have any enemies but that didn't mean I could let my guard down. To do so would be the very antithesis of being a ninja.

I ran into Hayate near the entrance to the tower this time and we made our way up together, making small talk. Anko was already at the reception when we reached there and exchanged greetings, which consisted of me grunting at her and her smiling one of her creepy-as-fuck smiles at me. Just as the secretary was about to buzz us in Genma showed up, looking decidedly pleased at his perfect timing. Anko rolled her eyes and I grinned at him, while Hayate just coughed. I wasn't versed enough in his nonverbal language to decipher what it meant, and all of us trooped inside.

Seeing Sarutobi back in the seat of the Hokage was a huge relief. A tiny part of me unclenched as soon as I saw that sight; I had been deathly afraid that Danzō had somehow masterminded a coup right under my nose. But for the moment, it seemed that all was well.

Sarutobi returned our greetings with a nod as he unfurled the mission report. "A-rank mission number K95A7296 undertaken by Shiranui Genma, Gekkō Hayate and Nanashi under the leadership of Mitarashi Anko. For the rest of the debriefing this mission will be referred to as…" he blinked as he re-read the line, before he continued with no inflection in his tone, "The Bunny Mission."

Anko snickered. Hayate politely coughed. Genma tried to hide a grin and failed spectacularly. I twitched. Then I scowled. Clearly this was not going to be fun for me.

"Anko, please describe your squad's movements during the Bunny Mission." Genma was barely holding a snort in, while Hayate had raised his hand to his mouth and was coughing continuously into it, while I was sure he was hiding a smile. Anko was standing at attention but her voice was laced with amusement as she replied to the Hokage's query.

"We left the village 4 days ago at 1000 hours. According to the intel, our target was heading west towards Earth Country, and the Analysis Department concluded that there was a 60% chance that they would use a particular part of the forest for infiltrating Taki no Kuni (Waterfall Country). We reached the target area approximately 2 hours before our target, so we set about laying traps. I summoned a few snakes to act as lookouts to let us know if we were in the right area. Once we were hidden in the forest and I received word from my summons that the target was on its way, I tried to communicate the same to the squad. That was where we ran into a minor…hiccup." The tone of amusement, which had steadily disappeared from her voice as she narrated the mission, returned with a vengeance. "Apparently  _someone_  had mistakenly declared themselves mission ready while they had forgotten to memorize the latest set of non-verbal hand-signals." She wasn't even bothering to hide her delight at my misfortune.

Steel-grey eyes gave me a once-over, the face in which they were buried could have been carved from stone. "No doubt they will  _hop_  over to the Cryptanalysis Department to correct this oversight."

Anko looked like the Sandaime had told her that Christmas had come early. Hayate had given up all pretenses of coughing, while Genma was openly laughing. I was sure I had a tic mark on my head as I scowled.

Once everyone had indulged in making fun of me we got back to business. Genma took up the debriefing at this point. "I followed the Iwa spy once he had made his appearance; I almost took him out at the start but he managed to block me. He was exceptionally quick but after a few minutes I took him out with a Doton jutsu. I'm not sure he appreciated the irony, but once he lost his footing I caught him with some of my poisoned senbon. It was a matter of time after that. Once the poison affected his movement enough I dispatched him with a kunai."

Anko and Hayate gave their reports after that, following which I gave an abbreviated version of my own. Of course, I didn't tell them that I used the Hiraishin, but implied that I used a technique to speed up my movement to catch the kunoichi off guard. Once we had covered the initial skirmish we all paused and looked at each other awkwardly, not knowing how to explain that four Jonin had been caught off guard. Quite frankly it was an embarrassment. To my surprise though, Anko stepped up.

"It was my mistake that allowed Enrai to sneak up on us. I had dismissed my spotter snakes, thinking that we had taken care of all the perpetrators. I apologize, and I am ready to accept the consequences."

I couldn't disguise my surprise as I looked at her. Genma and Hayate were less surprised, but looked contrite. "We all let our guard down, Hokage-sama. We're all share the blame equally." Genma said. Hayate nodded, and I followed suit. Teams stuck together.

The Hokage's expression, however, was inscrutable. "How did the enemy get the drop on you?"

"She walked right up to us. Something she said during the fight made me think that she could sense the electrical signals in our bodies. She put her hands on their shoulders and took them out right at the start" I said, tilting my head in the direction of Genma and Hayate. Since I had been present till right at the end of the duel, I took over the re-telling of the mission. Until the end, I accurately reported the moves and countermoves I had taken against Enrai. "Right at the end I used the same speed technique I had against the other Kumo kunoichi. I knocked her out, but she had used a Raiton Kage Bunshin and tricked me. She had effectively taken me out, but she made a crucial error: she came over to gloat. I managed to nail her with a Raiton technique that messed with her nervous electrical signals. Since she took me out with my favourite technique, a Kage Bunshin, I returned the favor." I let out a nasty smile at that. "I passed out after that."

Anko took up the re-telling. "I took her out with the kunai she had stabbed me with. As soon as I confirmed the kill Tsunade of the Sannin landed behind me. She didn't even look in my direction as she started asking questions. Her assistant came over and started healing me as I told Tsunade what had happened, then she went over to the nameless wonder here" she jerked her head towards me. The tone in her voice changed to one of curiosity as she continued, still looking at me. "She ran a diagnostic before swearing up a storm at the 'recklessly moronic ritual' that he had performed upon himself." She waited a moment to see if I offered any rebuttal; upon my continued silence she continued, "It was weird, she didn't look at me once. She was never that way with me earlier, even after the Snake's betrayal."

"She's hemophobic" I supplied.

Anko scoffed, "She's the greatest iryo-nin (medical ninja) in the history of the Elemental Nations. She's used to the sight of blood. Don't be an idiot."

I shrugged. There was no way she would believe me so I didn't even try to convince her. It was an absurd accusation to make, and if I hadn't known it for a fact then even I wouldn't believe it.

She continued, "Once everyone was patched up her assistant did a quick perimeter sweep, and found one more body. It looked like a native of Konoha, but nobody recognized him. He too bore signs of being killed by Enrai."

My eyes widened briefly before I controlled my facial expression. I couldn't control my dampening underarms or my racing heart however.  _Fuck_. I had completely forgotten about the Root agent. And I had used the Hiraishin without needing to. If Enrai hadn't killed him I would be firmly in Danzō's sights, if I wasn't already. Of course, he might have managed to send across some information (Sai's ink animals came to mind) so I would have to be careful. More than that, I would have to warn Sarutobi, if he hadn't already known.

Anko blathered on about reaching one of the designated safe spots with us in tow, but my mind was racing. I had thought I had enough time, but I wasn't strong enough; Sarutobi had been right about that as well. Not to mention I only had less than two months before the originally planned mission to Kiri. I would have to find my edge before then.

Sarutobi suddenly spoke, startling me out of my thoughts. "Very well. Mitarashi Anko and Nanashi will receive the bounty for A-ranked Kumo kunoichi Enrai Setsuka, once our agent claims it."

"Agent?" I queried. This was not something I was versed with.

Sarutobi's gaze came back to me. "Konoha shinobi cannot simply waltz in to a bounty station with the corpse of another nation's prized ninja. It would cause a diplomatic incident at best and a war at worst. Therefore we, and other nations, employ agents with no ties to any village and who are sworn to keep their secrets. For a percentage of the bounty they take care of delivering the body and retrieving the money from the bounty stations."

It made sense. If one of us had simply walked into the bounty station with Enrai's corpse, not only would we piss Kumo off, but also reliably inform them that we had a spy in their village. Also, Iwa would be brassed off that we had stolen their stolen scroll, and killed their spy to boot. All things considered, it was a reasonable precaution to take.

Sarutobi put his hand on the tip of his hat. "All things considered, I will mark this A-rank as completed successfully. This does not, however, mean that you should pat yourselves on the back. All of you are Jōnin level ninjas. To allow a single opponent to give you this much trouble is, quite frankly, embarrassing. In the end, you were very lucky to survive. Improve yourselves, and make sure that this doesn't happen again."

His stern rebuke left us all feeling abashed. Everyone nodded, not quite meeting his eyes, and the remaining three started to leave as the Sandaime dismissed us. I, however, stayed where I was standing, and from the way that Sarutobi was sternly looking at me I knew that the dismissal had not been meant for me. The others filed out with curiosity upon their faces.

Once the door was closed I performed the handseals for the privacy technique, protecting us against eavesdroppers. There would be enough time for apologies later, more important matters were at hand. "Danzō is sniffing around. The extra body found was doubtless one of his Root agents. I'm certain he sent me on that mission so that he could figure out my capabilities in battle to guard against them."

"Given how the mission went I would say he had nothing to worry about."

I winced at the harsh words, but didn't dispute them. My performance in the field hadn't exactly been stellar; but Sarutobi wasn't done.

"Your focus is on the wrong objective. Our spy will make contact with us in less than two months regarding the Kiri situation, and whether it is beneficial for us to take place in their civil war. As of right now I have serious reservations regarding your suitability for that mission; both from a diplomatic perspective and from your level of strength in combat. You have until the spy makes contact to change my mind, otherwise I will send someone more suitable."

Holy shit. He didn't hold back did he? Suddenly I was no longer the shinobi who had survived the Ninja apocalypse and a trip through time, but the academy student who had caused the academy to shut down because I had put smoke powder mixed with pepper in the vents, causing everyone to end up in the hospital to get their eyes checked. The chewing out I had received after that event still made me quake in my sandals. Sarutobi had that effect on a lot of people I'm sure, but with me it was just that bit more personal, since he had been the first authority figure in my life.

I only noticed that I was ashamedly staring at my sandals when I heard him put a scroll in front of me. "This contains some advanced chakra control exercises for you. Perhaps if you don't waste as much you can be of more use to your teammates." I picked it up abashedly, not dating to meet his eyes. "Tomorrow, at noon, you are to locate the secret training grounds behind the Hokage monument and wait for the Ninja I have arranged to spar with you, no holds barred. This will be a recurring theme every week until you are deemed strong enough. Do you have any objections?"

"No, Hokage-sama" I answered crisply.

He continued staring at me unblinkingly, his fingers forming a steeple in front of his face. "Focus on building up your strength; leave Danzō and his cohorts up to me. I will deal with him as I deem fit. Do you have any other concerns to bring up?"

"No, Hokage-sama" I repeated, feeling extremely small.

"Dismissed."

I turned and walked quickly away from the room, allowing the privacy technique to dissipate with my exit. In less than 5 minutes, the Sandaime Hokage had torn me a new proverbial asshole, and I was reeling. As I exited the tower my feet started guiding me towards Ichiraku, and I didn't even  _try_  to change my path. I deserved some comfort food after being brutally savaged.

In what was surely a sign, as soon as I walked up to the stand I ran into Naruto. He blinked and then gave a blinding smile in my direction. "Ahh! You're out of the hospital!" he cried dramatically, pointing a finger at me. I tried to smile (not that it would be visible underneath the mask), but gave it up as a bad job.

"Yeah, I was released this morning. I just came back from the Hokage tower." Hell, even my voice sounded subdued. Even Naruto picked up on my mood. As we took seats next to each other at the stand he looked up at me with a curious expression on his face.

"Are you all right? Do you still hurt? Should you go back to the hospital?"

I looked down at him at thought about giving him an inconsequential answer, but then I reconsidered. If anyone knew what it was like to have the Hokage yell at you, it was Naruto. "No, I'm fine physically. Hokage-ji-chan just yelled at me, so I'm feeling a little sad right now."

Naruto winced in sympathy, "Yeah, he can get really scary when he yells at you" he muttered. He perked up instantly as soon as Ayame came to take our orders. "Ayame-nee-chan! Look! This is the guy who saved me! I'm treating him to ramen today!"

Oh, right, Naruto had said he would treat me. Well, atleast this day had a silver lining. Ayame smiled at me and performed a small bow with a light dusting of pink across her cheeks, "Thank you for saving our favourite customer, shinobi-san." That's weird; I remembered her voice being slightly higher than that.

"I was just doing my job, but you're quite welcome. And please, my name is Nanashi."

She nodded and asked me in that lower tone, "So what will you have today?"

"One miso ramen please." She nodded and switched her gaze to Naruto, and asked in her usual perky voice (?) "And what about you, Naruto-kun?"

"Tonkotsu!"

"Coming right up!" She flashed me a dazzling smile and retreated to the kitchen to prepare our meals.

"Ne, ne, why is your name Nanashi? Doesn't it mean no-name?" Naruto asked.

I took a moment to consider my answer; I wasn't entirely sure how to satisfy his curiosity without bringing up potentially sensitive information. I decided to mix fact with a white lie, "Well, I'm an orphan. I never knew my parents or what they had named me, so they never knew what to call me at the orphanage. Somehow they started calling me Nanashi, and the name stuck."

His eyes widened. "You're an orphan too?" At my affirmative nod, he scrunched up his face in thought, evidently mulling over something.

In the meantime, Teuchi came out with our ramen and placed them in front of us; he put down mine slightly harder than absolutely necessary. "Please enjoy your meal" he said, giving me a slightly strained smile. I blinked in confusion, what was the hostility for? In fact, shouldn't Ayame be serving us? I looked over to see her glowering at her father; but the moment she saw me she smiled her dimply smile, and her cheeks pinked as she shyly slid from view. It took me a few moments to connect the dots between her behavior and Teuchi's.

Holy shit. Was Ayame-nee-chan flirting with me!?

Teuchi had grumpily retreated to the kitchen by the time I made my realization. This was way beyond weird. Ayame had always been my kind older sister-figure, comforting me and helping me with my problems, and sneaking me the occasional free bowl of ramen. For her to be crushing on me was a mystifying experience. Not to mention, she was barely 16! I was on my way to my 24th birthday.

A loud slurping sound brought me back to reality. Naruto was noisily devouring his ramen, having completely missed the by-play. I quirked my lips; maybe he had the right of it. I set about polishing off my own bowl, and leaning back with a satisfied sigh when I was finished. Naruto and I both looked at each other and shared a grin; a belly full of hot ramen was peerless when it came to warm fuzzy feelings.

I could go for another bowl, though. "Ayame-san" I called out and the waitress turned around from her chores. Her smile slowly dropped away as she noticed a suddenly nervous looking Naruto. Why was…Oh. It was his treat. He probably couldn't afford any more bowls. He may have been an orphan, but he did have some pride, and there was no way I was going to wound that. I slid my gaze back to Ayame. "Thank you for a delicious meal."

"You're very welcome" she said in that low flirty tone, this time with a full blush and twinkling eyes. Great, now I had to deal with hero worship. Evidently she had realized what I had done, and just as evidently Naruto had not; he was too busy giving a sigh of relief.

"Hey kid," Naruto looked up at me, "thanks for the treat!" He blinked in surprise, then started to smile. I spied a single noodle sticking to the side of my bowl, and I picked up my chopsticks and freed it from its prison, intent on reuniting it with its delicious brethren. As I brought it closer to my mouth, Naruto replied. "No problem, Nanashi-nii-chan!"

SPLAT!

The chopsticks slipped in my fingers and the noodle was now stuck to my forehead, causing Ayame to giggle. But I didn't pay attention; my eyes were wide with shock. I slowly turned to the kid who had just called me his older brother (!). "Nii-chan?" I asked slowly.

He looked skittish, like a cornered animal, but answered anyway, his voice an octave lower than before. "You said you're an orphan too, right? So you must have been really lonely, with nobody to care for you. So I was thinking that maybe I could, you know…" he trailed off uncertainly. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ayame's eyes glimmering with tears; even Teuchi seemed to be unmoving. Naruto had dropped his head and was mumbling something under his breath. Poor kid thought that he was being subtle, saying that I was the one who was lonely. It was as adorable as it was heartbreaking. I instantly made up mind, and put my hand on his head and ruffled his hair. "Sure thing kid, you can be my little brother if you want. You're right, I get pretty lonely around here; I could use your company."

The unrestrained delight that bloomed on his face was a thing of beauty, it caused me to get caught up in the emotion of the moment and smile as widely as I could. Naruto's teeth were on full display and he was smiling so widely that his eyes were squinting. I'm pretty sure I had a goofy expression on my face as well, as I continued to ruffle his hair.

Both of us were broken from our reverie when two new bowls of ramen were suddenly plonked down in front of us. "On the house!" exclaimed a beaming Teuchi, all traces of his earlier hostility towards me gone.

"WHOA! Free ramen! You're the best, Teuchi-oji-san!" Naruto gave his own exclamation.

"Thanks, oyaji (pops)!" Mine followed immediately after. Teuchi's smile got wider at my term of endearment for him, as I bowed my thanks for the free meal. I reached for my chopsticks the same moment Naruto did, and we spoke in unison, "Itadakimasu!" Both of us reached for the bowl at the same time.

And then both our hands stopped six inches away from our respective bowls.

I felt a slight breeze ruffle my hair as I looked over at Naruto from the corner of my eye. The wind was ruffling his hair too as he squinted at me from the corner of his eye. And both of us knew.  _It's on_.

In the same moment we both grabbed the bowl and started the impromptu ramen eating competition, slurping down the noodles as fast as we possibly could. As I shoveled the noodles into my mouth I vaguely realized that another noodle had joined the one on already my forehead, but I couldn't afford to be distracted. Naruto was wearing the broth as much as eating it, but he wasn't slowing down either. I avoided chewing as much as possible and simply swallowed the noodles; Naruto was doing the same. The moment I didn't feel any more noodles through my chopsticks I lifted the bowl and drained the broth in a single long gulp and slammed the bowl down on the counter. "First!"

I blinked. I wasn't the only one who had spoken. Naruto looked as surprised as me that we had finished at the same time. Then we caught each other's eye and grinned. "Good contest" I said. He nodded, and was about to reply when he caught sight of Ayame. His mouth shut with an audible click as he started paling. I turned to see Ayame with a twitching eyelid glaring at Naruto as she purposefully grabbed a box of tissues and marched towards him.

"Naruto!" she growled, and I winced internally. I had heard that tone a few times in my youth and it was right up there with the Hokage's yelling, in my opinion. "What have I told you about eating with manners!? Have you forgotten everything I taught you!?" She yanked on his ear and attacked his face with the tissues, ignoring his panicked yelps. "If you don't use table manners I'm going to make sure you can never eat here again". Once he was cleaned up she took out a fresh tissue and turned to me; she came to a complete stop as she realized that I wasn't a rowdy 10 year old. "Err…"

I defused the potentially awkward situation by taking the tissue box from her hand. "My apologies, I got carried away and forgot my manners" I said diplomatically, wiping my face clean and discreetly checking to see if Teuchi was looking. The threat of a ban on ramen had hit home, and I wanted to make sure that it was the last thing on her mind when we left. "I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble" I said, before winking at her.

Poor Ayame stood no chance. Her blush returned in full as she started stammering her acceptance of my apology, but I wasn't done. I lightly rapped my knuckles against Naruto's head, "It's your treat right? Make the payment and leave a nice tip for your nee-chan. She takes care of you, so show your appreciation." He grumbled a bit as he pulled out Gama-chan, our trusty wallet, causing me to feel a wave of nostalgia as I lamented the loss of my own; and as I instructed he left her a tip. "Thank you for taking care of us!" Entirely red-faced by this point, the teenage girl could only nod in embarrassment as she accepted our bill and went to deposit it in their money box. I breathed a sigh of relief. ' _Oh ramen, the things I do for you'_.

Naruto however had scrunched up his face in thought again. I felt the atmosphere shift again before he started speaking. "Ne, nii-chan?"

"Hm?"

"Why did that guy try to poison me?"

The mood sank like a stone. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Teuchi still completely, and not for the first time this afternoon. Ayame was out of my sight, but I was sure she was listening intently as well.

I sighed. I didn't want to lie to the kid…my little brother, but I had no other choice right now. He was not ready to hear the truth about the Kyūbi, he was still an immature child at this point. I didn't like lying; it left a bad taste in my mouth. The only time it was acceptable to lie, under my rules, was when I was playing a prank. That way the lie had an expiry date and it could always be smoothed over. But there was no way I could play a prank on my younger self. Right?

.

.

How many people get a chance to play a prank on themselves anyway?

I stiffened my back and assumed a dramatic tone of voice. "There is a secret, little brother, which you are not aware of."

Naruto immediately perked up, "A secret? What? What is it?"

Teuchi had whipped his head around in horror and was frantically gesturing at me to stop; but that wasn't the secret I had in mind. "Yes, a secret… about the hidden war between the different noodle chefs."

Teuchi stopped gesturing, and stood with an incredulous expression on his face. Even Ayame peeked out and surveyed me with surprise.

Naruto, on the other hand, was lapping it up. "A war between noodle chefs?"

I gave a deep, grandiose nod, "Yes, a secret war. You see, all the different noodle chefs in the Elemental Nations are convinced that their noodle dish is the best."

"But that's a lie! Ramen is the best!"

I nodded again, "Yes. You know that, I know that and they know that" I said, pointing to the Ichiraku's. "But other people are not as enlightened as us. They think that other noodles can be as good as ours." I scoffed in disdain. "They may be foolish, but they are persistent." Naruto was looking at me as if I was spouting the secret to life, all wide-eyed innocence, and I felt bad about pranking him…for all of two seconds. Ayame was beginning to smile, and Teuchi was beginning to shake his head in disbelief. "The worst of them are…the Soba Noodle Guild." A fire rose in Naruto's eyes at the revealed enemy, and I could  _see_  them rise to the very top of his shit-list. "They have a special hatred for ramen and those who love it, believing that it is their biggest competition. They believe in being aggressive with the competition. And they find someone who loves ramen unconditionally…" I gave a dramatic pause, and Naruto was almost literally hanging off my words, "they poison them!"

"Those jerks!" Naruto could not suppress his outrage anymore. He slammed a fist against his palm, "People like that piss me off! Who do they think they are!? Er…" he squinted uncertainly at the Ichiraku's, "you guys don't poison your rivals do you?"

"Of course not! The Way of Ramen preaches peace and love through a full stomach!" I exclaimed, causing Ayame to slap both her hands on her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud. Teuchi was rubbing his head in exasperation; but Naruto was brimming with fury again.

"Grr. When I find the Soba Noodle Guild I will kick their butts! I'll make them see that the Way of Ramen is the right way!" he squinted at Ayame, who was silently shaking with her hands pressed tightly against her mouth. "Nee-chan, its ok, don't be scared, if the Soba Noodle Guild attacks you, nii-chan will protect you!" Evidently he had mistaken her mirth for horror.

This was too much for poor Ayame as she darted from the stand, holding her breath as long as she could before exploding into muffled giggles. Naruto's fury drained as he mistakenly believed her to be sobbing. "Err…"

"It's ok, little brother, just don't bring up the Soba Noodle Guild around her. It upsets her."

Naruto nodded uncertainly, looking at Teuchi, who sighed, shaking his head in defeat, "Just go."

Naruto hopped from his stool and I got up as well. "Later, oyaji." Teuchi was still shaking his head, but I swear I saw him smile as he turned away. Hehe, a prank well executed was its own reward, but it was nice to get some outside recognition as well.

If only I had known what that prank would lead to, and how it would shape the future to come, maybe I would not have been as amused.

* * *

  **The Next Day, Noon, Hokage Monument Secret Training Grounds: 4465617468**

I had left my apartment at 9, knowing that it would take me quite some time to figure out the secret entrance to the training grounds. If I still had access to Sage Mode it would have been done in seconds, but this required old-fashioned detective work. For the first couple of hours I trawled through the higher levels of the monument, feeling sure that it would be in a place where very few people managed to reach, even during emergencies. After a couple of hours of scouring the place with Kage Bunshin I was forced to revise my theory. Ultimately, I found it 30 minutes before the deadline, in the very first stone corridor. It wasn't even hidden; the rock face simply curved in a way to hide the corner where the entrance was. It appeared to be a single wall, but there was an entrance right in the corner.

I made my way in to find a massive cavern. There were rock formations everywhere and a pool of water large enough to qualify as a small lake, and there were even a few plants. I wasn't sure where the lighting was coming from, but there was enough light to see without squinting. I made a quick circuit of the terrain to familiarize myself with it, staying on guard at all times; the Hokage had warned me to be there by noon, he hadn't said that my opponent couldn't attack me earlier. Once I was reasonably familiar with the environment I extended my senses, trying to find my opponent. I idly wondered who it could be. Kakashi? No, I had beaten him at the tournament. A rematch would probably not end the same way, but it was still unlikely at this point. Gai? That would be a challenge. It would be hard, but I was reasonably confident I could beat him. Or maybe he would get someone from left field? Tenzō maybe? Suddenly I wasn't feeling as confident; his bloodline was a tough one to beat. Bloodline chakra elements like Hyoton (Ice Release) and Mokuton (Wood Release) were notoriously hard to fight against.

10 minutes before the deadline, I felt a slight shift in the atmosphere. I narrowed my eyes. My opponent was here. I kept my eyes open as I scanned my surroundings, looking for the telltale tug on my neck informing me that a genjutsu was present. I slowly turned in a circle, widening my senses, looking for the slightest disturbance.  _There_.

The moment I had identified it, my opponent jumped out and landed a short distance away from me in a defensive stance. I blinked in surprise. "You!?" My opponent didn't react verbally, simply extended his arm with his palm facing inwards. Then his fingers gestured towards himself twice in quick succession. The universal gesture for 'bring it on'.

I grinned as I charged my right hand with raw Raiton chakra. ' _This should be fun'_.

* * *

  **One Hour Later**

It wasn't fun.

Getting beaten up never was.

I gazed up at the ceiling, seemingly lying relaxed on my back, hands at my sides; but a quick look at the rest of my body dispelled that notion.

My shirt was all but ripped apart, and my jacket had been torn at the left shoulder. A large gash covered my left shoulder and arm, and my right arm probably had a hairline fracture, if what I was feeling was anything to go by. Burn marks and dirt blackened my shinobi pants, and one of my shinobi sandals was practically nonexistent. Breathing hurt, which meant that I had a few broken ribs, if not a punctured lung. My face was a single large bruise, the center of which seemed to be at my left cheek. But all this did not take into account my most severe injury; the thing that had been hurt the most today, and would take the longest to heal.

My pride.

"You fought well. However, your Taijutsu stances are not solid enough. You tend to switch between different Taijutsu styles when you think you're being overwhelmed physically; this is acceptable against most shinobi, but a master of any single style will overcome that barrier."

I gave no indication that I had heard my opponent's analysis of my fighting style. I continued staring at the ceiling, feeling completely and utterly spent. To add insult to injury, my opponent still had chakra to spare, and was using it to heal me enough to make sure I made it to the hospital.

"Your offensive ninjutsu range is impressive. However, you waste too much chakra on using too many techniques too quickly to gain an edge. Again, against most shinobi, such a strategy will probably serve you well, but if your opponent is too quick to avoid your jutsu, it won't matter. You will simply be wasting chakra and your opponent will engage you in a battle of attrition. And you will not be the winner in that battle."

I still gave no indication that I had heard anything. I continued staring at the ceiling, idly wondering how my life had become so fucked up. My opponent had tossed me around like a rag doll; I felt like a chew toy after a dog was done mangling it.

"The fact that you do not use genjutsu is a shame. It is truly the most underrated of the shinobi arts, and potentially the most deadly. At the same time, the seal that you have grafted on to yourself to avoid genjutsu's is a magnificent piece of art. None of the techniques I used even caused you blink."

The Sandaime Hokage frowned as he ran his hands in a diagnostic technique over me. "Why did you stop fighting? You still have half your chakra. More, even."

I finally reacted. "Have you finally gone senile, you old coot? I can barely move!"

He gave me his patented dead-eye stare. "Excuse me? You've got chakra if I say you do. Now get up and perform a technique."

My body ached, but I pushed myself up into a sitting position, instinctively cradling my right hand. "Ugh" I groaned in pain. "I don't know what you're talking about. I can't even create a Kage Bunshin right now."

He scoffed, "Then try the regular Bunshin."

I rolled my eyes, "I've never been able to do the regular bunshin. My chakra control was never good enough; a side effect of having the Kyūbi."

He hadn't blinked as he kept staring at me. "I've seen you perform a lot of techniques that use far greater control than that. Attempt it. Now."

I sighed, but I prepared myself. I couldn't remember the handseals from my academy days, but I most likely had the most knowledge in the world about Fūinjutsu, and that included hand-seals. Creating a technique or coming up with the handseals for one was child's play for me now.

Requirements: illusionary technique, meaning Yin manipulation, with the result being a simple reflection of the user, capable of movement by chakra manipulation by the user. Handseals for such a technique: Ram – Snake – Tiger.

I performed the handseals and said in a resigned voice, fully expecting it to fail, "Bunshin no Jutsu."

To my complete and utter surprise, a perfect Bunshin wavered into view.

While I picked my jaw up off the floor, Sarutobi contented himself by looking extremely smug. "But that's never happened before!" I started thinking frantically, before I realized, "Oh! I don't have the Kyūbi anymore! I don't have an excessive amount of chakra running through my system!"

"Wrong!"

I snapped my vision to Sarutobi, as did my clone. Before it could get distracting, I dismissed it. "What do you mean?"

"Senju Hashirama was an extremely powerful shinobi with very potent chakra and a very large well of it to boot. And yet, he could perform pinpoint medical techniques. Your control is not due to the amount of chakra you possess. There is some other fundamental mistake you are making. What is it?"

I blinked in surprise, but before I could protest my brain had gone into student mode and already arrived at another conclusion. "Yang half of the Kyūbi…" I whispered instead, with dawning comprehension.

The Sandaime tilted his head, "Explain."

The images and explanations flickered through my head at warp speed, and I took a few moments to put it in words. "My dad sealed just the Yang half of the Kyūbi in me. He sealed the other half in himself before he was taken as sacrifice. That's why I could always perform ninjutsu flawlessly, while I sucked at genjutsu! Not because I had a lot of chakra, but because I was overflowing with Yang chakra. Even now, if what you're saying is right, I'm still drawing all of my Yang chakra while leaving the Yin chakra untouched!" My mind was whirling with the implications. Holy shit. Did this mean I could learn genjutsu? And iryo-jutsu (medical techniques)?

The Sandaime frowned, "I do not know too much about chakra theory, but what I do know is that Yin chakra is supposed to provide the form, and Yang chakra is supposed to provide the essence. Together they are supposed to form a technique."

"Yes. That is effectively true. There are a few nuances, but it's an effective overview of chakra techniques."

He tilted his head questioningly, "But you're telling me that you provided the form  _and_  the essence using Yang chakra alone?" I started to agree, and then I froze as I processed the implications. Sarutobi smiled, "Perhaps your chakra control is better than you think."

I nodded faintly. Crap. My entire life I had been fighting with one hand effectively tied behind my back and I never even knew it. I had to experiment! I needed to use handseals and re-learn how to use the entirety of my chakra instead of just pulling on the Yang half. No wonder I got exhausted so easily. The Yang was essentially the physical half of my chakra, and it came from my body. To exhaust my Yang chakra meant that it wreaked havoc on my stamina. I needed to train!

I started to smile, but then winced at the giant bruise on my face gave a painful twinge. I touched it gingerly, glaring at Sarutobi, "You bitch-slapped me!"

He snorted, "You deserved it for talking down to your betters." I continued to glare at him, but didn't make any more smartass comments. I wanted to, but maybe when I could land a few more blows I would let my mouth run, and then put my money behind it. Atleast he forgave me for that outburst before I had left to go to the Hot Springs village, so something good came out of the humiliating beating I had endured.

After a few moments though, Sarutobi broke the silence. "I have an offer for you." I tilted my head questioningly. "I would like you to sign the Monkey summoning contract."

My eyes widened. Summoning contracts were extremely rare, and for someone to offer to let you sign theirs was effectively announcing that they wanted you to carry on their legacy. That was not an offer made lightly; in fact, it spoke volumes about the kind of esteem the Sandaime Hokage held me in. Sure I had used the Toad contract before, but I was Jiraiya's apprentice then. This time around, it might not be so bad being Sarutobi's.

I smiled, and my voice was thick with emotion as I rasped out, "I would be honored, ji-chan."

Sarutobi too smiled a genuine smile as he swiped some blood from a cut on his arm and began the handseals for the Kuchiyose. With a giant puff of smoke the Monkey King Enma appeared before us.

Enma looked around, taking note of the destruction and passing his eyes over me like I was a part of the scenery. "Why have you summoned me  _after_  a fight? Do you wish for help with disposing the corpse?"

I scowled, "I don't look that bad."

Enma started violently and grabbed Sarutobi before jumping away, putting himself between Sarutobi and me. "What is that?" he hissed.

Sarutobi spoke slowly, in that tone used for people who are on a hair trigger about to do something stupid, "That is Nanashi, a shinobi of Konoha. I wish for him to sign the contract."

Enma glared at me, "That is not a shinobi. That is not a human being; that is a moving corpse. I don't know what game you're playing, Sarutobi, but that thing lacks  _life_."

The bottom fell out of my stomach. I started to get up; Enma took that as a threat and immediately jumped to attack me. There was no way I was going to survive; I fell back on my ass and tried to backtrack as he came closer. As he was about to strike me while I was defenseless he suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke. Even though it slowly cleared away I stared at the place where Enma had been about to kill me.

Summons were animals from a neighboring dimension. Because they were animals, and because they lived in a dimension which was untouched by man, their senses were not the same as ours. They were trained since birth to detect Senchakra, and therefore life.

And Enma said that I lacked  _life_.

"What am I?" I whispered despondently, suddenly feeling the weight of the world pressing down on me. Lost as I was in thought, I didn't realize that the Sandaime had rejoined me.

"You are a shinobi of Konohagakure."

My eyes snapped up to see the soft gaze of the Hokage. He smiled at me and continued in that soft tone, "You are a precious subordinate to me. I know for a fact that you will sacrifice yourself for your comrades, and means your value is incalculable." He put an arm on my shoulder. "Above all, know this: you can trust in me, and in turn, I will put my trust in you. Trust in your heart, it will never let you down. Trust in your training, it will lead you down the right path. Never forget this: I believe in you."

I had no words to say in response to that. I couldn't even stop the tears that started flowing. Trust him? I could do that. I could live with that.

* * *

 


	9. Remember the Name

Original Publish Date: 22nd-November-2015

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Remember the Name**

_This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill_

_Fifteen percent concentrated power of will_

_Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain_

_And a hundred percent reason to remember the name_

**_\- Remember the Name, Fort Minor_ **

* * *

  **The Next Day: 4465617468**

"There's a party tonight" Genma informed me as soon as I answered my door.

"Why?"

"Anko calls it the 'Thank Fuck We're Still Alive' party."

"I wonder what it's about" I deadpanned.

Genma shrugged; his trademark senbon needle twitching as he smiled, "Alcohol?"

I faux-considered this for a moment, then grinned, "All right, I'm in".

I locked up my apartment and activated the security seals as I followed Genma down the stairs, and out into the streets of Konoha. It was a brightly lit evening, and there were a good number of people on the streets. Well, it was a Friday evening, not that it meant much to the Ninja population. It was civilians who enjoyed the concept of weekends; we had no such luxuries. A mission could beckon anytime, whether it was day or night. It was a surprise that the four of us were all in town so soon after our last mission.

Only, it wasn't just the four of us, I realized as I walked in. Hayate had brought Yūgao-senpai (I would have to stop calling her that) while Anko had dragged Kurenai-sensei (again, need remove the suffixes). To see her looking young and vibrant was a shock, because she had been raising a child during a time of war, and it wrought a toll on her. The bigger shock, though, was the fact that I swear she was checking me out; which was weird, but satisfying. I really liked this adult-thing. It was far better than being a teenager, with all the angst and drama that it brought.

Once the appropriate introductions were made Anko immediately poured everyone a generous portion of saké; which was a good idea, in my opinion. First rule of going to a party where you didn't know anyone: get some alcohol in yourself and the person in front of you. The rest of the night would be a breeze. As soon as the saucers had made it in front of everyone Anko immediately raised hers. "A toast: to The Bunny Mission!" Predictably, I twitched, Genma chuckled, Hayate coughed behind his hand while Kurenai and Yūgao looked confused. "Thank fuck we made it out alive!" I would drink to that. Once everyone had taken their sips, Kurenai and Yūgao's ignorance regarding the naming of that particular mission was erased. While I looked annoyed at their giggling, I wasn't really. It served as a fantastic ice-breaker, and there wouldn't be any awkward conversations trying to find some common ground to start talking.

We didn't mention any mission details, of course. We were in a public place, and there were likely spies up and about. It was a part and parcel of living in a Hidden Village; there were always ears waiting to hear information from loose lips.

Once everyone had made fun of me, except Kurenai-san (yes! I did it!) because she was a nice person by nature, she instead proceeded to ask me, in her usual gentle voice, "I heard you won the Jōnin tournament a while ago."

It was Anko's turn to twitch and my turn to smile. "Yes, I did." Then, just to needle Anko further, I asked Kurenai, "How did you hear about it?" She gave me a faintly amused smile, but she played along, "I believe Anko mentioned it once or twice, while eating her body weight in dango."

I grinned, "Just once or twice? After she tried so hard to leave a good impression on me, I didn't even manage to leave one on her? That's disappointing." Kurenai's smile grew a little as she poked a little more fun at her friend, "I may have understated how many times she mentioned it. She also said something not very flattering about your private parts."

"Ah. I've never had anyone so violently obsessed with my genitalia before. Do you think that's why she's so addicted to dango?" At this even Yūgao let out a very unladylike snort, while the other two snickered openly. Even Kurenai smiled, while Anko silently fumed. "I do believe I've ruined dango for you. What a shame; perhaps you will be a ramen connoisseur now?" I eyed the bottle in front of her, "Or maybe even an alcoholic?"

Everyone laughed at that, and Anko's hand twitched as if she wanted to palm a kunai, or maybe strangle me. Instead, she deliberately poured an extra round for herself, "Thanks for offering me your next drink, shitstain." I shrugged, it wasn't a great loss.

This time it was Yūgao who asked me a question, "So Nanashi-san, you're a Tokubetsu Jōnin right?" At my affirmative nod, she continued "If you don't mind my asking, what's your specialty?"

I considered this quite seriously for a moment. We were still in a public place, and I didn't want my strengths and weaknesses broadcast for all and sundry to hear. At the same time, Sarutobi had been right when he told me to lay down some roots in the village, so to speak. That involved extending trust, and this seemed like the right opportunity to do just that. Reaching a decision, I looked back up at Yūgao. Before answering verbally, however, I started molding chakra in a specific pattern without handseals; I was more than familiar with this particular technique. I firmly placed my palms on the table, and the privacy technique I used in the Hokage's office started to spread around the occupants of the table; all the way under their feet but still above the ground. "Fūinjutsu: Mugon no Kekkai (Sealing Arts: Barrier of Silence)."

Everyone at the table looked impressed, and I got a kick out of their reactions as well. "It allows no sound to pass through either way, while still letting fresh air inside." It was also an Uzumaki clan technique, but I wasn't about to share that bit. I was a shinobi, keeping secrets was a force of habit for me.

"You're a seal master?" Yūgao asked, and I proudly nodded. She let out a breath, "We haven't had one of those since the Yondaime died."

"We do have Jiraiya-sama, you know" Genma piped up.

Hayate was the one to ask the next question, "Where would you say you stand in comparison with them?"

I didn't even hesitate to answer that one, "I'm better than both of them."

Kurenai had raised her eyebrows, "So you're not the type to be modest either."

I furrowed my brow as I turned to her, "I  _was_  being modest." Nobody said a word at that, and I took a deliberate sip from my saucer. "If I was bragging, I would say that I'm better than both of them put together." I shrugged. "And it would be true."

It was probably the nonchalant confidence I was displaying, but nobody at the table looked like they disbelieved me. Anko, surprisingly, had yet to say a word; she looked like she was deep in thought. After a few moments she spoke slowly, "That's how you used the Suiryūdan trick against me in the tournament, isn't it."

I nodded, impressed at her quick deduction. "Spot on." I hesitated for a moment, and then quickly added another barrier technique inside the existing one which obscured our table from the outside. It gave us the appearance of being inside a container made of frosted glass. I could see a lot of heads turning in our direction out of interest, but I could not make out faces anymore. Satisfied, I turned back to my party and raised my sleeves all the way up to my shoulders. All of them leaned forward in undisguised interest as they examined the 'tattoos' on both my arms. The ones on my right arm were yellow in colour, while the ones on my left were blue. "Take a guess as to what these do."

Genma took a shot, "Well, they're definitely seals. I remember you forming a Raiton (Lightning) technique with your right arm, and yellow is the colour associated with lightning, so… they're chakra conversion seals?"

"Not exactly" I frowned. This would require a more thorough explanation than I had initially thought. But how would I put it in a way that they would understand… "All right, can anyone give me an example of an everyday use of Fūinjutsu?"

"Storage seals" Hayate answered promptly.

I shook my head, "I meant with regards to chakra."

"You mean like exploding tags?" Yūgao answered unsurely, and I shook my head again. I was about to answer when I was beaten to it.

"Hand-seals!" exclaimed Kurenai, before blushing at the sudden attention her outburst had given her.

I smiled, "Got it in one, Kurenai-san." Log that still felt weird to say. "The hint is in the name, hand- _seals_. In a nutshell, seals are the medium that provides both form and essence to chakra. They might be performed by your hands, but they have a written form as well.  _These_ " I gestured to my arms "are the written forms for all possible combinations of handseals; along with being chakra conversion seals" I said with a nod to Genma. I raised my right arm, "These convert and control Raiton chakra," I dropped it and raised my left arm, "while these take care of Suiton."

"What about Fūton?" Anko asked.

I grinned, and pointed my palm in the direction of the bottle in front of Anko. "That," the bottle flew towards me and I caught it, "is the good old fashioned mastery of my primary element." I triumphantly poured my next drink from the bottle, before passing it on to Yūgao. But instead of pouring a drink for herself, she fiddled with the bottle instead.

"So they allow you to cast techniques instantaneously?" she asked.

I nodded, "I realized that I could only cast seal-less techniques with my primary element; maybe one or two seals at the most. I would never be good enough to cast them with any other element; no ninja can. So I attempted to circumvent that problem. These are the result of almost three years of dedicated research to finding a solution to overcome that limitation."

Yūgao nodded, her eyes tracing the seals running from my shoulder blades to my forearms. "Can you hook me up with those as well?"

"Ah…" that was another complicated topic. There were a lot of factors why it wouldn't be possible. I would have to explain them carefully, so she didn't think I was skimping out on her. "The first thing you have to realize is that these aren't just seals that I drew on my body. I mean, they are, but not drawn with brush and ink. They are made up of a sacrifice." I could see Anko narrow her eyes and Kurenai recoil in horror; even Genma had raised an eyebrow in shock. Yūgao's ANBU training made sure that she didn't react, and neither did Hayate. I explained quickly, before they got the wrong impression, "I sacrificed some of my own life force in order to draw them on my body."

They took a moment to react to the statement, but I could feel the tension drain from the table. Not entirely, but it wasn't as oppressive as it had been a minute ago. Yūgao, however, clinically asked me, "What exactly do you mean when you say you sacrificed your own life force?"

I frowned as I contemplated how to explain it. It wasn't an easy concept to grasp, but once you understood it, it made perfect sense. A light bulb went off in my brain, "You know what a jinchūriki is right?" Everyone nodded and I continued, "The term 'Jinchūriki' literally translates into 'Power of Human Sacrifice'. In other words, they are human prisons with a seal powerful enough to hold back a Bijū. But what exactly makes up such a seal that can hold back a force of nature? The answer is: the life force of a person. Hence, Power of Human Sacrifice."

Comprehension dawned on their faces. Once I saw that I didn't need to explain any further, I went ahead with the explanation of my arm seal matrices, "So for these, and another seal, I sacrificed a large chunk of my life force. I estimate anywhere from between a quarter to a third of my life." I shrugged, "I could have used someone else's life force, but, well," I shot a look at Anko, "we've already had someone experimenting with other people's lives." Her eyes narrowed at being reminded of her traitorous master, and I took a sip from my saucer. I continued, "In any case, the Iryo-nin (medical ninja) who helped me come up with and performed the ritual is dead-" My voice cracked at the last word, and I suddenly drained my saucer while tilting my head back, closing my eyes so that they didn't see the sudden tears that came up at the mention of Sakura-chan. Even though she was alive now, she wasn't the woman who had grown up beside me.

Once I had retained my composure, I reopened my eyes. I was sure they had all exchanged significant glances during that time, but I wasn't familiar enough with them to understand what they might have meant. I continued, "Even if you satisfied the conditions I mentioned, the ritual is incredibly dangerous and torturously painful. The seals have to be bound with your chakra circulatory system, which is done at a cellular level. I'm incredibly lucky I even survived the first procedure; but then at the time, I had a…let's call it a 'unique condition' that allowed me to heal nearly instantaneously. Without that I'm not sure I could survive another procedure."

Anko, however, was staring at me with narrowed eyes, "That's why Tsunade was so pissed at you having those seals. Are you going to claim that this iryo-nin is better than Tsunade now?"

I shrugged, "It's a moot point, since she isn't around anymore." Of course Sakura-chan was a better medic; Tsunade herself had admitted as much.

Anko rolled her eyes, but before she could scoff Yūgao continued, "So how did you find out the written forms of the handseals?"

I nodded; glad to deflect attention from what would surely be a controversial topic. "A lot of research, and a lot more experimentation too. I had to know everything there was to know about the topic of handseals before I went about sacrificing part of my life to that knowledge. As a result, I can confidently say that nobody on the continent knows more than I do about handseals and the ninja techniques they form."

Even Yūgao, who had appeared to believe me so far, raised a skeptical eyebrow at that. At her nonverbal challenge, I grinned; momentary melancholy completely forgotten. "All right, let's play a game." Everyone looked interested as I continued, "I want all of you to form a random handseal, and call out a different number from one to five. That way, I will know which seal forms the first in the sequence and which forms the last. Once you have done so, I will tell you the technique they create."

Anko immediately took to the challenge. "One!" she called out, forming a Snake handseal.

"Two" Yūgao called, forming Ram.

"Three" Kurenai formed Monkey.

"Four" Hayate formed Tiger.

I turned to Genma, but he shrugged. "Four are enough for your first shot; let's see you do your thing."

I nodded, and closed my eyes. It ended with Tiger, therefore, it was likely a Katon technique. However, the combination of Snake, Ram and Monkey didn't lend itself to a specific shape for a fire technique. If it had formed a Fūton technique it would cause a large blanket of wind… Ah. "It will form a flammable gas, to be spit out from your lungs" I said, opening my eyes.

Anko rolled her eyes, "How do we even know if what you're saying works?"

I shrugged, "Note it down, and we'll test it at the end of the night to see if what I'm saying is right." Anko put her hand in her trenchcoat and brought out a scroll and a brush, seemingly from right in front of her… I snapped my gaze to the open scroll now in front of her, hoping nobody had seen me ogling her décolletage. Genma took a sip and met my eyes and gave a very smug expression; I hadn't been as discreet as I hoped. Dick. What kind of guy looks at other guys checking out females anyway?

"All right, next one."

"One" Genma started this time, forming Dog.

"Two" Hayate formed Snake this time.

"Three" Anko formed Monkey.

"Four" Yūgao formed Ox.

Kurenai looked surprised for a second, before significantly forming Tiger.

I nodded and closed my eyes again. Again, likely a Katon technique; but the combination of Snake and Monkey would work against the preceding Dog if it was a Katon. All right, so Katon was out. Some Suiton techniques ended with Tiger; so I visualized what it would look like… a formless blob of water. Right, Suiton was out as well. I would have started to think about the other elements; and maybe even sub-elements (bloodlines) but I suddenly remembered Kurenai's surprise. That mean that she had recognized the seals, which meant it was likely a Genjutsu. Instead of imagining Yang chakra, I thought about using this technique with Yin chakra. And the result was… "I'm not very well versed with Genjutsu, so I don't know what the final form will look like; but it seems to be some sort of binding Genjutsu."

Kurenai raised her eyebrows and looked impressed. "Yes it does, those are the handseals for a technique I developed called Magen: Jubaku Satsu (Demonic Illusion: Tree Binding Death)."

I grinned smugly, while everyone, even Anko looked at me with a new level of respect in their eyes. Until now I might have been blowing hot air, but this proved that I was the real deal. I had known that, of course, but it was a matter or convincing them about my abilities.

"How do you do that?" Yūgao couldn't contain her curiosity. I tilted my head and considered the question for a second.

"Well, first of all, I have a talent for Fūinjutsu. But like the case is with any talent, I needed to put a lot of hard work behind it to make it useful. I told you earlier that I needed to create a seal matrix that was capable of forming any technique for a particular element. In order to do so, I needed to be able to understand how chakra reacts with seals for that particular element. Each element has a particular set of combinations for handseals that react a certain way; however, some combinations are also common across all the elements, sub-elements included. I spent a lot of time memorizing the most common combinations, and slowly it started forming pieces of a larger picture. It's quite fascinating if you understand it, but the gist of it is: if you tell me a certain combination, like we were doing just now, I don't even have to think about how the individual seals combine with each other; I just see the final technique at the end of it. You can liken it to a taijutsu battle with a familiar opponent: your opponent's brain thinks of a move, then the signal travels down his nervous system and jolts the muscles which move the bones in his hands or legs; but you don't think about all that during a battle, you just block his move because you know what he's going to do."

There was an awed silence at the end of it. I had to say, I never thought that I would be this good with any sort of academic pursuit during my own Academy days. Having people impressed at my knowledge was so thoroughly  _satisfying_  it was cathartic.

"Can you make a technique for me?" Genma asked hopefully.

I deliberated for a moment as I looked at him. "You're primarily Earth-natured right?" At his answering nod I closed my eyes again and thought about it. Since he had been a dick these past few days and during the 'Bunny Mission' I was thoroughly inclined to prank him. "Bird-Hare-Snake" I told him.

"What does it do?" he asked.

I grinned mischievously "You'll see."

"What about me?" Anko asked with wide innocent looking eyes, drawing her shoulders together to emphasize her breasts.

I rolled my eyes and gestured to the scroll where she had written the first technique we tested, "For the Fire natured princess."

She scoffed, "I ain't no princess, shitstain."

"Then stop trying to act like one."

She rolled her eyes, "Cheapskate."

I rolled mine in return "I'd rather not give you more weapons to attack me with when you eventually ambush me."

She grinned savagely, "So you're not a complete idiot."

"And you're the queen of letting things go." I shot back sarcastically. If I had known that winning that stupid tournament would lead her to more or less stalk me until I granted her a rematch, I would have thought twice about it.

.

.

Okay, maybe not. I hated losing.

"All right, shall we go and test out the techniques?"

"But I'm not done drinking!" Anko pouted.

I rolled my eyes at her for maybe the fourth time that night. She just brought it out in me, somehow. "Do you really want to try experimental techniques while you're drunk?"

Her pout deepened, but she didn't argue any further. As we all made to get up, I dismissed the dual barriers with a casual wave off my hand. As soon as I did the noise of the bar washed over us, before suddenly being silenced. Everyone had noticed the barrier dissipating and was staring at us in undisguised interest. I was attracting more than my fair share of attention, since I was the most likely candidate for the barrier. Apparently every time I walked into this bar I was to be scrutinized; last time because I had entered with the Hokage, and this time with the barrier. I sighed in resignation, it couldn't be helped.

We settled our bill and walked over to the nearest training ground since they were all likely to be empty at this time of the night. As soon as we reached I turned to Genma, and everyone followed suit. He shrugged, and started forming the handseals I had shown him: Bird-Hare-Snake. I had mentioned it was a Doton jutsu, so he slammed his hands into the ground after performing the handseals and channeled the chakra into the ground. As soon as he had, an earthen pole rose out of the ground a short distance away, followed by a roughly spherical boulder. And then it stopped.

Everyone stared at the technique, clearly wondering what it was meant to do, since it was just standing there. Everyone except me that is, I was smiling so widely my cheeks hurt. They started squinting and tilting their heads to understand what it was. Unsurprisingly, Anko was the first one to grasp my juvenile humor; letting out a snort, she said "It's a fist with the middle finger extended."

Kurenai rolled her eyes while Yūgao didn't react, and this time I saw Hayate quickly glance at Yūgao before taking his cue from her (that said a lot about who wore the pants in that relationship). Genma however glared at me, and I cheekily smiled back at him. He turned his glare back to the technique, before his gaze turned thoughtful. He pushed the needle around his mouth a couple of times before a smile slowly spread across his face. He repeated the handseals and again slammed his hands into the ground, this time calling out, "Doton (Earth Release): Fuck You no Jutsu!" This time, a perfectly formed outward-facing hand with the middle finger extended came out of the ground, causing me and Genma to snicker in amusement. Yūgao and Hayate were expressionless, while Kurenai closed her eyes in exasperation. Anko, however, looked impatient.

"My turn!" She started forming the four random handseals they had thought up back at the table and took a deep breath, condensing the chakra before expelling it through her mouth. As I had predicted, a gas expelled from her oral cavity and started spreading in front of her. After a couple of seconds, she stopped the flow of gas, and considered it for a moment. Once she was sure that nobody would be caught in the explosion, she clapped her hands into the Tiger seal, and spat a small fireball into the gas.

BOOM!

The gas exploded with the force of a small bomb, a small shockwave ruffling everyone's hair and causing our clothing to fly back. The orange light from the flames danced across Anko's face, giving her maniacal smile a darker edge. "Katon: Kasumi Enbu no Jutsu (Fire Release: Mist Blaze Dance Technique)" she whispered, naming the technique. It was only during such moments of complete chaos that she seemed to be at peace, as if she had found her place in the world. It was a mystifying contradiction.

I finally tore my gaze away from her face, feeling oddly reticent as I did so.

* * *

  **The Next Morning: 4465617468**

Yin chakra was easy to manipulate: far too easy. It was so easy I had a hard time keeping its shape. I was used to brute-forcing my chakra into the shape needed; Yin chakra was far too pliable for my taste. Its form was like wet tissue paper for me, the moment I tried to force it into a shape it bent out form. I had been experimenting for over an hour, and my results had not gotten any better whatsoever. There was a fundamental error I was making; I was sure of that. Kind of like I had earlier, when I hadn't even realized that I now had a substantial well of Yin chakra.

I looked up at the position of the sun and frowned; it was barely 10 in the morning. There was no way that Sarutobi was going to be free to help me with my problem. I was on my own. My frown deepened as I considered possible solutions. While I had a library's worth of theoretical knowledge about the way Yin chakra interacted, I didn't have any idea how to mold it. Even if I did go to the Hokage, he would likely send me to another shinobi to ask them for training; he didn't have the time to train me. All right, then who could I find that could train me in the intricacies of Yin chakra? The answer came to me in a sudden burst of clarity.

Yūhi Kurenai.

I grinned as I made my way towards the village. I recalled her saying last night that she was going to be in the village for the next few days, having just come back from a long-term mission. She was still a Chūnin, so I could technically order her to help me, but that was just not going to fly, especially with our (one-sided) history. And wasn't that a creepy way to put it; it sounded like I had been stalking her or something. Ugh. I needed to find less weird ways to refer to my time-travel.

I ended up going to the Hokage tower anyway. The Mission Office always kept track of where shinobi were, so that they could be reached quickly if an urgent mission came up. Upon making my inquiries, I bemusedly ended up going back in the same direction as I had come from. She had booked a training ground 3 fields away from where I had been training earlier. I noisily made my way into the training ground; it was a polite way of informing the training ninja that they had a visitor. A way of knocking on the door, so to speak.

I stopped in the middle of a clearing and waited, humming tonelessly. A few minutes passed before I felt a tug on my genjutsu-prevention seal. Identifying the direction of the chakra surge, I turned to where Kurenai had launched a genjutsu at me and I locked eyes with her and waved cheekily. Her eyebrows raised in shock, or surprise, or maybe a combination of the two. I was too far to tell. "Ohayo, Kurenai-san!" I called loudly, waving energetically.

She jumped down from the tree she had been taking cover in, landing gracefully. She made her way towards me, and returned my greeting as soon as she was close. She didn't like raising her voice, but she didn't shy away from it either if the occasion called for it. She was a gentle soul with a kind voice; eyes the colour of blood didn't suit her nature. "Good morning to you too, Nanashi-san. How can I help you this morning?"

I tried to stop my hand from sheepishly rubbing the back of my head, but it was futile. "Ah… this is kind of embarrassing. I'll just be blunt. Can you train me in using Genjutsu and Yin chakra?"

Her eyebrows jumped again, this time in clear surprise. I continued, "I can teach you about Fūinjutsu in return if you want, or something else entirely. I have a lot of esoteric pieces of knowledge about random techniques, some of which are quite useful." I had to make an effort to stop babbling at that point, not wanting to appear desperate.

Before we could continue our discussion any further I felt a presence in the woods around us. I immediately fell into a stance, tensing and pulling out a kunai instantaneously. I quickly started to narrow down the source of the presence, mentally committing the nearby environment to memory as I considered the right-

"Come out, Anko" Kurenai called out.

I blinked in surprise, before falling out of my fighting stance and relaxing. Mitarashi Anko just strolled out of the foliage as if she was taking a pleasant walk through the park. "Nameless wonder" she nodded, greeting me.

"Snake bitch" I returned the greeting.

She grinned, baring her teeth. "What brings you to our neck of the woods?"

I tilted my head in Kurenai's direction, "I came to ask her to train me."

Her demeanor changed immediately as she pouted and moved closer to Kurenai, "You mean you've been using me to get close to my best friend!? I'm hurt!" She draped herself  _very_  suggestively around her friend, rubbing her face with Kurenai's and spoke in a deep, sensually husky voice, "You don't have to choose, you know. I'm sure we can…share."

A scandalized expression crossed Kurenai's face; but Anko had already moved away to avoid retaliation. As a rosy blush crossed Kurenai's face I forced myself to roll my eyes, ignoring the blood racing through my own body and the naughty images flowing through my lewd mind. I looked at her and did my best to keep my tone flat, "I'm sure she has better taste than…" I let my eyes run down her body, "that."

Anko's grin widened as her hands started to cup her breasts again; but by now Kurenai had found her voice. "Anko!" she cried out in righteous indignation, and Anko's palms were instead raised in surrender. The glare Kurenai sent her sufficiently cowed her enough to make her smile disappear, but the blush was still present on Kurenai's face. She took a deep breath and tried to control herself, while I futilely chanted in my head,  _'must not think about Kurenai and Anko, must not think about Kurenai and Anko, must not think…'_

"What exactly do you need my assistance with?" Kurenai finally asked; her blush mostly under control.

I tilted my head, "Well, remember last night I told you I had a 'unique condition'? It was basically a source of pure Yang chakra. Until I landed up in the village, I had that source sealed inside me since I was a kid, which meant that I had next to no usable Yin chakra. Now that the source has gone, I have a well of Yin chakra that I have no clue how to use. I'm a blank slate." I smiled knowingly, "You plan to be a Jōnin-sensei right?"

Once more she looked surprised, "How did you know that?"

I grinned, "Like Anko said, I'm not a complete idiot."

"No, you're an  _incomplete_  idiot" Anko added helpfully.

I glowered at her, but kept my focus on Kurenai this time, "Think of it as practice before you train a bunch of kids."

I could see her considering my offer seriously; that was a good sign. "And what would you teach me about Fūinjutsu?"

I smiled, I sensed the deal was close, "We'll start off with the basics, I'll see how much knowledge you already have and then expand from there. There are various disciplines in Fūinjutsu, I will instruct you in the ones that interest you; some of them can even be used in combat or as supplementary techniques, barriers, traps, proximity seals, those sorts of things. I can even tell you how to remove or break seals put by other people." Anko made a movement of some sort, but my attention was solely on Kurenai.

I saw the exact moment when she decided to take my offer; my face was already breaking out in a smile as she said, "Very well, Nanashi-san. I accept your offer of mutual assistance." I bowed my head in gratitude, sealing the deal; she followed suit.

"What about me?" Anko was back to pouting, but now she was rubbing her neck for some reason.

I rolled my eyes, "You heard us, this is an offer of mutual assistance. What are you bringing to the table…" my mouth kept moving but my voice trailed off. My mind froze as I spied what was between Anko's fingers on her neck. She was saying something, but by brain only had place to see one thing.

A cursed seal.

On Anko's neck.

How the fuck had I forgotten!?

He was listening to our every word, following our every movement.

Orochimaru.

It was only when I saw the subtle movements of Kurenai and Anko tensing, preparing for a fight that I realized I was emitting killing intent, and a rather potent dose of it as well. I immediately cut it off, and ordered Anko, "You need to come with me to the Hokage's office." She was still looking at me warily, as was Kurenai, but I had no time for games. "Right now!" I said harshly. I was being more forceful than strictly necessary, but this wasn't the time for delicate hand-holding. Anko looked uncertainly at Kurenai, so I switched my gaze to her for a second as well, "Come on!"

I turned around and started walking back to the village proper. After a few seconds I heard two sets of footsteps following me, and I picked up my speed. As soon as we came near buildings I immediately jumped to a roof and started running towards the center of the village. Once we reached near the tower the three of us disembarked and walked into the Tower. One or two people saw me coming and immediately moved out of the way; I guess I was projecting my anger quite visibly. Once we made our way up to the office the secretary looked at me warily; I guess even she picked up on my mood.

"I'm sorry, he's in an important meeting" she tried to forestall me.

I of course, wasn't having it. I quickly took a pen and a blank sheet of paper from her desk and started scribbling a quick note to the old man. "Tell him" I said through gritted teeth, "that Nanashi said it is a matter of extreme urgency." I locked eyes with her as I finished my note. "It is not possible to overstate the importance of my information. Please interrupt his meeting and tell him right now."

As a retired kunoichi she was used to dealing with pushy bureaucrats and impatient ninja, but even she knew an urgent matter when she saw one. I folded the paper and handed it to her, and she immediately went to the door and knocked loudly before entering. I heard her murmuring her apologies for interrupting as she handed him the note. After a few seconds of silence, I heard the Hokage say quite clearly "An urgent matter has come up. I must apologize, but we will have to continue this another time."

After a few seconds of grumbling the chairs in the office started scraping against the floor as their occupants began the process of extricating themselves from the office. One or two gave us a curious glance as they left, but the majority just looked grumpy as they were no doubt disgruntled by having a meeting with the Hokage cut short. Once they had left his secretary came out and beckoned us in. Anko and Kurenai started moving inside, but I stopped the latter. "Please wait outside" I asked Kurenai a lot more calmly. She looked at Anko who shrugged and walked into the office; then she looked at me for a long moment, searching my eyes for something. Once she was satisfied she elegantly took one of the waiting seats near the secretary's desk.

I moved into Sarutobi's office and immediately performed the Sound and Sight barrier techniques I had demonstrated to my colleagues last night. As soon as they went up Anko turned to me, about to demand answers, but I immediately raised a finger in front of my lips in the universal gesture for silence. I walked over to the Hokage's table and picked up another pen and piece of paper, and started writing. Once I was done I passed the paper to Sarutobi first; he read it inscrutably before passing it on to Anko.

I had only written down two sentences 'I can get rid of Orochimaru's Cursed Seal of Heaven. However, there is a 20% chance that the body will reject the untainted chakra and thus be unable to use it; and a 5% chance of death during the ritual.'

I saw her eyes widen with surprise as she read the first sentence, then narrow as she read through the second. However, the kicker came after she had read the note a second time, once she realized that we were in a sealed office and I had  _written down_  the information rather than say it out loud. The moment when she realized that Orochimaru could literally hear everything that was said around her, a fascinating mixture of emotions crossed her face; rage, disgust, fear, betrayal, but most tellingly, guilt. Her hand flew to the seal on her neck, but she caught herself at the last moment and forced her hand down.

I knew that it was a very rare event to see the self-confident Snake Mistress of Konoha look so exceptionally vulnerable. She looked pleadingly at the Sandaime, who had a look of such utter compassion on his face that Anko silently burst into tears. She walked over to the window, not that she could see anything through the barrier I had set up, and spent a few minutes just regaining her composure. I exchanged glances with Sarutobi, but we left her to her devices for the moment. Instead, I walked to the back wall of his office and gazed upon the portraits of the previous and incumbent Hokage. Naturally, I spent the longest time staring at the portrait of my father.  _'Would you approve of everything I've done in my life?'_

Upon hearing movement, I turned to see Anko discreetly attempting to wipe her eyes, so I quietly made my way back to the desk and stood near it. After a few moments Anko straightened up and turned to me with red rimmed eyes. She walked closer to me until she was in my face, and I had to tilt my head down to see her. Idly I took note of the fact that she was almost half a foot shorter than me and that she smelled of sweat, cinnamon and something sweet; but she was looking right into my eyes and asking me a nonverbal question. I wasn't entirely sure what it was, but I nodded in assent anyway. She dropped her eyes away from my face and let out a breath, before nodding as well. From what I knew of her, I was sure she would agree to the ritual, and she had. Recalling something Tsunade-baa-chan had once told me about comforting someone who was given bad news from a medical perspective, I put my hand on her shoulder blade and gave it a gentle squeeze. She dropped her head so that she was looking straight at the floor, and moved past me and out of the office completely. I barely managed to remember to dissipate the barriers in time; I reformed them as soon as she had left.

The Hokage asked me gravely, "What all do you need for the ritual?"

"Approximately five liters of blood, the same type as Anko-san's. Two Iryo-nins. Another person adept in Fūinjutsu as a backup, although that is optional. From what I could make out, this seal was one of his earliest, so it is not as sophisticated as his later work and therefore easier to remove. Subsequently, however, there is also a greater chance that her chakra system could be damaged irrevocably. I would like to perform this ritual as soon as humanly possible, today if it can be arranged. I had completely forgotten that Anko had a cursed seal. Orochimaru leaves a piece of his own consciousness in each seal, so he is at the very least aware of what all goes on around his host. Whether this piece is capable of communicating with the original is not something I was ever able to confirm."

Sarutobi's eyes hardened. "And if it is capable and stops communication with the original, all we would be doing is tipping our hand. Orochimaru would be aware that we are able to remove his cursed seal. You should have not mentioned it at all, and let Anko-chan walk around unaware! Now she has her hopes up, and telling her that we will cancel her operation will break her heart!"

I growled, "No way old man! This time I'm putting my foot down. You don't know what it was like, not knowing if we could trust anyone who had been bitten and marked with the cursed seal. If they survived the cursing in the first place, they were treated like pariahs and not told anything. And when the ritual was finally developed by us, there were again a substantial number of people who were killed during the unsealing. And they gladly undertook that risk! That damn seal was what tore this village apart, even after the physical village had been destroyed for ages! I will not stand to be in its presence any longer than I absolutely have to!"

Sarutobi glared at me, but for once I held my ground and stared back stubbornly. "Do you really want to go on providing him an endless amount of information? Who knows what else he might pick up? He already has spies inside the village, and you're carefully managing the misinformation you're feeding them. Why do you want to risk him finding out the truth, even accidentally? The advantages outweigh the risk, which is why I strongly recommend that we go ahead with the ritual."

A weary expression crossed his face and he touched the tip of his hat in a gesture that I slowly realized he made every time he had to make a decision between what his heart said and what his position demanded. He considered it for a few more minutes, but he finally sighed and said, "It seems that I cannot prevent myself from taking advantage from any situation, even at the cost of individual happiness." He sighed, "You're right, of course. I will have a word with the head Iryo-nin at the hospital and get you what you asked for. I even have a place in mind for the ritual to be performed." He raised his eyes and smiled at me. "It's the place where you were born, as a matter of fact."

I, too, gave a bittersweet smile. That night had been filled with pain and loss for both of us especially; but it had also been filled with love. I nodded and got up, dispersing the barriers as I did so.

"Uma (Horse)!" the Hokage called out, and an ANBU immediately appeared next to me, kneeling on one knee with a bowed head.

"Hai, Hokage-sama."

"You are to take both the Hokage guard ANBU squad and accompany Mitarashi Anko to the restricted site KX-34. Once there, you are to secure the site and establish a perimeter while I secure our companions and follow after you."

"As you command."

Sarutobi nodded, "Let's go see Anko-chan now."

Sarutobi led the way out of his office, where we saw Anko sitting almost catatonic on the chair next to Kurenai who had an arm on her back and an extremely worried expression on her face. "What's going on?" Kurenai demanded, but the Hokage had eyes only for Anko.

"Anko-chan" he began gently, and Anko slowly looked up from staring at the ground. "Uma-san will take you where you need to go. Follow him, all right?" she nodded slowly, as if she was disconnected from real life and she got up.

As soon as she was out of sight Kurenai spoke up again. "Hokage-sama" Sarutobi's steely gaze immediately snapped to her, and she visibly flinched. She hesitated for a moment before clearly changing what she had been about to say, "Will she be all right?"

The Hokage's eyes turned back to where Anko had disappeared a few seconds ago. "Let's hope so."

While the Hokage had gone to the hospital to arrange for the blood and medics, I had gone to a calligraphy shop to pick up a few brushes. The seal I would be drawing would be extremely delicate, and every brush stroke would need to be extremely precise. My own tools were lost in the ravages of time, and I hadn't gotten around to replacing them, or carrying some of the ready-made seals I usually did. The last mission…fine, the Bunny Mission was a wake-up call; it had shown me that I needed to be at my very best for every single fight. Just because I roughly knew what to expect didn't mean that I was ready for it.

Once I had selected my brushes and a long roll of sealing paper I made my way to the gates, where I waited for about 15 minutes before the Hokage showed up with the two iryo-nins. While I exchanged introductions with them, Sarutobi ordered the gate guards (not Izumo and Kotetsu) to inform the Jōnin Commander Nara Shikaku that he would be out of the village today, and to handle any matters that came up. Once that was done we set off; it was about a two-hour journey, and it was still approximately half past 11 in the morning.

I snuck a few glances to the Hokage while we travelled, hoping to catch a glimpse of his thoughts. Each time I did, all I saw was a gleam in his eyes that made me glad that I wasn't Orochimaru. The two Iryo-nin looked surprised and curious that they were on a mission outside the village; their worlds would be rocked soon enough.

Once we had reached the site the ANBU Uma suddenly materialized in front of us. "The area is secure, Hokage-sama."

The Hokage nodded and looked at me. It was my show from here on out. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "All right, show me the chamber."

The Hokage led the procession, followed by Uma and the Iryo-nin. As I followed them I couldn't see where the other three ANBU were; they were probably forming the perimeter. I saw Anko outside the entrance to the chamber; she was staring off into the distance. That was all right, there was no need to involve her at the moment. With another deep breath I entered the chamber where I had first come into the world.

It was basically a cavern which was lined with flagstones. There were a couple of streetlamps that were lit with a fire that provided light, and there was a large stone operating table in the middle. That was where my mother had lain during labor, while my father had stood over her to prevent the Kyūbi from breaking out. I shook my head to clear it of the nostalgia. I had a very important ritual to prepare for. I could not get lost in memories and the emotions they evoked; I needed a clear head.

I stood next to the Hokage and addressed the rest of the people, "I cannot afford any distractions while I prepare the ritual. I will seal the chamber, please wait outside." I bowed my head, "Thank you for your patience."

They bowed in return, and left me alone in the chamber with the Hokage. I unsealed the scroll that held the blood, and a cold ice-box popped out. I opened it to see a lot of bags with blood in them; it was closer to six liters than five, but I suppose it was better to err on the side of caution. I unsealed the rest of my supplies as well, and placed them all on the table. Once I had, I settled myself on the table in the very center of the room, sitting down in the lotus position. Once I had, I performed the Barriers of Silence and Sight techniques, and added another barrier that would prevent even space-time techniques being used. No sense in risking Obito/Tobi warping in again.

"Please suppress your presence as much as possible." I called to the Hokage as I closed my eyes.

I took a few deep breaths and slowly let myself relax, falling into a meditative trance. One by one, the thoughts floating around my head came to the forefront of mind.

' _When I woke up this morning I didn't think I would be performing this ritual.'_  I should have performed it as soon as I laid eyes on Anko.

' _I still need to get a handle on Yin chakra.'_  That could be taken care of tomorrow, or the day after.

' _The Hokage owes me a bowl of ramen for this!'_  Yeah he did. I was collecting as soon as we reached back to the village.

' _Anko owes me a drink as well.'_  Hell yes. And I still owed her a plate of dango from the last mission.

' _I'm basically a living zombie.'_  … that thought was to be shelved. I am a shinobi of Konoha, and I believed in the Hokage, and he believed in me. That was all I needed to know.

As soon as all these thoughts were acknowledged, I placed them into a box and let myself fall into a trance. Once I was sure I was completely focused I brought up the seals I was going to be drawing in the chamber. I mentally catalogued every seal, every single character, and every single stroke. Once I was absolutely certain that I remembered all the seals I looked at the final result to ensure that they would do what I wanted them to do and not anything weird; compiling them, so to speak. Once I was certain I was in the zone, I finally opened my eyes.

I reached for the ice box and drew a bag of blood and drained it into a wide-mouthed shallow container. Once that was done, I picked up a brush that was commonly called as a number 2 brush. It provided a delicate shape to the script of the characters, while not allowing them to be too thin so that the characters broke apart due to lack of ink (or blood in this case).

I first faced north and walked the approximate distance the seals would cover from the table where Anko would soon be lying. I set the container down and soaked the brush in blood, and started drawing the seals.

I completely lost myself in my task as I drew the seals. There were four cardinal directions and therefore four different offerings to be made. The seals drawn in the directions of East and West were the standard sealing script used by the Elemental Nations; however, the ones drawn in the directions of North and South were different. North used an archaic tongue, a language used in a bygone era from before the formation of the Hidden Villages, even before the Warring States period was in full swing. South, however, used an entirely different language called Sanskrit, which came from beyond the seas south to the Elemental Nations. I had spent a lot of time with the travelling sages from the South, soaking in their wisdom. What drew me to them initially were the orange robes they wore, and their weird headdresses. But once they passed on their message of peace I fell in love with their culture.

Just as I was sure that I ran out of blood, I looked to the container and found it full to the brim. I almost snapped out of my zone in surprise, before I realized that it was probably Sarutobi who had filled it. To be honest I had completely forgotten about him, evidently he was better at suppressing his presence than I had given him credit for. I continued drawing the seals for the North direction until my back hit the operating table; at which point I created a couple of Kage Bunshin that hung from the ceiling in a chain and kept me afloat as I drew the seals where I had been standing a few moments previously.

I couldn't rely on Kage Bunshin for this sort of work because of two reasons: first, I didn't have a second number 2 brush. While I could have created a Kage Bunshin while holding one, I didn't want to take the risk because even if a single brush stroke was out of place, the ritual would blow up in our faces, killing Anko and likely the rest of us as well. Secondly, Kage Bunshin always took a part of your focus away. Even if it was a minuscule amount, they were not completely autonomous. While this was excellent for combat related situations, it was less than ideal for delicate rituals such as this.

I had lost all sense of time as I completed the seals for the East, West and South directions. There was actually an easier way to release the cursed seal called Kaija Hōin (Evil Releasing Method), however this would release the spirit of Orochimaru. Far more significantly, this method was akin to tearing out a cancerous growth with your bare hands: it had an 80% fatality rate. I had plans for the shade of Orochimaru within the seal, and I didn't want to put a comrade through that sort of trauma.

Once I put my finishing touches on the South seal, I took a final look at each of the seals. North looked like an arrow, East looked like a rounded hammer head, West was a formless blob while South looked like a one footed dancing maiden. Once I was certain every seal was in place I formed the Ram seal and closed my eyes, bringing myself out of the meditative trance I had been in. I had been standing on the operating table, and when I opened my eyes I found the Hokage standing next to me as if he had been there all along. I let out a long sigh.

"That looked brutal" Sarutobi told me.

"It was unbelievably intense. And we haven't even started the actual ritual." I wiped my brow of the sweat that had suddenly popped up. All the feelings I had ignored over the last few hours suddenly hit me with a vengeance, and I sat down on the table Indian style. "I'm already wiped. I knew that Kurama helped me with my stamina, but I never knew he was just as important for my mental focus as well."

Sarutobi shook his head, "Only you would refer to the greatest of the Bijū in such a familiar manner."

I smirked, "If he didn't want me using his name, he shouldn't have told it to me in the first place." I sighed, "I miss him."

Sarutobi nodded, "He was with you for your entire life. Losing such a companion is always hard." He looked around the cavern wistfully. "You lost your mother and father the night you were born, and I lost my wife in this very cavern the same night."

I bowed my head in mutual regret. After a few moments, however, I spoke up. "We may have lost those most important to us during the course of our lives, but right now, in this place" I looked up at him "I'm glad I can place my trust in you."

He looked at me and smiled, placing a hand on my shoulder.

After a few moments of silent camaraderie, he spoke "Shall we fetch our companions now?"

I considered it for a few seconds, "Let's go outside in any case; I need to take a break and get some fresh air."

We both jumped from the table, landing far away from the seals and walked towards the entrance. I pulled down the barriers and we stepped outside, immediately drawing the attention of everyone on the platform just outside the cave. "We will start the ritual in 15 minutes" the Sandaime ordered in his gravelly voice, causing everyone to tense up, especially Anko. He walked over to her and started speaking, too softly for us to hear.

I had my own assignment with the Iryo-nins; once I was close to them I told them what to expect. "Mitarashi-san will be in a lot of pain, I will draw seals that keep her restrained, but you will need to keep an eye on her during the ritual to make sure she doesn't get free. At the same time, you will need to keep an active diagnostic on her and monitor every minor fluctuation of her chakra system. As soon as you find any such fluctuation, immediately reach it and start healing it. Her entire system has been tainted with a foreign source of chakra for almost a decade, it will fight back. Make sure that the source does not try to reach further into her system. She needs to be awake for this ritual, otherwise there is a possibility that she may lose herself in her darkest memories, so keep her awake at all costs. The longer the ritual goes on, the more chakra you will use, so make sure that you have soldier pills within easy reach. If any other issues come up during the ritual I will inform you of them. Any questions?"

The more senior of the medic nins, one of those grumpy people, raised his voice challengingly. "Yeah, I have a question. While  _we're_  doing  _all_  of that, what exactly will  _you_  be doing?"

As creepy as those perma-happy doctors were, they were a hundred times better than these disgruntled types. There was only one way to deal with this clown. I raised an eyebrow and said dryly "The hard part."

The younger one's mouth dropped open in surprise, while the grumpy one just tensed his jaw, before looking away in a huff. I took that to mean that they didn't have any questions, and walked to the end of the platform. I realized with a surprise that the sun had already set. It had taken me hours to set up the seal, and I hadn't realized the passage of time during it. I stared out into the distance, letting my mind wander and decompressing, letting it empty itself of the details of the seals themselves while slowly recalling all the details of the challenges to come.

A few random thoughts were floating around my head when I felt the slight displacement of air behind me. "It is time" Uma informed me. I took one last look at the darkening sky and the first pinpricks of stars peeking out, before taking a deep breath and turning around.

I took down the barrier and shooed everyone through before immediately setting it up again. The thick smell of blood immediately blasted me in the face and everyone else as well. Both the Iryo-nin looked completely horrified when they saw the menacing looking blood seal drawn all over the floor and part of one wall; even Anko looked a little green. The ANBU member was as inscrutable as the rest of his fraternity, but I felt sure even he was shocked underneath his mask. After a few moments I saw Anko start to identify parts of the seals from the East and West wings. Well, she was Orochimaru's apprentice; nothing less than a thorough grounding in all shinobi disciplines would do for him.

Once everyone had gotten over their shock I instructed the two Iryo-nin's to jump straight on to the operating table, before following them. Anko's head would be lying to the North, therefore I needed to stand next to it where the seal was closest. There was very little place to stand for me, and the same was the case for the Iryo-nins. I directed them to stand in their spots and gave them a dire warning NOT to smudge the seals under any circumstances. The disgruntled one glowered at me, but didn't say anything. Once the three of us were set I looked over to Anko. She had taken off her trenchcoat and skirt, but the mesh bodysuit was still on. "Take the bodysuit off, and then jump on to the table." Instead of doing it, she hesitated, fiddling with the hem of the suit. "You'll still be in your underthings, if you're worried about what's left of your modesty" I tried, hoping to get her to react by shooting one of our usual barbs at her. Instead, she ducked her head further, and dropped her hand as well. A sudden suspicion struck me. "… you are wearing underwear, right?"

And that was how we became the first people in  _years_  to see Mitarashi Anko blush in embarrassment.

After a few minutes of coaxing, she finally shucked her bodysuit and immediately draped an arm across her breasts, hiding them from view. She was wearing a pair of panties, it looked to be a thong, but at this distance I couldn't be sure. She finally lifted her head and fixed her gaze on the table, before jumping and landing expertly in the middle of it. "Lie down on your back with your head towards me." I instructed, and she immediately did so, but didn’t move her hand away. As she settled down I noticed that yes, she was wearing a thong, a black thong to be precise. Top notch investigative work, right there.

I didn't have time to ogle her further, however. I immediately swirled the number 2 brush in the blood and completed the seals, tying the ends by drawing them on Anko's body: on her calves and biceps. Then I set about drawing the restraining seals on her Achilles tendon, and I drew it on one wrist before hesitating. "Ah…you'll have to put down your other hand as well." I saw her tense, but after a few moments she jerkily removed her arm from her breasts and placed it stiffly at her side. Immediately I set about drawing the restraining seals on her second wrist.

I then started joining all the seals to the cursed mark on her neck by way of a simple line. I was again in the zone, I was thinking of nothing but the seals and the way they intera… oh fine. I'm lying, all right? I was shamelessly sneaking an eyeful as I drew pointless lines across her body. I'm only human. Happy now?

Once I had indulged the pervert within, I dispelled the Kage Bunshin keeping me afloat and went back to the head of the table and stood carefully within my zone. Anko was staring straight at the ceiling; I don't think she had said two words since we came here. I took out a kunai and placed it on the table, and charged a line of the densest Fūton chakra I could make at the end of my index finger, before slicing it down. The head of the kunai fell off, followed quickly by the ring at the end. I picked up the bandaged handle and told Anko, "Put this between your teeth."

She unclenched her jaw and quickly bit down on the handle, already in anticipation of the pain to come. I cleared up the table of the litter, sealing everything up in my own scroll and placing it in my pouch. I looked over to the two Iryo-nins, "Do you remember your instructions?" The younger one was pale as he nodded; even the disgruntled one had abandoned his unhappy mood upon experiencing the atmosphere. I took a deep breath before looking down at Anko, "This is going to hurt." She was already pale and sweating and had a frightened expression; but I blocked it all out. Once again, I went into my place of immense tranquility, and cleared my head of all extraneous thoughts (which mostly consisted of mental snapshots of Anko's breasts).

As soon as I was in the zone I snapped my eyes open, and began to perform the 23 handseals that accompanied this particular ritual. As soon as my hand snapped into the last one, the blood started glowing blue and I spoke, my voice echoing ominously around the chamber "Fūinjutsu: Jōka Waru no Gishiki (Sealing Arts: Ritual of Purifying Evil)."

The only thing that was heard for the next few hours was gut-wrenching screaming.

* * *

  **28 hours later: 4465617468**

I stumbled into a bar, still recovering from the horrific chakra drain the day before. The ritual had wiped me out physically and mentally. Thankfully it had been a success, I had managed to capture the shade of Orochimaru and boy did I have plans for him. Anko had survived the procedure, and her chakra wasn't causing an auto-immune attack, which was good news. Basically it meant that her body didn't reject her original chakra thinking it was foreign; especially after Orochimaru's tainted chakra had been circulating throughout it for a decade. There was still a chance that her tenketsu were damaged, but I was confident that it wasn't the case. I had a gut feeling, and those were usually right.

I was barely able to disarm the seals on my apartment and collapsed on my couch, unable to make it to the bedroom. I had next to no recollection of what happened after the ritual, only vague flashes, and nothing from the journey back. When I woke up in the morning, all I did was go to the bathroom and crash into my bed. When I finally woke up it was late in the evening and I was still wiped. I wanted to celebrate though, and I sent a kage bunshin to find Genma while I went to the same bar where everyone stared at me for one reason or another. Third time had to be the charm right?

I had already finished up two saucers when Genma finally showed up. "You look like shit" he said jovially, taking a seat and filling his own saucer. "What's the reason for celebration?"

"I successfully completed a grueling ritual!" I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face or leaking into my voice. It was an achievement worthy of lauding, and dammit I was going to bask!

"Someone's in a good mood" he returned my smile and raised his saucer. "Congratulations!"

I grinned and threw my head back and savored the burn as it travelled down my throat. I poured us both another saucer but didn't drink it immediately, instead we started to talk about random everyday stuff.

That was how we passed the next half hour, but it seemed that third time was NOT lucky for me. There was a sudden hush at the door and it rippled throughout the room. Like everyone else our attention was drawn to the disturbance, which turned out to be a woman in a hospital gown. Even as she got closer I didn't recognize her; it was only when she locked eyes with me and leaked a little killing intent that I realized who she was. "Anko?"

Without her usual trenchcoat and mesh body suit and especially with her hair down she looked like a different person entirely. I was however reminded that she was very much the same person when she walked all the way up to me and socked me right across the jaw.

"Ow!" Thwack "Ow!"

The second 'ow' was because her punch had thrown me into the wall; it was a miracle I was still on my feet. I had been taken completely by surprise, and Anko wasn't done. She started to reach for my face, but it was a feint. She feinted again and the third time her aim was true; and she ripped off my facemask. I was shocked, why was she doing this? I saw a couple of shinobi headed over to break up the fight. She cocked her head back and started to throw it forward; I flinched, closing my eyes, she was shorter than me, which meant that her forehead would crash into my nose which would probably break it and-

.

.

.

…that wasn't a head-butt…

.

.

By the time I realized I was being kissed it was already over. With the same hand that held my facemask she grabbed hold of the front of my uniform and started dragging me towards the door.

What the hell was going on!?

Since I was behind her I realized that her hospital gown wasn't tied properly from the back; her bare ass was hanging out for the world to see. This distracted me for a few moments, until I was halfway to the door. I was just about to dig my heels in and demand an explanation, when it happened.

Genma let out a catcall. I blinked. Someone else let out a whistle. Then another person started cheering. It was then that the realization struck me.  _'Oh…that's what's going on.'_

And then I was out of the door and Anko's ass was still in front of me and suddenly we were flying through the air via a shunshin and I wanted to tell her it was reckless to use chakra so soon after her surgery and maybe to say something entirely different; but once we materialized she turned around and kissed me again and I ended up completely forgetting exactly  _what_  I was objecting to.

* * *

 


	10. Chapter 10

Original Publish Date: 26th-November-2015

* * *

  **Chapter 10 – Return To Innocence**

_Don't be afraid to be weak_

_Don't be too proud to be strong_

_Just look into your heart my friend_

_That will be the return to yourself_

_The return to innocence_

**_\- Return to Innocence, Enigma_ **

* * *

  **4 years 8 months ago: Nanashi's Past**

_The hallway of the hidden base was silent; too silent. All the veteran shinobi scattered throughout knew that this kind of silence was the calm before the storm._

_And they all knew that the storm was coming._

_They just didn't know that it would come in this form._

_A VERY loud wail woke up everyone in the base and brought them running to the main hallway, where they saw a sight that would stay burned in their memories until the day they died._

_They saw a four-year old girl, with shocking pink hair shaped into a bowl-cut, stuck to her head like a helmet and actually shining, reflecting the little light that was present in the base. She wore a spandex suit of the same shocking shade of pink as her hair. What completed the ensemble were the black gloves she wore, her forearms were taped up, and an orange belt around her waist. Quite a few shinobi did a double take upon seeing her; most of the ex-Konoha shinobi actually had looks of horror on as they tried the genjutsu dispelling technique. Their terrified expressions when they failed were beyond hilarious._

" _SHANNAYOSH! I AM ROCKURA! MY HEALING FLAMES OF YOUTH WILL BURN YOUR WORRIES AWAY AND HEAL YOU UNTIL YOUR OWN FLAMES BURN WITH THE PASSION OF YOUTH!"_

" _But I don't want to!" The 4 year old black haired girl, who was named Mirai, whined._

" _Please Mirai-chan! If you do this, I'll…I'll…" a young man with feral features, who smelled slightly like a dog, said, as he tried to convince the child._

" _I'll teach you a really cool jutsu!" A blond man wearing orange fingerless gloves offered enthusiastically, shamelessly bribing the child in front of him._

" _Re…really? You'll teach me a jutsu? But kaa-chan (mom) said…"_

" _What she doesn't know won't hurt her. You have to promise to keep it a secret, all right Mirai-chan!?"_

" _O…ok!" The little girl said enthusiastically, easily swayed as all young children are._

" _Hehehe" the two young men cackled together, rubbing their hands in glee. The expressions on each of their faces was eerily similar; if one of their friends had seen them conspiring together, they would have gone far, far away until the prank (for it could only be a prank when these two troublemakers were involved) was over._

_Quite a few shinobi looked on in confused shock, not sure how to react. But most of them, including the former Konoha nin, cracked up. Two in particular were howling with laughter, beating their fists upon the floor and gasping for air._

_Just then, a shinobi clad in a green spandex suit and a bowl-cut black hair, with his arms taped up, entered the hallway in a dash, having heard the words of a kindred soul; he was obviously one half of who the girl had been modeled upon. He froze upon seeing the young girl._

_The girl noticed him and, pointing to him, exclaimed, "SHANNAYOSH! SOMEONE ELSE WHO WORSHIPS THE FLAMES OF YOUTH! TOGETHER OUR FLAMES WILL BURN EVEN BRIGHTER!"_

_At this, the black-haired worshipper of the 'Flames of Youth' raised a fist trembling with emotion, anime tears streaming from his eyes. His entire body was trembling with…youth…as he made his way to the pink haired worshipper. "YOSH! GAI-SENSEI! YOU MAY BE GONE, BUT YOUR FLAMES OF YOUTH WILL NEVER BE QUENCHED! ROCKURA, FROM THIS DAY FORTH, I WILL TRAIN YOUR FLAMES OF YOUTH!"_

" _HAI! TOU-SENSEI! (Dad-teacher)"_

_The green clad worshipper's eyes started streaming the anime tears at twice the volume at the name the girl had given him. "ROCKURA!"_

" _TOU-SENSEI!"_

" _ROCKURA!"_

" _TOU-SENSEI!"_

_The two met in an explosion of youth, as out of nowhere a sandy beach appeared with a setting sun, with waves crashing around them, and the air itself turned sparkly around the two worshippers. Some of the non-former-Konoha shinobi wondered if this was a genjutsu, and were shocked to find out that it wasn't._

" _KYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the 'hug of youth' was interrupted by a piercingly loud scream; it was the worst sound in the world, one which was filled with hopeless despair and terror; it was the scream of lost sanity._

_Everyone turned to see a pink-haired woman; obviously the female counterpart the little girl had been modeled upon; her green eyes and mouth wide open, her hands (wearing the same black gloves the little girl was wearing) literally tearing at her hair._

_Everyone in the hallway started snickering at her expression; most were laughing openly at her. Two particular individuals were rolling on the floor with laughter, tears streaming from their eyes. They were quickly joined by a… pleasantly plump young man wearing red armor, who promptly redefined the term rolling on the floor._

_The little girl looked at her older counterpart (atleast in terms of hair), and yelled out, "KAA-SENSEI! (Mom teacher)!"_

_The few remaining people, who were restraining themselves from laughing too much, trying to keep a little dignity, gave up a losing battle. Everyone in the hallway started howling with laughter, some holding their sides, others gasping for air._

_The poor pink-haired woman let out a pitiful sound that was between a whimper and a squeak, wishing that it was nothing but a dream, or a horrifying genjutsu. She clamped down on her tongue, and when the scene in front of her didn't disappear, she wished with every fibre of her being that a hole would open up on the ground right beneath her and swallow her whole._

_The little pink clad girl unmercifully continued, unaware of the mental trauma she was causing the older pinkette. "KAA-SENSEI! TEACH ME HOW TO FLAME PEOPLE WITH MY HEALS OF YOUTH! I mean…TEACH ME HOW TO YOUTH PEOPLE!"_

_The pink-haired woman started repeating to herself, "Kill me now…kill me now…" She actually considered using a medical technique to stop her heart._

_And that was when the whole thing fell apart._

_First, an older, beautiful woman with ruby-red eyes and thick, wavy black hair entered, having heard most of the commotion while making her way to the hallway. She stopped in shock as she took in the sight of the little pinkette, with the older green-spandex clad man standing protectively in front of her "Is that…my daughter!?"_

_The older pinkette had started whimpering, rocking back and forth, with a crazed look in her wide green eyes._

_And then came the killing blow._

" _Naruto-nii-chan! Kiba-nii-chan! I forgot what I was supposed to say to Sakura-nee-chan!" the pink clad girl called to two of the three young men that were rolling on the floor, still laughing their asses off._

_Two of the men on the floor froze, as they felt a huge amount of killing intent directed towards them. They stood up quickly, and turned to find two pairs of eyes focused on them, one ruby-red, and one emerald-green. The only difference between the two was: the owner of the red eyes had hers narrowed, and the owner of the green eyes had a wide, deranged look in them._

_The owner of the ruby-red eyes said in a very sweet voice that only served to underline her potent killing intent, "Naruto-kun, Kiba-kun, please tell me that you did NOT dress up my daughter in pink spandex. AND dyed her hair pink. AND taught her the term 'Flames of Youth'." She growled out the last sentence, all pretense at playing nice gone._

" _K-Ku-Kurenai-sensei…umm…w-we-well i-its…I mean I-I…y-you see the…It was Kiba's idea!"_

_The woman focused her red eyes on the man who was her former student. Said boy immediately let out a fearful whimper that sounded like it was being made by a kicked puppy. "Gya…Wu…" the poor man managed to squeak out, his vocal chords having frozen up in fear._

_All hopes that the two pranksters would somehow manage to talk their way out of the situation were irrevocably dashed when the younger pinkette asked, probably far more loudly than was necessary, "Will you teach me that jutsu now, Naruto-nii-chan?"_

_Both boys' eyes widened in pure terror. "RUN!"_

* * *

  **The Next Day: 4465617468**

"How would you like to be taught?"

And with that single sentence, my estimation of Kurenai as a teacher shot up tremendously. Hinata, Shino and Kiba were extremely fortunate to have had her as a sensei. Would have. Ugh. Not this crap again.

In any case, she wasn't treating me like an ignorant child, and she wasn't being an arrogant know-it-all either. She was treating me with respect, and I admired the fact.

"Well… you can start by explaining the fundamentals about Yin chakra as you understand them."

Her red eyes considered me curiously, "How will that help?"

I scratched the back of my head, searching for the words to best describe my point of view. "Well, when I was studying Fūinjutsu, it was all rote memorization initially. But over a period of time, I slowly started seeing patterns in different seals that allowed me to instinctively understand what they were about. The more time I spent around seals, the more my knowledge grew. And one day, when I woke up, something just…  _clicked_. It was like the universe had shifted and I could understand everything in terms of seals. I understood what a seal truly was; it is chakra given form to affect the environment.  _Why_  a seal was written became less important; all that matters to me is the  _how_. And I'm very good at being able to decipher the  _how_. Similarly, for you, after studying genjutsu for years I'm sure you would have instinctively understood a fundamental truth about it. So teach me that truth; show me Genjutsu and Yin chakra through  _your_  eyes."

Her eyes had widened as I completed my monologue. She murmured softly, "I had no idea you were such a passionate man."

I blinked in surprise. "Huh?"

She then gave me this enigmatic smile that every woman I had ever known had given me. I'm still not entirely sure what it meant. Women were strange creatures.  _'Yes, but they also make life worth living'_  Ero-Sennin's imaginary wise voice said in my head. Although perhaps this wasn't the best time to think about Ero-Sennin's antics.

Kurenai, meanwhile, was ready to continue. "Yin chakra is the spiritual energy of the body.'

I nodded slowly, I already knew this. Every kid in the Academy knew it.

"It is hypothesized that the spiritual energy comes from the soul of a person."

And just like that my theory that I was a living zombie was shot to shreds. But I could deal with the life-changing epiphany later; right now I was in class with a master of her craft. All right, so spiritual energy likely came from the soul. I wasn't exactly sure what this meant, so I tilted my head questioningly.

She smiled again, "Therefore, to understand Yin chakra, you must first understand yourself."

.

.

Fuck.

.

.

My mind was officially blown!

.

.

Holy shit! It was so simple, so fundamental; and I had completely overlooked it! Of course spiritual energy would grow stronger by being in touch with your innermost feelings! I had been going about training it all wrong! I was trying to use Yang chakra training for Yin chakra! Yang chakra was the physical component, it grew stronger by training my body and practicing something over and over again until it became muscle memory. Yin chakra was the opposite. I couldn't use the training techniques I had created for Yang chakra! I instinctively knew that the training for Yin chakra was going to involve a lot more meditation and a few new chakra control exercises. This would completely change the way I trained, for a start. Not to mention that I would probably have to face some of my inner demons again.

And just like that, I was not looking forward to training at all.

I suddenly realized I had completely zoned out in the middle of my lesson. I snapped my gaze back to Kurenai, who had an amused smile on her face this time. "Perhaps you understood a fundamental truth a little too well?"

I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly, "Hehe, sorry. I got a little carried away with my epiphany." I dropped my hand and spoke admiringly, "But I have to say, with three simple sentences you managed to do what two weeks of training didn't achieve for me. I would probably have struggled for months if I hadn't come to you. You're going to be a fantastic sensei; three kids are going to be extremely lucky to have you as their mentor."

She looked pleased and surprised at the praise; and she couldn't entirely suppress the blush that appeared on her face. "You flatter me" she spoke shyly, her voice an octave lower than before.

I grinned, "I'm only calling it as I see it Kurenai-san." She smiled deeply at that, a dimple appearing underneath her rosy blush as her eyes shone. The sunlight was glinting off her untamed lustrous dark hair, and I had the sudden urge to run my fingers through it. After last night with Anko I guess my more carnal impulses had come back to the forefront of my mind. Wait a minute…were we flirting!?

Kurenai had taken the opportunity to look away and take a deep breath while I internally freaked out. She was Hinata's sensei! Not to mention she had been Mirai-chan's mom! I had spoiled that cute little girl rotten! I was her honorary uncle! Not to mention that Anko was her best friend and I had spent last night with her. I didn't even know what Anko and I were, since she was dead to the world this morning. I could make a claim that it was due to my sexual prowess, but I knew that the Ritual of Purifying Evil takes a deep toll on the body, and it was most likely due to that.

"Shall we continue?" Kurenai interrupted my internal debate with her gentle voice. I looked into her beautiful red eyes and nodded, feeling like a complete letch.

The rest of the morning was spent with her describing the various meditative exercises she used, and a few practical exercises to actually shape and mold my chakra. It was completely different to anything I had ever done. I was used to brute-forcing my chakra into taking a specific shape; what Kurenai was teaching me was to imagine a specific shape and  _coax_  my Yin chakra into taking that shape. I had a million and one questions, and I kept asking them one after another before trying a single exercise every half hour or so. I had to say that Kurenai was very patient, and that she was very intelligent in the way that after an hour or so she began to anticipate my questions and began phrasing things in a manner that I could easily understand.

The morning absolutely flew by; I don't think I had lost myself in training like this with someone else in a long time. My time with Sarutobi consisted of him beating me up physically and then tearing me down verbally. Training like this, learning from someone was something I hadn't done since Hinata had been killed by Sasuke.

Finally Kurenai looked up at the sun. "I have to go to the Academy to pick up my charge."

I blinked, and then looked up to reconfirm the time. "Oh crap, I didn't realize it was this late!" I looked sheepishly at Kurenai, "We were supposed to spend the second half of the morning discussing Fūinjutsu… Wait! We'll do it tomorrow instead! All of tomorrow morning, because I hogged all the learning time; I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry about that."

Her painted red lips curved into another gorgeous smile; I didn't recall her smiling half as much at us when we were younger. "I didn't realize how late it was either, so you have nothing to apologize for. Spending tomorrow morning focusing on Fūinjutsu sounds perfectly acceptable to me." Seeing her smile unconsciously made me smile too.

"Sounds like a plan." I tilted my head, "You said you had to pick up someone at the academy?" Upon seeing her nod, I continued "Well, I guess I can accompany you then. I have a runt of my own to pick up." A slight creasing of her forehead told me that she wasn't happy about my method of address for the kid, but I didn't really care.

As we made our way back into the village proper I noticed that she seemed to be struggling to ask me a question. I left her to her internal debating; I had no idea what she wanted to ask me.  _'It would be really awkward if she asked me out right now'_. I held my breath, suddenly tense, when she finally plucked the courage to speak up.

"I know you can't really tell me any details, but…is Anko all right?"

I blinked in surprise, before the tension drained away from me like water being sucked into a drainpipe. "Yeah, she's fine. She's recovering now; she should be up and about today or tomorrow at the latest." I was such an idiot; of course she was worried about her friend. There was no way she was interested in me like that. Earlier she was likely just flustered at the sudden praise.  _'There was no way that was flirting'_ I rationalized.

She breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank the Log" she murmured. "I've never seen her look so…hopeless. She was so frightened; it was completely unlike her." She turned to me, but I met her gaze with a steely expression; there was no way I was telling her what had happened. The Sandaime had declared it to be an S-rank secret to the other three people who were in the room at the time of the ritual. Kurenai understood my nonverbal warning, and let it be. We walked the rest of the way to the Academy in companionable silence.

We were about 100 yards away from the Academy when the final bell rang, dismissing the students for the day. Seconds later, the door burst open and a horde of students burst out; glad to be free of their prison for the day. I remembered this scene very well. It was extremely hard to get a daily reminder that you were different from everyone else around you; watching everyone get picked up by their parents, all the while knowing that nobody was going to come for you was a very painful feeling. I remembered a phase when I tried to run out early, but watching all the parents look at you and then look away dismissively was far more painful than watching scenes of familial bonding. It was far easier to slink around unnoticed when everyone was happily meeting their parents after a gap of a few scant hours. Being an orphan child was far harder on the psyche than most people ever realized.

It was a complete shock to see Hinata emerge from the building. I mean, I knew she was alive again, but I had studiously avoided everyone from my past as much as possible. To see even a chibi version of her exit demurely from the building moved the foundation of my world, and made my breath catch in my throat. It was even worse when she looked around and started walking towards me. No…not me, towards Kurenai. I recalled her telling me that Kurenai sensei had started sponsoring her long before she became a genin. A whirlwind of emotions rose up in my chest as she drew closer.

Thankfully though, that was the moment that Naruto slunk out of the building, keeping his eyes averted. I then performed this trick that I had picked up over the years: I looked straight at him and gave a sort of mental  _push_  in his direction. It wasn't a ninja technique, I'm sure even civilians could perform it. Just keep your target in your unblinking sight and mentally  _order_  them to turn to you.

It worked.

Naruto looked up; his face scrunched as he looked around for the source of his disturbance, and finally spied me. A look of disbelief crossed his face. I smiled and waved at him, urging him to come over. "Nanashi-nii-chan!" he screamed in delight, drawing the attention of everyone in his vicinity. He then tore through the crowd, mindlessly pushing his way through in his haste to get to me. He almost barged into Hinata, who had turned and was looking at him with a blush on her face (by the Log how had I ever missed the fact that she was in love with me!?) before he skid to a stop right in front of me. There were a few disparaging looks thrown his way, and subsequently mine when they realized that I was the cause of his ruckus. "Did you come to pick me up!?"

I smiled and ruffled his hair, "Of course I did." His smile grew impossibly wide at that, but even that was nothing compared to his expression when I asked my next question, "Want to join me for some ramen?" I was sure his face would tear in half as he nodded rapidly, his hair waving wildly with his assent. I looked over to Kurenai, "Would you two like to join us, Kurenai-san, Hyūga-san?"

Kurenai took a look at the ridiculously happy expression on Naruto's face, and her own face softened. Motherly instincts, I guess. "Perhaps some other time", she declined politely, recognizing that this time was important for Naruto to spend with me.

I smiled at her in gratitude and bowed my head in farewell, "I shall see you tomorrow morning then." She bowed her own head in return, and I took a look at Hinata out of the corner of my eye. The poor thing was clearly trying to work up the courage to say 'bye' to Naruto, and failing horribly. I decided to throw her a bone, "Come on little brother, say good-bye to Kurenai-san and Hyūga-san, ramen awaits us!"

"Bye Kurenai-san, bye Hinata!" he chirped happily, barely paying attention to the two. I saw Hinata swallow, trying to find the voice to return the greeting; but by then Naruto had already started walking in the direction of Ichiraku. "Ne, ne, nii-chan, can I have two bowls? I want to have salt and tonkotsu ramen today!"

I looked away from Hinata and shared an amused smile with Kurenai, before walking away with Naruto. "Sure, no more than two though. Did you have the vegetable stew I left for you last night?"

"Bleh!" he made a disgusted face. "Why do vegetables taste so bad anyway? I mean…!" he looked up at me with fright evident in his face, "Your stew was very tasty! I loved it, dattebayo!"

I frowned slightly, lightly bopping him on the head. "You don't have to lie. I know you don't like vegetables." Clearly he had some abandonment issues to work out; but that's what I was here to help him with. I leaned closer to him and whispered conspiratorially, "I don't' like them either. They taste like crap." He grinned at me, and I continued, "But you have to eat them if you want to grow big and strong like your nii-chan. You don't want to be that short forever do you? That's what will happen if you stop eating them."

Naruto looked horrified at that. "No way! I want to be tall like you! That way Sakura-chan will-" he cut himself off with a bright blush on his face. Of course, there was no way I was going to let this one get away.

"Oooooh?" I drawled out embarrassingly, causing Naruto to cringe. "Who's this Sakura-chan? Is she your  _girlfriend_?" I emphasized the word wickedly, causing him to mumble and shuffle his feet against the ground, face bright red.

"Naruto-kun? You have a girlfriend? When were you going to tell me?" Ayame's voice popped up, also in a teasing tone. His head snapped up in surprise, not realizing we had reached the ramen stand. Upon seeing her playful smile he groaned, taking a seat and dropping his head on to the counter with a loud 'thunk'. After a few moments of mumbling to himself he raised his head, but didn't make eye contact with anyone.

"She's not my girlfriend! She's the prettiest girl in the Academy, but she won't go on a date with me, no matter how many times I ask! She says I'm annoying" he finished with a grumble, staring desolately at the countertop as if it was to blame.

"Oho! Girl troubles already? Kids these days just start younger and younger, don't they?" Teuchi said jovially as he took our orders before heading back to the kitchen. Naruto just grumbled further, causing Ayame to giggle and ruffle his hair.

"He's had a crush on that girl since he was old enough to understand the concept of a girlfriend." Ayame explained to me, still playing with Naruto's hair.

I let an understanding expression cross my face. "Ah, puppy love." I turned back to Naruto. "So, tell me about the girl who stole my little brother's heart."

A dreamy expression crossed his face, "Her name is Sakura-chan, and she's the prettiest girl I've ever seen! She's the smartest person in our class; she never gets a question wrong. She has green eyes and long pink hair that…" he trailed of mumbling, his face the same shade as the aforementioned hair.

"Sounds like quite the catch. So what's the problem?"

Once more Naruto's face fell. "She thinks I'm annoying!" he whined. "And like every other girl in the class she's obsessed with Sasuke-teme!" his voice dropped in tone as he growled out the name. I completely understood his sentiments; Sasuke was a dick of the highest order. Not to mention the fact that I had  _been_  Naruto.

"That sounds like quite the conundrum," I said sympathetically. He looked quickly at Ayame, eyes pleading, and she whispered to him "It means a difficult problem". He nodded gratefully before looking quickly back at me as if he never looked away; I pretended I had not noticed the exchange. "Do you want my advice?" He nodded quickly, his hair waving wildly in the air. "Let her go."

"WHAAT!?" he exploded in outrage. "NO WAY! She's the love of my life! I'm not going to give up on her!"

"I didn't tell you to give up on her."

He blinked in surprise. "But you said-"

"You didn't let me finish. Be patient, little brother." He scrunched up his face, but nodded anyway. "I didn't tell you to give up on her. A man does not give up on his dreams; he works hard until they come true, or he dies trying." He folded his hands and nodded imperiously; in his head, it was how the world worked. "But there are always different ways to solve a problem."

Naruto scrunched up his face in thought. "That's what Iruka-sensei keeps saying as well," he grumbled. "But I think he was talking about math."

"It can apply to other situations as well. Here, you like a girl who has a crush on another boy."

"Teme" Naruto growled unconsciously. I fully agreed.

"Have you done something to make her like you instead?" I knew full well what I had done, and I was not going to repeat it for anyone to hear.

Naruto was of the same opinion; he pinked again as he mumbled, "Yeah."

"Did it work?"

He slumped again, "No." It had been a humiliating failure.

I nodded, "Well then, the next step is to try and make her jealous." Naruto looked up at me, surprise written on his face. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Ayame's smile had become fixed; it was best to proceed with caution. I abandoned what I had initially been about to say, and tried a different tactic. "Are you jealous of the boy because this Sakura girl has a crush on him?"

"No!" the response was immediate, emphatic, and far too quick to be anything but a denial. I raised an eyebrow at him. He folded, "Yes" he grumbled. I nodded.

"So you know what jealousy is like. The only way you can get her to change her feelings towards you is to make her feel the same jealousy you do. And in order to do that, you should date another girl instead." Ayame's smile was strained to the limit now; my gentler way of putting it had not helped in the least. Naruto had a very thoughtful expression on his face. I had a sudden sense of foreboding when his face suddenly cleared up; my gut warned me that something was about to go Very Wrong.

"Oh! I get it! It's like you trying to make the Scary Snake Lady jealous by going out with that pretty Kurenai lady!"

Wait, what?

Ayame's smile had dropped completely off her face and I was sure she was glaring at me; I could even make out Teuchi's head poking out from the kitchen, no doubt with a disapproving expression on his face. I was mentally scrambling, so I did what I always do in situations like this; I opened my mouth and let it do the talking. "She already has a boyfriend."

Everyone blinked in surprise, and I heaved a small sigh of relief. I had bought myself a few seconds, which was enough to quickly organize my thoughts. "She's trying to keep it secret, so don't spread it around." The moment I said it, I realized that it was the worst thing I possibly could have said. The only way a secret remains a secret is if nobody knows about it. I scrambled to mitigate the damage, "I'm not going to tell you who it is though. She asked me to keep quiet about it."

Kurenai was a very reserved person by nature; Hinata had told me that she tried to keep her and Asuma's relationship under wraps even when it became very clear that they were going out. If she got to know I was spreading rumors… I suppressed a shudder.

Naruto wasn't done however, "Why were you two together then?"

"She was training me in genjutsu this morning. Old Man Hokage told me to ask her for training since she's the best genjutsu user in the village." That wasn't strictly true, Sarutobi had told me to get stronger in Yin chakra; but I had approached her of my own volition since she was the best person to help me out. It was a white lie, but it would help me get past the ridiculous turn our conversation had taken. "In return, I'm teaching her about Fūinjutsu."

Ayame's expression relaxed and Teuchi's head disappeared again, but Naruto's knowing gaze was still on me, causing alarm bells to ring in my head. "But you still like the Scary Snake Lady don't you?"

Nobody would claim that Naruto was the smartest kid by they had ever met; but he was very sharp. He was a perceptive little bugger; you had to be when you were alone throughout your life and had to watch out for yourself. But this was not a conversation I wanted to have right now, especially not since I had slept with Anko last night. "Didn't you want to know how to woo Sakura?"

The distraction proved successful as Naruto's eyes widened. "Ahh! Yes! Tell me! Tell me! Please!"

I mentally rolled my eyes at how easy it was to distract him, resolving to teach him better in the future. "Well, like I was saying earlier, you should try to date another girl. If it works, and Sakura gets jealous, you can gently let the other girl down, telling her that it wasn't what you were looking for. If she doesn't get jealous, go out with the girl anyway. At the very least, you will better understand how to treat a girl you're dating. Who knows, maybe you will like her more anyway!"

Naruto scoffed at the last statement. "That can't happen! My heart belongs to Sakura-chan!" he declared emphatically. He was lost in thought for the next few minutes, as our orders came and we ate them. The hovering presence of Ayame ensured that there would be no repeat of the ramen eating contest like last time. Once we had finished up Naruto was still deep in thought, but by now he had scrunched up his face quite comically, causing Ayame to giggle and tug on his cheeks. He pouted at her, causing her to smile and ruffle his hair.

"Ayame-nee-chan, do you also think I should go on a date with someone else?"

"I don't approve of you trying to make a girl jealous!" she snapped out immediately, causing both of us to wince. "You should not play with a girl's heart that way." I looked at her, wordlessly beseeching her to understand that no, that wasn't the lesson I was trying to impart; it was just a way to… "But I think your nii-chan is right. You should date someone else. You're a wonderful boy; you will make a girl very happy."

I leaned back with a sigh of relief. Ayame looked at me questioningly, still not understanding what my game was. But Naruto wasn't giving in so easily, "But none of the other girls are as pretty as Sakura-chan!"

That was when I played my hand, "What about that Hyūga girl that we met outside the Academy? She looked pretty cute." Understanding finally dawned in Ayame's face as she looked at me with a smile. I took a quick peek to see if Teuchi was looking, and then winked at her. Like before, she broke out into a full blush; it really was too easy with a smitten 16 year old girl.

"Who, Hinata?" Naruto's face contorted comically again as he thought about it.

"Is she that little slip of a Hyūga girl who I see around every time you eat here? She is very pretty." Ayame added her two cents, fighting through her embarrassment admirably.

"I guess she is pretty… but she's so weird. She's quiet, and she always turns red when she sees you looking at her!" Even though she was currently fighting a 'redness' of her own, Ayame rolled her eyes at him, not that he saw it. The reference that she was always 'stalking' him completely went over his head.

I jumped back in, "Does she also fawn over that boy all the other girls like?" Again, Naruto looked uncertainly at Ayame who quickly whispered "has a crush on" and made a shooing motion. Ugh, I needed to get him and Hinata together ASAP. At the very least it would improve his vocabulary. My mind wandered as I vividly remembered  _my_  Hinata's clothes slowly disappear one by one every time I got a word right, or a mannerism correct. Best. Learning. Tool. Ever!

While I had my mini-flashback, Naruto had finished his own, "I don't think so… But she's so quiet! Maybe she likes him and just doesn't say anything!"

"Do you know that for sure?" I asked him. After another few seconds, he finally shook his head in negative.

"But what if I ask her on a date and she says no as well?"

"Hm…" I faux-pondered; as if I hadn't already planned for it all. "Here's an idea. Instead of asking her on a date right away, why don't you try being friends with her first?"

He squinted up at me. "Are you sure that will work?"

"Of course it will!" Ayame quipped. "Girls like it when a boy tries to get to know them before asking them out on a date."

He looked between us, one after another, before sighing in resignation. "Fine."

Ayame let out a small cheer before she leant over the counter to give Naruto a hug. I, too grinned at him, and he finally smiled back.

"That's all well and good, but you had better treat the girl with respect, understood?" Teuchi's gruff tone interrupted the tender moment.

"Of course I will! I'm an orphan, not a hooligan!" Naruto exclaimed indignantly.

"I never said you were. Always remember, a man is always supposed to treat a woman with respect, never take advantage of her, and never make her cry. Understood?"

Naruto looked Teuchi in the eye and nodded seriously. Teuchi held his gaze for a moment longer before breaking it with a nod of his own, confident that his message had been received.

As I took care of the payment I let my mind wander to Sakura-chan. Unlike the rest of the Academy girls, she had truly been in love with Sasuke, right up until he showed his true colours as a megalomaniacal misanthrope. She had been heartbroken when he had mercilessly started mowing down members of the Shinobi Alliance, Konoha shinobi in particular. Any lingering feelings for the motherfucker died a flaming death when he killed off her best friend Ino. It had been years before she let herself open up again. I, too, had been mourning the loss of Hinata around the time we had gotten together; we were each other's rebounds, but for some reason we managed to stick together. In hindsight, it wasn't a surprise because the world was falling apart around us and we were each other's pillars of strength. She and I managed to outlast every other Konoha shinobi, until Orochimaru had found us and managed to poison her in a skirmish. So enraged had I been that I tore that body of Orochimaru apart before he could get a tissue sample from Sakura-chan and escape. It had been getting harder and harder to kill him, but that occasion I managed it quite easily.

We had started walking back while I was lost in my dark thoughts; I was taken out of them when I noticed Naruto repeatedly peek up at me before staring at something at my side. He pinked again and quickly looked away in embarrassment, causing me to crease my eyebrows in confusion. What was he looking at?

It came to me in a sudden flash of insight, and I smiled softly.

I reached down and took his hand in my own.

Naruto looked shocked and surprised as he stared at where his tiny hand was nestled in mine, before looking up to see me smile. His own face broke out into a massive beaming grin; it was like looking into a miniature sun. There were various villagers around who either stared at us in disgust or ignored us entirely; I shrugged them off with practiced indifference.

Naruto didn't even notice, he may as well have been walking on air.

I promised myself that he would have all the happiness that had been stolen from me. For all the nightmares that were heading for him I would become the monster that devoured them. For all the love that had been stolen from me I would make sure he was adored. He deserved to grow up in a village that appreciated him, not called him names behind his back and ignored him. I swore that for him, I would change  _everything_.

* * *

  **Later that evening, Top of the Hokage Tower**

Tonight was one of those nights where Sarutobi was in a reflective mood. I knew this because he always came up to stare at the statues of the previous (and following) Hokage whenever he was in this sort of mood. I walked up from behind to stand next to him also looking at the faces that had (and were) protected the village. I wondered if he looked at his own face most of all, remembering the Hokage that he used to be, the ninja called 'Kami no Shinobi'. He was still 'The Professor', but he wasn't the force of nature that he had been; something that I had pointed out to him quite harshly. To get rid of that unpleasant memory, I spoke up.

"I think I would like to cancel this week's spar. I've only just started getting a handle on my Yin chakra training, and I would like to be more prepared before facing you."

"Finally thinking with your head, are you?"

I winced. Ever since I had verbally assaulted him there had been an undercurrent of tension between us; it manifested in the glacial tone he used with me while discussing my own faults. I wished that I could wish that I could go back in time and undo it; but having gone back in time once was painful enough. I would have to live with the mistakes I made this time around. We were playing for keeps after all.

But all that didn't mask the fact that he was right.

"Yeah…I've not made the best decisions during my battles recently."

His voice was iron as he asked, "What mistakes have you made?"

"I've let my opponent dictate the flow of battle. I've let them play to their strengths and tried to beat them at their own game. The last opponent I truly prepared for was Kakashi. Since then I have not imposed myself on a battle. I need to change that."

He nodded slowly. "Atleast you are capable of learning from your errors." Thankfully his voice was softer now. "Very well, as long as you keep up your training I have no issues postponing this week's spar."

Neither of us had looked at each other thus far, still looking at the faces of the previous Hokage. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke up again, his tone the same gentle grandfatherly one I had always heard from him (phew!), "Have you thought about what Enma said?"

I deflated, and my voice dropped an octave, "Yeah." I took a pause before considering my reply. "I don't think it was a coincidence that you called me Nameless (Nanashi)."

His face crinkled into a frown. "You think it has something to do with your…situation?"

I nodded sharply. "Yes. I tried again to go into Sage Mode, but instead of imbibing the chakra this time, I observed how it behaved around me." I let out a sigh. "Enma was right. Senchakra behaves the same way around me as if I was a corpse."

I saw a weary expression cross Sarutobi's face. "And do you agree with this conclusion?"

I shook my head emphatically. "No."

Sarutobi looked briefly surprised. "Why?"

I smirked, "If you would have asked me that question before this morning, I would have said yes. But after a single training session with Kurenai, I have to say no; simply because of the fact that I have Yin chakra. It is the spiritual energy of the individual; therefore I do have a soul of some kind. Sure, it might be different to everyone else's, but I'm used to being different. I can work with that." I looked over to him, the first time in the conversation that either of us had looked away from the Hokage faces. "Looks like putting my trust in you paid off!"

He finally let out a smile of his own, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. "I'm glad you finally found your answers. It is good to see you at peace with yourself." When he finally looked at me, he had his trollface back on, causing my stomach to drop in dread. "Now that you've finally stopped being such a whiny little bitch, I can stop holding back on you in our spars."

"Wait… _what_!?"

"Oho! You didn't think that I was fighting at my best did you? If you're going to take things up a notch, so will I!"

"What the fuck old man!? Have you completely lost your mind!? I have to be ready for the Kiri mission! If you take our spars any further I will end up in the hospital for the next year!"

He snorted, "That's the problem with you youngsters; always complaining when things don't go your way. That's why you need to listen to your elders; one good spanking will set you straight."

I scowled at him, "You just like beating someone up and calling it training. Mean old man!"

"I will have you know that my methods had fantastic results!"

And so the bickering continued late into the evening. Things weren't perfect between us, but they would be, given time. And without knowing it, I had put my faith in him. I was surprised to realize that for now, it was enough.

* * *

 


	11. Chapter 11

Original Publish Date: 4th-December-2015

* * *

  **Chapter 11 – All That She Wants**

_So if you are in sight and the day is right_

_She's a hunter you're the fox_

_The gentle voice that talks to you_

_Won't talk forever_

_It's a night for passion_

_But the morning means goodbye_

_Beware of that is flashing in her eyes_

_She's going to get you_

**_\- All That She Wants, Ace of Base_ **

* * *

**? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?**

_The awareness had rushed away from the Smiling Being as soon as possible. The Smiling Being represented Pain; whether it was the source of Pain or it was drowning in Pain the awareness didn't know. It didn't want to know._

_It returned to scouring the empty universe, the hungry empty space between the coldly burning stars, but it found nothing. It went to one edge of the infinite universe and found nothing but cold dank darkness and emptiness. It went to another and found nothing but debilitated rocks. The more it scoured the universe the more it grew desperate._

_It took infinity to search every corner, whether it was the cold burning of the pinprick stars or the frozen emptiness of the darkest recesses, but it found nothing._

_Nothing._

_The universe was horrifically empty._

_There was only the awareness…and the Smiling Being of Pain._

* * *

Once more the dreamer violently awoke, gasping from the affliction of the nightmare; immediately gulping down a glass of water. Once more, the trembling limbs of the dreamer showed how terrified they were, spilling half the water over themselves. Once more the dreamer knew that there would be no more sleep that night, only more wonderings about what the dreams meant. Once more, the dreamer looked to the window, hoping for the sun to come up soon; to send its burning heat to warm up the clammy coldness that had seeped into the dreamer's very soul.

* * *

  **The Next Day: 4465617468**

"How would you like to be taught?"

Kurenai's face relaxed into yet another gorgeous smile, "That's an interesting teaching technique you have."

I grinned back at her, "What can I say, I picked it up from one of the best teachers I know."

She blushed slightly, but got down to business. "I already have more than a passing interest in Fūinjutsu, and I was hoping you could test the extent my knowledge before we get started."

I tilted my head at her, "You already have something in mind." Upon seeing her nod I smiled at her, "The longer I am around you the more impressed I grow." She dimpled, but this was not the time to play hooky. "What's the most complicated sealing technique you know?"

Her eyes flashed with something unidentifiable as she spoke neutrally, "Fūja Hōin (Evil Sealing Method)."

I nodded; being around Anko she would definitely have picked it up. "All right, do you know what each line matrix of seals is supposed to do?"

We sat down at this point and I took out my sealing supplies. She took the brush and drew each of the lines of seals from memory, carefully explaining what each branch did. I asked her further questions about the relationship between individual seals, and she explained them all to the best of her ability. After a solid hour of questioning I finally started scratching my face through my mask. Log-damned scratchy mask.

"All right, as far as I can tell you seem to have a solid grasp on the basics. Would I be wrong in assuming that you learned everything through books?" She nodded, looking a little apprehensive. "That's not a bad thing on its own; but you've probably come to understand Fūinjutsu as having a bunch of underlying rules that cannot be broken, am I right?" Reassured by my first sentence, she nodded with a little more confidence. "You're wrong!"

She was as taken aback by the zealousness in my tone as the words themselves. After a few moments she asked me uncertainly, "But the seals I've drawn according to what the books say is impossible don't work…"

I was already shaking my head halfway through her rationale. "Seals are only limited by your imagination. If a seal matrix or seal structure doesn't work, it has a different fundamental error. It can be a design flaw; it can even be a limitation of the language being used. The more you learn about Fūinjutsu, the more you will have to accept that some branches can often work in direct contradiction to the rules of others.

"Each Fūinjutsu practitioner makes this discovery at some point. Every experiment you make allows you to expand upon horizons you previously thought were unattainable. You will often find a rather confusing reason as to why a seal that should work, doesn't work. I once designed a seal that didn't work only because its phonetic equivalent had the wrong number of syllables.

"Fūinjutsu is considered an esoteric art simply because almost nobody understands all the rules that govern it. I've immersed myself in the art over the last five years, and while I understand more than most, even I have not been able to answer the most fundamental questions about it. It brings us down and tells us that  _we know nothing_. It forces us to open our eyes and look at ourselves and acknowledge that  _we are lacking_. Once you realize that it opens your mind and  _then_ , and  _only then_ , can you understand the Sealing Arts."

Kurenai's eyes were wide by the time I finished my monologue. After a few seconds of silence she took a deep breath. But by this point I was only getting started.

"I mentioned experimentation just now. You should not do that unless there is a certified Seal Master around. At the very least, whenever you test a seal, use a Kage-Bunshin to do it. That way you atleast if it backfires you do not injure or cripple yourself." I cocked my head, "You mentioned earlier that you had something in mind. What was it?"

Kurenai took a few moments to collect her thoughts. "I had an idea after I saw your tattoos…The first time you experimented on them, were they on paper?"

I nodded, and tore off a small piece of paper from the large roll in front of me. I quickly scribbled a seal sequence on it and handed it to her. "Put it on the ground and push a small amount of chakra into it."

She did as instructed, and immediately a small fireball, the size of her palm, sprang into existence above the paper. "Is that…a Gōkakyū (Grand Fireball)?"

I nodded, "Yes, albeit not a very grand one right now. If you push more chakra into it, it will grow larger. However, it will not last very long. The ink that we use for most Fūinjutsu is not a very potent Sealing Agent." I think I knew where she was going with this, as I saw her experimentally increase and decrease the amount of chakra she put into the paper, fascinated with the way the fireball expanded and contracted respective to the amount of chakra.

After a few moments she cut off the flow of chakra to the paper entirely, causing the fireball to disappear in a wisp. "Would it be possible to create these paper seals for Genjutsu as well?"

I blinked and then tilted my head, wordlessly urging her to continue. So my hunch was right. Kurenai continued, "The weakness of any Genjutsu is the fact that it can be dispelled as soon as a user recognizes the foreign chakra in their systems. I've always wondered if there was a way to use my opponent's own chakra against them, locking them in a genjutsu of their own creation. The only way that someone could then escape would be if an ally then disrupted their own chakra flow. That is why I am wondering if we can create a paper seal for genjutsu that activates by the enemies' own chakra."

.

.

That was  _terrifying_!

My own Genjutsu-nullifying seal was based on recognizing foreign chakra and preventing it from affecting my brain. If I was ever trapped in a Genjutsu that used  _my own chakra_  as fuel I would be as screwed as I was before I had created my own seal!

On the other hand, the possibility of trapping my opponent into an unbreakable genjutsu left me salivating.

I only realized that I was grinning manically when I saw Kurenai smiling at me once more. "I take it you like my idea?"

I nodded, my grin fixed firmly in place. "You have a very devious mind, Kurenai-san."

"Considering that I'm a Genjutsu expert, I take that as a compliment." She blushed as she said this, evidently not used to being this bold.

I grinned at her, "That's two days in a row that you've blown my mind. I can only imagine what tomorrow has in store for me."

The blush stayed on her face, but she didn't say anything; evidently she did not partake in a battle of wits too often. After a few moments, my own gaze dropped back to the roll of sealing paper, considering the query at hand. The seal would have to be activated by the chakra that everyone released unconsciously, while not activating in the hands of the attacker; it would be really stupid if someone pulled out a seal and got caught in its effects before they could get to their opponent.

I pointedly ignored the  _multiple_  memories that rose up where I had done exactly that, but with different seals.

In any case, I was reasonably certain I could design such a seal, but that was not what Kurenai was after. "All right, so we have two options in front of us. Number one, you memorize the seals of a few Genjutsus / Yin chakra techniques, and I can teach you how to write them down in Written Seal format. Number two, I teach you how each individual seal interacts with the other and how Ninjutsu's and Genjutsu's are formed; or just Genjutsu's, if you prefer. Ultimately you will be able to create your own techniques; it is a longer road and a harder one, but I believe it is the more rewarding one."

Kurenai considered it carefully, pursing her painted red lips together while her crimson eyes flashed with the struggle of the decision. I let her take her time; it was an important decision after all. Finally she looked up, her red eyes locking on my own, "I think I would like to go for the first option. While I would love to understand the intricacies of the seals that make up our everyday techniques, I'm afraid my duties don't leave me the time required to dedicate myself to a new subject." An apologetic expression crossed her face. "I hope you're not disappointed in my decision."

I smiled reassuringly, "Nonsense. You're right; it is a very time-intensive discipline. And you also have your own training regimen to keep up. My sensei always used to tell me, 'Work on your weaknesses, but never stop polishing your strengths.'"

Kurenai smiled at that, "He sounds like a good sensei."

I let out a nostalgic smile of my own, "He was." Is. Dammit, not this again.

"It also sounds like you were a good student."

I actually let out an aborted snort at that. "Hell no. I was an idiot and a complete pain."

She blinked in surprise. "I'm sure you were not that bad."

I squinted at her, "Lady, if anything, I am underestimating how awful I was as a kid."

She gave an amused smile, quite clearly not believing me but unwilling to argue further. I sighed. "While we're on the topic, I had something else to ask you. I had actually planned on asking this at the end of our training session, but since it's come up…" I straightened myself.

"You met my charge yesterday, right?" She looked confused, but nodded. For a moment I struggled to find a gentle way to put it, but then gave up. "He's an idiot." I said bluntly. She raised her eyebrows, whether in disapproval or surprise I didn't know, but I charged forward. "It's not his fault; he's had to deal with the ignorant hatred of the villagers and the subtle sabotages in the Academy as well, no less." A steely look entered her eyes at the slightest  _hint_  of a child being mistreated, which made the next part of my request earlier. "What he does have going for him is: he responds well to positive reinforcement, he's a very hard and willing worker and if you give him a task, he will complete it with a single minded determination. He's also very self-confident." I tilted my head, and my tone dropped unconsciously. "It's something that your charge lacks."

A startled expression crossed her face. "What are you trying to say?"

"I propose that we train them together every once in a while. Naruto has no tact and next to no manners, and that's something only someone his own age can successfully teach him at this point. Their problems are diametrically the opposite. To be honest, I'm hoping that the two of them will rub off on each other, as well as provide a yardstick for each other to measure themselves by." I straightened my head, "It's only a request, please take your time while considering it. I haven't discussed it with the kid yet, so don't feel obliged to accept it."

She nodded, her eyebrows creased together. "I will consider it", she said noncommittally.

I tilted my head in acknowledgement, and we went back to our Fūinjutsu studies.

Kurenai had just finished practicing the written forms of the handseals when there was a slight disturbance in the clearing we were in. We both raised our heads and waited for the person to make their presence known. A few moments later, the source of the noisy footsteps came into view.

It was Anko.

She still had her hair down (she looked weird that way!) and her trenchcoat was tied tight around her, hands stuck in her pockets. She had foregone her mesh leggings, allowing only her bare legs to be visible. I had gone to her apartment in the morning, but she wasn't there. I had assumed the hospital had caught her and dragged her back, but clearly that wasn't the case.

"Hi" I said awkwardly. She just grunted in reply. Yup, this is how mature adults communicate after spending a night together.

"Anko! Are you all right? What happened to you?" All things considered it was impressive that Kurenai had managed to keep herself this composed.

Anko had shuffled close to us by now, and both of us were on our feet; strange, I didn't remember getting up. She took a long look at Kurenai and raised her hand to her neck to pull down the collar of her trenchcoat. Just before she could do so my hand snapped out and stopped hers from reaching its target. "You were unconscious, so I'm telling you now… The Hokage has declared it an S-rank secret." I then removed my hand, because it was not very gentlemanly to hold a woman's hand if she didn't want to; totally not because I was afraid she would remove said appendage. Not at all.

To her credit, Anko seriously considered it for a moment before locking eyes with me. "There's no way I'm keeping something like this from 'Nai-chan. I'll square it with the old man later."

I wasn't entirely happy, but Anko was a big girl, she could handle the consequences of her actions. Once more her hand rose to her neck to pull down her collar, this time it was unopposed. She tilted her head so that her curtain of hair was parted, baring her delicate neck. While my mind went straight to the gutter, urging me to attach my lips to the sensually offered flesh, Kurenai let out a gasp.

"It's gone!"

Anko gave her a flat look, but Kurenai's excitement wasn't dampened in the least. "How!?" she demanded.

Anko grunted again. "Apparently nameless wonder here wasn't blowing hot air."

Kurenai's disbelieving eyes snapped to me, and I sheepishly rubbed the back of my head. "Hehe…I knew this ritual…"

A wide smile blossomed across Kurenai's face. "This is wonderful! I'm so happy for you!"

Even Anko's flat mood couldn't survive the onslaught of Kurenai's happiness. Her own features softened as she looked at her best friend, "Thanks."

"What was it like?"

Anko shuddered. "Painful."

That shut Kurenai right up. For Anko, calling something 'painful' translated to 'hellishly torturous' for normal people. After a few moments she tentatively asked, "Does it still hurt?"

Anko considered it for a moment. "I'm sore all over. But that just might be because of the naked workout shitstain put me through after the ritual."

I scowled. "As if I had any choice in the matter! You broke out of the hospital, punched me and then dragged me off to your lair!"

Anko snorted. "I didn't hear you complain."

I grinded my teeth, but I didn't reply, causing Anko to smirk.

Kurenai, however, was looking at me with an inscrutable expression. I looked at her and blinked in confusion; but she shifted her expression from me to Anko. Something…feminine passed through the two of them. It's some form of communication that is incomprehensible to those who possess a Y-chromosome. They had an entire conversation in a few silent seconds, leaving me feeling extremely uncomfortable. Ero-Sennin's imaginary voice whispered in my ear,  _'When you see two women staring unblinkingly at each other, prepare for a verbal battle or even a catfight.'_

Kurenai finally broke the silence, "Did you really just club him over the head and drag him off to your cave like some primitive cavewoman?"

Both Anko and I blinked in surprise, but only Anko reacted by nodding dumbly. Kurenai had an amused smile as she said in a perfect deadpan, "Ibara-sensei would not be pleased."

And for the second time in three days, I saw Mitarashi Anko blush in embarrassment.

Clearly, there was an inside story I was missing out here. "Who's Ibara-sensei?"

Anko, still red with embarrassment, replied gruffly, "A decrepit old hag."

I blinked, and waited for more information which Kurenai duly provided, "She was our Academy kunoichi-skills teacher. She was…ah, not very fond of Anko."

For a moment, I tried to imagine Anko in a classroom setting where femininity was being taught as a subject. No scenario I imagined ended well…for either the teacher or Anko herself. My own grin started stretching my face wide.

"Of course you liked her... Teacher's pet." Anko grumbled.

Kurenai sniffed disdainfully, "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

And it was fascinating to imagine both of them in a classroom as kids. Anko would definitely be like me, rambunctious in nature; while Kurenai would be like… a mix between Hinata and Sakura.

Their nonverbal communication was over, it seemed, and both had reached some sort of consensus.

"What are you working on?" Anko asked.

"Nanashi-san is teaching me how to make techniques from paper seals. I'm learning the basics behind them first."

And just like that, it was back to business. Shaking my head at the surrealistic situation I sat back down, and continued the lesson, while Anko looked over us.

Later that afternoon, while we were on our way to the academy, Anko broke the silence. "Can you teach me some of the basics as well?"

I looked at her appraisingly. While I had said it jokingly earlier, I wasn't going to just give out my secrets without getting anything back in return. Before I could say anything else though, Anko continued, "I ran into Genma last night. He was interested in a crash course as well."

…all right, maybe a quick crash course didn't sound so bad. "I'll see what I can do."

Once we had picked up the kids from the Academy, Kurenai and Hinata went their separate ways while Anko tagged along with Naruto and me for no discernible reason. I had fixed Naruto's lunch today, so I told him to go to his apartment to eat while I went to my own with Anko, "to do grown up stuff". Once I had closed the door behind her I took a deep breath to brace myself. I didn't know what was going to come of this conversation; hell I didn't know what I  _wanted_  from this conversation. But this was not the time to dither. I turned around to face Anko.

And almost launched backwards due to the fountain of blood exploding from my nose.

She was wearing nothing underneath her trenchcoat.

She hadn't taken it off, but just opened it like she normally did. Her pleased smirk at seeing my reaction did… _things_  to me. She stepped closer and whispered, "You did say we were going to do grown-up stuff." As she kissed me, my entire thought process went out the window. Screw talking. What good did talking ever do anyway? We could talk with our bodies and our wandering hands.

We were on the couch with Anko sitting on my lap, and I was just about to take her coat off when the door suddenly opened. A nasally loud voice proclaimed "Nii-chan, I need to-"

I froze. Oh Log! I hadn't locked the door! It was  _Naruto_! How was I going to explain this to him!? Atleast we weren't completely naked yet, things could have been a lot worse.

"Are you two going to do sex?"

…scratch that. I was going to murder the little brat.

I was completely mortified by his words, but Anko kept her head. "Yes we are. Now scram."

Even though I couldn't see his face, I could imagine him scrunching it up. "Grown-ups are weird, 'ttebayo." I heard him grumble as I heard the door close; atleast he was gone. I immediately created a clone that instantly locked the door and activated the security seals. I wasn't entirely sure how Anko was going to react to the intrusion. I looked up at her face, but she had her eyes locked on the clone.

"Kinky", she said approvingly.

I grinned. This was something that I had always wanted to try, and by the Log I was going to take full advantage of the situation.

* * *

**Later**

"Oye, Nanashi, do you mind if I bring another couple of friends to the crash course you have planned?" Genma asked.

"Who do you want to call?"

"Raidō Namiashi and Yamashiro Aoba."

I shrugged. "Be my guest."

* * *

**Much Later**

"Ah, Nanashi-san!" Aoba greeted me near the mission office.

"Oh, hey, Aoba-san. How can I help you?"

"I have a subordinate who is also interested in Fūinjutsu. Do you mind if he tags along?"

"Sure, go ahead."

* * *

**Even Later**

"Err… excuse me… you're Nanashi-san right?"

I looked at the shinobi who had stopped me in the middle of the street with a sinking feeling in my stomach. "I am."

"Ahaha…this is embarrassing, but… Would you mind terribly if I joined the Fūinjutsu session you have planned?"

I grit my teeth, for once thankful that my mask would distort my expression into a smile. "Sure, I have no issues."

It snowballed from there.

* * *

  **2 Days Hence**

I twitched.

What seemed to be the entire off-duty shinobi population (and a few on-duty-ANBU hiding themselves) had shown up for the so-called 'crash course'.

Which was taking place in the Academy.

In room 301.

Yup. It was  _that_  fateful room.

I felt a rapidly developing tic-mark on my eye. I was going to  _murder_  Genma. 'A couple of friends' my ass. To his credit, he was sitting in the front row looking very sheepish about the whole affair. Atleast I had managed to wrangle Sarutobi into letting me peek at the Scroll of Seals in return for the village-wide teaching session. But  _this…_

I also spied Kurenai and Anko sitting together in the crowd, and to my surprise I even spied Nara Shikaku. While he wasn't half as slothful as his son (his position didn't allow him to be), I was surprised that he dragged himself here.

Upon further reflection, it  _was_  closer than his home, so he was probably avoiding his wife.

I even spied a certain Yakushi Kabuto in the crowd, but carelessly let my eyes pass over him. Now was not the time for that battle.

I twitched again, and sighed. I had actually had to inform the Mission Office to direct everyone here, once Sarutobi told me that this room could be used for the seminar. Bless them though, they had insisted upon taking a minor admission fee from everyone who was attending and paying me the equivalent of a B-rank mission. The rest of the cash would of course go to the village coffers.

Still, in a million years, I would never have guessed that I would one day end up  _teaching_  at the Academy.

All right, my musings had officially made me a minute late in starting, even though I was already there. I really should get started. Since there was clearly a rag-tag group of varying skill levels in Fūinjutsu, I would have to start at the very basics.

I cleared my throat, and there was instant silence.

I won't lie; it was a very empowering feeling. No wonder Iruka-sensei loved this job.

"What…is a Seal?"

There was dead silence.

I saw a particularly naughty ANBU form a genjutsu that caused the sound of a chirping cricket to ring out. I struggled valiantly to keep the grin from my face.

"Come on, you all use seals every day. From storage scrolls to handseals, everyone uses seals in some form or the other, so speak up. What is a Seal?"

There were a few murmurings and whisperings, and one voice was calling out "It's a symbol-"

The door suddenly opened, and Sarutobi Hiruzen was standing there.

I don't mean the Sandaime Hokage, because this man was in the standard uniform.

"Jōnin Sarutobi reporting for class. I'm sorry I'm late."

This was sufficiently weird enough to freak even me out, let alone the rest of the class. Class, sheesh. Look at me, sounding like the quintessential sensei.

I crossed my arms. "I'm reliably informed that in this Academy, students who show up late are told to stand in the corner."

There were a few scandalized gasps, a few snickers; but once Sarutobi  _looked_  at everyone he just found  _blank faces_  (also known as Danzō's wet dream). He turned back to me, "Of course, the sensei must keep the disciple in his class by any means necessary." His tone was polite, but his eyes reliably informed me that the next time we sparred he would take it out on me. I brushed it off; he was going to kick my ass regardless of what I said.

"Fine, fine, get in and take your seat."

Miraculously, there was an empty seat right in the front row, which Sarutobi duly fulfilled.

"As I was asking, before we were interrupted by our wayward student…What is a seal? I heard someone say something about a symbol." Whoever had said it initially had lost their nerve, so after a few seconds of silence, I answered.

"A seal is a sacrifice."

EVERYONE gave a reaction to that, including Sarutobi. Once the murmurs died down, I continued. "How do we perform techniques? By sacrificing our chakra. How do we design a space-time storage seal? By sacrificing our chakra.

"Thus, a seal is the visual representation of the sacrifice of your chakra."

Everyone had either leaned forward, or straightened up, handing me their complete attention. I grinned; maybe this teaching thing wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

  **2 Hours Later**

I wanted to punch my two hour younger self in the face for even having the temerity to  _think_  that teaching wasn't so bad! It completely and utterly  _sucked_! I swear that more than half that class was full of utter morons who barely knew which end of a brush to hold, let alone draw a seal!

I stalked away from the room in a foul mood. Once I had their initial attention, I described some of the common sealing practices that were widely known, and the things they couldn't do. I then did the exact things that were thought to be impossible simply by changing the structure of the seal matrices, expecting them to be awed and amazed at my brilliance.

It was at that point that things went to hell.

Some people just couldn't let go of their preconceived notions, despite visible evidence to the contrary. I was utterly frustrated, but I tried to be patient. That only lasted until the insults started.

At that point, I seriously considered murdering the first prick who insulted me.

I looked to Sarutobi to ask him to bring order to the class, but his steely gaze was locked on me.  _Fuck me!_  Even  _this_  was a test.  _That_  was why he hadn't worn his Hokage robes, he hadn't wanted people to bow to his authority; he wanted to see how I imposed my own!

In other words, he wanted to see my diplomatic skills at work.

After all, if I wanted to go to Kiri, he had clearly told me he had reservations about my diplomatic credentials as well as my strength. This was clearly a way to test the former.

At that point, I closed my eyes for a few seconds, and brought up the mental image of the imperious noble that my Hinata had relentlessly drilled into me. Once I opened my eyes I behaved like a complete snob, looking down my nose at the plebeians and viciously cut my detractor to pieces (verbally, sadly). I told him that if he believed that books could never be wrong, he should buy the latest Icha-Icha and live his life according to the ridiculous rules described in them.

Once I had regained control of the classroom, I haughtily went forward with the material I had pre-planned. I tried to teach everyone how to draw a few basic seals, while not being limited by their imagination. Of course, more than half of them were there to satisfy a curiosity, not seriously learn, but I did not allow any light-heartedness or tomfoolery in the class. In-fact, less than 30 minutes into the class I had started to channel Iruka-sensei! Ugh. I had never before realized how much of a pain I had been to him. He must have been a veritable saint to put up with me! I vowed to make it up to the man.

Once everyone realized that it was my way or the highway, things went better, but I did  _not_  allow any questions; there was  _no way in hell_  that I was ready for  _that_  headache. Fucking hell, I needed a drink, and it was barely past noon!

I stormed up to the roof of the academy, blinking in the sudden sunshine. In my opinion we should have been facing a fucking thunderstorm, not having a bloody nice day. I scowled at the village in general, not feeling very charitable towards anything at the moment. Most of them were ignorant idiots anyway. I felt, rather than saw the old man slide up next to me, and I wordlessly put up the privacy barrier.

"That could have gone better" he said noncommittally.

"If you hadn't put in your plants to deliberately sabotage the lecture, yes, it could have gone better." I snapped acidly.

He shrugged unapologetically. I knew  _why_  he had done it, but it didn't mean I had to like it. After a few moments though, he spoke again. "On the other hand, it could also have gone worse."

I had to force my lips together to prevent a sarcastic 'Ya think' from spilling out.

"While I was not impressed with the way you let the situation spiral out of control, I must say it was remarkable how quickly you regained it. I was also impressed with the way you have mastered our vernacular, and the noble behavior of our country. If you don't mind my saying so, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing your younger self would be caught dead doing."

Once more, in the last few days, my mind wandered to the…unique way Hinata had trained me. The way she had managed to make her clothes disappear had provided gratuitous material to my spank bank for the last half-dozen years. "Let's just say…I had a lot of positive reinforcement."

Sarutobi looked at me for a few moments and then let out a very perverted smile; one that I matched. Whenever something naughty happens to one man, other men have a sixth sense about it, even if nothing about it is said directly.

It's a guy thing.

I did wonder whether he thought my performance was enough to get me the sign off to go to Kiri, but I wasn't going to look desperate by asking. I had been more or less ambushed for this test even though I hadn't realized it at the time; I thought that I had performed as well as could be expected. In any case, I would know what the old man thought about it soon enough.

Sarutobi had something else on his mind though. "I understand that I can never use the technique, but after seeing you use the Jōka Waru no Gishiki (Ritual of Purifying Evil), I cannot help but be curious about the technique you used to fight Orochimaru at the end."

I tilted my head, "I'm not going to tell you the handseals, but I will describe it for you." I took a deep breath, irrationally terrified of even calling the Death God's name. Well, not irrationally; uncontrollably would probably be a better word to describe my feelings. "It's called the Shinigami no Mai (Dance of the Death God). It requires a horrifying amount of luck to pull off.

"First, you must create a circle; the size doesn't matter, but it needs to be a perfect circle with an unbroken boundary to define its limits.

"Second, you must complete the first five handseals for the Shiki Fūin (Dead Demon Consuming Seal). The first five handseals are the contract to summon the Shinigami at the cost of your own soul.

"Third, you must stand in the circle with your hand locked in the fifth handseal, and either lure your enemy into the circle, or have him there to start with, it doesn't matter. Either way, once your enemy is in the circle, you need to get them to call you by your full name and declare you their mortal enemy. I actually had to goad Orochimaru into saying 'Uzumaki Naruto, you are my mortal enemy'.

"Once you have each declared the other to be your mortal enemy, witnessed by the Shinigami, you complete the handseals, completing the technique, and from that moment on you are locked in mortal combat with your mortal enemy. The initiator of the technique will die one way or the other, but if the enemy wins the bout they can escape with their life. But that is only if they win; it is quite literally the last resort technique.

"Once the technique has been completed, there is no escaping the circle. If one does something sly, say use a space-time technique, the Shinigami will draw you back into the circle. Same is the case if one has split his consciousness across different hosts. I quite literally had to battle him to the death more than a hundred times." I gave a very feral smile. "Every idle fantasy I had ever thought of to kill him, I executed. I actually had to borrow the creative ways that various people had confided in me over the years. I must say, it was quite satisfying, especially since he wasn't fighting at full capacity." I gave a smug look to the Sandaime Hokage, "For some reason he was completely terrified of the Shinigami."

Sarutobi, however, did not share my bloodlust. He just looked at the sky and sighed in resignation. "That is the flip side of the Will of Fire" he murmured. "If you're not careful, you can get consumed in the flames of your own ambition."

I gave him a startled look. I didn't know if that statement had been aimed at Orochimaru…

…Or at me. 

* * *

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Original Publish Date: 20th-December-2015

* * *

**Chapter 12 – Red Red Wine**

_I'd have sworn that with time_

_Thoughts of you would leave my head_

_I was wrong, now I find_

_Just one thing makes me forget_

**_\- Red Red Wine, Bob Marley_ **

* * *

**Seven Weeks Later, Konoha Hot Springs**

A perverse giggling sound came from the foliage overlooking the female side of the Konoha hot springs.

The giggling wasn't even particularly quiet, as if the (badly) hidden pervert was only making a token gesture at hiding himself.

Perhaps it was unconscious, perhaps not; but it  _was_  only a token gesture by the Toad Sage of Mount Myōbokuzan.

When he was still in his teens, firmly in the iron grip of puberty and with hormones ensnaring his senses, Jiraiya had made the decision to spy on his (extremely hot) female teammate taking a relaxing soak in the hot springs.

It was a decision that changed his life.

When Tsunade had overheard his giggling and realized that he was on the other side of the barrier spying on him, she was  _enraged_ ; she  _tore_  through the barrier as if it was made of wet tissue paper and promptly beat him to within an inch of his life. It wasn't the token comical beating either, Jiraiya was quite literally on death's door. Later in his life, Jiraiya would recount that moment and reverently say that he had never been closer to his mortal end. She didn't even heal him after the beating, setting his recovery back by weeks and causing him to spend the entire time in the hospital.

But the moment that changed his life came a few weeks later, even though the seeds had been sown that fateful day.

After a few weeks, when Jiraiya had been discharged from the hospital, he dreamed of that beating. He dreamed of the gorgeous nude blonde goddess with fire in her honey-coloured eyes passionately beating the living shit out of him; her breasts heaving with every blow she landed, drops of water sensually flying off her bare flesh with every bone she snapped like a twig. Every twist in her expression wrenched his loins as if he was causing her pleasure instead of her causing him pain. Every painful kick caused him to writhe and revel in pleasure. It all came to a head as he imagined her raising her fist for the final blow; as she gathered the chakra in her hand, his own explosion gathered in his groin. As she plunged her fist into his chest, he was woken up by the most messianic orgasm he had ever experienced in his life.

As he lay panting in the afterglow, his sheets and pajamas a mess, he coined the term 'wet nightmare' to describe his vision. And then he proceeded to write the incident down.

And thus, the first ever scene of the legendary Icha Icha series was written (not that he ever showed it to anyone).

Also, he fell in love with his teammate.

Thirty years later, he was still in love with her; but conversely she was still in love with her dead fiancé. So, being the understanding teammate he was, he left her to wallow in her grief, letting her have the space and time she needed to come to terms with her loss.

Contrariwise, he had a spy ring to run, a series of bestselling erotica novels to write, and a string of beautiful women (less than half his age) to chase.

It was his burden, but hey! We all have our crosses to bear.

Perhaps he wanted to recreate the experience of his youth; whether it was the beating or the orgasm it had led to he didn't know or care. In any case another (clearly audible) naughty giggle escaped him as he spied a naked beauty rise from the clinging water of the hot springs. There was inspiration to be gained and subsequently books to be written. Right now, there was only one thing on his mind.

"I've travelled all over the Elemental Nations, but at the end of the day…" a small spray of blood shot out of his nose as the woman he was spying on stretched sensually, emphasizing her curves and unwittingly giving the self-proclaimed 'Super Pervert' a free show, "There's no place like home."

* * *

**Meanwhile: 4465617468**

I tied my hitai-ate with a sense of finality, before looking at myself in the mirror and nodding seriously.

Today was the day I officially requested the diplomatic mission to offer aid to the ninja separatists of Mizu no Kuni.

The terms were still in the air; no doubt Sarutobi would inform me of the final reparations that Konoha and Hi no Kuni (Land of Fire) would demand in return for the subvention offered to the separatists for overthrowing Yagura, the Yondaime Mizukage under the thrall of the Sharingan. I was reasonably confident I would get the mission.

I hadn't spent the last two months sitting on my ass after all.

I had kept up my daily training regimen, pushing myself to the limits both physically and mentally, practicing the advanced chakra control exercises the Sandaime had assigned me while also getting a handle on the Yin chakra exercises that Kurenai had consigned. In the little spare time I had, I spent time with the Konoha R&D – ANBU division. There were a few…  _'surprises'_  I had planned for our future enemies.

Coming back to the topic of Kiri though, from what I recalled their revolution was still in its infancy at this time. The Separatists would successfully complete their insurrection sometime after the 'Konoha crush'. Thus, Terumī Mei would narrowly miss out on becoming the first female Kage by a matter of months.

My hope was to speed up that time by a year.

The reasoning was simple, help Kiri in establishing a new order and thus deepen the bonds between the villages. They would then help us with our own invasion against Suna, who would come then onboard after their treachery was brought to light. Kumo would join the alliance once the threat of Akatsuki was realized.

The only wild card was Iwa, who were known sympathizers of Akatsuki at this time.

I shrugged. We would cross that bridge when we came to it.

I took a final inventory check: scroll after scroll full of supplies, weaponry and sealing supplies designed to last me two years. Once I was sure I had everything I could possibly envision needing, I lay down on my back, before rolling up my shirt and creating a Kage Bunshin to seal them individually into my stomach.

Hey, it wasn't like Kurama lived there anymore.

There were separate seals for each scroll. Nested sealing was  _exceptionally_ dangerous, even for a master like me, but for the infiltration I had no choice but to hide everything. I would expel all of them at the first sign of trouble. The last thing I wanted was to blow myself up, or become the nexus for a singularity; it would hurt my professional pride. Among other things.

I locked up the apartment and left down the stairway. I hadn't told Naruto that I might be leaving on a long-term mission because it would break his little heart. I had planned to send a Kage Bunshin back to my apartment via Hiraishin whenever I could manage it to look in on him and make sure he was keeping his focus on the basics. He would have a lot of powerful enemies in the future, and it was almost a given that he would be more powerful than me, given that he would avoid all my mistakes. The concept of the 'prophecy child' being a dominating powerhouse was enough to bring a smile to my face. He was going to be the most famous shinobi in the Elemental Nations when I was done with him. He was going to pound every single enemy into the dirt. He was going to take on the burden of the world and beat it into runny paste. He was…

...currently bent over, pulling as hard as he possibly could on his sandal straps, if the ridiculous expression on his face was anything to go by. "Nnnghh!" He gave another titanic tug to the straps. I felt a massive sweatdrop forming on my head. Whatever this was, it couldn't be good.

"You call that pulling hard!? HAH! A weak little brat like you just doesn't have the strength to lift himself!" Anko taunted. I sighed; of course Anko was involved in...whatever the hell this was. I shook my head, resigning myself to my daily dose of weirdness.

"What are you doing?" I asked, fighting the urge to pinch my nose.

Anko sniffed imperiously, "I'm trying to help a useless brat, but he's too weak to be any good."

"No way! I'm close! I felt something that time! I'll do this in no time at all; this is nothing for someone like me!" Naruto said defiantly. "Hrkkknnnnnnngh!"

I gave in to my urge and pinched my nose. "And what exactly is this...training?" I used the word with trepidation, already having come to the conclusion that Anko was being mean to Naruto.

"She's teaching me how to fly, 'ttebayo! Urrrrkkkkkk!"

"Pull harder brat! You're not going to fly if you put in a pitiful effort like that!"

"What does pitiful mean!?"

"Weak! Try harder!"

"RAAAAAAHHHH!" Naruto's sandal straps tore clean off, causing him to fly backwards and land on his butt, blinking in surprise.

"Ahahahahaha! Your face! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Anko pointed at Naruto and started gasping with laughter, causing him to grit his teeth in anger.

"She pranked you. You can't fly by pulling on your sandals, it doesn't work that way." I said gently to Naruto. He just turned red with anger, scrambling to his feet and kicking the ruined sandals away.

"But how!? I saw her fly! She pulled on her sandals as well!"

"Hah! I just used a genjutsu! What are they teaching you at the Academy if you didn't even recognize that!? You must really suck! Are you the class  _dobe_!?"

"ANKO!" I snapped at her furiously.

"What?" She replied callously. I just glared at her for a few moments, before a smirk overtook my features. I lay my hand on Naruto's head, "You do realize that you've declared war on the Prank King of Konoha."

At this, a truly malevolent smile came across Naruto's face as he matched my grin and crossed his arms. Anko scoffed, but I saw her take note of the expression on Naruto's face. "Expect no mercy!" he declared, pointing a finger at her.

I sighed, "I'm only sorry that I will miss you making a complete fool out of her, little brother."

The smile disappeared from Naruto's face as he looked up at me. "What do you mean nii-chan?"

I then knelt down until my face was level with Naruto's. "Little brother, I might be leaving for a long mission today."

His face fell. "When will you be back?" He asked sadly.

"I don't know. It will be a long time." I ginned, and my tone changed to a more upbeat one, "You don't need to worry though, I will send a clone to look up on you every week or two, so you wouldn't miss me as much! You won't even notice that I'm gone!"

A grin tugged at the corners of his lips, and I continued in a faux-whisper, "You'll tell me how you pranked Anko in return, eh?"

His sunny grin came back full force as he nodded rapidly, his hair waving in the wind, and I matched it. "Keep learning from all the scrolls I left you, all right? You need to learn the basics very well if you want to be a good shinobi. What they teach you at the academy is fine, but you need to do better if you want to be Hokage." My smile turned teasing, "After all, you have someone new to help you learn more, eh?"

He pinked as he nodded shyly, suddenly refusing to meet my eyes. I ruffled his hair as I came back up to my feet and looked at Anko, who was gazing at me inscrutably. "What's this long mission about?" she asked.

I shook my head, "It's classified. But it's safe to say that I won't be in the country."

She raised her eyebrows. "Timeframe?"

Her professional curiosity had been piqued. She could probably work it out if I gave her a hint; but this needed to be top secret. Still… "Minimum of a year… Hopefully less than two."

She tilted her head, considering the information. While she tried to work it out, I turned back to Naruto, "Shouldn't you be going to the Academy?"

"Ehehe…I don't have any sandals now…"

I shot a disgruntled look at Anko before handing some money to the kid. "Get something nice; I'm not going to be here for your birthday, so consider it an early present!" His face lit up and he happily took the money. "And no wasting it on ramen!" He pouted, but nodded his agreement.

It took a few more minutes to say goodbye to both of them, but once I made plans with Naruto for a farewell bowl of ramen I finally started making my way to the tower. According to the Sarutobi, we should have received a report about the situation in Kiri latest by yesterday. I hadn't wanted to nag him every day, so I had waited until the timing was certain. I made my way up to the office, waving to the secretary as she nodded her greeting at me, wordlessly gesturing at me to enter. I entered the office, and saw Sarutobi behind his desk; but then my instincts suddenly kicked in.

There was someone else hidden in the office; not just the hidden ANBU agents. I narrowed my eyes before studying the technique closely, before my mind came to a screeching halt.

Instinctively I instantaneously put the strongest barriers I knew around the office and I threw myself at the hidden shinobi. "Ero-Sennin!" I cried as I wrapped my arms around my mentor, the only man who had been a parent to me.

"Minato?" he whispered in shock, pulling me back and peering closely at me.

"Not exactly!" I laughed, giddy at meeting him again. There was so much I had wanted to say to him, but right now he didn't even know  _who_  I was. "The old man just wanted to prank you. Come, sit. Let me tell you the…extraordinary story of my life."

* * *

**A few hours later**

"I see."

There was silence in the Hokage's office following Jiraiya's statement. Both Sarutobi and I let him process everything we had told him; to be fair, it was a lot to take in. He must be pretty overwhelmed right now. When I had spilled the beans to Sarutobi, I had done it over a period of weeks; Jiraiya literally had it dumped into his lap.

The only other person who would be told the truth about the future was Tsunade, once she picked up the mantle of the Godaime Hokage.

After a while he looked up at me while fiddling with his sandal, "Tell me one thing, would you say that I was a good teacher?"

"The best!" I replied instantly.

He nodded, as if I had just confirmed what he had suspected, "Would you say you had any complaints against me?"

"Err..." This was not going in the direction I thought it would. "A few minor ones... You could have taught me a few more techniques, but by the end of your training I was ready to fight against S-rank criminals, so... No. No complaints."

He nodded again, looking grave. "Did I ever do something unforgivable to you? Accidentally spy on your girlfriend in the hot springs, perchance?"

A weight settled in my stomach; something was definitely wrong. "No. Nothing of the sort."

Once more he nodded solemnly. "So overall, I was a fantastic teacher to you, and you have nothing against me?"

"Err... You could have trained me a bit more instead of getting 'inspiration'..." I joked weakly, but it fell flat in the somber atmosphere. "But overall yeah, you were an awesome sensei."

He nodded a final time. And despite knowing that something was wrong, what happened next caught me completely off-guard.

His sandal flew into my face at warp speed. "YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT!" He  _thundered_.

The sandal dropped from my face, leaving behind a red imprint. "What?" I squawked.

"WHAT KIND OF APPRENTICE MAKES HIS MASTER OBSOLETE!?"

"Wait…WHAT!?"

"I busted my ass  _every day_  for the last  _two decades_  to run my spy network and forage and scrap for every  _tiny_  piece of information; but  _YOU!_  You come along with your fancy  _'Oh, look at me, I'm a time traveler! I know everything about everything! Where's Orochimaru hiding? Oh, that old chap? He's in the Land of Rice Paddies! Akatsuki? Well why didn't you say so? Here are detailed dossiers on their goals and capabilities!'_ Way to emasculate your teacher, dumbass!"

My jaw had dropped progressively lower with each mocking word that left Jiraiya's mouth. "Wait… so the fact that I pretty much just saved your life means nothing!?"

"Yay! I'm alive! Now that my life has been saved by my future apprentice, what should I do with it? I know! I'll go back to running my spy network…oh. I CAN'T! Because you RUINED IT!"

My eyes bugged out at the sheer  _audacity_  of Jiraiya's shameless ego-pandering. "BULLSHIT! Instead of being proud of how far your apprentice has come, you're blaming him for your own shortcomings! What kind of master does that!?"

By now we were both butting heads, snarling at each other; until we both looked away in a huff and crossed our arms. I felt my eye twitching at the familiarly annoying antics of Ero-Sennin. Still, I had to admit that the man had a point; I  _had_  pretty much done his job for him. Maybe a different approach was in order.

I cleared my throat. "I'll tell you the plot of the next Icha Icha book."

He scoffed, "Hah! I'm already working on the manuscript! Besides, that's my own work! How can you bribe me with my own 'fruit'?"

My eye twitched again, but I kept my cool. Fine. "I'll convince Fujikaze Yukie from the Princess Gale series to star in the movie adaptation of Icha Icha."

He perked up, "There's a movie!? I mean…" he went back to being gruff, "Is that something I did? In the future I mean?"

I shook my head. "Nope. That one is all me, 100%."

Jiraiya considered it for a moment. "I'm listening."

My eye twitched again at how easily I was being played, but I still gave him more. "Fine. I have another Icha Icha plot bunny in mind. I'll…share that with you."

He sniffed, "Trying to take over another of my jobs? I raised a greedy apprentice. The fault is my own."

I grit my teeth, but didn't explode in frustration, to my credit. It was time for my trump card. "I know the seal to turn the walls of the hot-springs transparent. From one side."

Half a second later Ero-Sennin's arm was around my shoulder while he cried manly tears of pride. "MINATO!" he wailed dramatically, "Your son is a true man's man! If only you could see him! You would be so proud!" He sniffed as his other arm came down from pointing at the heavens, presumably where my father was. As he wiped his face I rolled my eyes as I looked at the Hokage, who was shaking his head in bemusement.

I should have known that it was an act, because a moment later Sarutobi pulled out the Forbidden Scroll of Seals and placed it on his desk. "Such a seal can be dangerous in the wrong hands. I must insist you add it to the Forbidden Scroll."

My eye twitched again. "Don't think I don't know what you  _really_  use your crystal ball for."

The Forbidden Scroll disappeared as if it had never seen the light of day.

Once the shenanigans were over, we all went back to our seats and started the debrief; the  _real_  reason we were all here.

Jiraiya cleared his throat, "Before we begin, I want to ask you something." He turned to me with something unidentifiable flashing in his eyes. "Why do you want to help Kiri?"

I looked at him blankly. "I would have thought that was obvious. We need to have a united front against Akatsuki and the Zetsu army. The sooner we do that, the better."

He shook his head, "I know that; I'm asking you what your motivation for going on this mission is. The old man tells me you're pretty adamant on being the one to go. Why is that?"

Despite my attempt to remain unflustered, I flushed; for some reason a knowing grin appeared on Jiraiya's face. "Well… there's a person there."

His smile grew wider at my statement, "Go on" he said deliberately. He seemed to be waiting to confirm something.

My tone had turned reverent, "This person helped Konoha survive, looked out for us and helped us escape whenever things looked grim. I owe a massive debt; one that I will do my best to repay."

His smile had expanded to Cheshire proportions. "As expected from my apprentice."

My eyes were shining as I proclaimed righteously, "That's why I'm motivated; I cannot leave this to anyone else."

His smile had grown lecherous, "I knew it!"

"His name is Ao."

Jiraiya's face contorted in complete horror. "What?" he asked disbelievingly, his face completely white.

"He's the best tracker in the world, and the very best at obfuscating trails. I've lost count of the number of times he saved our hides." I tilted my head at the Super Pervert. "Who did you think I was talking about?"

Jiraiya was looking distinctly green as he shook his head. I shrugged; I still had no idea what went on in that brain of his.

"Anyway, what do you have for us?"

He shook his head a few times and took a deep breath. "All right, it wasn't easy, but I managed to get my hands on a civilian refugee from the mainland. He had escaped about 6 months ago and spent the time as a traveling from one place to another, hoping to hide. My contacts had tagged him as a possible source of information, which is why I finally tracked him down. In exchange for relocating him and setting him up with a new identity he agreed to spill the beans, so to speak. Here's what I learned from him."

He got up and opened a scroll, spreading it across Sarutobi's desk; it was a map of Mizu no Kuni. I took a seat on the corner of the table, while Sarutobi leaned over in his chair, his hands in their trademark steeple in front of his face. Jiraiya remained standing as he pointed at various locations on the map.

"Right, so we all know that the Mizukage has closed the borders for a few years; they're absolutely paranoid about letting anyone leave for any reason whatsoever. All ships that are involved in their trading from the mainland have a heavy shinobi guard. They don't let anybody out of their sight; if somebody does manage to slip their net, they will quickly find hunter-nin on their trail. The civilian I found was one of the crew from the trading ships; he had noticed a hole in the patrols and quickly took advantage to escape the tyranny. Once he knew that the Oi-nin were after him, he literally hid in a hole in the ground; in an outhouse to be precise." At this, everyone wrinkled their nose. "He said it was the price of freedom." Jiraiya grimaced, "he said he would happily do it again. He no longer had any family left, so there was no threat to anyone else with his escape.

"Anyway, what he told me was very interesting. The mainland is where the bulk of the loyalists are housed. Their supply lines are zealously guarded, but the separatists have been quite clever about their tactics. They use the neighboring islands as their hideouts. There aren't more than 10 or so of them at any given hideout; they act as splinter cells. All this my source picked up from the casual conversation between the shinobi guarding his ship. The separatists primarily use hit and run tactics, stealing supplies whenever they can get away with it, but very rarely committing large scale attacks. Those are reserved for the juicy targets; supply garrisons with inexperienced guards, one of the high-ranked shinobi on his own, that sort of thing.

"Another thing that my source told me, apparently Yagura is churning out Genin as soon as possible." He frowned in disgust, "And by that, I mean that a lot of them are 8-9 years old, barely able to hold a kunai straight, but 'Kiri needs their strength'." He scoffed, "Bullshit propaganda of course, he's hoping that the separatists don't kill them on sight and leave themselves open. The sick part is: it works." He shook his head in disgust, and I felt a similar expression cross my own face. Using children was unforgivable. Even Orochimaru had never…no, he had. Fuck. This was as depraved as anything I had ever faced. Obito/Tobi had a lot to answer for.

"So, overall, the situation in Kiri can be summarized as follows: a depraved bigoted sociopathic tyrant is in charge of the country, and is using his iron grip to spread chaos and impose his will on the common people. If you have a bloodline, you're better off killing yourself. If you are a civilian, you wish that you had a bloodline, because at least  _then_  you could kill yourself. Cruelty, oppression and hopelessness are the order of the day." He grimaced, "I hate to imagine what they would be like in a war with an outside enemy."

My jaw tightened. I had known that there was a civil war, but I hadn't known the rest; I had no idea about the everyday civilians being oppressed. I hadn't known that children were being forcefully conscripted. The more I heard the more I wanted to gut Tobi with a rusty kunai and disembowel him, leaving him under the desert sun to be eaten alive by wolves and vultures. What he had done was unforgivable.

I forcefully pulled myself out of my dark thoughts and analytically thought about the mission at hand. "How hard is it to infiltrate?"

Jiraiya shrugged, "Do you mean the country, the main island, or Kiri itself?"

"Any. All."

"Sneaking in is hard enough, but compared to getting out it's a cakewalk. There are multiple options for infiltration, with varying levels of risk involved. One, we can forge papers for you as on behalf of a business magnate, saying that you are exploring business opportunities in Mizu no Kuni. Two, you can sneak in via the cargo bay, if you don't mind 'sleeping with the fishes' if you pardon the expression. Three, you can stick to the hull of one of the ships and swim part of the way."

Sarutobi spoke up at this point, "While the third method is the safest, I do not recommend it. It would require you to be in the frigid water for a number of hours. On an average day, your body loses heat 20 times faster in the water than it does in land. The colder the water, the faster you lose body heat. You would be at severe risk for hypothermia. It requires a lot of training beforehand; training which you have not undergone."

Jiraiya picked up the thread, "Of course, all this assumes that you have a way to suppress your chakra from their sensors and are trained in infiltration techniques."

I rolled my eyes as I nodded, "Yeah, the hardest part is just an afterthought, right?" I asked sarcastically. At the stoic looks of both the Sandaime and his student I huffed, "Yes, I'm trained in infiltration and espionage. I've also designed a seal matrix that simultaneously locks me in a Henge (Transformation) and gives the impression that my chakra is that of a civilian."

Both of them looked impressed at that. "How does it work?" Naturally it was Jiraiya that asked this question, wanting to know the mechanics behind my seal.

I grinned, "Well, it converts the chakra escaping my body to Senchakra. It's perfect, because all sensors think that it's the natural atmospheric chakra, not someone's personal signature." I frowned, "Although if someone in Kiri knows Sage Mode, I'm screwed."

Jiraiya turned grave. "If that's the case, we're all in trouble. Speaking of, what's your plan if you do run into trouble? You know we can't provide any support, we don't have any military assets in the country."

"If worst comes to worst," I plonked my Hiraishin kunai on the table with a firm 'thunk'. "Here's my exfiltration plan. That said, I have no intention of leaving unless I leave the separatists refuse our aid. And something tells me that isn't very likely.

"Anyway, assuming that they accept our terms, they will want military support at some point. How do you plan on getting them into the country  _en masse_? From what you're telling me it's hard enough getting a single operative into the country."

Jiraiya answered my query, "That will depend on you providing a distraction. See here," he pointed to the map; it was on the mainland, in fact… "this is where Uzushiogakure used to be. See, from time to time, there are still massive whirlpools around the area that affect currents miles away. So Kiri naval patrols stay away from this area, lest they get pulled off course. If we use the ruins of the former village as a staging area, we can penetrate almost a third of the way into the seas undetected. For the rest, like I said, we will need to rely on a distraction that you will provide. It can be anything, as long as it pulls the patrols away and gives the invasion force the time to reach one of the islands. Once they reach, it will be easy to get lost in the myriad of islands to lose pursuers and regroup at a later date."

I nodded, it was pretty straightforward. "Oh, I almost forgot." I took a scroll out of my pouch and kept it on the table. "This scroll is connected to another one that is in my possession. Whatever you write in this will show in mine and vice versa. We'll stay in touch via these. I'll write in mine around 10 pm whenever I need to convey something."

Jiraiya's eyes were gleaming; no doubt thinking about the mechanics behind the scroll, but Sarutobi took it without ceremony and placed it into a drawer. Sarutobi then spoke, "Like we said earlier, there isn't any military support for you. However, there is a retired Konoha shinobi living in one of the islands. He married a local and stayed after the war. Nobody there knows his past; it was only by chance that one of our forces recognized him during a mission. Approach him at your own risk, however. I do not know if he is loyal to the Mizukage or the rebels or even apathetic in general."

I nodded as I memorized his face and his last known location; there was a high probability that I would end up using him, since I had no idea how to locate the resistance.

The rest of the day we discussed mission protocols and the terms that Konoha wanted in return for our assistance. By the end of it my head was spinning with a hundred details about the landscape, the fighting capabilities of the most prominent Kiri ninja, the increasing prices of silk and how they could affect the trade which would lead to a subsequent increase in the price of dyes and how that would affect production and URGH! It was madness.

Apparently, knowing this crap was a requirement for being a Jōnin.

Jōnin were representatives of the Hokage, they could exercise limited authority in the field in his name. They could make preliminary trade agreements and alliances with foreign nations. Naturally, these would be further cemented once the Jōnin got back to the village and formalized the alliance. Now that I thought about it, no wonder Kakashi had gone ahead with the Wave Mission; he had probably wrangled some trade concessions out of them on behalf of Konoha. My head, on the other hand, was spinning. Maybe I should have stayed a Genin; there would be no need for all these book smarts.

It was only towards the end that I realized that Sarutobi had never explicitly told me that I was going on the mission; he just started preparing me for it. It brought a sense of satisfaction that was hard to put into words. Actions speak far louder than words, and he had effectively placed the future of our village in my hands, trusting me to do the right thing.

Maybe the fact that I had won one of our spars by trapping him had something to do with it.

* * *

Once I was sure I had memorized every relevant piece of information we broke for the day. I stumbled my way to Ichiraku's for dinner, not completely certain I was in my right mind. Random pieces of information kept flashing across my eyes; I'm not entirely certain how I made it to the ramen stand, but somehow I was slamming my head down on the counter with a tired groan.

"Wow, you look like you had a tiring day", Ayame said sympathetically.

I let out an incomprehensible moan at that; but Ayame, bless her, managed to decipher it and placed a cold glass of water in front of me. I put it against my forehead with a sigh of relief before drinking it and giving her a grateful smile. She pinked and took the glass from my hand, letting her fingers rest against mine a fraction longer than strictly necessary; I was too exhausted to react.

A few minutes later Naruto showed up and greeted everyone enthusiastically; I just let out a grunt in reply.

"Are you all right nii-chan?"

I let out a negative grunt.

"What happened?"

"Had to memorize a book. Mission." I grunted out.

His face scrunched up, "What!? You mean we have to learn stuff even after we pass the Academy!?"

I gave him a flat look and grunted an affirmative.

Poor Naruto looked like his world had fallen apart. "No" he whispered despondently.

I rolled my eyes and Ayame let out a giggle at the exchange.

"So are you still leaving for that long mission?"

I grunted affirmatively again, getting tired of acting like a caveman. I needed some nutrition dammit!

But Naruto had grown even more despondent at my reply. "Will you really be gone for a year?"

I sighed, "Yeah. It's an important mission, so I have to go."

"But… but if you go… Ayame-nee-chan will be sad!"

I glanced at the aforementioned Ayame-nee-chan, who did indeed look sad; but Naruto clearly wasn't talking about her.

"I know, but this mission is important to Konoha's wellbeing as a whole. They teach you about the important missions at the Academy right?"

He perked up, "Yeah! We learned about that today! Missions are important to the Konoha ecomy…econ…ec" "Economy" "That! Civilians all across the nation come to Konoha to give mission requests and are grateful for the services we provide!..." Naruto continued jabbering on about what he had learned today, but my attention was elsewhere.

Ayame and Teuchi were sharing a long look.

At that moment, I realized that I had never thought about how we had been perceived by the civilian populace. What  _did_  they think of us?

Based on the look I had just seen, it wasn't with the reverence we had been raised to believe.

I remembered with crystal clarity how the civilians had turned on the chakra wielders in my own past, after the Fourth Ninja World War had torn everything apart. Had they always harbored such feelings?

I realized something else; even Konoha was not above propaganda, because how else did you explain what Naruto had been learning at the Academy?

I was broken out of my reverie by a poke to the side, "Nii-chan?" I snapped my gaze to the wide-eyed-innocence of a 10-year-old me. "What were you thinking of?"

I shook my head, "Nothing important. You need to study hard and get better, all right? Don't forget the chakra control exercises I showed you."

Naruto grimaced, "Why is my chakra harder to control than everyone else's? It's not fair", he grumbled.

I smiled and ruffled his hair, "It's better this way. Because when you learn to control your chakra, you will be far stronger than everybody else!"

He perked up, "Really?" At my affirmative nod he seemed to grow a foot taller. "All right! By the time you come back, I will have mastered these chakra control exercises! That's my promise to you nii-chan!"

My smile grew wider at that, "I'm sure you will little brother. Don't forget to take care of your nee-chan while I'm gone ok?"

He snapped a military salute at me, "Yes sir! Don't worry about the Soba Noodle Guild, if they show up I will kick their butts!"

…what? Oh! The prank I had played on the kid. He hadn't really believed that they existed, had he?

I was vividly reminded of the scene this morning, when he thought that he could fly if he pulled on his sandals hard enough.

Ugh. I opened my mouth to correct his misconception, but hesitated when I realized I couldn't explain the  _real_  reason for his poisoning yet. "You do that" I said weakly, shaking my head at the entropy that seemed to make up my life.

But my mood still wasn't right, not after I had come to the realization about civilian life. Ayame served me with my bowl of ramen with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Naruto enthusiastically exclaimed 'Itadakimasu!' and dug into his bowl with gusto, completely missing the fact that something fundamental was  _monumentally wrong with the world_. I hope that I could forever preserve his innocence.

Even ramen couldn't wash away the bad taste that lingered in my mouth.

* * *

 


	13. Chapter 13

Original Publish Date: 24th-December-2015

* * *

**Chapter 13 – She's A Lady**

_Well, she's all you'd ever want_

_She's the kind I'd like to flaunt_

_And take to dinner_

_But she always knows her place_

_She's got style, she's got grace_

_She's a winner_

**_\- She's a Lady, Tom Jones_ **

* * *

  **3 days later, Degarashi Port: 4465617468**

In hindsight, I should have known that I was going to be shoved in a barrel of stinky smelly fish.

" _Why don't you pose as a business magnate?_  Pssh! And be treated respectfully by the locals while being toured around the nation? Fuck that! Besides, I always wanted to know what the inside of a fish barrel smelled like! This is first class travel!" I started to sarcastically clap at myself, but the movement caused a fish to dislodge and slap me on the mouth. I closed my eyes and wanted very hard to slam my head against the barrel; but I suspected it would have a similar effect.

"Why the fuck are Kiri importing fish anyway!? Aren't they a freaking island nation!? Shouldn't they be the ones exporting it!?" But of course, at that point the information that had been relentlessly drilled into my head 3 days ago by Jiraiya and Sarutobi reared its ugly head; this was a particular variety of  _freshwater_  fish that was considered a delicacy by the denizens of Mizu no Kuni. Ugh.

"Great, now I don't even have anything to complain about. What should I do? I know! I'll talk to myself! The barrel is sealed soundproof and chakra-proof, so I'll just make the most of it! In fact, since I'm talking to myself, I'll at least do it the right way!"

With that, I made a Kage Bunshin within the confines of the barrel I was stuck in, further cramping the space available. But atleast now I had company.

I stared at the clone; the clone stared back at me.

.

.

.

…it became awkward very quickly.

"Err..." the clone said.

I groaned grouchily. "By the Log!  _WHY_  did I think this would be a good idea!?"

"You tend to say that a lot, boss."

I scowled at the clone and slapped him upside the head with a fish, causing him to dispel. "Log-damned smartass clones. I swear they laugh at me far more than everyone else does. Combined!" I groused.

Did I mention I'm not a fan of waiting patiently?

I wiggled around in the barrel, wishing for the life of me that I could stretch out to scratch my back where a goddamned fish had stuck its scales into me. Fucking fish.

"HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO BE STUCK IN THIS LOG-DAMNED BARREL!?"

32 hours and 47 minutes, my internal clock promptly informed me.

"...how long have I been in here?"

68 minutes.

I groaned and banged my head against the barrel; I was proven right. It did indeed cause more fish to slap me across the face with their smelly disgusting corpses.

* * *

Somehow, my ponytail had come undone; and my hair was all greased up with the natural oils that the fish secreted. "Eww! Gross! My hair! The smell will take forever to wash out!"

At the silence that greeted my statement, my eyes widened. Complaining about my hair didn't make me sound like a little girl, did it!? I'm still a manly man, right? Only manly men can pull off the long haired look, right?

Right?

.

.

Suddenly, I was reminded of the scene in Sarutobi's office three days ago, when I had offered to share the Wall Transparency seal with Jiraiya.  _'Minato! Your son is a true man's man!'_

Phew. Ero-Sennin thought I was a manly man. That counted. That definitely counted. My masculinity was secure.

29 hours and 33 minutes.

"FUCK!"

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

26 hours 17 minutes.

.

.

.

"Are we there yet?"

26 hours 15 minutes.

.

.

.

"Are we there yet?"

26 hours 14 minutes.

.

.

"Are we there yet?"

26 hours 14 minutes.

" **` &*^$*%^* (#%+!"**

* * *

After a point, I had started naming some of the fish. The one with the missing fin was called Sandu, the one with the scar on its side was called Haru, and the big one that had no visible flaws was called Masao.

I fucking hated Masao.

"You just think you're so perfect don't you?" I asked Masao with a growl. "Floating around at the top of the pile like you're better than everyone else."

Masao continued to smugly sit at the top, lording it over all the other fish.

"I really don't like you. I don't have to put up with your crap! In fact," I grabbed the puffed-up fish and dragged it to the bottom of the pile and kept it under my foot for good measure. "Take that! Log-damned stuck up fish. Ahh…" I let out a sigh of satisfaction as it sank to where it belonged. Finally, I had some peace of mind.

21 hours 58 minutes, my internal clock informed me, immediately ruining my good mood.

"DAMMIT!"

* * *

"Haru! Hold on!"

"No Sandu! It's too late for me! Let me go! Masao's evil scheme has me in its evil clutches! Let me go and run! Live to take your revenge another day!"

"There is one thing I can still do, Haru!"

"You don't mean… _that!?_ "

"Indeed."

"But that will mean you will die, Sandu! Don't waste your life on me!"

"You are my precious friend; I will happily sacrifice my life for you! Suicidal Summoning: Eldritch Sea Monster!"

"Rawwr!" The 'Eldritch Sea Monster', my mouth, opened wide.

"Attack and destroy Masao!"

"Rawwr!" Masao was wedged between my teeth as I flailed my head around.

.

.

Naturally,  _this_  was when someone unexpectedly opened the barrel I was hiding in.

.

.

For a few moments, I just stared at the guy; and he stared back with wide eyes. I'm sure I must have made quite a sight, a random guy with a facemask pulled halfway down and a whole fish in his mouth. I briefly considered letting the fish drop from my mouth; but decided against it. Maybe he would be too weirded out and close the barrel, thinking he was hallucinating?

.

.

No such luck.

"Uhh…" he said. He opened his mouth another couple of times, but didn't make any sound. I just stared at him unblinkingly; fish still hanging from my mouth, for all the world looking like he had interrupted me doing something important. "Are you with the Resistance?"

I heard the way he had capitalized the word. My next reaction would determine the overall success or failure of my mission to free Mizu no Kuni from its despot. With as much dignity as I could muster while kneeling inside a barrel full of fish, I let 'Masao' drop from my mouth. "If I say yes, will you call for the shinobi guarding the ship?"

A sudden sound in the galley outside made him lower the barrel lid quickly. "Meet me behind Murasa's warehouse on the dock at sundown tomorrow" he hissed at me, replacing the lid. "This one's all clear!" he called to someone I couldn't see, before walking away.

For the next few minutes, I could hear the remaining barrels being searched; but now that the lid was back on my barrel, no sound would escape. Maybe that guy was secretly a loyalist and was lulling me into a false sense of security. Whatever. The entire mission might be compromised; but anything was better than being stuck in a barrel full of fish.

I glared at Masao. "This is entirely your fault!"

16 hours 3 minutes.

I sighed, and let my head thwack against the side of the barrel.

* * *

Let's just say… that the last 16 hours were… not uneventful.

* * *

Somehow, enough time finally passed and I found my barrel being carried out of the ship.

Fun fact about barrels: did you know that when barrels are transported, they are rolled to their destination?

I didn't.

Not until this very minute.

"Urrgh…" I moaned piteously. What fresh hell was this? What kind of karma did I have? It wasn't enough being stuck in a fish barrel for a day and a half, noooooo. I had to be  _rolled_  inside the barrel too.

After an indefinite amount of time being unceremoniously rolled, jerked around, and  _I swear_  thrown from one location to another, my barrel finally came to a stop. I was completely green and seconds away from throwing up. The natural fish smell was bad enough, but the disgusting smell of fish guts coupled with the unnecessary roller-coaster ride had made me lose whatever sense of bearings I had. I was literally at the point where I said 'fuck it' and threw open the barrel and faced the battalion of shinobi that the guy who had opened my barrel had undoubtedly summoned.

Just as I clapped a hand against my mouth and the second hand against the lid of the barrel, I heard a couple of knocks from the other side of the lid. "Leave in 2 minutes, I'll distract the guard!" It was the same hissing voice of the seaman from earlier.

2 minutes.

Oh Log, please let me last two minutes.

I had been here for almost 2 days, please let me last another couple of minutes.

Don't throw up, please don't throw up.

The smell of one of the destroyed fish had made things worse.

I lasted 1 minute and 45 seconds.

I threw open the lid and threw up as quietly as possible, leaning out over the rim of the barrel, chucking out whatever remained in my stomach. Once I was done, I wiped my mouth and finally took a look at my surroundings.

I was in an empty warehouse; no enemy shinobi in sight.

_Praise be to the Log; For with the Log I may find peace; An unbreakable bond which I will honour with my life._

After my quick prayer of thanks, I quickly started to climb out of the barrel; and I will swear to my dying day that the barrel pushed me out!

I turned to glare at the damn thing; how dare  _it_  push  _me_  out!  _I_  was the one who had been stuck inside the damn thing! I opened my mouth to yell at it; but for once in my life my common sense overrode my stupid sense. Arguing loudly with inanimate objects in enemy territory would be right up there with the dumbest things I had done. I took a deep breath and shook my head, quickly destroying the seals on the barrel lid and replacing it. I wasn't above giving the barrel a good hard kick though.

I then snuck out of the warehouse, past the guard that the seaman who had helped me so far was distracting, and quickly found a dark corner in an alley.

This would be the hard part.

I had to simultaneously create a Kage Bunshin and Henge into an inconspicuous form; and the Kage Bunshin had to quickly draw the seal across my stomach and heart that converted all the chakra escaping my  _tenketsu_  into Senchakra, while simultaneously locking me into the Henge.  _Then_ , I had to escape the area before any sensor shinobi came to see who had released their chakra in the port.

I extended my limited senses, trying to figure out if any shinobi were in the nearby area, but I got nothing. This didn't mean I was safe though, because I wasn't a sensor. If I still had access to Sage Mode, I would be, but enough about that. That shit didn't fly anymore, it was time I adapted.

"Right" I muttered to myself, still not having gotten over the isolationism that had messed with my head for the past two days. Maybe it was for the best that Sarutobi hadn't inducted me into the ANBU? The solitude would definitely have sapped the remainder of my sanity within a week. Ugh. Focus. Enemy territory. Seal. Henge.

I took off my shirt and drew the seal on myself as much as I could, before it became too unwieldly to do so. Right, it was time. I took out a ratty cloak from my pouch, the second of three things I had actually carried with myself. The other two had been a ration bar (long since consumed) and the ink-loaded-brush I was currently using to draw the seal on myself.

I kept the disposable brush in one hand and the cloak I tried to keep three things in mind; forming a Kage Bunshin with its fingers on the brush so it could draw the seal immediately, the seal itself, and the form of a nondescript brown haired man with dark eyes, the form of my Henge. I had to make sure that the Henge didn't have the wrong kind of musculature, otherwise an observant shinobi might see through my disguise anyway.

I took a deep breath, and then let my chakra flow out through my tenketsu.

Immediately, the brush was snatched out from my hand as I transformed into the form I had chosen for myself. The Kage Bunshin quickly completed the seal and applied a precise burst of chakra, activating it and dispelling itself. I immediately drew the ratty cloak around myself and jumped to the other side of the alley the wall blocked off. All in all, it had taken less than 5 seconds; I was pleased with the result.

A quick look around showed me that nobody was on this side of the street, so I took a quick leap away, intending to nonchalantly walk away from the scene of the 'crime', so to speak.

Of course, my life is rarely that easy.

No sooner than I had landed I heard two shinobi pop with the distinctive sound of a  _Shunshin_  into the alley I had been in less than 10 seconds ago. In another second, they would make the same jump over the wall and spy me walking away. If I ran, they would chase me and my cover would be blown. If I stayed, I would definitely look like I was loitering and be questioned.

It was at times like this that I let my stupid sense override my common sense.

Raw terror was flowing through me, causing me to breathe heavily, and I didn't even try to control it. Instead, I just let my stupid sense do the thinking.

It turned me around and made me start walking  _towards_  the wall I had just jumped over.

Exactly as I had predicted, a second later one of the shinobi jumped over the wall, causing me to stumble in shock. I didn't even have to feign my panic; it was all-consuming and it showed in my face.

"You there!" the shinobi thundered, and my heart raced.  _Oh Log, if there was ever a time I needed your help, please listen to my prayers now!_

"Y-yes." I cringed at the fear in my voice, maybe I was overselling it? Still, even if I was, I had to own it. There was no going back now. I dropped my gaze to my feet and let my shoulders tense; looking like the quintessential browbeaten civilian.

"Did you see anyone jump over this wall?"

"N-no. Just you, sh-shinobi-sama."

He then asked me the question that was going to haunt me the rest of my life.

"Why do you smell like fish?"

"…I'm a fisherman, shinobi-sama."

His eyes gleamed, I observed through my eyelashes. Thank the Log he didn't suspect me. I was almost there. Now as long as he didn't ask me about my identification, I would be home free. Apparently in Mizu, you needed to carry around an identification document that proved that you didn't hold a bloodline. Being caught without one was an instant death sentence.

"Show me your identification."

Fuck.

My stomach had dropped from the first syllable that had left the shinobi's mouth. What did I do? Did I run? Fight? Neither option was especially appealing. Fucking fuckity fuck. I was fucked. I was fucked enough to not be able to think of any more fucking swear words. My mouth was completely dry as I started reaching with a shaky hand inside my ratty cloak, hoping to buy myself a few seconds.

Then, the decision was taken out of my hands.

"Hirako! This way!" the second sensor shinobi called from the other side of the wall.

Without giving me a second glance, the shinobi jumped back and joined his partner, before simultaneously leaving in a  _Shunshin_.

I literally collapsed on the sidewalk from relief.

I immediately started berating myself for the  _dumbass amateur_  mistake I had just committed. I was supposed to draw the seal inside the barrel  _where I was safe_! What had I been thinking, doing that in the open!? Did I  _want_  to get myself killed?

A few seconds later I got up and started walking away in the direction I had originally planned. It was time to locate this  _Murasa's warehouse_  and find a suitable place to wait the day out without drawing the attention of the shinobi who were almost literally crawling over the place.

Easier said than done.

* * *

It wasn't easy, but somehow I had managed to keep under the radar for the entire day. I had made sure I didn't run into the shinobi from earlier, and didn't let any other ninja see me twice. It was beyond nerve-wracking, but for the sake of the mission I persevered. Log only knew how career spies managed to keep their sanity.

Then again, looking at Kabuto, perhaps they didn't.

Still, it was just past sundown, and I had heard rumors of a curfew, so I needed to find a place to crash quickly. I had planted a few Hiraishin markers around the place, so I was reasonably certain I could escape if it came to a fight; but I had just spent a couple of days inside a barrel full of fucking fish to avoid that. I had to find another way, and so far the seaman who had  _not_  tattled on me was my best bet.

Hehe, seaman.

Cracking a smile at my juvenile humor I walked into the alley, fully expecting a bunch of Kirigakure shinobi to attack me. Once more, I was pleasantly surprised to find that only the seaman was there. Hey, maybe this karma thing was good for something after all!

He gave me a wary look and looked around; trying to give the impression that he  _wasn't_  loitering in a dingy alley after dark. I rolled my eyes and walked up to him. "It's me."

He gave me a weird look, "Who? I don't recognize you. Get away from me."

I rolled my eyes. "Would it help if I had a fish in my mouth again?"

He gaped at me for a moment, "You're a  _shinobi_!?" he hissed in a combination of panic and incredulity.

I locked eyes with him, "Yes." I said quietly.

"Fuck! Please don't kill me! I'm sorry! I'm not with the Resistance!"

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not a Kirigakure shinobi."

He gaped at me for a moment with his mouth open wide, before he turned tail and started to run.

He had taken two steps when, in a quiet and firm voice, I said "Listen."

I'm not entirely sure why he stopped, but I was glad he did. I had his attention; now I needed to keep it until I convinced him to help me.

"All day I've been walking around here, scared out of my mind that someone will catch me and kill me, and I've only been here for a day. I have no idea how hard it must be for you to live under this sort of oppression for  _years_. I may be a shinobi, but you're a stronger person than I will ever be."

He had turned back to me, regarding me with wide eyes.

"What's your name?" I asked him gently.

"M-" for a second I was irrationally pissed that he was about to say 'Masao', but thankfully he didn't, "Musuke."

"Musuke-san, it's nice to meet you. I'm Nanashi."

He blinked in surprise, before narrowing his eyes. "How do you expect me to give you my trust if you give me a fake name?"

Ugh. I forgot about the dog-crap name the Sandaime had saddled me with. I went with the same thing that I had told Naruto, "I'm an orphan. I didn't have a name at the orphanage, so they just started calling me Nanashi. I don't even notice it anymore, it surprises me when people ask about it", I said sheepishly, rubbing the back of my head.

"Oh" he looked surprised, then confused. I let him take a moment to gather himself, even though we were effectively out in the open and  _exposed_.

"Uhh…why did you come here?"

I smiled at him, "I came to help your Resistance overthrow the tyranny of the Yondaime Mizukage."

His eyes had widened to the size of saucers. He wordlessly gaped at me; he was making a habit of doing so, I realized. But the time for talking was over.

"Can we go somewhere safe?"

He blinked in surprise a couple of times, before shaking his head and gathering himself. "Come on. Curfew is soon, and I don't want to be caught in the city once it hits."

* * *

It turned out that he knew a way out of the city which wasn't guarded, so we snuck out that way, making the point of me not having any identification moot. Once we were out of the city he started leading the way, walking briskly since it was getting very dark very quickly. In fact, it hadn't been 30 minutes since sundown and the sky was the almost pure black of the night. It must be an island thing…oh. The country was more to the east, so days here began earlier than the Fire Nation and consequently ended earlier as well.

It was already quite dark, so I didn't really get to appreciate the natural beauty that I knew that Mizu possessed. On the other hand, the stars started winking into existence full force; I was quite sure I hadn't ever seen as many stars from the mainland. There was just something magical about the place; the scent of the salt in the breeze, the stars twinkling overhead, the gentle sound of the waves creeping along the sand of the beaches. For a moment I just stopped and let the place wash over me, raising my head to the skies with my eyes wide shut and my arms raised slightly, taking a deep breath. I don't think I had ever been at peace like this before.

I opened my eyes and spied the curious eyes of Musuke on me. "You have a beautiful country, Musuke-san."

He was still looking at me strangely, but he finally turned and started walking again. "That's why I believe it's worth fighting for."

I just stared after him for a minute. Earlier, when I had told him that he was a stronger person than me, I had been using a simple psychological trick to make him more pliable to me and my ideas. But I truly  _looked_  at him now; he was a simple civilian, a dock worker and a sailor by vocation. He had no strength to speak of whatsoever; I could kill him in 15 different ways in the time it took for him to blink. Any shinobi worth his salt could, and he knew that; and yet he was fighting against the regime  _just because_   _he thought it was worth fighting_. He couldn't make too much of a difference in the long run, but he could help a little. And every little helped; he instinctively understood that, and was more than willing to do his bit.

I swallowed. He was truly far stronger than anybody gave him credit for, myself included. There are different kinds of strength, in the world, but he had the one that mattered most, strength of  _character_.

In a few minutes, with barely a few sentences, he had turned my perception of civilians completely around.

I wonder what else civilians could teach us shinobi that we were missing.

I shook my head at my philosophical thoughts. I hadn't been on this land for more than a few hours, and it had already started changing me. I started following him again.

We moved off the beaten path after another 20 minutes of walking, following a goat trail. After another few minutes we made it to a small house in the wilderness with a small goat pen at the side. At this time of the evening the goats were quiet, but the noise made by the insects was raucous. I don't think I had ever heard these many insects in my  _life;_  I wonder what an Aburame would make of it. Shelving that thought, I followed Musuke into his house.

"Welcome to my home", he said with a bow.

I bowed far deeper than he had, thereby honoring him. "Thank you for your hospitality."

Once again, he had that gob-smacked expression on his face. I couldn't help it this time, "If you let your face stay that way, an insect will probably fly into your mouth."

He shut his mouth quickly and gave me an embarrassed smile.

* * *

Once I was inside I quickly drew up a sealing barrier circle on his living room floor and channeled the tiniest amount of chakra through it, causing it to snap shut around me. The barrier was now active; therefore whatever chakra was channeled inside it was not going to be detectable by any means. I quickly created three more Kage Bunshin who immediately cleared the seal holding my Henge together, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief; this caused me to immediately choke as the overwhelming smell of fish quickly overpowered my nose.

"Yuck! Can I impose on you to take a bath, Musuke-san? A fireplace to burn these fishy clothes would also not go unappreciated." I had no idea why I was talking so formally, but hey! I'm in a new place; I can try a new personality.

Musuke nodded at me, "Of course, Nanashi-san. But I haven't had a chance to buy any soap since I landed back on shore, so I'm afraid you will just have to make do with just water." He then tilted his head as his eyes fixed on a spot in my hair. "Uhh… you have a little…"

My hand reflexively went to the place where his eyes were centered, combing through my spiky locks until I found something tangled in them. I picked it out and put it in my palm before taking a long, deliberate look at it.

It was a squishy piece of fish gut, the remains of 'Masao'.

Musuke stared at the piece of marine entrails in my hand with a sort of confused fascination. "Is that…"

"I don't want to talk about it." I interrupted him, sounding short.

Even by my own standards, the final 16 hours inside the barrel had been  _weird_.

I tossed away the stupid piece of fish out of a window, before quickly making my way to the bathroom to forget that any of that shit had ever happened.

Fucking fish.

* * *

The water was cold, but somehow it was refreshing instead of chilling. There was also something…soft about it. I can't explain it, but it wasn't the same water that we got in the Fire Nation. There was probably a water filtration plant or something involved there, whereas here it was  _au naturel_. Still, I enjoyed taking a long bath, scrubbing as vigorously as I could without soap or shampoo, and compensating for their lack by using far more water than I normally used.

Hey, this was Water Country, they had plenty to spare.

One by one the Kage Bunshin I had created came back into the Sealing circle I had erected and dispelled, their jobs setting perimeter seals and a few Hiraishin getaway markers completed. There was no sense in taking any chances; I wasn't  _entirely_  convinced that Musuke was a true member of the Resistance, but my doubts shrank with each second that I spent in his presence. His reaction when he had thought that I was a shinobi was very telling; I hadn't detected any falsehoods on his part.

One of my Kage Bunshin's was on guard anyway. There was no sense in taking unnecessary risks.

"So what's the plan?" I asked him, back in the living room of his one bedroom house.

He scratched his head, "Well, I don't really know…Usually I get my instructions from underneath a loose stone in a public bathroom."

A dead drop. It made sense. "Who is your handler? Surely you can get in touch with him?"

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion, "Handler?"

"The person who you keep in touch with; the person who brought you into the Resistance."

"Ah." His confusion cleared up, "He's in another city that's far away from here. I stumbled on him accidentally, but he told me about this drop site. I've not actually seen anybody in the Resistance since, other than two more dock workers. They know about as much as I do though."

I nodded. "All right, then tomorrow, instead of taking instructions, you leave them instead. Address it to the guy who recruited you, and set up a meeting with him. Tell them you have found a possible benefactor; then hang around the dock like you normally do. At the end of your shift, check again for instructions, and then come straight back here. Understood?"

He nodded; his eyes serious as he committed everything to memory. "What about you?"

I grimaced, "I don't have any identification, so it's not safe for me to be around the city. I nearly got caught as soon as I left the warehouse today. " I tilted my head at him, "Unless you can arrange for identification for me?"

His expression turned grave as he shook his head in negative. "It's not at all easy. Someone higher in the Resistance can probably help you out later, but I'm too low on the totem pole."

I nodded with a reassuring smile, "That's all right, you don't need to overextend yourself. You've helped me out tremendously as it is. I had no idea how to go about finding the Resistance; running into you was a tremendous stroke of luck."

He looked at me calculatingly and murmured, "Or maybe it was meant to happen."

I inclined my head. It was quite possible.

We discussed a few more details before we had a quick dinner of rice and fish. He retired to his bedroom, while I stayed on the couch. I didn't let myself fall completely asleep, but I let my body relax and allowed my mind to drift in a state of restful wakefulness. If any threats made themselves known I would barely take a second to react.

Thankfully though, there were no threats that night.

* * *

It was extremely early the next morning when Musuke left for his shift; the sun rose far earlier in the eastern nation. This also meant that I was all alone with my thoughts. Unlike the Barrel Experience I didn't lose my shit this time, but instead I started wondering about all the other stuff in my life. I didn't think about all that I had lost in my own life; but instead I thought about what all I had started to make for myself in  _this_  life. The way I saw it, I had two lives. Thinking about the people from my first life was far too painful; not to mention that pushing the personalities of the people I had grown to love and care for, on to  _children_  was beyond unfair. This especially applied to people like Hinata and Sakura-chan; I  _had_  to treat them as if they were completely new to me. Otherwise I was the only one going to get hurt.

In any case, I had already mourned them and moved on. Going backwards held nothing for me.

That said, moving forwards came with its own set of problems. Namely, my newest  _relationship_ ; if it could be even quantified as such. I had tried to talk to Anko about our relationship on two or three occasions, but she always managed to distract me; usually by shedding all her clothes. It was an effective technique, and after the last time I had taken the hint. She just wanted to keep things physical; that was fine with me too. I would have liked to have something deeper with her; despite being terrified of her I was still attracted to her, and our verbal spars were something I genuinely enjoyed. There was a lot of fire between the two of us, and she was more than willing to fan the flames. That's not to say that I just lay there and let her have her wicked way with me; heh, not by a long shot.

In fact, on the few occasions I had taken charge, she had proven to be surprisingly docile.

It was something that had really surprised me. She had always seemed so sure of herself, always so in control, I would have expected that to extend to the bedroom; but whenever I asserted myself she turned very compliant, eagerly allowing me to set the pace and just letting herself go.

It was yet another piece of the enigma that was Mitarashi Anko.

I let out a sigh as I looked at the sun continuing its ascent. It was going to be a long day; that much was certain. I also had nothing better to do, so I let myself think about my problems again.

I was… _dissatisfied_  with the relationship that I had with Anko. Don't get me wrong, the sex was fantastic  _and_  kinky, so I had no complaints there. I've had purely physical relationships before, most notably with Kurotsuchi, formerly of Iwa (my time); I know that they had their own place in our lives. No, what I didn't really like was the way there was no  _intimacy_  between us. I really missed that, talking with someone all night until the sun came up and not feeling the least bit tired; lying with someone in my arms for hours, doing absolutely nothing, letting the world spin on its axis while we were on a different planet entirely.

Still, I knew that Anko cared for me on some level; she wouldn't be training Naruto otherwise.

Yeah, she was mean to him and made fun of him, but it was never pointless, and she was never cruel to him. She pranked him, but always made him  _think_. It was a very weird way to teach someone; but then again Naruto was a very weird kid. He was broken, just like Anko was.

Just like I was.

I shook my head and sighed again. The really weird thing was the last night I had been in the village, after I had dinner at Ichiraku's with Naruto. Anko had come over as usual, and once we were done fornicating she got dressed as usual, but instead of her usual  _'see ya later shitstain'_  she gave me a very quick chaste kiss before quickly leaving. It was really confusing. She hadn't said a word during the entire night at all.

Ugh. In any case, if things went well here I wouldn't see her for the next year; at least. She could sort out her feelings in the meantime. It wasn't like there was anyone else on my mind.

* * *

In another part of the country, Terumī Mei daintily sneezed as she read over the report from the port informing her that there was a possible shinobi benefactor for the Resistance.

* * *

I then turned my attention to the other relationships in my life. Firstly I thought of the Sandaime, who, now that I thought about it, looked quite tired before I left for my trip to Mizu. He was probably worried about the logistics of the mission; it was potentially the biggest mission in his reign, first  _or_  second. Uniting the 5 great villages together was no easy task; and this mission could blow up spectacularly in his face and cause a war. I had lost sleep over that possibility as well.

I hadn't had a lot of time to spend with Jiraiya; but he had travelled with me to Degarashi Port, and we chatted all the way, quite easily falling into a rhythm. It was new to him, but he was always one to go with the flow. By the end of our journey we were talking and laughing as if we were old friends. It was something that truly made me happy, reconnecting with the most important figure in my life, bar perhaps Iruka-sensei. It was a shame that I wouldn't get time to spend with him for more than a year, but that was all right. The very fact that he was alive was a balm to me and filled me with happiness. I couldn't wait to share a drink with him; something I had missed out on last time around.

Naruto, of course, was the one person that I spent the most time with. I made sure to spend enough time playing with him and goofing around, giving him the childhood that I had been denied; it was cathartic for both of us. Having someone to take care of him and dote on him was a new experience, and we both made mistakes and fought, being naturally stubborn people; but every time we had a fight Naruto insisted we follow the Way of Ramen and cooked us a batch of instant noodles as a peace offering.

It was extremely effective. Truly, Ramen could change the world.

But our time together was not all fun and games. Since I had a unique insight into his mind I helped him with his Academy lessons, and actually caught up with them myself. Hey, 13 years late is better than never!

When I had told him that his chakra was different to everyone else's he whined and complained; but grudgingly completed all the chakra control exercises that I had assigned to him. It wasn't his fault, since our father had just sealed the Yang half of the Kyūbi into him he naturally had problems with control, since Yang was all about essence, not shape. But once he saw the results of training I had assigned to him, his vociferous complaining had reduced in quantity and volume.

I had made especially sure to swear him to silence about his chakra control exercises. There was no sense in letting Mizuki sabotage him any further.

Taijutsu was something that he couldn't really get into at this point, what with him being a squirt and all. Still, I gave him another few exercises that were designed to get him faster. I already knew that he would be better-than-average with the Toad-style Taijutsu, so I simply lay the foundation for that.

Genjutsu…ah well. That would never be his forte. If things got really bad, I would probably ask Tsunade to help me draw the Genjutsu nullifying seal that was on my own Gate of Life.

Speaking of genjutsu, my thoughts turned to Kurenai, who had surprisingly become a good training partner and sparring partner as well. Although I did notice that she smiled less at me after the day Anko had walked up to us, I put it down to a weird feminine pissing contest between the two. In any case, Asuma sensei and she had had a child in the future; I wasn't going to come in the way of that.

I had picked up the Illusory Arts quickly, which was surprising to me initially; but I had always had a good imagination. In hindsight, utilizing an art that was basically messing with people's heads sounded almost tailor made for me. I had learned a few moderate Genjutsu's, the strongest one being B-ranked. Where I did hit a block was at my chakra control.

Don't get me wrong, my control was pretty fantastic at this point, far beyond what I had ever dreamed. However, Genjutsu was all about the feather-touch; slipping your chakra into an enemy's  _tenketsu_  and travelling up to their brain before they ever even knew that they were under attack. I got the hand of the battlefield genjutsu pretty well, but the ones that were geared towards silent assassination were beyond me. The reason for it was simple.

I refused to introspect any further.

I never said that I hadn't come out of my war unscathed.

There were some wounds that I refused to heal.

If it meant that I could never use the Illusory Arts to their fullest potential, so be it.

But there were more uses for Yin chakra. Iryo-ninjutsu had always fascinated me, and now that I had better control I decided to give it a try. To my surprise, I was able to use the Shōsen (Mystical Palm) technique, something I was informed that not everybody was able to pull off. The Shōsen worked by converting one's chakra into a form that stimulated cell growth in whatever it came into contact with, thereby causing healing. Skilled medical ninjas were those that knew the body inside out, and could therefore turn their chakra into the exact place it needed to go, repairing only what was needed without causing any unneeded regeneration elsewhere. There was a lot more that went into it, of course, but as a blanket explanation it sufficed.

I didn't have the patience for learning the anatomy of the human body, so I decided to stick with an incomplete form of the Shōsen. It was akin to drowning the affected area in drugs and hoping something worked, but it was effective as a stopgap measure or battlefield healing; which was what I was aiming for to start with, so I came away from the training pleased with the outcome.

One of the training sessions I was invited to for Iryo-nin's was also attended by Kabuto; it took me a lot of self-control to not as much as  _look_  at him, lest I snap and kill him on the spot.

To my surprise, I realized that it was past lunchtime.

As I fixed myself a quick meal I wondered what Musuke was up to. Hopefully his message had been picked up today itself; if it was still in its drop site at the end of the day the process would take significantly longer. Still, Jiraiya had trained me well enough; I knew that being a spy meant that one had to be extremely patient. I could do it, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

All right, that was enough introspection. Maybe Musuke had a game board? That way I could play against myself via Kage Bunshin. A cursory search of his home failed to turn up anything, and I refused to go into his bedroom out of respect for the man. Having nothing better to do I flopped down on the sofa with a groan. I might as well take a nap.

* * *

**4 hours later**

A mental nudge from my sentry Kage Bunshin jerked me into full alertness. Despite my best attempts, I had let myself fall into a deep relaxing sleep, reasoning that my Kage Bunshin were guard enough, and not knowing when the next time I got a full cycle of sleep would be.

I took a moment to quickly analyze my surroundings, before hearing footsteps come closer to the house. A quick check outside proved the visitor to be Musuke, who was walking calmly. I quickly analyzed his body language, looking for any subtle clues of his impending betrayal; but I found none. Instead, he seemed excited, if the speed of his footsteps were any indication. I nodded to myself, but kept my chakra wound tightly inside myself, ready to use the Hiraishin to transport myself out of trouble at a moment's notice.

Musuke quickly entered the house, sliding his door shut behind me with his face betraying his excitement. "They replied! They want to meet you! Tonight!"

I blinked in surprise. That was unexpected. I was fully prepared for a long stakeout, perhaps even sneak into the port under Musuke's guise and identification looking for the higher ranked members of the Seperatists; but this was beyond my wildest hopes.

Naturally, I was instantly suspicious.

"That seems…very fortunate." I stated noncommittally.

"Not really! Today is usually the day I get my orders, so I left early to leave them instead! And it worked!"

I nodded slowly, "So it seems."

Musuke wasn't a fool, immediately catching on to my somber reaction to the good news. "I thought that this was what you wanted…"

I nodded again, and said lightly, "Of course it is. It sounds like everything just fell into my lap easily." I narrowed my eyes at him, "Too easily."

He tilted his head in confusion and wariness, "Look, I did what you asked for and got the response, just like you wanted. What more do you want?"

I let my voice drop into a dangerous tone, "If I go to this meeting and it turns out to be a trap…" I deliberately didn't finish the sentence, letting him fill in the blanks.

Instead of a look of fear like I expected, his countenance was overtaken by fury. "Or what, you'll kill me?" he spat. "I should have known better than to think that you were different; you're just another one of  _them_ , a  _shinobi_." The sheer  _venom_  in his voice took me aback; but Musuke wasn't done. "Here" he carelessly threw the paper at my face, but it flew past and landed on the floor. "Take this and get out of my home."

My mouth opened in shock. This was  _not_  how I had envisioned the conversation ending. "Liste-"

"OUT!" he yelled, his eyes wide and his face reddening with anger.

I silently picked up the piece of paper and walked to the door, quickly slipping on my sandals before sliding it open. As soon as I was outside I turned and bowed to Musuke, as deeply as before, "Thank you for your-"

SLAM!

"-hospitality." I sighed. "That could have gone better." I muttered to myself as I started walking again, leaving the sentry Kage Bunshin where it was. The sealing circle was still present on Musuke's floor; the Kage Bunshin would sneak into his house later at night and wipe it clean.

Once more, I was forcibly reminded that the world was larger than shinobi. When Konoha had been formed a century ago, it had more or less heralded the end of the samurai, who were the undoubted leaders of the organized fighting forces till then. They had been dying a quiet death ever since; a death that had lasted a century. Their code of honour was obsolete in today's world.

Just like shinobi had been rendered obsolete in my past.

Did we really make things better for everyone?

I shook my head, now was not the time for this kind of thinking. I lay the page flat on my palm, allowing the moonlight to illuminate the page and see the note. It turned out to be a map with an 'x' marking the location, and a scribbled 0:30 written at the edge of the page. I quickly memorized the map, noting the differences with the ones that I had been poring over back in Konoha. This was a regional map, mostly showing the sprawling port city in the center. I had to travel to the south and slightly to the west, apparently in a location with no beaches.

I quickly started making my way over, stuffing the map in my pocket. I had procured clothing that was exported to Mizu no Kuni, so that I could blend in with the locals. I didn't have my Henge on at the moment, but I don't think it truly mattered. Nobody knew who I was in this world. Yet.

But maybe I should wear the Henge, in case the meeting  _was_  a trap?

I shuddered as I remembered the scene in the port outside the warehouse. I didn't want to set off any more chakra flares if I could help it.

I travelled as quickly as I could without leaving a noticeable trail (thank you Ao-senpai!), so it was more than two hours before I reached the meeting place. It still meant that I was about four hours early though, so I cautiously swept through the area for traps before climbing a nearby tree to hide in.

The area was a forested cliffside overlooking the ocean, so it was quite chilly at this time of the night. I didn't dare use my chakra to warm myself, so I was stuck shivering in the cold. I found a branch that stuck out so that the trunk protected me from the wind directly, but I could do nothing about the temperature. I tied the ratty cloak around me as tightly as I could, hoping it would be enough.

The only thing left to do was wait.

* * *

Unlike the Barrel Experience and the day lazing around Musuke's house,  _this_  wait was fraught with tension. I had to keep my senses extended as much as possible and simultaneously keep my chakra as suppressed as possible; it was not an easy balance to maintain. Combined with the elements I was extremely strained, and very close to the breaking point. But atleast the four hours had passed, and it was past midnight.  _'Hold on just a few more minutes'_  I thought to myself.

But 0:30 hours came and went, and there was no sign of anyone approaching the cliffside.

I was almost frantic at this point. What was going on? I spread my senses as far as possible; but there was nobody in range. The only sounds were the wind whistling against the trees and the splashing of the water against the bottom of the cliff.

The  _rhythmic_  splashing.

With a start, I realized that the messenger was already there.

I tore out of the tree and ran as quickly as I could to the edge of the cliff. I looked down to see a small two person boat slowly moving away from the cliff already. Fuck! I couldn't yell at the boat to stop; neither could I use chakra to run down the cliff. Both of those options would definitely draw attention.

Which left jumping off the cliff.

I sincerely hoped that there weren't any rocks underneath.

I took a deep breath and took a running jump as I dived towards the water, more than a hundred meters below me.

The feeling of flying through the air was exhilarating; an adrenaline rush unlike any I had ever felt. I luxuriated in the feeling of absolute freedom as I flew through the air, for a moment just enjoying the release and feeling the wind tear through my hair as I felt myself at peace.

If there was nowhere to land, I wouldn't have been scared at all.

But reality hit in the form of an incalculable weight of water; thankfully there were no rocks underneath the surface to dash me to pieces.

I spent a few moments underneath the water, shocked at how cold it was. Then I saw the way the bubbles were rising and quickly followed them, my hands cupping the water as my feet kicked, spying the surface of the water after a few moments. I broke through the surface of the water and spat out the salty liquid, taking a few deep breaths to calm my racing heart.

That had been unbelievably fun!

I quickly spied the boat and swam toward it, promising myself that I would  _definitely_  do that again. The guy rowing the boat had likely stopped rowing as soon as he had heard the splash, because the boat was drifting slowly. I swam towards the one of the sides before hearing a gruff voice say "This side." I quickly switched sides, coming around the side the voice had indicated. A dark figure knelt over, sticking out a hand; one that I gratefully grasped as I pushed a foot against the bottom of the boat for leverage. I was very careful not to use chakra, suppressing my instinctive reaction to do so.

I flopped ungainly on to the 'deck', leaking gallons of water on to the boat. The guy who had pulled me on gave me a moment to catch my breath. "You the benefactor?" he asked me in his gruff voice. I nodded, picking myself up and taking a seat. "Where are you from?"

"Does it matter?" I asked him. He grunted and started to row.

A few minutes passed and I noticed us going further south. "Where are we going?"

He grunted, "Does it matter?"

Despite myself, I felt a smile twitch my lips. I started looking at the continually changing landscape, enjoying the hypnotic sounds of the waves and the rowing of the oars. I'm not experienced enough with boats or naval travel in general, but I think that the boatman steered us into a current so that we moved quickly for a part of the way.

* * *

An indeterminate amount of time later we finally started pulling into shore. I couldn't make out any village or dock nearby, so we were likely going to a hidden location. Once we were in the shallow water he jumped out and started pulling on a rope to drag his boat to shore; I jumped out and assisted him, receiving a grunt of thanks in reply.

Once he had secured the boat by tying it against a tree he started leading me down a path through the trees. By now I was almost completely certain that this wasn't a trap, I was really in touch with the Separatists. There wouldn't need to be this much cloak-and-dagger nonsense, they could simply have overwhelmed me with numbers back at the cliffside. Of course, I would have escaped via Hiraishin, but that was beside the point.

No sooner had that thought crossed my mind that I felt a large number of chakra signatures ahead of me.

I gulped silently. Either it was the rebels, or I was fucked. Using the Hiraishin to escape was a dead giveaway, and every shinobi village would hear about it in a matter of days, and know that the Yellow Flash lived again. That would put a serious dent into making nice with Iwa, let alone the fallout with the regime of the Yondaime Mizukage.

We finally came into a clearing where a small house was situated; but it belied the disproportionate amount of chakra signatures I could sense. Underground then. I let the boatman lead the way into the house and head towards the kitchen, where he moved the table out of the way before pulling a cleverly hidden trapdoor open. He led the way down the stairs and stopped before the door, before giving a coded knock on the door. The door creaked open and he looked at someone before nodding once. He then moved aside and gestured me to enter the through door.

I walked into a dingy, dimly lit corridor.

The door slammed shut behind me; but I didn't jump at the rather obvious scare tactics. Instead I just turned and raised an eyebrow as if to ask ' _Really'_? The guy who had tried to scare me just scowled in reply. My eyebrow remained raised; clearly he was supposed to lead me somewhere, since the boatman remained on the other side of the door. His scowl deepened, but he pushed himself off the door and walked past me, deliberately jostling into me.

It pissed me off, but I kept my cool.

As I followed him I caught glimpses of people around the base; hard faces, haggard faces, hopeless faces. The scene was eerily familiar to my own time, when my ragtag group of ninja hid in base after base. Unconsciously my walk had changed, I started to emit an aura of power, looking everyone in the eye and nodding seriously. It was a way to keep morale amongst the troops, let them know that one of the most powerful people saw you and acknowledged you. It was so ingrained in me, so natural; I didn't even realize I was doing it until I felt the eyes of everyone in the corridor upon me.

I wanted to swallow. I wanted to fidget. I did none of those things.

I was a strong shinobi.

That was the only impression these people would get from me.

I had been busy memorizing the corridor layout, trying to identify potential exit points, memorizing the number of people, analyzing their potential attack styles with a look.

I was in the zone.

This was  _definitely_  the Resistance.

I got another boost of confidence, one that I hadn't needed. I had been in this situation before. A lifetime ago, I had helped people like these. I could help these people. I  _would_  help these people. My sandals snapped firmly against the floor as I reached the end of the corridor, sensing a large concentration of chakra signatures inside the door.

An almost violent sense of anticipation ripped through me. I smiled savagely underneath my facemask.  _I'm ready to change the world_.

* * *

**Inside the War Room, Rebel Hidden Base, Unknown Location, Water Country**

Terumī Mei was a beautiful woman.

She had always known it. She had always used it to her advantage.

Terumī Mei was an exceptionally strong kunoichi.

Her father had made sure of that. The Bloody Mist Village had further honed the blade.

Terumī Mei had been a prodigious seductress, going so far as to earn the moniker 'Red Widow' due to her vibrant hair color and the death that she brought to her victims; this came to an abrupt halt when she became  _too_  famous for such missions.

Once she had outgrown the seduction corps, she used her unique dual-Kekkei Genkai to become an absolute  _monster_  on the battlefield. She had a large amount of chakra, likely due to having an Uzumaki as a grandmother. She had risen quickly through the ranks, becoming one of the strongest Jōnin and one of the most recognizable shinobi in Kirigakure. Clients regularly requested her services, diplomats always asked for her to be in their guard, her Bingo Book entry labelled her an A-rank kunoichi at the relatively tender age of 20. She was a rising star, and rightly proud of the fact.

And then Yagura had plunged her village into a pointless civil war.

Terumī Mei never called Yagura 'Mizukage'; in her opinion, the psychopathic despot did not deserve to be called as such. He had wreaked an unprecedented nightmare on the village she had sworn to protect; for his treason, she intended to execute him. She was a strong and capable ninja, she was almost certain that she could take on the jinchūriki Kage and win; she had managed to hold him off while the rest of the Bloodline wielders had escaped their village upon the declaration that all Bloodline holders were 'impure'. That was when she had founded the Resistance. She kept it going through sheer force of will; their numbers grew every day. It might take her years, but she  _would_  bring Yagura down.

Terumī Mei was 26 years old. She was of prime marriageable age; yet there were no suitors worthy of her hand. That's not to say that she hadn't had offers; heh, no, not by a  _long_  shot. Men had always lusted after her, they had always undressed her with their eyes, always thought that they were being discreet when their lecherous stares molested her. She had had the pleasure of  _melting_  such men with her Yōton (Lava Release) before, and doubtless would again. But good men were hard to find. Good men who were nice men were even harder.

Good men who were nice men who were  _also_  good looking were impossible to find.

And she wanted a good man who was nice, good looking  _and_  strong.

Her parents had raised her with the belief that men and women complemented, and therefore completed, each other. Seeing how utterly besotted they were with each other only served to underline the lesson. She had always wanted love in her life ever since.

Terumī Mei had never been in love. There had been a boy who she had been infatuated with when she was 15; but he broke her heart. She reacted…poorly. Violently. And since then, she had promised herself that she would never settle for anything less than the man of her dreams.

Needless to say, she was still looking.

Terumī Mei was sincerely worried that by the time she found such a man, she would be too old and too wrinkly to be pretty enough for him; even though her Uzumaki heritage made such a thing unlikely. But all women had their deepest, darkest fears; hers was being too ugly to attract the man of her dreams.

But above  _all_  else, Terumī Mei wanted to bring peace to Mizu no Kuni. Her people had always been savage isolationists, coming from the different islands that made up her country; they were obsessively xenophobic towards anyone who wasn't from the same island as them. Sometimes, they were even resentful of people who lived on the other side of the river from them.

It's a Mizu thing.

All things considered, Terumī Mei was surprised that Kirigakure had even been formed in the first place. But then, she supposed, the only thing stronger than the disdain the denizens of Mizu no Kuni felt towards one another was the utter  _revulsion_  reserved for people from other countries. She sighed; and she  _wanted_  to become the leader of this nation of selfish conceited elitist pricks. But it was her duty to single-handedly drag her nation into modern times; she would gladly sacrifice everything for her duty.

Even her dream of marriage.

Terumī Mei had received word of a 'benefactor' earlier this day. She had mentally scoffed; doubtless it was another attempt at infiltrating her Resistance. Atleast Kiri had used better vernacular this time; not to mention that the witless dock worker was still alive at the time the 'benefactor' had been picked up. Usually the loyalists didn't even wait that long to execute 'traitors'. Still, she was not going to let her guard down.

Which was why she had brought a sizable fighting force with her.

She had an exfiltration plan once the 'meeting' was revealed to be a trap. Still, there was an infinitesimally small chance that the 'benefactor' was real. Even though borders were locked down and exits from Mizu were strictly prohibited, word about the civil war was bound to get out. It was the nature of ninja business, secrets rarely remained secret. But she was not foolish enough to take chances.

Terumī Mei could hear the confident clacking of the benefactor's sandals in the hallway. This was a surprise; he had been reported to be a shinobi, and shinobi were  _quiet_. It was definitely a statement of intent then; the benefactor was certain that he could take on whatever was inside the room.

Then the door opened, and Terumī Mei's life changed.

The very first impression that she had of her visitor was that he definitely wasn't a Kiri shinobi. In fact, looking at the masked shinobi in front of her, she was reminded of the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on, the Yondaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato. This man was of the almost the same height as the deceased Hokage, and was clearly in his early twenties; the same age that Namikaze Minato had been when he passed away a decade ago. While this man likely wasn't the Yondaime Hokage, the resemblance was too uncanny to ignore. He was probably of the same bloodline; therefore the likely 'benefactors' were Konoha.

The second impression that she had of him was that he was a powerful shinobi.

Whenever a shinobi walks into a room, they always take a cursory look around; noting entrances, exits, potential hiding places, potential weapons, the number of people in a room; you know, standard information. This man was so confident in his abilities that he did  _none_  of the above; in fact, since he had walked in, he had locked eyes with Mei, and was staring unblinkingly at her. She could  _feel_  his chakra wound tightly inside him, the potency of it, the power he held…he was definitely a powerful shinobi.

The third impression that she had of him was that he was definitely a pervert;  _just_  like every other man she had come across. His piercing blue eyes had finally drifted away from hers and were wandering, first to the crimson lock of hair that obscured half her face, no doubt imagining tucking it behind her ear (exactly as she intended). Then his eyes trailed to her lips, no doubt imagining lewd acts that she would  _never_  perform again. Undoubtedly the next destination his eyes would journey to would be a quick stop at her cleavage, before he… oh?

He hadn't even taken a cursory look at her décolletage; in fact his eyes were locked with hers again. His pupils hadn't even dilated when his eyes were on her lips, meaning that he hadn't even taken a discreet look at her body.

Mei actually blinked in surprise. She didn't know whether to be pleased or offended; was she not pretty enough? In any case, her third impression was…not entirely correct. Perhaps  _this_  man was not a complete pervert.

Her fourth impression was that he used the same fish oil on his hair that her mother  _swore_  by. While it gave her mother's hair fantastic volume and an unbelievable shine (while also preventing split-ends), the trade-off was that she smelled like a fish almost all the time. But her father had never complained; in fact, whenever her mother washed out the oil, her father found any excuses he could to run his fingers through her mother's hair. Mei had decided not to smell like a fish, but perhaps she should reconsider…

CLANG!

She whipped her head around to  _glare_  at the  _absolute_   _idiot_  who had carelessly dropped his kunai. To make matters worse, it was a guy who was supposed to be hidden on the darkened roof of the room; a source of a surprise attack should the trap be sprung. The poor man started wilting as if she had used one of her Yōton techniques on him instead of an ocular attack. From what she could gather, his pouch had been on the wrong side of his body and gravity had done the rest.

Great, now the benefactor probably thought that her shinobi were unprofessional.

She turned back to the man with the haunting blue eyes, only to see that he, too, had been glaring at the idiot who had dropped his kunai. She needed to distract him before his impression of her forces sank in too deep.

"Why are you here?" she asked him in a low tone.

His eyes had snapped back to hers the moment the first syllable had left her lips. He tilted his head, considering the statement, searching it for hidden meanings; but he didn't respond verbally, instead he just raised an eyebrow at her. It was an effective response, if her query had been taken at face value: his very presence in the base had answered that question. If there was a hidden query in her question: he gave nothing away. People's reactions to ambiguous statements often give away more than their words, and this man knew the value of words. Mei felt her estimation of him rise even further.

"Why do you want to help my people?" was her second question.

Once more he tilted his head, before his eyes, the only visible part of his face, crinkled in a smile.

He had said nothing, not a single word; and yet he had captured the attention of everyone in the room, herself included. He had taken charge of the conversation; it was  _her_  base,  _she_  was supposed to be in charge. On a whim, she decided to antagonize him to observe his reaction.

"If you thi-"

"Salutations to the Godaime Mizukage, Terumī Mei." He spoke in a strong voice, his posture confident, his shining blue eyes fixed on her. Despite her misgivings about the man, she had to admit that he had charisma.

Also, this was the very first time she had been referred to as the Godaime Mizukage. If the silence from her subordinates had been wary before, it was absolutely  _pregnant_  with anticipation now. With just  _one sentence_ , he had inspired hope in her people that they would be successful in their crusade for justice.

Also, it stroked her ego. This man was  _good_.

"My Kage would like to discuss the terms of an alliance with you and your village." He tilted his head again and gave her his eye-smile once more. "May we speak privately?"

Mei was shocked to realize that she was flustered. She already knew that his words had inspired hope in her ragtag group of rebels; but she hadn't realized till that moment that it had inspired hope in herself too. She had been the heart of the rebellion, the rock from which everyone drew strength; but she was human too. In her darkest moments, she too had suffered from a crisis of faith; but being a leader meant that she could never show that side of herself. It meant that nobody was there to inspire her.

And yet, the man in front of her had done exactly that.

She took a moment to gather herself, and then said to the charismatic blond, "Follow me."

She heard the confident clacking of his sandals as he moved up behind her, following closely. She was feeling a little heady; this was really happening! Her rebellion had got the attention of one of the Great Five villages, arguably the greatest of the Five, and they wanted to help! Of course, they would expect concessions in the future, but that was to be expected; but the important thing was that  _they were not alone!_

And yet, her favourite part about the whole situation was that the man behind her wasn't even staring at her ass. Her pervert senses were at full power, and they didn't register as much as tingle. She felt her lips twitch in a smile as she walked towards the door to her private office, hearing the rhythmic clacking of his sandals behind her.

She was a few feet away from her door when it happened.

The clacking suddenly increased in frequency, but she was too lost in her thoughts, and had committed the cardinal sin of a ninja.

She had let her guard down.

She suddenly saw the man's hand reach towards her and she froze, completely defenseless.

She should have known it was too good to be true. Yagura had played her perfectly; and now she was going to be assassinated. The Resistance was going to fall apart without her and Yagura's tyranny would be complete, causing Mizu to fall into a dark age from which it would never recover.

And yet, the last thought in her mind was the regret that she had never found the right man for herself.

All these thoughts warped through her mind at the speed of light; and then she was confused as the man reached past her as he drew level with her.

Then he walked past her and his hand landed on the doorknob, and he opened it and stood beside it, waiting for her to enter.

Once more, Mei blinked in surprise. Then she felt her heart give the most ginormous  _thump_  it had ever given as she felt the blood rush through her body.

He was being  _chivalrous_.

Mei locked eyes with the man once again and this time gave him her special smile; one that regularly reduced men to drooling wrecks. The blood that was undoubtedly rushing through her face and the relief she was feeling only heightened the effect. She didn't even wait to see the results of her smile; something that she  _always_  did. It pleased her to see men's reaction to her beauty; but this man had  _earned_  that smile.

' _Handsome, powerful, not a pervert, charismatic and chivalrous'_, Mei thought to herself as the smile refused to leave her face. It was official.

Terumī Mei was intrigued.

* * *

**3 minutes ago: 4465617468**

The scowling guy opened the door and gestured me in. I walked past him like he didn't even matter; he probably didn't, in the grand scheme of things. I was here for the big guns, whoever… they…

.

.

.

.

…gorgeous green eyes…

.

.

.

.

…long red hair…

.

.

.

.

…lips…

.

.

.

.

CLANG!

I  _GLARED_  at the motherfucker who had interrupted my moment. Didn't he see that there was an absolute  _goddess_  in front of me?

In fact, how had I forgotten that Terumī Mei was a total babe!? Was I  _really_  that dense as a kid!? (I decided not to pursue that line of thinking).

I suddenly realized that during my musings, Mei had asked me a question. The blood was still thundering in my ears, so I hadn't heard what she said, only a vague impression that her voice was as beautiful as the rest of her.

I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow, hoping that she would repeat herself. It would be too awkward to admit that I had taken leave of my senses.

Then she repeated her question, and I found out that I was wrong. Her voice was  _far_  more beautiful than the rest of her, it sounded like the song of a choir of angels. I just  _knew_  that she would be a fantastic singer. So enchanted was I by the sound of her voice that I completely forgot the words that had escaped her lips, focusing instead on her melodious voice. …this could be very embarrassing.

Suddenly, a light bulb came on in my head.  _This_  was what Jiraiya had been trying to get me to admit to, back in Sarutobi's office! He thought I wanted to storm the castle and save the princess! No wonder he had looked so green when I said Ao-senpai's name! An unbidden smile broke out across my face before I could control it. Hehe, it really was too funny.

Suddenly, I realized that I was just standing in the middle of a base, surrounded by potential enemies and smiling to myself like an idiot. I didn't shake my head, nothing so overt, but I snapped my mind back to mission-mode. There was work to do.

I think I interrupted her, but I just let my mouth do the talking. "Salutations to the Godaime Mizukage, Terumī Mei." Great. Now she probably thought I was a pretentious jackass. My mouth could really land me into trouble sometimes. Ugh. Well, nothing to do but own it. I charged ahead, "My Kage would like to discuss the terms of an alliance with you and your village." I really wasn't helping myself, was I? Blah. This wasn't a conference with a Daimyō; it was a clandestine meeting in a shady location with a bunch of shabbily dressed rebels. I suddenly recalled Hinata's words,  _'When in doubt, smile'_. Might as well. I tilted my head and smiled, hoping that that would do the trick. "May we speak privately?"

I saw the  _utterly gorgeous_  Terumī Mei think for a moment. No doubt she was wondering who the weirdo was, and whether she wanted to associate with the likes of me. Atleast she didn't know that I was from Konoha. If things went south, I could always escape.

"Follow me", she said in that harmonious voice; I actually had to work to separate the words from her voice to understand what she was saying. I know I had always been weird, but this was new even for me. Great, I had barely been here two minutes, and already I was in danger of failing the mission due to being an incompetent dumbass.

The least I could do was not spoil what was  _undoubtedly_  a terrible first impression; which is why I was chanting to myself as I walked behind her, 'Don't stare at her ass, don't stare at her ass, don't stare at her ass'. Then, as we reached her office, I saw certain salvation.

A closed door.

Manners long since drilled into me by both Ero-Sennin (surprisingly) and Hinata suddenly took over, and I walked quickly past her to open the door. She had stopped exactly where a lady should stop when she expects a chivalrous man to open the door for her; great. She was used to this sort of treatment. Ah, well, at least I hadn't worsened my horrible first impression. That counted for something, right?

Then she gave me a beautiful  _smile_  that made me weak to my knees.

I swear, my mind shorted out for a minute, as I stood at the door long after she had already walked through, like a dumb guard. I don't think I had ever received a smile like that before. In fact, I've had  _sex_  that wasn't as good as that smile made me feel. I then shook my head, clearing my thoughts.

Maybe my first impression wasn't so terrible after all.

* * *


	14. The Butterfly Collector

Original Publish Date: 11th-January-2016

* * *

**Chapter 14 – The Butterfly Collector**

_And I don't care about morals_

_'Cause the world's insane and we're all to blame anyway_

_And I don't feel any sorrow_

_Towards the kings and queens of the butterfly collectors_

**_\- The Butterfly Collector, The Jam_ **

* * *

**Akatsuki Base, Amegakure: Komatsu Sayuri**

Orochimaru's macabre chuckling caused yet another shudder to run down Komatsu Sayuri's spine.

There was just something exceptionally creepy about that man; and considering that Akatsuki was entirely made up of freaks, _that_ was saying something.

"It's a shame I cannot utilize the technique that you have a natural aptitude for, my dear." Orochimaru's crooning voice always managed to slither into her intestines and made her want to throw up. She had explained her technique to the Snake summoner, but he, like everybody else was unable to use it. At least he had given up on trying to learn from her, which caused her to breathe a very obvious sigh of relief.

"Have you considered ever trying to imbibe the chakra that you manage to manipulate so wonderfully?"

Her eyes widened with horror. "NO! I had a student who tried that, and he turned to stone! You must _never_ do that!"

The look of supreme condescension that she received actually made her take a step back. He was obviously calling her an idiot without saying a word. It affected her, more so because the… man… in front of her was clearly a genius in every sense of the word, and he had likely forgotten more about chakra than she would ever learn. Still, she stuck to her guns. She had imposed limits on her ability because she was terrified of the consequences should she make a mistake with experimentation. Her erstwhile student was a stark reminder of breaking those limits.

Still, the expression on Orochimaru's face told her that she was missing a trick.

As sinuously as his namesake, however, Orochimaru changed the topic. "And how is your husband doing, my dear? Is he suffering from any unexpected side-effects from his… resurrection? You know I would be _happy_ to take a look at him." The nightmarish smile on his face made her freeze in terror.

"N-no, Orochimaru-sama. H-he is in perfect he-health… never been better", she stammered out through a suddenly dry mouth.

Orochimaru _smiled_ , and that expression caused her to feel a mortal dread she had never thought possible. "I see. If he ever experiences any…symptoms, you will come to me, I trust?"

She had trouble breathing all of a sudden, "O-of course, O-Orochimaru-sama."

"Excellent." Chuckling, Orochimaru sinuously twisted his body into a mockery of a bow "You've been most helpful, Sayuri-chan. I expect I'll be seeing you…soon."

As Orochimaru walked past the stupefied woman, he smirked to himself. One way or another, she _would_ come with him to Otogakure when he finally left Akatsuki. Finding her had been a divine stroke of luck; he was sure she was destined to fall into his hands. He shivered in anticipation when he thought of how he could incorporate her abilities into his Cursed Seal. Using her and Jūgo's chakra together would guarantee him _fantastic_ results.

Combined with Uchiha Itachi's Sharingan, it would make him unstoppable; even in the face of the Rin'negan.

His smile grew wider as he imagined the results of his perfect form. Just a few more days, and he would ambush Itachi and steal his body. Just a few more days, and he would be…perfect.

* * *

**Konoha: Mitarashi Anko**

Mitarashi Anko was a weapon.

She possessed the deadly and beautiful grace of a katana, her sharp edge severing the careless ones who didn't take utmost care while handling her. Her blunt side was no less deadly, for she used her looks to distract, to entice, to blind her prey until it was far too late. She had been genetically blessed with a fantastic figure; to not dress provocatively, especially in her line of work, would be a shame.

Mitarashi Anko _**despised**_ traitors.

It was truly ironic that half the village thought that _she_ was a traitor. Idiots.

Given what she had suffered at the hands of her traitorous master, it would be impossible not to hate traitors. It was the reason why she worked in the Torture and Interrogation Division of Konoha; to prevent what had happened to her from happening again was her dream, her duty, her obsession. As she picked up her dango (the best food on the planet!), she thought about the nameless blond who she had first heard about when she was paired with him in the finals of the Jōnin tournament. At first, it was professional curiosity; a guy with no name and no past just showing up in the village set off all the red flags in her interrogator's book. Initially, she had thought that he was prime material for being a spy. But now…

Mitarashi Anko had probably fallen in love.

She had denied it to herself, to high heaven and to deep hell, and continued denying it until she was blue in the face, but there was no other reason why she would be thinking of long blond hair, deep blue eyes and a stupid face-mask at random times of the day.

When she had first met him on the arena floor, she had been immediately pleased to find someone who was capable of exchanging verbal barbs with her. The fact that he had made it all the way to the final on merit was nothing to be sniffed at either; but he would not go any further. The victory would be hers, it _needed_ to be hers. She continually had to prove herself after the actions of her traitorous master; this would buy her at-least a few months of goodwill. She took charge of the verbal battle and upon winning, she attacked, confident that her victory was secure.

But then the blond beat her.

When she woke up in the hospital, it wasn't shame that she felt, because all warriors lose battles. The only shame in losing is not learning the lesson it teaches you. She didn't even feel anger, because she had scored more than a glancing blow and she would definitely beat him the next time they fought. No, what she felt was frustration.

The man wore such a horribly clichéd disguise and used such an obviously fake name that she scoffed at the transparent attempt at gaining a 'mysterious' vibe. She scoffed, but she completely fell for it. Log-damnit, fine, she was tantalized by the mysterious blond. And it _frustrated_ her to fall for such easily discernible bait.

She had asked around the village, and nobody knew anything about the mysterious blond, other than the fact that he had simply shown up in the village a few months ago. There were some unsubstantiated rumors about his critical condition, but a couple of months were not enough to recover from such an injury, let alone go on to win a tournament. Still, it wasn't like they ran in the same circles, so she wasn't likely to see him for quite some time, other than fate bringing them together for a mission.

And then fate paired them together for a mission.

She smirked when she realized he was still intimidated by her even as he was attracted to her; _that_ particular reaction never ceased to titillate her. Still, he had proven himself stronger, at least for the moment, so she resigned herself to gathering information about him. A combat mission was the perfect opportunity to do exactly that.

His range of skills impressed her.

Despite the fact that he was on minimal sleep he was fully alert, and his stamina left nothing to be desired. He also fell into the standard Konoha formation perfectly, which meant that he had been trained with the forces of the village at some point.

His Fūinjutsu traps in particular were formidable.

Even as she saw him lay the traps, the silky tones of her former master echoed in her head, ' _Never_ _let a Seal Master prepare the field of battle, little serpent. To do so is foolish in the extreme; you may as well slit your own throat and spare him the trouble.'_

In the interest of saving time, he didn't lay too many traps, but when the enemies made their appearance they were reduced to less than half their fighting capacity within just a few moments. And then there had been the business with the Thunder Empress; he had fucked her up with some technique that left her quivering on the ground. She really needed to ask him how he did that. The fact that he had apparently used a dangerous ritual on himself that had Tsunade of the Sannin spitting nails only added to his mystique.

To her complete surprise, when she had invited him (with the rest of the team and a couple of extras) with the express purpose of interrogating him about his abilities, she had expected that the task would be a balance between getting him drunk enough to lower his guard, but not drunk enough to put up his guard and leave. Instead, he openly discussed his strengths and ended up teaching her a new technique, for no discernible reason whatsoever. He was strong; likely stronger than her, even though they were approximately of the same age. This caused her some consternation, so she swore she would get stronger and kick his ass the next time they fought.

Then he had done the unthinkable and removed her Cursed Seal.

When he had first seen the Seal and ensconced her in a barrier where no sight and sound could escape and _still_ wrote out the message instead of saying it out loud, she felt her already fragile heart break. She had been an unwitting spy all along, the very thing that most of the villagers had despised her for being. It seemed that she was forever going to be defined by the traitorous actions of the Snake Sannin, no matter that it had been 4 years or so since he had openly been exiled from the village. She felt disgusted and violated in the most spiritually intimate way possible. And then she remembered the first part of the message: the enigmatic blond could free her from the curse.

She was sure there had been a warning about death or a debilitating injury, but she honestly couldn't care less; if there was a way to remove the curse she would grab the chance with both hands, consequences be damned. No, what she wanted to know was if she could _trust_ the blond. When she had finally wiped her tears and faced the nameless wonder, she looked into his eyes and wordlessly beseeched him to take care of her wounded heart. She had never trusted anybody else, not even her best friend Kurenai, after Orochimaru had tossed her aside like a piece of garbage. She had no right to ask the blond, but she had anyway.

And with compassion shining in his deep blue eyes, he had agreed.

She barely remembered anything else from that day, it was mostly a blur followed by a tingle of embarrassment followed by a tortuously generous amount of pain that would have put a massive smile on the face of her colleague, Morino Ibiki. When she had woken up in the hospital and realized that the Cursed Seal was well and truly gone, she had immediately extricated herself and jumped from the window to find her savior and properly 'reward' him.

She was an interrogator and therefore a psychologist, and thus she knew that she had merely fallen victim to 'transference'; i.e. she had transferred all of her positive feelings about Orochimaru towards the blond.

Still, she found him attractive, and he had done something momentous for her without expecting any sort of reward, so she felt justified in climbing all over him and using him for her own pleasure (not to mention returning the favour). She could work through her feelings in the meantime.

As an interrogator she had firsthand experience of transference, but it had always been as the recipient of the feelings, never as the progenitor. Intellectually it was an interesting exercise, to say the least, projecting feelings for one person on to another. In this case, however, the (absolutely fantastic) sex actually served to hasten the emotional development between her and the blond; and firmly establish the two major male influences in her life as separate entities. This was mainly because she had never had naughty thoughts about her traitorous master, despite worshipping the ground he walked on.

She felt bad about the leaving the nameless blond in the dark about this, since he clearly wanted more from their relationship, but it was impossible to explain the situation to him. _'I think I love you because I also love Orochimaru, but not that way'_ was guaranteed to send him running to the hills. Hence, it was better for her to work through her feelings before opening more of herself to him, despite badly wanting more from their relationship. Clearly, he too wanted more, but she couldn't risk destroying the fragile mental balance she had managed to achieve, so it was better to put off the conversation until a later date, when she had a better handle on her own feelings.

That was also why she always went to his apartment, and never let him sleep over. She wanted to have the freedom to not spend the night with him, even though she wanted to. It would just lead to a conversation that she didn't want to have right now. The first night had been an exception, because she hadn't known where he lived, and she was too exhausted to care. But when she finally woke up the next day and wandered the streets, completely naked underneath her trench coat, she decided that she would find out where he lived and control the pace of their relationship that way. It had taken her a while before she remembered that he had asked Kurenai for training.

She felt insanely jealous about the time her…fuck-buddy was spending with her gorgeous best friend. However, after sitting in on a couple of their training sessions, and using her summons to spy on them on others, she felt safe that Nanashi and Kurenai weren't going around behind her back (not that herself and Nanashi were going out either). Sure, there was some flirting and blushing, and even an occasional drink in the evening, but it never went beyond that. They even talked about the brats they were training! She sniffed, what was so great about that anyway? Kids were snotty, loud, fragile, and made terrible ninjas. It really wasn't hard to pound information into their empty little heads.

She had pretty much warned Kurenai off from the blond the first chance she got, but she knew that people and relationships were complicated. She didn't want them developing feelings for each other; such a thing would have hurt her _worse_ than Orochimaru's betrayal. Thankfully it didn't look like they were, to her relief. She had jokingly suggested a threesome between them, and she was still open to such an activity, but she knew that Kurenai could be very…traditional about such things. Kurenai wasn't a prude, but she had a very strong sense of propriety. Her loss, Anko mused.

Speaking of sex, he was a _very_ thorough lover. She had been right about his inexhaustible stamina, and was glad to take advantage of it. He also possessed a kinky streak a mile wide. That thing with the clones… she shuddered in ecstasy just _thinking_ about it. Being with him was extremely satisfying. She had noticed that he had a thing for her eyes, and her long hair when she let it down. She was seriously considering growing it out just because he seemed to like it. That's not to say that he didn't enjoy her other…attributes. She smirked, no, not by a long shot. Wherever he had learned how to please a woman, they deserved a platter of dango, courtesy Mitarashi Anko.

She sighed. There was no two ways about it. She missed him. He had only been gone for a few days, but she missed him. It wasn't easy to admit, especially for her, but she did. She missed the banter between them, she missed the flirting, she even missed the way he was still scared of her, despite being her lover. She missed the way he let her control the pace during their lovemaking, she missed the way he took control and dominated her; fucked her. She missed annoying him and she missed being annoyed by him. She missed his utter genius at Fūinjutsu; she missed his utter idiocy at things like the Bunny Mission. She even missed the sweet kisses he gave her, especially the last one they shared before he left; though that one was meant as a promise. There really was no way she could avoid the inescapable conclusion. She really was falling in love with the blond idiot. She groaned.

"Are you missing nii-chan?"

She glared at the _other_ blond idiot in her life; one who was looking up at her with a knowing look in his innocent blue eyes. Maybe she should refer to him as the blond brat? That certainly would keep her from confusing the two in her head; especially since they could have passed as true siblings, what with the distinctive whisker marks on their faces. That was something else she missed the blond idiot for; he managed to keep the blond brat in line.

"It's ok, I miss him too." His childish, high pitched voice carried an undeniable gravity as he played with the stick of dango in front of him. She would convert him to the religion of dango or she would die trying dammit!

"He promised that he would send a clone in a week or so, and nii-chan won't break his promise! So you can tell him how much you miss him then."

How pathetic was it that she was being comforted by a 10-year old? And worse, he was succeeding!

"I never said that I missed him", Anko finally replied gruffly. Just because she had admitted it to herself didn't mean she was ready to say it out loud. She had her pride dammit!

Naruto, however, gave her a flat look. "Right, and you've never read a trashy ro-urk!"

With the speed of a striking snake Anko had jammed the stick of dango down Naruto's throat. "You _swore_ you would keep quiet about that!" she hissed like one of her summons. She took a quick look around to see if anybody had overheard their conversation; it could be catastrophic to her image if someone discovered her shame. In hindsight, she should not have underestimated the blond brat's pranking skills; they were truly prodigious.

Naruto coughed as he dislodged the dango from his tongue. "I only promised to keep quiet about it if you admitted that ramen was better than dango! You just bought me Ichiraku ramen instead!"

Thankfully they devolved into their favourite argument about Dango vs. Ramen from there, distracting the blond brat from his perceptive concern. She couldn't believe how transparent she was; even a 10 year old could discern her state of mind by just looking at her. The blond idiot had better appreciate her taking care of the blond brat for him; even though she couldn't admit that she liked spending time with the blond brat. Dammit, she wasn't living in denial!

* * *

**Konoha: Yūhi Kurenai**

Kurenai was surprised to find she missed the daily training with Nanashi.

Well, their training hadn't strictly been daily, per se, more like 3-4 times a week, but it was a fairly regular part of her life over the last few months. To find out that it was suddenly over was…jarring.

The blond had made his way into her life pretty unobtrusively. She had first heard about him from her best friend's vociferous complaining when he had beaten her in the finals of the Jōnin Tournament. Neither of the two achievements were anything to sniff at, but she never thought she would actually meet the man. And then Anko had invited her for a night out, and she had met the enigma who had caused Anko to spit out nails.

Nanashi was friendly and easy-going, and she was pleased to find that he had grown up with a strong feminine influence in his life; it was obvious in the way that he interacted with both herself and Yūgao. Even at that initial meeting she could see the sparks flying between him and Anko. He was knowledgeable and passionate, knew how to take a joke and where to draw the line when teasing someone else. He was good-looking as well and he didn't seem to have a disfiguring injury underneath the mask; she inferred this by the way he touched his mask.

It came as a complete surprise when he had asked to be trained by her.

She knew that her Genjutsu skills bordered on prodigious, but she was still a relative unknown Chūnin. And yet, Nanashi had treated her as if she was a complete master at her craft. It was a real ego boost, and validation of her skills as a kunoichi; not to mention that he happily traded his own knowledge in return. Taking the bargain he offered her was really a no-brainer, especially when he had proved his own skills by removing Anko's Cursed Seal.

She had harbored a few idle fantasies about the blonde, her imagination occasionally running wild about the kind of _'training'_ they would undergo out in the woods of the training grounds, but they all came to a halt after Anko laid her claim on the enigmatic blond. Sure, she knew that Anko's offer to 'share' wasn't in complete jest (it was far from the first time Anko had made such a proposal), but she just couldn't imagine doing _that_ with her best friend and her boyfriend.

When she realized that she hadn't left the village for an extended period ever since she had started training Nanashi, she had thought that there was something strange behind it. What had he said to the Hokage to get her to stay in the village? She hadn't been in the village this long since her own Chūnin exams! But a few innocuous questions revealed that he had no idea what she was talking about. This could only mean that the Hokage felt that it was imperative for him to get training from her. For what purpose, she didn't know, but if it was sanctioned by the Hokage then she had no problems in complying with the order.

And yet, the most surprising thing about their entire arrangement was the fact that 'their kids' had taken to training together.

When she had first laid eyes on the tiny Hyūga heiress she had been reminded of herself as a young girl so strongly that it was almost painful. A few discreet inquiries had revealed that the poor girl had lost her mother, and her father was a harsh taskmaster, to put it mildly. She couldn't help but take pity on the girl and approached the rather intimidating Hyūga Hiashi, offering to train the girl with a gentle hand. The Head of the Hyūga Clan had immediately washed his hands off his eldest daughter, stating that the Hyūga had no use for a weak successor. Whether the man meant it as negative reinforcement, or whether he truly didn't care about his firstborn Kurenai had never been able to discern. What she did observe was that it caused Hinata to further retreat into her shell.

She had taken the girl under her wing, and tried to get Hinata to open up by using a lot of positive reinforcement and gentle encouragement, but it was slow going. Hinata simply didn't have the drive to improve herself, despite Kurenai's best efforts. She had been at a loss; how had she herself made it out of her shell?

The answer was so obvious that she had completely overlooked it: she had Anko.

It hadn't been clear to her until the very first time Nanashi brought Naruto to train with her and Hinata. Seeing the loudmouth braggart and the shy wallflower together caused her to have a physical start, so strong was the parallel between the relationship of herself and Anko and the burgeoning friendship of Hinata and Naruto. It hadn't been easy at all initially, mostly because Naruto had _no_ filter in his brain whatsoever and said the first thing that popped into his head. He called Hinata weird, dark and shy to her face, causing the poor girl to sink further into depression, but he later claimed that he liked people with those characteristics. She honestly didn't know what to think of the knucklehead, but it was easy to see that the blond was far lonelier than even the Hyūga heiress. The sheer happiness on his face whenever he was given even the smallest compliment was heartbreaking.

And of course, Naruto and Anko got along like a house on fire. She chose that particular metaphor for a reason: she was quite sure that the two of them together actually _would_ set a house on fire for some stupid reason.

But of course, all this further proved that Nanashi had the prescience of a sage. She had no idea _how_ he had foreseen the way Hinata and Naruto would end up helping each other, and not just with Academy lessons. In fact, that just gave the last thing he had said to her before he left for his mission that much more gravitas: _'I'm expecting great things from you, Kurenai-san... I expect you to have made Jōnin by the time I return.'_

That was undeniably the greatest compliment she had received from anyone, bar none. Once again, she wondered what would have happened between the two of them if Anko hadn't made her interest clear…but it was pointless. She sighed. Maybe she should go back to waiting for Asuma? His stint with the Twelve Ninja Guardians was going to end soon. In the meantime, though… She smiled.

She had to find out how to get past Nanashi's Genjutsu nullifying seal.

That should keep her busy.

* * *

**A Few Days Later, Unknown Location: Orochimaru**

He had failed.

Him! The man with an incalculable genius, the one who would escape the clutches of death, the one who would discover the secrets behind chakra and every technique; he had **_failed!_**

If Orochimaru had not been present for every single mortifying second, he would have refused to believe it.

He hadn't just been defeated, he had been humiliated. Outclassed.

He had been defeated by a simple D-ranked Kanashibari (Temporary Paralysis) Ninjutsu.

Just the mere thought made him burn with rage.

He was a Sannin, an S-rank shinobi who had _earned_ his place at the very top of the Ninja food chain after decades of hard work and enhancing his prodigious skills…and he had been taken down by a 16 year old using a basic technique. It was the most derogatory thing he had ever suffered; he was not one to suffer such denigrations lightly.

Uchiha Itachi had been so _proud_ of his Sharingan, believing it to be unbeatable. Well, he would show the arrogant Uchiha his place. There was _one_ other set of Sharingan running around in Konoha. He would return an insult with another; he would kidnap the Uchiha Sasuke, take over his body and force Itachi to fight against his brother's body.

When he had still been in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, Orochimaru had deliberately stayed away from kidnapping people from Clans for his experiments. Doing such a thing would have immediately brought heavy scrutiny, and in such a circumstance his experiments would not have remained secret for long. This time, however, he was going to throw all caution to the wind; he would tear the village apart to get to his prize.

Although…

Orochimaru smirked. Perhaps there was a better way. To catch a fly, one could also use honey as bait. Itachi had already primed his younger brother with so much delicious hatred; it would be a shame not to take advantage of the situation. All he needed to do was dangle power in front of the younger Uchiha, and Sasuke would come running to him of his own volition. As a bonus, it would undoubtedly cause Itachi far more strife; a true win-win situation for himself. Orochimaru's smirk grew wider.

Even his failures turned out to be for the best. But such was the destiny of the immortal Snake Sannin.

* * *

**Back in Amegakure: Akatsuki Meeting**

"Orochimaru has betrayed us."

There was utter silence at the proclamation. Everybody's eyes went to the Leader of the Akatsuki, to the bloodlessly pale features of the man only known to them as Pein. His rippled eyes showed no emotion; neither did any part of his body or his face. One might as well have been discussing the weather for all the reaction he showed.

After an eternity of silence he finally proclaimed, "Unforgivable". He shifted his gaze to the spectral figure of Sasori. "He was your partner. Where is he likely to hide?"

Sasori was another figure who showed no reaction to the betrayal of his erstwhile partner. "He has hidden bases all over the Elemental Nations. I only saw two in my entire time with him, and I have no doubt that they will be destroyed by the time we reach there. He is very careful and as slippery as his namesake."

Almost all the other members reacted to that statement. Kisame gave his usual bloodthirsty grin; Itachi merely looked straight at Sasori; Konan shifted her gaze to Pein whereas Kakuzu turned to Zetsu. "Can't you track that traitorous snake?"

Zetsu made a weird…chittering noise, causing Komatsu Sayuri to shudder. Her dislike for the weird plant-tree-man-thing was only eclipsed by her revulsion for the former Konoha missing-nin. Now that Orochimaru was gone, the cannibalistic Zetsu took top spot on her list. Zetsu, having expressed his distressful sound, spoke up, " **He can somehow block us from tracking him**. We tried as soon as Itachi-senpai reported his attack, but he was long gone by then. **No doubt he hides like a worm, fearful of our wrath**."

Pein's attention had been drawn to Kakuzu, however. "Where is your partner?"

"…I will need a new partner, Leader-sama."

Kisame's guffaws were the only audible acknowledgement of the statement. Once more, Sayuri shuddered. These weren't men, these were monsters wearing flesh. How had she fallen in their midst?

Kakuzu, likely to deflect attention from the fact that he had killed _yet another_ partner, posed the next logical question, "Should we suspend our activities and track down Orochimaru?"

It was a good question. Akatsuki still didn't have enough capital for their activities, and tracking down Orochimaru would seriously eat into their mission quota, which meant that it was not a profitable course of action to take.

However, this did not mean that Orochimaru could be allowed to get away scot-free. One did not disrespect God and live to tell the tale.

"We cannot afford to halt our operations; especially now since we need two new members." The glare Pein sent towards Kakuzu was enough to cow him into submission. "However, we cannot let Orochimaru get away with disrespecting us so blatantly." Pein turned back to Sasori. "What are Orochimaru's weaknesses?"

Sasori spoke in his usual unemotional gruff tone, "He's prodigious in all the shinobi disciples: ninjutsu, taijutsu, genjutsu, kenjutsu. That said, I am reasonably confident that any one of us could defeat him in one-on-one combat. A single team of two members would be enough to guarantee our victory. However…" Sasori paused, an idea coming to the forefront of his mind.

He took a few moments to flesh out his thought process. "He once confessed to me that he hates his mentor, the Sandaime Hokage. Since he has such strong feelings about his sensei, it would be a shame to let them go to waste. I'm reasonably confident he can be goaded into attacking the old goat. Why should we waste our time tracking him down and killing him when we can manipulate him and send him to his own doom instead?"

Pein barely took a moment before expressing his approval. "How will you go about such a task?"

Sasori's unemotional voice gained a definite note of smugness. "Well, it just so happens that I have a…spare part lying around that can be used for such a purpose."

Pein nodded approvingly, "Once you have put your plan in motion, I have a possible replacement for your partner. Team up with Itachi and Kisame and track down the Iwa missing-nin known as Deidara." Pein then turned to Kakuzu and spoke chillingly, "I'm tired of your antics. Find your own partner, one you can refrain from killing." Power plays between Akatsuki members were usually not this blatant, but it was obvious that Sasori had gained the favour of the Leader, whereas Kakuzu was in the shitter.

"Yes, Leader-sama." The centenarian muttered, still disgruntled at being ordered around by a brat less than half his age.

"Dismissed." The cold tone of Pein ended the Akatsuki meeting, causing Sasori to open his wooden eyes and find himself in a cave far from Amegakure. He immediately used his chakra strings to move his wooden body and started to make his way to Konoha, since there was no need to wait. If there was one thing Sasori hated, it was waiting.

It was time to re-activate Yakushi Kabuto.

* * *

**Author's Note: As always, if you wish to donate, please visit my Patreon at: patreon.com/tyrannitor**


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